Nothing Lasts Forever (12 page)

Jon roared. His head slung back, he knelt down and took Kevin’s hand. “This is my twin brother Jake. He came to see you.”

Kevin blinked several times and then his little hand reached towards Jake. “Is that your doggie on tv?”

Jake nodded and grinned at the little guy. “Sure is. His name is Jax and he can’t wait until you can play with him too. He likes to play with Penny.”

“I’m not sure I can go to the ocean.”

Jon swallowed. “Why not kiddo?”

“I’m tired. It might be a long time till I feel good enough to go.”

Jake knelt alongside of his brother. “It’s okay, we’ll wait for you to feel better,” Jake said.

Jon watched his brother fall in love with Kevin.

“I have to sleep now.”

“Good night Kevin,” Jake said, his soft voice breaking up as he watched the little five year old’s steady heartbeat. After a few minutes, Jon slapped him on the back.

“Let’s go get some food. Here come the girls.”

The men walked to the cafeteria to get some food for everyone. Before they got there, Jake pulled a pack of smokes out of his pocket. He looked at Jon. “Thought maybe you may need one.”

“Let’s go outside, right now.” The moment he drew in the lit cigarette, Jon almost gasped. It had been awhile since he had a smoke. It tasted so good, he couldn’t help himself.

“I find the feel of the cigarette in my hand calms me. Don’t tell Maggie, she has no clue.”

Jon shrugged. “I’m sure she does dude. They always know the stuff we do behind their backs.”

Jake raked a hand through his hair. “No doubt. Here.” He tossed Jon the pack of smokes and then handed him a lighter. “You may need another.”

“Thanks. I’m not sure if the kid will pull through. I can’t tell Abby. She’ll be heartbroken.”

Jake slung an arm around his brother’s neck. “She knows bro.”

“You may be right. I fell hard Jake. In all my years as a doctor, I never, ever cared about someone as much as I do the little man. I want to hurt his mother for treating him like he’s a sack of trash left out by the curb.”

“Hey bro, he’s going to be with you and Abby now. Have hope brother. It’s not over yet.”

“You’re right. Let’s go give the ladies a break. You hungry?”

“Nah, had something before we left. You look like you need to eat though. Grab you a sandwich or something, Jon.”

On the way back to the ICU, nurses scrambled through the doors. Jon stood at the entrance unable to go inside. “Kevin,” he groaned, because he knew something happened. He heart was about to break in two.

Jake took his arm and made him walk through. He glanced at his brother, wanting to punch him for pushing him to do this and yet glad he led the way. “They need you bro,” Jake told him.

Jon shook himself and went towards her. The nurses had the bed surrounded, working on Kevin, whose little life was in their hands. Abby sobbed in the corner of the room. The moment she saw him, she fell in to his arms and pressed her face to his chest.

The chaos in the noisy room filled his ears. He wanted to go help but knew he couldn’t do a thing. Not that he wasn’t capable but Jon had no right to jump in here in this hospital.

“Out.” The doctor stepped in the room and ordered the four of them out. Jon wanted to punch him in the mouth, but he let Jake guide him out the door. When he looked over between the nurses and saw them bring in the life support machine, he gave moaned from somewhere deep in his gut. He felt Jake’s arm across his shoulder and Abby cling tighter to his waist.

Jon paced back and forth, Abby beside him. He shook his hands out, tired of cracking knuckles that wouldn’t make any more noise. Jake and Maggie sat on a small couch in the waiting room, out of the way.

Jon was about to lose his mind. He knew the path this was taking, and it tore him apart. He told himself Kevin needed life support for now until he got better. Except deep down he knew the truth.

Abby gasped. “Most people never recover from that machine, do they Jon?” Her hand went to her throat. She leaned over as if she were about to throw up.

“Abby, please baby. They haven’t connected him to it yet, it’s there in case they need to. Let’s let them do their thing. He’s in good hands. This is one of the best children’s hosp- fuck!”

The door swung open and the doctor who made them leave stood there in the empty white space. Jon’s knees trembled, but he gritted his teeth and forced himself to stand upright. He wrapped his arm around Abby because he knew she’d need him. Jon was so aware of everything in the room. His brother stood next to him and caught Maggie’s form as she went to her friend’s side. The silence was so loud he wanted to cover his ears with his hands but he didn’t.

“I’m sorry Doctor Hatfield, Abby. Kevin didn’t make it this time.”

Jon knew those words came out of his mouth but he stood there in the silence, perhaps waiting to see if the doctor would retract the words, that Kevin was fine. But the doctor’s lips moved some more words that Jon didn’t hear then turned around and disappeared in to the empty space.

“Sit down Jon.”

He didn’t even know where a chair was to sit down in. He felt Jake’s arm against his own and Abby sobbing in to his chest. He felt himself shudder against her. The silence was so loud in his head. Noises around him subsided yet he knew they were in the background, still going on while his whole world collapsed. He knew Jake was by his side but he couldn’t feel anything except Abby against his chest. He rubbed her back, digging his fist in to the material of her shirt.

“I need to walk,” Jon said, then placed Abby in Maggie’s arms. He turned, walked down the hall uncaring when others who got to know him said hello as if nothing happened today, as if his whole life wasn’t crashing down in front of him.

The sun pounded on his flesh as he walked down the sidewalk, not looking at which direction he took or watching for traffic as he crossed one street after another. Jon came to a park in the middle of nowhere and found a bench by a small brook. He sat down because he didn’t know where else to go. He stared at the water. A duck swam by but he didn’t care. Two children bent down and threw pieces of bread at the ducks.

He shouldn’t feel anger that they were able to feed the ducks and Kevin couldn’t, but he did. Life seemed unfair. Thoughts of the death of his Mother came crashing back to him and he raised his face to the sky and pleaded with God to let Kevin be with her now. A low growl came from the pit of his stomach and let loose and he didn’t care who heard his anguished cry.

Jon’s body wracked with deep sobs that he couldn’t stop. He knew when someone sat down beside him but he didn’t care, he looked out at the pond as if it were his saving grace. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me,” he said aloud.

“Yeah,” his brother told him. Jake sat with him, his voice quiet as Jon stared at the water.

“I guess I should go back.”

“When you feel like going, then we go,” Jake told him.

“Right now I don’t want to walk back in the hospital ever again.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I do. I have to get back to Abby.” He sighed and leaned back on the bench then turned his head as if he realized Jake was there for the first time.

“You don’t. Maggie and Abby went back to the campground. She couldn’t stand it any longer either.”

He stood up. “Then let’s go. I need to see her.”

Jake hailed a cab instead of waiting on the van. It didn’t take them long to get to the campground where Abby and Maggie sat outside the RV, drink in hand, their faces swollen from crying. When Jon saw her he lifted her from the chair and wrapped his arms around her.

They stood face to face in each others arms. Abby sobbed in his arms. No words were necessary because they couldn’t talk if they wanted to. The knowledge she was here in his arms was all he wanted right now. His heart ached for the little boy who changed their lives but she was here in the flesh and he needed to calm her, take away her pain the only way he knew how.

He dipped his head and placed his mouth against hers. “Baby,” he whispered in his low, husky voice. “I’m here.” She wrapped her arms around him and her knees weakened. Jon almost stumbled when she lost her balance but picked her up in his arms. He nodded to his brother and Maggie and took Abby inside and lay beside her on the bed. His arms were gentle as they held her and stroked her.

She shivered and sobbed and he held on to her while she let loose in his arms. He closed his eyes because when he looked out the window from where he lay all he saw was a sky of glittering stars, signs of hope and joy and he didn’t feel as if there was any hope or joy in their lives at the moment.

Hours later he heard the steady sound of her breathing as she slept in his arms. Jon kept his eyes closed as if he could keep out the sorrow that way and drifted off with her.

<><>

It looked as if rain was on the horizon. Jon kept an app on his phone to check the weather but hadn’t looked at it in the last few days. He didn’t want to disturb Abby because she was still asleep, so he was careful to get up without waking her.

Jon waited for the coffee pot to finish and saw his brother and Maggie outside on the zero gravity chairs asleep with blankets wrapped around them. When the cupboard door made a noise as Jon took out a cup, Jake’s eyes popped opened. Jon grabbed another cup and filled it, then went outside and handed a coffee to his brother.

Jake yawned. “How you doing this morning bro?”

Jon nodded. “I need to make arrangements.” He stood, legs apart, his eyes on the horizon. “Kevin wanted to go see the ocean, the one we told him about. I’d like to spread his ashes there, you know, so he gets to swim with the dolphins and such.”

Jake got up and stood beside him. “He’d like it, I’m sure. Whatever you need, I’ll help with.”

“I know you will Jake, thanks. For being here, you know.”

“I know.”

“Since his Mother gave him up, he didn’t belong to anyone, was a ward of the courts. We were getting him on a trial basis. I don’t want him being buried in some county grave. I want to take him home, to where he would have been happy.”

Jake slung an arm over his brother’s shoulder. “Then we have work to do. We need to find out how to go about getting him to the Keys.”

Jon nodded. “Right as always Jake. That’s why you’re the business man in the family and I’m the doctor. You’ve got the sense and I’ve got the skill.” He looked down at his hand and held it out. He fisted his hand and then spread his fingers apart as if he were leaving something go. “Kevin never got a chance to know what he’d be good at, did he. It isn’t fair.”

“It’s not fair. Life isn’t fair. Now let’s take a ride to the hospital and get the detail work done before the women wake up.”

Jake was right. They needed to go back to the hospital to make sure Kevin could come home. Because he’d do whatever it took to get his ashes to the ocean, where he belonged.

Chapter 11

Abby knew when Jon and Jake went to the hospital but didn’t feel like getting out of bed. She didn’t want to face the world today. Except Maggie had other plans.

“Okay, Abby darling. I left you alone to have some time but now we need to get up and face life. Come on, sweetie, have some coffee.”

Abby turned over on her back. “I can’t, not yet.” She was so wide awake she couldn’t stand it as she listened to Jake and Jon discuss Kevin this morning, but she couldn’t get out of bed to join the conversation. So she laid there, unmoving, never wanting to get up and start life. Their voices were like drones, going on and on and she heard bits and pieces but the moment they mentioned his name, she closed them off.

A cup of coffee hovered over her. Maggie stood by the bed. “Drink it in bed, but I’m not moving until you take this cup. It’s got a shot of Bailey’s, helps to calm the nerves.”

Abby sat up and with both hands on the mug sipped on the hot liquid. “I don’t know how to get through today, let alone tomorrow or next week. I don’t know.”

Maggie joined her on the bed. “You don’t have to. Kevin was your whole world. But it’s important to stay strong and make arrangements for him. He needs that at least.”

She nodded but didn’t want to. She wanted to make it all go away. “You’re right but I think that’s where Jon and Jake went. I heard them talk a bit and I’m glad they want to handle it because I can’t.” A single tear slipped down her cheek.

Maggie hugged her. “It’s not right that he died. I’m sorry. So sorry.”

Before Abby realized what happened, the tables turned, and she began to comfort Maggie, bringing her out of the stupor she’d been in for the last day. “He was the sweetest little five year old ever Maggs. His struggle was hard, but he was so tough. When I saw Raphael, the ninja turtle, I knew he had to have him. Penny loved him too.”

“My heart aches for you Abby and I wish I could make it better. Remember his fight and his goodness. We’ll find a way to honor his life.”

“Yes, I plan to.” She text Jon to remind him to bring back Raphael. Because that sweet green ninja turtle that made his little eyes light up would go home with Kevin, the two belonged together.

A few hours later the men returned in a maroon rental car. Jon gathered her in his arms then presented her with Raphael. She took the stuffed toy and hugged it to her chest and began to cry again, sobs that came from deep in her soul.