Nobody Can Say It’s You: A Hadley Pell Cozy Mystery (12 page)

“How is he?”

“Fine as frog’s hair since you fixed him up, Granny.”

“Glad to hear it.”

Hadley walked back to the car and got in.

“Did you get it?” Lou Edna asked. “I been jumpier ’an a grasshopper on a hot coal.”

“Here,” said Hadley. “Made with Granny’s blessing.”

“That was quick,” Lou Edna said.

“Granny was expecting us,” Hadley said.

“And you don’t hold no stock in these,” Lou Edna said, smiling when she emptied the bag and saw her very own hag stone staring back at her from her lap. “Boy howdy, I’m gonna put you on right now and never take you off.”

Hadley started the car.

“You know,” Lou Edna said, “I ain’t never had no college education, but I swear right now, I’d rather have this little rock hangin’ from my neck than a dozen sorority keys.”

“What will your gentleman friend have to say when he sees that stone around your neck?” Hadley asked.

“He won’t say nuthin’ when I tell him it’s thought to be THE MOST POTENT virility mojo on the mountain,” said Lou Edna.

“But those things have nothing to do with virility,” Hadley said.

“Ain’t you the one always harpin’ on how powerful the power of suggestion is?”

“Yes,” said Hadley. “I guess I am.”

“Well,” said Lou Edna, “let’s just say I’m only suggestin’. But I bet that little bee I put in his bonnet makes a
powerful
difference in our love life.”

“You’re wicked,” said Hadley.

“Don’t I know it, girl,” Lou Edna said, rubbing the charm that hung around her neck. “Don’t I know it!”

T
hey pulled
into Hadley’s driveway.

“Thanks,” Lou Edna said. “I owe you.”

“Big time,” Hadley said. “Let me see if I can get back into the house before the neighbors call the asylum to alert them of a possible escapee.”

“Call me,” said Lou Edna.

“I will,” Hadley said, walking briskly to her back door.

It was the cold, she told herself. Just the cold. That was what put the spring in her step. Not the fact that she looked like terrible.

A quick shower and a change of clothes made all the difference in the world.

Hadley had just finished feeding Onus and cleaning his litter box when her cell rang. She washed her hands and grabbed a paper towel.

“Hello,” she said hoping the caller was still there. She had been in such a hurry to answer, she hadn’t checked caller ID.

“Hey, Hadley, I’m so glad I caught you,” Ruth said. “I am short-handed at the shelter today. I was wondering if you could possibly help me out. I know it’s short notice, but Tobias Jennings has been bitten by a spider. He’s had to go the hospital. His wife Bonita called and said he was going to be okay but he has to stay in the hospital for a couple of days and can’t come over and help with the animals.

“Bonita told me she’s furious with Tobias. She’s told Tobias to stop using the old outhouse. She’s begged him to tear it down. They’ve had indoor plumbing for years now, but he’s stubborn. Bonita said he kept telling her he liked the privacy of the privy.

“She said tonight she is going to pour gasoline over the old building while Tobias is away at the hospital and burn it to the ground.”

“Sounds like a bonfire at the Jennings’ house. Maybe we should get some marshmallows and some sticks and go over for a roast,” Hadley said. “On second thought, I don’t think I want any roasted marshmallows with roasted poop fumes on them.

“But I can’t say I blame Bonita. Tobias has no business sitting in that old thing. He could catch his death of pneumonia, not to mention the spiders. It’s been really cold lately.

“Sure, I can come over. I was looking at another long day of boring myself.

“Could use a change of scenery, and I miss having someone to talk to.

“Well, you know I talk to Onus but his only reply is to either ignore me entirely or start licking obsessively. I don’t think he finds my conversation about as stimulating as watching ice melt.”

“Great,” Ruth said. “And don’t mind Onus. I have a sneaking suspicion cats think they are far superior to humans anyway. They surely don’t need us as much as we think we need them.”

‘”Ain’t that the Gospel,” said Hadley, hanging up with Ruth.

Onus meowed.

“Well, speak of the Devil, and here he is in orange fur.”

Hadley looked at the tabby staring at her from his roost under the kitchen table.

“I hope you weren’t eavesdropping, Onus. Anyway, if you were, you know I will be going over to the animal rehab for awhile to help Ruth out. I hope you won’t miss me too much.”

Onus made a snorting noise and bent his head down. He stretched out his back leg and with toes pointing straight out and started vigorously licking his bottom. Hadley chuckled and went about throwing together a snack for lunch. With everything in her brown bag, she grabbed her purse, and locked the back door.

She drove down the service road of the abandoned amusement park. The eerie clown’s head was smiling at her. She always felt those eyes were following her. Silly, she knew. But there was something strange about that head. She’d always thought so. Goosebumps ran down her spine as she remembered her encounter with a drug-crazed man trespassing in the park. She took a deep breath, let it go, and muttered, “Courage, old girl.”

Pulling up to the box, she buzzed the security gate and waited to be let into the center. The gate opened, and she parked her car. Walking to the center, she saw her guardian goose, Sprat, peeking at her from between the legs of a huge cement black bear. Bending down on one knee, she made kissing sounds with her lips.

The goose waddled over to her, and Hadley reached into her pocket for some cabbage leaves she had brought with her from home. He gently took the leaves from Hadley’s outstretched hand and daintily nibbled at them.

“You’re looking mighty fine today, my fearless, feathered friend,” Hadley said.

Sprat would always hold a special place in her heart, right beside Harry and Onus. He had saved her by attacking the spaced-out guy holding a knife to her throat.

After he finished eating, she bent down and extended her neck out so the goose could entwine his neck around hers. It was their special way of greeting each other. The goose made soft sounds in his throat as Hadley gently rubbed his chest.

“Thanks for saving me, Sprat.”

The goose ambled off, and Hadley made her way into the center.

“Hello, Hadley,” said Ruth. “I have a strange request for you today. Instead of working with me, I was wondering if you would go out in the woods and gather up as many acorns as you could find. I am nursing a couple of injured raccoons who would need to eat a lot of acorns in order to store up enough fat to get them through the winter.

“I have a couple of baskets here if you don’t mind going hunting. Since the acorns have fallen from the oak trees, they should be easy to find on the ground. If I had a store of acorns, I could supplement the raccoons’ diet and help them put on the extra weight they needed when they are ready for release.”

“I don’t mind at all,” Hadley said. “Maybe I can find Beanie, and he can help me. We could gather twice as many acorns as I could by myself.”

Hadley took her brown lunch bag and Ruth’s baskets and made her way back to the car. She headed over to Memorial Gardens hoping to find her friend there. She passed under the arched entrance to the cemetery and parked her car on the side of the small roadway that wound through the plots.

She got out of the car and listened. Gazing over the vast cemetery, she did not spy any large funeral tents. She didn’t hear the backhoe’s motor running. Since it was winter, she did not expect to hear the buzz of the weed-eater or the hum of the lawnmower. She set out toward the small shed on the side of the property where the mowers and tools were stored.

The shed door was ajar and she heard the faint moan of an old time country legend wailing out a song about doing time and dreaming of the one he loved. Beanie was sitting on a tall stool. His head was bent down. He seemed to be in deep concentration. With her free hand, Hadley knocked three times on the door frame hoping not to startle her friend with her surprise visit.

“Hey, Beanie,” she said.

Beanie looked up and smiled.

“Hey,” Beanie said. “What are you doing out here in the cemetery? We ain’t burying nobody today.”

“I’m glad I found you,” said Hadley. “I was hoping you could help me out with a little project for Ruth, down at the animal center.”

“Sure,” Beanie said. “Harvey gave me the rest of the day off. I was just sitting here trying to puzzle out something I found today when I was clearing off some old limbs and leaves that had blown off a tree with last night’s storm. I think I may have given myself the beginnings of a my-brain. My head is starting to hurt a little because I just can’t for the life of me figure it out.”

“What’s bothering you Bean?”

“I cain’t rightly tell you, Hadley. But, I can show you if you want,” Beanie said.

“Okay,” said Hadley.

They exited the shed.

“The reason I’m here is to ask you if you want to help me collect acorns for some injured raccoons down at the shelter,” Hadley said. “Ruth says they need to eat a lot of acorns to build up their winter fat so they can survive the winter when food is scarce.”

“Yeah, sure,” Beanie said. “I like to help the animals all I can. I know where there are a lot of acorns here in the cemetery. They’re where those big old oak trees shade the graves in summer. Right yonder by that tall stone. I’m always gathering them up because if I don’t, I make a terrible
spectackle
of myself. I had to learn the hard way. When I mow over them, it’s like a machine gun going off. The blades catch them and sling them all over creation. I only made that mistake one time, I can tell you.”

“I’ll just bet you did,” said Hadley.

“Do you think those raccoons will mind eating cemetery food, Hadley?”

“No I don’t think they would,” Hadley said. “Acorns help them live through the winter. I suspect raccoons and squirrels aren’t too particular about where their dinners come from. All they know is that they’ve found food to keep their bellies full.”

“That makes sense,” said Beanie.

“Oh,” Hadley said, “I got some lunch in the car. You know me, Bean. I always pack way too much. I’m gonna need you to help me eat it. So, don’t fuss, okay? I’m counting on you to help me so it doesn’t go to waste. I’m not like the raccoons, Bean. I don’t need to be putting on extra fat for the winter.”

“Sure, Hadley, I’ll be glad to help you out. And after we get up all the acorns, I’ll show you what’s been bothering my brain.”

Hadley followed Beanie to the plots where the giant oak trees stood over those taking their eternal rests in Memorial Gardens. The acorn crop was a big one. They wandered under the oak trees gathering acorns until their baskets were full.

“Well, Beanie, I think these will make Ruth happy.”

“I hope they make the ’coons happy.”

“Let’s take these and put them in the car, Bean. You wouldn’t think a basket of acorns would be so heavy.”

While they were at the car, Hadley suggested they may as well eat a bite while they were there. Hadley tore open the paper bag and made a picnic on the trunk of her car. After eating, she rolled up the bag, placing it in the backseat floorboard for disposal in her trash can at home.

“How’s your headache, Beanie?”

“It’s gone. I think I forgot about my puzzling because I was too busy looking for Miz Ruth’s acorns. It was kinda like hunting for Easter eggs. I’m glad it’s better. I don’t like for my brain to hurt.”

“Okay, then, show me what was causing your my-brain.”

Beanie and Hadley set off for the far eastern corner of the cemetery. There stood a lone, white stone mausoleum with the name WARDLAW carved across the lintel of the doorway.

“That storm knocked a bunch of limbs off of that maple tree beside this grave house. I was clearing them out and I noticed this,” Beanie said, pointing to the mausoleum door that stood slightly ajar.

“I think the WARDLAW ghosts escaped last night and forgot to shut the door behind them. They must have been in an awful hurry to leave that quick and forget to close the door. It happens to me sometimes when I sleep too late in the morning and I have to rush out to the cemetery. I forget to shut the door.I’ve found two squirrels, four chipmunks, and a green snake in my house when I got back home for supper. I’m just glad I’ve never found a bird in the house. You know what they say about that. It means somebody is gonna die.”

“Well, Beanie, I don’t know how a ghost would push open a door. Aren’t they supposed to be able to just float through doors and walls?”

“I can’t rightly say. I ain’t never actually seen a ghost out here myself. You know how I never stay out and about after sundown, except for Button Dudley’s burial. I only did that then because it was my job. I ain’t ashamed to tell you Hadley, I did it, but I didn’t like it one bit.”

“I know,” Hadley said, remembering the uncomfortable look on Beanie’s face as he shoveled in the dirt on top of the casket that night.

“Let’s take a look and see what’s going on, Bean. Maybe some kids have been out here messing around or something. Let’s see if anything is damaged.”

Reaching out to push the mausoleum door open, Hadley stopped and drew back her hand.

“Look, Bean! That is a star anise. It is used as a protective herb against demons. I found one on my jacket after Button Dudley ran into me at the Halloween festival.”

Hadley took out her flip cell phone and snapped a picture of the herb resting near the door and of the slightly ajar door itself. “Wish I had my video camera, Bean. I may just have to start carrying it with me wherever I go.”

She proceeded to push on the thick metal door. It groaned and creaked and remained shut tight.

“I don’t think this door has been opened in a long time. Was it locked, Beanie?”

“I don’t know. I never check the doors on these things. I just keep the outside clean, you know, if birds poop on it. I keep the ground around it mowed and clear of limbs and brush. I don’t ever remember it being open though whenever I’ve been in this part of the cemetery.”

High up on the hillside looking down at the two below stood a lone figure. It was Aurora Ralgnild. Hidden behind a large tree trunk, she watched Hadley and Beanie from the cover of the forest. She had known someone was coming, so she hastily retreated to the safety and concealment of the woods. She silently watched and waited to see what the two were up to.

Hadley looked around the cemetery. The hairs on the back of her neck were standing up. She didn’t tell Beanie, because she did not want to frighten him in the place he had to come to work every day, but she a feeling they were being watched.

It had been that same eerie feeling the night of Button’s burial, but she put it off to being in a cemetery after dark. This was broad daylight and the feeling had come again. She did not see anyone or anything out of the ordinary. Just row after row of headstones and her car parked where she had left it near the workshed where Beanie kept his tools.

She gave a firm push on the door of the granite structure. It opened.

A dry, musty smell emanated from inside the stone edifice. The interior was dank. A thick layer of dust coated every surface, like snow in winter. The air was cold. The first thing Hadley noticed was a tall cloaked figure carved out of some kind of black stone. The folds in the material of the hooded statue were expertly rendered. The most striking feature was its head.

Where the face should have been was a gaping hole that sucked out all light. It was unnerving. To Hadley, it appeared a black deeper than any black she’d ever seen.