Noah (35 page)

She started to shake her head in protest.
“You don’t have to.”

“Stop saying that. I want to.”
Rita was the only fucking thing at this point that could cast any doubt in Roni’s head about them. He felt it. She’d finally started giving in to everything else and he’d be damned if he was going to let
someone as insignificant as Rita ruin it all
. “I want to and I’m going to.”

He finally saw a trace of that beautiful smile
he
love
d so much
. “Okay,” she whispered then took a deep breath. “I need a shower.”  

What he saw in her face at that moment was the very thing he was feeling. Relief. This conversation—Rita—had been a looming subject that he knew would eventually have to be discussed and as uncomfortable as it had been he was glad it was over.

Proof of what he had suspected way back on the day he’d taken that ride with Rita when it felt wrong had been confirmed tonight. He and Roni
had
made a connection Thanksgiving. He wasn’t the only one who felt it because even though she hadn’t said it
,
t
he fact
was it
hurt her. 
It all made sense now.
Gio and Abel hadn’t imagined it when they said she appeared upset the night Hector brought it up.

Noah hugged her remembering that night again and the fact that she’d cried. They weren’t even officially together yet and he’d already
caused her pain
. He hugged her even tighter hoping
s
h
e could feel how sorry he
felt.
A
s much as he wanted to
apologize
he hated to even go there anymore.

She pulled away gently and smiled. “I’ll meet you in the hallway after I’m showered and ready to go to bed?”

That excitement he felt over that one sentence made him feel like a little kid in a toy store and he didn’t even care that he was so blatant it made her laugh. “I wouldn’t be able to sleep if you didn’t.”

His attempt to sneak in one more kiss failed when she snuck under his arm and she rushed away
with a g
iggl
e
. He watched as she walked away,
taking in
those
high-heeled
boots that had driven him crazy New Year
’
s Eve
.
F
or an instant
he
had a vision of seeing her in them—and nothing else.
Patience was a virtue but damn if it wasn’t a
lso a
torment to even wait for their hallway meeting in a few long minutes.

~*~

A week
after their Rita conversation Roni was
feeling as indecisive as ever about moving things forward with Noah. His admission about how and why things had happened the day after Thanksgiving and the fact that he gave her the go-ahead to question him—that she was entitled to explanations about his personal life should’ve have been a deciding factor. But ironically something else about that conversation had made her more aware of how frightening
it was to put herself out there like that.

The only times in her life that she could remember her heart feeling this incredibly vulnerable and ready to fall apart
over a guy
, had
unbelievably
both been because of him. First the night after his fight when she was forced to see him with a groupie, then later that same night when she found out about Rita. But hearing that he’d seen Rita the day after she’d finally given
in
to her desire for him—the very day after he’d admitted to being in love with her, had such an instant crushing affect. It was something she’d never experienced before and it
even though
it
turned out to be nothing she was
no
w
terrified of having to feel that way ever again.

She’d been so thankful that she’d insisted on getting to the bottom of his relationship with Rita because she now had even more reason
to keep moving slow
ly
but things
had
moved forward a bit.
 
N
othing huge had happened but there were small significant
changes
. Like after dinner now when they sat and watched television she allowed for more snuggling.

And when he’d sneak in more nuzzling of her neck and ears as she cooked or even when they were in her darkroom
when he claimed he wanted to learn how to develop
photos
she wasn’t so quick to put a stop to it. But i
t was always sweet and gentle. The only times things got heavy were their goodnight kisses but she’d manage to fight the urge to just pull him in her room
and do what she really wanted to do to him
.

As much as
her hunger to give
in
completely was getting harder to fight with every day that passed,
there was something else that
was quick to stop her in her tracks
. She’d already seen it even before New Year
’
s. She was becoming way too dependent on him. While he had his boxing, his training and his
friends,
she had so little going on aside from him.
If it hadn’t been for Noah she would’ve had the most pathetic and lonely holidays of her life.

Before her mother got sick, she’d never been like this. She had plenty of friends and colleagues. Her photography was
a
huge part of her life. She even had a blog specifically for her photos and
which
had even started to make some money. It’d been literally years since she last updated her blog and even longer since she’d uploaded any
n
ew photographs.  

The fact that Derek had walked away when she’d become too engrossed in the care of her mother to focus on anyone or anything was a huge reminder of a bad habit she’d always had. When there was something big going on in her
life,
she tended to obsess about it
to the point of
neglecting everything and everyone else in her life in the process
.
Sure her mother
’
s illness should’ve been an understandable exception, but
it
was
still
a perfect
reminder
of how she let one occurrence utterly control every other aspect
of her life.
She needed to
learn how to
balance everything
now
, before she made the same mistake again.

Of course,
now
everything
was happening all at once. She’d gone back to work, she was reviving old friendships,
old hobbies, and now Noah was a colossal distraction in the midst of all of it.
She needed to get this right so moving slow was her only option.
          

Even Nellie who had disappeared on her for a few months was back and in no way demanding but they
had
made a pact to get together at least once a week.
She was determined to be able to
not only
handle but enjoy even that small change in her life.
Tonight was that night. They were getting together again for dinner
.

Instead of going out Nellie had made dinner for them. Rick was out of town on business and they’d have the place to themselves. Since Veronica had hogged the conversation last week with her worries about
Noah,
she had every intention of letting Nellie do all the talking and spilling of her guts
tonight
.

It occurred to her halfway through dinner that maybe biting her tongue and holding back what she really wanted to say to her best friend was not such a good idea. Nellie always told her exactly what she thought. She never sugar coated anything for
fear
of hurting
Veronica
’s feelings
and
that’s how
it should be. But this was different. Nellie was obviously
hell
bent on making her marriage work, how could Veronica tell her she hated Rick for doing what he’d done to her? That she’d never thought Rick deserved her even back when they were first
started
dating
?
H
e
’d
always seemed a little too full of himself.
Like deep inside he knew quiet
unassuming
Nellie should
just understand that she was dating out of her league, because he was a handsome, successful and outgoing
r
adio
sportscaster who
obviously was never at a loss for words.    

Nellie seemed to think it was funny and acted as if he was just being his witty self when Rick would openly flirt with Veronica and even Nellie’s sister Courtney. To Veronica it just felt
creepy, but she didn’t protest since Nellie seemed to be so okay with it.

By the time they’d finished dinner, Veronica had heard enough about how Rick was really making an effort to make the relationship work. He should be. He’s the one that nearly screwed someone else and Veronica couldn’t understand how Nellie could just take his word that the one night he got caught was the only time he’d ever considered doing something like that. What an incredible coincidence and Nellie had this “everything happens for reason” mentality about it.
The night at the hospital when Nellie told her about how the whole thing had unfolded Veronica had been so guilt ridden she hadn’t
given it much
thought
.

Since then she’d had more time to think about it and the more she did the more she thought Nellie had just accepted Rick
’
s excuses much too easily. She knew Nellie
had always been in
love with him to the point of obsession and that
Veronica
saying anything against Rick might not go over well but she couldn’t help it. It was just a few months ago that this had all happened and already he was away on a business trip that sounded a little to
o
suspicious to Veronica.     

Tonight’s dinner had been more frustrating than enlightening
un
like their last dinner. Nellie walked Veronica out and they stood at the top of the stairway
just outside the door
of Nellie’s town home. “Don’t walk me down, Nellie. I’m fine.” She turned to hug her friend.
“I’ll see you again next week?”

“For sure,” Nellie squeezed her before pulling back and away. “Only we’ll go
out
somewhere
again
. Rick will be home next week.”

“Why is he in Tahoe again?”

“Celebrity golf championship.”

Veronica nodded.
“
Is he broadcasting?”

“No,” she said with that same smile she worn all through dinner when she spoke of
all
the progress he’d made
these last
few months. “It’s just for pleasure. He goes every year.”

“So how come you didn’t go with him?”

The smile lost some of its shine. “I have work.”

“So you take a few days off. I mean, Nellie aren’t you
the tiniest bit concerned
about this?”

“Roni?” Just as Veronica suspected she would be, Nellie was put off by her questioning. “It’s an annual trip he he’s been taking for years. And I
have
to trust him.”

“Why?” Veronica didn’t mean for it to come out so exasperated but it was the stupidest thing she’d ever heard. The man had cheated on her just a few months ago.

“Because he’s my husband and at some point I have to–”

“At some point but it’s only been a few months.
” Veronica knew she was pushing it now but even when Nellie had told her the same story Courtney did about how
Courtney
caught Rick with that woman at the hotel, Nellie’s version had been completely toned down. She hated to think her best friend was putting up
with
Rick
’
s lies for the sake of losing this bastard who didn’t even deserve her. “
He has to understand that this year, things should be different. This year maybe he should’ve taken you.” Suddenly all of the solo trips Rick had taken in the past and Nellie
so happily
stayed behind became suspect. “
Nellie, how do you know this was the first and only time Ricks done this?”

Nellie stood up straight
.
H
er puckered lips nearly twitched. Veronica knew she had done it now. “Because he said it was and I believe him.
”