Not Alone: Trusting God to Help You Raise Godly Kids in a Spiritually Mismatched Home (13 page)

Sometimes our kids need to accept and respect a simple no. Other times we can make saying no into an opportunity to show our kids the bigger picture of what really matters.

Give Your Child a Cause

One of my favorite people in the Bible is Paul. To a new believer Paul can come across as arrogant, but to know Paul is to realize that his confidence was completely and totally in God. Paul knew his God, and he knew that nothing was impossible through Christ (see Phil. 4:13, which happens to be my daughter Leslie’s life verse).

Perhaps Paul’s dramatic conversion experience gave him a leg up in the confidence area. It has taken me much longer to learn confidence than it took Paul, but what I have come to appreciate from Paul’s letters is his ability to give his readers a clear understanding that all they worked for (and even what worked against them) was for a higher purpose, and it was worth all their pain and suffering.

No matter how much we may want to make our children’s lives easier (I know I wanted that for my girls), we actually do our kids a disservice when we fail to help them understand that our trials are often God’s tools to bring us to our full potential and calling in Him.

In raising our children to know God, we can’t stop once our kids accept Jesus as their Savior. At this point our work is just beginning. But we have the Holy Spirit to partner with us in this high calling—helping our kids identify the gifts and potential God has built into them and then to use those gifts.

God’s kingdom goes way beyond us. As Christian parents, we are the frontrunners of our generation, impacting lives for God, and part of our role is to impact the next generation to do the same thing we are called to do. Even as children, God will work through our sons and daughters to impact others. I witnessed this in my daughter Leslie as she walked through her cancer journey. The way her faith helped her deal with this disease had a great effect on the social worker assigned to us by the hospital. I’ll never forget how this woman thanked Leslie for showing her how important one’s faith was—to the point that she started rethinking her own faith choices. After Leslie’s recovery, young people who had been diagnosed with a brain tumor or cancer seemed to come her way. Even online my daughter encouraged people and gave them hope by sharing how God had helped her.

So much of what we often view as hindrances to our children’s growth are ways that we can help them see God working in their lives. These things can highlight for our kids the prize God is leading them to, the strength He wants to impart to them and the wisdom they will glean for use in future situations.

Just as we teach our children the importance of a good diet and a good education, so too we must help them to see that their spiritual welfare and growth are just as crucial. This is where developing their strength of character and integrity come into play.

As David said in Psalm 101,

I will give heed to the blameless way. When will You come to me? I will walk within my house in the integrity of my heart. I will set no worthless thing before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not fasten its grip on me. A perverse heart shall depart from me; I will know no evil (vv. 2-4,
NASB).

Even in our own homes, we will face the challenges and influences of the world, but we are not helpless. God is our partner and will give us wisdom and guidance to teach our children to live in their homes with the integrity of their hearts intact. And by this we not only impact their own young lives, but also we teach them that while in their youth they can influence their friends, their family and even their unbelieving dad for God’s kingdom.

Don’t Settle for Good—Settle on God

Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the L
ORD.

PSALM 34:11

I shared in chapter 1 about the cry of our hearts, “Am I enough?” We so want to be the complete answer to our children’s needs and for our challenges at home. But our greatest strength, freedom and relief come in understanding that we don’t need to have all the answers. God is the most important part of our parenting equation. With Him we can do anything!

Our greatest challenge may not come in the obvious—in the clear trials and challenges in which we know what to do, pray and teach. No, our greatest challenges, I find, are the ones that present us with the choice between what’s good and what’s God’s best. The subtle guise of the enemy can threaten our daily goal of raising our kids to know God and to have a growing relationship with Him.

We are tempted to follow the world’s belief that our children must be involved in as many things as possible in order for them to become successful adults. We fill their schedules with activities like sports to keep them engaged, extra-curricular courses to make sure they excel intellectually, music lessons to ensure they’re well rounded, and even extra church activities to guarantee that God’s Word is getting poured into them.

These are all good things. Some of these activities will even clearly be God’s best for your kids as you identify special gifts and talents in them. But don’t forget to teach your children the importance of being still before God, of allowing God to break into their busy day to show them something wonderful or to remind them of a friend who needs encouragement.

As adults we fill our schedules with work and activities, and then we wonder why we are so tired and worn out. We finally come to the reality that if we want a life full of God’s supernatural and full of His blessings, we need to simplify and hold our schedules loosely. Otherwise we will miss the moments in which God speaks and moves in our lives.

Teach your children this important truth now. There is nothing wrong with signing our kids up for extra activities, but don’t lead them to believe they have to do it all. Teach your kids the value of selecting wisely between what is good and what is God’s best for their lives. And then leave time for play and discovery, for making friends and learning the challenges of friendships, for understanding and appreciating the importance of moments in our lives to be loved and to give love to others.

Let your kids have time be still and to know God.

Let’s Not Forget the Holidays

But the seed in the good soil, these are the ones who have
heard the word in an honest and good heart, and hold
it fast, and bear fruit with perseverance.

LUKE 8:15,
NASB

Years ago, when my girls were around three and seven, our family spent our typical Christmas morning opening gifts, then oohing and aahing over all the pretty new things the girls had received. I recall a little later that morning sitting on the couch and feeling absolutely bereft, because nothing of our morning activities had reflected the birth of the baby Jesus. Honestly, I felt like a failure. I’d tried to incorporate the true meaning of Christmas for my children. The week before Christmas we’d made pretty little cards with the candy-cane story (how the candy cane’s stripes represent the blood of Jesus and its shape is a reminder of our great Shepherd) and attached the cards to candy canes, and we then trekked through our neighborhood to hang the treats on doorknobs.

Yet there I sat, near tears, thinking Santa Claus had totally won the day. My girls didn’t seem to care at all that Jesus was truly our greatest gift and the true meaning of Christmas, despite my efforts. Was I fighting a losing battle?

The truth is that our challenge comes all year long. If we wait until Christmas and Easter to teach the message of why and how Christ came and died for us, we miss our biggest opportunity to build the foundation of our Savior’s life into our children’s lives. We miss the chance to teach them that Christ is our greatest gift all year long.

I know sometimes it can seem hopeless, as if you’re not getting through to your kids, especially if your opportunities are limited. But trust me, you are. God sees our efforts, and He adds His presence to the mix. He too wants our children to know who He is, and He’s working in ways that we may not realize until we have a precious moment of revelation.

One of my daughters’ favorite memories is of us baking Christmas cookies, dancing around the kitchen island and singing along to Christmas worship songs. Santa may have been on the cookies, but “Joy to the World” was ringing in my girls’ ears and hearts. God has this amazing way of showing up as only He can.

On that Christmas day so long ago, as I moped to myself that my girls would never grasp that Jesus was the true heart and meaning of the day, my daughters’ sweet voices lifted my head. My heart swelled as I watched their precious faces, lit with huge smiles, as they belted out “Happy Birthday.”

Happy birthday to Jesus.

Discovery

Hi there, my fellow mom. I know there’s a lot to think about in this chapter. But my prayer for you, even as I wrote this, was that you would not be overwhelmed but empowered! Being the spiritual leader in our homes isn’t easy, I know, but you have the Creator of the universe partnering with you. And He wants your children to know Him and walk into their full potential in Christ even more than you do. Take a moment to pray for God’s leading and wisdom, and then let’s talk some more in the questions below. Remember, I’m rooting for you!

1. What challenges are you facing at home regarding media choices, influences in your child’s life and areas in which you and Dad don’t agree? Ask God to show you which things you need to take a stand for. Then ask Him to give you the words and the right timing for approaching either your spouse, your children or both in order to explain your perspective. Also ask God to prepare their hearts to hear you. Be of courage! God has your back (see Isa. 58:11).

2. Some issues seem to crop up over and over again, such as which movies your children can watch or which games they can play. My girls always complained that they were the only ones who weren’t allowed to watch R-rated movies as teenagers (they later thanked me for this). Each time they griped, I reminded them of the importance of what we allowed into our minds and hearts. Is there an ongoing issue in your family about which a more detailed understanding of your perspective might help your children accept that a no answer really is for their benefit and not to punish them?

3. Consider your children’s daily schedule. What seem to be the priorities in your kids’ lives? Do adjustments need to be made? Pray and seek God’s wisdom, and talk to your children. Talk to Dad too. Are your kids feeling stretched too thin? If so, ask them what they’d like to let go of in Lynn Donovan and Dineen Miller order to simplify their lives. Explain to them that God wants only His best in their daily lives.

4. Dear one, this is for you. So often when we teach our children these truths, we see things in our own lives that need a little tweaking. Is God nudging your heart over something? Have a chat with Him, and see what He wants to tell you.