North Pole Reform School (11 page)

“Jesus Christ, Joe. What did you do to the poor reindeer?”

“I did nothing. I swear. Rudolph knocked me over. I was
scraping out his pen and he put his hoof up and pushed me over, right into the
shit.”

“Rudolph only does that to people he really doesn’t like,”
Navi says. “You must’ve done something to him.”

“I may have poked him in the nose with a carrot. But it was
that bloody elf’s fault! I refused to clean up shit for him, so he turned that
bloody candy-cane on me and took control of my limbs. He made me poke him with
a carrot.”

“Winter would do no such thing, Joe,” Tinsel says adamantly.
“Now, you’re not coming in to eat with us smelling like that. Go and have a
shower and then you can come back for dinner.”

“You can’t make me.”

She pulls her own candy-cane wand out. “I assure you I can,
Joe.”

Joe huffs and stomps off angrily.

“Never mind, Joe,” Luke shouts after him. “You’ve got Elf
and Safety tomorrow, that should be much less challenging for you!”

CHAPTER 17

“Reindeer duty again? I bet this is because of what
I said yesterday.” Luke questions Tinsel and Navidad when we’re at breakfast
the next morning.

“Actually, Elf Winter specifically requested you two. That’s
why you’re on again.”

“Great. An elf wants me personally to shovel out reindeer
shit. I told you they don’t like me.”

Navidad grins at us like he knows something we don’t.
“Remember, it’s not a musical until a cast member spontaneously combusts.”

“Good morning, you two.” Winter greets us brightly when we
get to the stables. “I’ve got a special assignment for you both today.”

“Yeah, Navi said you requested us.”

“Well, you did great when you were here the other day. And
the reindeer really seemed to like you. Especially you, Mistletoe. The others
from your group have been, um, slightly less successful, shall we say?”

“Why?” Luke asks.

“That man, Joe, I think he said his name was, dreadful man.
He did nothing but walk around stabbing the reindeer in the nose with the
carrots I gave him. He point-blank refused to clean out their stalls, so much
so that I had to force him to do it. The reindeer really didn’t like him.
Rudolph was quite demonstrative of that fact.”

“So we saw. And smelt.”

“And the woman and the boy… Well, the boy was all right, but
that woman is certainly a bit odd. She spent the whole time looking around like
a mad thing and kept asking me if I’d heard a quack. Quite frankly I thought
that perhaps we should send her to one.”

Luke laughs. “Yeah, we don’t exactly have the most normal
group.”

“The reindeer certainly seemed to like you both though.
That’s why I thought you might like to be involved in this.”

“What’s ‘this’?”

“We’re teaching the young reindeer how to fly today.”

“Oh my gosh, really?” I ask.

“You have to
teach
the
reindeer to fly?” Luke asks incredulously.

“Well, reindeer don’t naturally fly,” Winter says like it’s
the most obvious thing in the world.

“Yeah, but I thought it was all, I don’t know, magic.”

“There’s a little bit of North Pole magic involved in the
teaching lessons, but once they’ve learnt how to fly, there’s no magic after
that. The point is that any old reindeer down south couldn’t just start flying.
They learn the technique up here, and after that they can fly anywhere.”

“How do you teach them?” Luke asks. “Because I’m picturing
you pushing them off a cliff and telling them to flap or die.”

“Oh no, nothing like that. We have a runway in the woods
behind the stables. We’ll take them there now. They just need a bit of
encouragement and guidance. They come from such a long line of Santa’s reindeer
that it’s in their DNA. They
want
to fly, they
just don’t know how yet.”

“Oh, of course,” Luke mutters.

Winter misses his sarcasm completely.

We go into the stables and all the young reindeer are
waiting in their pen with harnesses and leads on. Winter hands Luke and me three
of the leads each, and he takes the remaining three.

“Come with me,” he says.

The reindeer walk nicely when I tug on their leads and they
follow me with no trouble.

“Who have I got?” I ask.

Winter looks back. “You’ve got Cupid, Dasher, and Blitzen. Luke
has got Comet, Prancer, and Donner. And these three are Dancer, Vixen, and
Rudolph. Junior of course.”

We follow Winter through a dense forest of snowy trees with
barely a path between them. Luke catches up with me and our reindeer walk
together.

“Do you think he’s going to Narnia?” he asks. “I had no idea
all this forest was out behind the stables.”

“We don’t use it very often,” Winter calls back, and I’m
sure he must’ve heard us. “Only twice a year for the trial run and the sleigh
take off, or when we’re teaching the reindeer to fly. Sorry, it’s a bit
overgrown.”

“What’s the trial run?” Luke asks.

“On December twenty-third, Santa takes the reindeer and the
sleigh for a trial run. Only a quick one around the nearest continent. Just to
make sure everything is on point for the next day.”

“I’d never thought of that before,” Luke replies.

Soon enough the forest gives way to a wide-open space, and
it is rather like emerging from the wardrobe into Narnia.

It isn’t even snowing anymore. The sun is bright and the
trees are starting to drip as the snow melts from them. We’re standing in front
of a giant runway. It’s like something from Heathrow Airport, but quiet and
pretty. Holly bushes covered with bright red berries line the edges of the
runway. In the distance, we can see the sunlight reflecting off the roof of
what looks like a giant aircraft hangar, which has been painted red.

“What’s the building?”

“Sleigh headquarters, of course.”

“It’s the garage.” Luke laughs.

“We prefer the term sleigh headquarters. It’s not just a
garage, after all. It’s where all the toys are kept after they’re made and
packaged by the factories. We start making toys for the next year on Boxing
Day. Obviously we have to have somewhere to keep them for all those months.”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” I say. And I actually hadn’t. I
had no idea where the sleigh was kept, or what they did with the toys.

Luke nudges me excitedly when Winter looks away.

“What?” I mouth.

He leans down so his mouth is right next to my ear. “This is
it. There’s got to be a way out here.” He whispers it so quietly that Winter
doesn’t hear and the closeness sends a tingle down my spine.

I hadn’t thought of that either. I look around and I see
what Luke is thinking. If the sleigh takes off from here, it has to go somewhere.
It has to get out of the dome
somewhere
.

We don’t get a chance to think about it because Winter calls
us all to the end of the runway. He attaches the reindeer leads to a bar there
so his hands are free.

“Now then, you can go first, Mistletoe. Unhook the leads so
they’re free to take off. Right, that’s good. Now, run with them.”

“What?”

“Run. They’ll probably follow you. Just run and offer them
some gentle encouragement. They’ll get into it soon enough.”

“You want me to run? With the reindeer?”

Winter nods.

“I don’t run.”

“Well, now’s the time to start getting fit.”

I roll my eyes but start a slow jog up the runway. I flap my
hands to try to get the three reindeer to follow me, and they trot along beside
me happily.

I speed up when I get near the end of the runway and whoosh
my hands out in front of me. I flap them like someone doing the chicken dance.
The reindeer come to a dead stop and look at me like I’ve lost the plot.

I realise that I am on a sleigh runway in the North Pole,
trying to get reindeer to fly. Maybe they are right about my plot losing.

They certainly aren’t flying though, and I turn back to Luke
and Winter and hold my arms up in a “now what” motion. Winter beckons us back,
so the reindeer and I walk back down the runway. I’m certainly not running
back. I’m out of breath enough as it is.

“Well, that didn’t work.”

“Did you talk to them?”

“Talk to the reindeer?”

Winter nods. “Just give them a bit of encouragement. They’re
probably nervous.”

“Of course they are,” I grumble.

“Try again. Here, take some treats with you.” He passes me a
handful of little biscuits. “Mrs Claus makes these specially for the reindeer.”

“Mrs Claus must have more hours in her day than normal
people,” Luke says.

“She’s Mrs Claus,” Winter says like it explains everything.

I huff and start a jog up the runway again.

“Go a bit faster, Mistletoe!” Winter yells. “Put some effort
into it!”

I speed up a little, even though I think I’m already in
danger of having a heart attack.

“Now then, you lot,” I pant to the reindeer, “you’ve got to
fly. I’m sure you’ve seen your parents do it. When we get to the top, you’ve
just got to lift off and fly.”

They look at me like they understand what I’m saying.

“I know you haven’t got wings to flap or anything like birds
have… Wait, do you even have birds in the North Pole? I don’t think I’ve seen
one here so far. Maybe you’ve never seen a bird and you have no idea what I’m
talking about. Then again, you are reindeer so you probably have no idea what
I’m talking about anyway. And I know there’s this little thing called gravity,
but that elf down there tells me you can all fly. But we won’t know until you
try, so just give it a good run up and then let your feet lift off the ground.
I can’t exactly show you how to do it because I can’t fly myself, but I’m stuck
here just like you are, and maybe if we both do this together, one day you’ll
be flying Santa’s sleigh and maybe one day I’ll get to go home.”

We’re almost at the end and I make myself jog faster.

“This is it, guys. Just give it a little final push and you
can fly. Come on guys, make your parents proud.”

We’re fast approaching the end of the runway and my heart
rate is through the roof. I slow down as the reindeer speed up, and I watch in
amazement as they actually rise into the air in front of me.

“YES!”

This is incredible. There are three reindeer flying in front
of me, and I’m the one who made them do it.

Cupid wobbles a bit in mid-air. “You can do it, Cupid!” I
call up.

When I turn around, Winter is standing there with a huge
grin on his face, and Luke is doubled over laughing.

All right, so talking to flying reindeer is not exactly the
most normal thing in the world, but neither is being stuck in a bloody reform
group at the North Pole.

“Looking good, Dasher and Blitzen!” I call.

The reindeer don’t fly up very high. Not far above my reach
if I stretch my hand up. I do stretch it up and Cupid swoops down and
high-fives me with his hoof.

Oh well. I never thought I’d be able to say I’d been
high-fived by a flying reindeer.

I wonder how far up they can go. There must be a top to this
dome. Can they see it? Do they know where not to go? Are they going to hit
their heads on it if they go up much further?

They fly around for a little while. Cupid and Dasher start a
game of tag in mid-air. Winter cheers and Luke is still trying to stop
laughing. Winter beckons me back. How the hell do I get them down?

“Guys, do you know how to come down from there?” I shout up
to the reindeer.

“Walk back here!” Winter yells. “Tell them to do a gradual
descent.”

“You heard him, lads,” I tell the reindeer.

I start walking back down the runway and I’m surprised to
see them follow me. They gradually lower their positions with each step I take,
and by the time we make it back to Winter and Luke, the reindeer are trotting
beside me.

“Fun, huh?” Winter says.

“Oh my fucking God.” Luke giggles.

I wish I had something to throw at him. “You bloody try it.”

It’s Luke’s turn anyway, and Winter hooks my reindeer up to
the bar and untethers Luke’s three.

“Now, just do what Mistletoe did. Run with them and offer
them some gentle encouragement.”

“Encouragement. Right.”

Luke starts a fast walking pace with his three reindeer
following behind him.

“So, I take it you enjoyed that?” Winter asks me.

I realise I haven’t stopped grinning since the reindeer took
off. “Yeah,” I say, blushing.

“Not all of Christmas is bad, see?”

I shrug. “I never said it was bad. I just… It’s not… My
family are, I don’t know, not the easiest to spend Christmas with. And my
birthday gets lost on Christmas Eve. It’s not exactly the best time of the year
for me.”

He shrugs. “I’m not here to change the way you see
Christmas. I just wanted you to see that some parts of Christmas are good.
You’ve just taught reindeer to fly. Not many people can say they’ve done that.”

“I hardly did a lot of teaching.”

“You helped them. Encouraged them. I told you, flying is in
their genes. They’re just not sure how to make it happen without some
guidance.”

“Thanks for choosing me. Us. Thanks for calling us today.
I’m really glad I got to do this.”

He smiles. “You’re welcome. The reindeer really took to you
the other day.”

Luke jogs faster as he gets to the end of the runway and we
stand and watch. I don’t expect the reindeer to take off for Luke, like they
didn’t for me the first time.

Then it’s my turn to double over laughing.

“If you don’t fly right this instant, we’re going to replace
the bloody lot of you with horses!” He yells at the reindeer and they
immediately take flight.

Luke turns back to us with a beam and a bow.

I still wish I had something to throw at him.

The rest of the morning goes by before I know it. Winter
lets me take the other three reindeer for their first take off as well, and
eventually the three of us are standing on the runway with nine reindeer
circling us overhead.

It’s fun, and I’m surprised when Winter announces it’s
lunchtime already and we have to head back. Usually the elf band alerts you
when it’s time for lunch as they stop playing and blast Chilly Chunes Radio out
instead, but you can’t hear their bell-playing from this far out in the woods.

I’m sad as we trudge back through the snow. The sunlight is
cut out by trees and the snow is falling again by the time we reach the
stables.

“Don’t worry, you can come back and do it again soon,”
Winter tells me. We feed all the reindeer more treats and Winter makes me go
round the adult ones as well and offer them a carrot.

Luke comes with me, and when we get to Rudolph’s pen, he
pats him on the head. “Nice work with Joe, big guy,” he tells him. “If you see
him again, feel free to do the same as a personal favour to me.”