No Worries (13 page)

28

I didn't want to put my problems on Emma, anymore than I'd already done, but I knew I had to at least mention it, so I slipped it into the conversation. No big deal.

‘Will you be okay?'

‘Yeah, yeah, no drama. Mum's much better now.'

Make it sound convincing, Bri.

‘You sure?'

‘Positive.'

She seemed to buy it. She must have been so relieved.

‘Hey, Bri, what are you doing Wednesday night?'

‘I'll have to check my diary. I'm very busy.'

‘So that means you're free?'

‘As always.'

‘Want to meet me at Coco's then?'

‘That pizza place across the road from the station?'

‘That's the one.'

‘Why? What's happening?'

‘I thought you'd never ask. It's my birthday!'

‘Really? I didn't know that.'

‘I have one every year. Now listen closely. It's Coco's Pizza, Wednesday at six. You have to buy me a present — a family-size pizza to eat all on my own. That's all I want.'

‘Family size? I don't know if I can afford that much.'

‘And I might have a couple of other friends there too. So are you coming?'

‘I'll think about it.'

‘Bri!'

‘Okay, okay. I'll be there.'

A pizza was never going to be enough, not for her birthday. And it would be like a going-away present, too — something for her to remember me by when she was in Canada. So it had to be special.

The only presents I'd bought before were for Mum and Dad. I didn't think Emma would go for a pair of slippers or a carton of stubbies.

I asked the blokes at work.

Norm: ‘Box of chocolates. That's what I always get the missus.'

Eric: ‘Sexy knickers. Sheilas love ‘em.'

Bob: ‘Get the girl flowers, Dreamy. You can't go wrong.'

Flowers and chocolates seemed pretty lame to me: what you buy when you can't think of a real present. And I hated the idea of going into a lingerie shop. I'd hung around those shops a few times before while Mum bought things. They were always dripping with bras and stuff, and females of all ages and sizes, selling, buying, and ‘just looking, thank you'. Like they have shark alarms at the beach, I half-expected the ‘PERVERT' alarm to go off when I walked in. It wasn't so bad when I was there with Mum. I wore sunglasses and spent most of the time tying up my shoelaces, again and again. But to go on my own? To actually go up to a girl and say I wanted some sexy underwear? To which she might reply, ‘Is it for yourself, Sir?' No, there had to be something easier I could buy Emma.

As I drifted around town, I saw a shop called Equine World. They had saddles and bridles — all too expensive. Horse feed.
‘Happy birthday! I got you some horse feed!
No, that didn't sound right.

‘What can I buy for seventy dollars?'

The salesman pointed to a red and blue horse blanket.

‘On special this week only. Give it to you for sixty-eight.'

‘Deal.'

Wednesday. Six o'clock. Coco's Pizza.

I sat down and ordered a Coke. Two girls at the next table kept looking at me and smiling. I smiled back. I checked to see if my fly was done up. All clear. I wondered what their problem was.

Six-fifteen.

‘Hey, Bri!'

Emma. So full of life. She bear-hugged me.

‘Happy birthday.'

Before she could respond, the other two girls were at our table.

‘Emma!'

‘It's so good to see you guys!'

They got bigger bear-hugs than I did. And then …

‘Bri, these are my two very best friends, Claire and Marie. I showed you their photos that time at my place.'

Happy faces. Friendly smiles.

I waved as if I was seeing them off on a long journey, instead of standing right in front of them. Straight out of the ‘How to be a Dork' handbook.

‘I told you I'd invited a couple of my friends. Remember, Bri?'

But you didn't say they were girls!

‘Sure, I remember. It's cool.'

‘We had to see Emma before she went to Canada,' said Marie. ‘How long is it now, Em?'

‘Another week.'

‘Wow — Canada — so exciting.'

‘So cold,' put in Claire, shivering.

‘Claire and Marie go to my old school, Bri. We've known each other since we were like — five or six. Haven't we, guys?'

‘And we always get together on each other's birthdays,' Claire said. ‘It's usually just the three of us, so you must be pretty special, Bri.'

Emma's fingers laced around mine. ‘He's not bad.'

Can someone die of embarrassment?

We ordered our pizza and drinks and the girls swapped catch-up stories:

Whatever happened to …?

Did you hear about …?

Then out came the photos.

‘Look, Bri, here's the three of us in our daggy school uniforms.'

Long grey skirts that almost reached their ankles. Shapeless blue hats, wide brims.

‘Private girls' school,' Emma explained. ‘All very posh and proper.'

‘Except for us,' said Marie. ‘We ruined the image a bit.'

‘I hope you're still doing it,' Emma replied.

‘Of course.' Claire nodded. ‘No guts …'

And all three cried out, ‘No glory!'

‘So how come you left there?' I asked Emma. ‘Couldn't hack the uniforms?'

‘No. Dad's law firm wanted him to head up their new office down here. He left the decision up to me.' She draped her arms around Claire and Marie. ‘I hated to leave you guys, but I knew it was a big opportunity for Dad. And it helped that he found a great house with a paddock nearby for Zeb.'

‘How's Zebbie going?' said Marie.

‘Could we go and say hello to him after this?' asked Claire.

‘He's fine. And sure you can see him. He'll love it.'

‘He's eating like a horse,' I said, desperately hoping they'd be impressed at how witty I could be.

Blank looks all round.

Oh well.

More photos.

The hockey team. Birthday parties. Marie asleep. Claire eating. Emma with her head resting on a boy's shoulder. Tall, dark and handsome.

I caught Emma's brief frown at the other girls for bringing that photo.

I tried to sound casual.

‘Who's he?'

‘Just some guy I knew.'

Would that be how she described me some day?

And finally, out came photos of the choir, which prompted a loud and laughing rendition of ‘Amazing Grace'.

‘You girls in the back row' — Emma put on the toffy English accent of one of her old teachers — ‘Stop mucking about, you lot. This is a hymn, not a bloody pop song!'

Snorts of laughter.

‘In ten years' time we should have a school reunion,' Marie said. ‘Invite all our teachers and we wear minis or bikinis — would that freak them out or what?'

‘The shock would kill them,' said Emma.

Claire clapped her hands. ‘Then let's do it!'

I'd been anxious at first, not knowing what to expect from Emma's friends, but they were good to be around.

And then it was time for the presents.

There was a CD of some all-girl acapella group from Claire, and a heart-shaped necklace from Marie.

‘This is so cool. Thank you!'

More hugs and kisses. She loved those things. Why couldn't I have got her something like that? Because I'm
stoopid
, I told myself, as I placed the present in front of her.

‘I told you I only wanted a pizza.'

‘Oops, I forgot … better open it anyway.'

Emma tore the wrapping into shreds.

The moment of truth.

She stared at the present, not knowing what it was at first.

‘It's a horse rug,' I said, in case she thought it was a giant scarf. ‘For Zeb,' I added, so that she knew I didn't think she was a horse.

Claire and Marie looked at each other, suddenly not sure what planet I was from. They waited for Emma to react, which was taking a while because she seemed a bit stunned.

‘Thank you,' she said quietly. Then her face screwed up like she was about to cry.

Why couldn't I have played it safe and got her some flowers or chocolates?

‘Come on.' Claire took Emma's hand.

‘Toilet,' said Marie, brushing past me.

‘All three of you? Together?'

‘Get used to it.'

In under five minutes they came back, exchanging glances, the flicker of a smile. What were they up to?

‘Emma's like our sister,' explained Claire. ‘We have to look out for her.'

I nodded, having no idea where this was going.

Emma rolled her eyes. ‘I told them you were all right, Bri, but they're like the CIA.'

‘It doesn't hurt to make sure,' said Claire, getting in the last word.

They stopped talking. As awkward silences go, this one was right up there. Maybe it was my turn to say something.

‘If this is about the horse blanket, I can take it back.'

‘No way,' said Marie.

‘He has no idea,' added Claire.

‘Bri,' said Emma, ‘they like you — I like you —
because
of the blanket. It shows you're thoughtful and kind. And different from other boys.'

‘True.' Claire nodded. ‘If you'd bought her sexy undies you were a dead man.'

‘That is so typical of most boys,' said Marie. ‘And so off. But a horse blanket, now that's weird — which means you and Emma are a perfect match.'

‘We are?'

Emma answered by kissing me, right in the middle of Coco's Pizza. The pizza cook clapped. Claire and Marie cheered. And for once I didn't care who saw me or what they thought about me. Like the cheese on my pizza, I melted.

29

When I went down to the tunnel that night at work I didn't need to read the dictionary to help the time go by. I had so many warm, comforting thoughts in my head. I lived the night at Coco's all over again. More than ever I knew that I really did love Emma. She made me feel like I had a place in the world.

‘Oi, Dreamy. You shoulda come back a half-hour ago. I been working me arse orf.'

I'd slept. For the first time in the tunnel, I'd slept.

‘Sorry, Eric.'

He walked away mumbling, ‘Yeah, yeah.'

His arse was too big anyway.

I expected Mum would stop taking her tablets when Auntie Joan left. Crash and burn. But she was determined.

‘Never again,' she declared. ‘I hate the tablets and what they do to me, but I hate being sick even more. I want to be well for you. I want to be well when Joan comes back — she rang me today, did I tell you? Wasn't that kind of her. She cares about me.'

‘She's your sister.'

‘I know, but she really cares.'

‘Me too, Mum.'

‘I know you do.' She rubbed my arm. ‘That's exactly why I'm taking those tablets. You don't have to remind me ever again, Bri. I'll take the rotten things.'

I knew she meant it, but she'd meant it every other time too. There was a pattern, a fevered pace that she got into.

‘You'll see, Brian, you'll see.'

Cooking special meals for her new diet. Exercise bike every morning. Yoga. Eight glasses of water a day … all so familiar.

‘If I can lose weight it's going to make such a difference to me. Aren't you proud of your old mum?'

‘Sure am.'

She honestly didn't remember how many times we'd had that same conversation, and how many times she'd failed — which made her luckier than me.

I spent every afternoon with Emma.

‘It's freezing in Canada right now. Minus twenty or something. I'm going to die!'

‘Then don't go.'

‘Too late now. Sorry.'

‘You got plenty of warm clothes?'

‘Are you kidding? When I get all my gear on I'll look like the Incredible Hulk.'

‘I'll write to you if you like.'

‘Yes, please. I'd like that a lot, Bri.'

She looked at me with those kind eyes, as if she wanted to say more but couldn't find the words. That day at the beach was never far from my mind. I wondered if I was getting too close again, reading too much into that simple kiss on her birthday. Maybe she was looking for words to let me down gently.

‘I'll only write once or twice,' I said. ‘Just to let you know how Zeb's doing.'

Another look. An eyebrow raised high.

‘Bri Talbot, if you write to me and only talk about Zeb I'll never speak to you again. You're a writer, so write. I want real letters, that I can keep for my old age. Funny. Warm. Interesting. Memorable! Are you up for it?'

‘Give it a go.'

She held my hand.

‘You write to me, Bri. Anything at all. It'll just be good to hear from you.'

I was a pricked balloon when I got back home to Mum. I moped around looking lost.

‘Emma will be home before you know it,' she said.

‘Yeah.'

‘I made chocolate crackles, Bri. And Anzac biscuits. I'm not having any myself. Just for you.'

‘Thanks, Mum.'

She tried so hard.

* *

She even got out
Aliens
for us to watch together, one of my favourites.

‘But it's horror, Mum. Please don't watch it. You'll have nightmares.'

‘Nonsense.'

She blocked her ears, covered her eyes with a pillow, got up to go to the toilet or put the kettle on — any excuse at all. Just for me.

On the back of the toilet door she pinned little notes to herself: ‘Feelings are not facts', ‘Be positive', ‘Dare to dream', ‘Smell the roses'. I knew the notes amounted to just a bandaid that would keep Mum together for only so long. But how I hoped I was wrong …

‘I should see your mum before I leave,' Emma said.

‘Why? She's only met you once.'

‘Because it'll make her happy, Bri.'

Fair enough.

We found Mum reading the paper on the verandah.

‘Hi, Mrs Talbot.' She gave Mum a disarming smile. ‘Remember me? Emma.'

‘Of course I do.'

Mum looked awkward as Emma stepped forward to greet her.

‘My clothes are dirty — I've been digging in the garden.'

‘Doesn't matter.'

Emma hugged her and Mum shut her eyes and hung on, savouring the closeness.

‘That's lovely,' she said as Emma let her go. ‘Come inside. Can you stay for a little while?'

‘Sure.'

‘Good. It's so nice to see you again, luvvie.'

Mum led the way into the lounge room.

‘How have you been?'

‘Busy. I'm off to Canada in two days' time.'

‘That's right. Brian told me that.'

‘But I couldn't go without saying goodbye to you.'

‘Aw, that's sweet …'

Emma's kindness brought out a side of Mum I didn't see often enough. Softer.

‘Brian, where are your manners?'

‘Huh?'

‘Offer Emma a drink. Something to eat.'

‘She didn't come here for a picnic, Mum.'

‘Yes, I did, Bri. Do what your mum tells you.'

I pretended to be hurt, hanging my head lower and lower as I trudged from the room. Mum grinned, the demons far, far away.

Mum and Emma talked for an hour, about the student exchange program, about Canada, and of course about how cold it was there. Then Emma listened intently as Mum explained minute details of her diet and exercise plan and her new improved outlook.

‘I'm also getting a new job,' she said, full of enthusiasm. ‘I've filled out that many application forms, they're coming out of my ears. No luck yet, but it'll happen.'

Emma quickly agreed. ‘You'll get something — you've got a lot going for you.'

Mum touched her hand.

‘You're such a sweetie.'

Finally at the front door, a lingering farewell hug, like old friends.

‘You be careful over there, won't you, Emma.'

‘I will, Mrs Talbot.'

‘Please — it's Ruby.'

I walked Emma back to her house.

‘You coming to see me tomorrow, in the paddock?'

‘I'll be there.'

‘We can run through Zeb's feed — you still want to feed him?

‘Yep.'

‘What if he snorts at you and charges?'

‘Then he's horsemeat.'

She burrowed her head into my chest.

‘Tomorrow, Bri.'

Emma rode up on Zeb as I climbed through the fence. She looked so tall up there. So happy.

‘Hiya, Bri.

‘Hi.'

I took a carrot out of my pocket.

‘For me?

‘Go away! Get your own dinner.'

I dropped the carrot on the ground in front of Zeb.

‘It's all yours, fella.'

Emma groaned.

‘Oh, Bri, you don't do it like that. When will you ever learn? Twit. You're not feeding a chook. Now pick it up and let him eat it from your hand.'

‘My hand? What if he decides to eat my fingers?'

‘I'm waiting.'

‘How about I give you the carrot and you can …'

‘I'm still waiting.'

Groaning myself now, I picked up the carrot and held it way out in front of me.

‘Okay, Zeb. Here's some food. But be nice.'

Emma nudged Zeb's belly with her foot and he stepped closer. At first he looked at me, not the carrot. He licked his lips.

‘Are you sure he's a vegetarian?'

Chomp.

‘Your hands are shaking.'

Chomp.

‘No, they're not.'

There was only a short piece left. Emma slid down from Zeb and took the carrot from me.

‘Here you go, Zebbie.'

She almost put her hand right into the horse's mouth as she fed him.

Chomp. Chomp.

‘All gone.'

She slapped Zeb's rump and let him wander.

‘Now you know his food's kept in this drum, right?'

‘As long as I don't have to feed him carrots by hand we'll both get on just fine.'

‘You mix these two feeds together, like I showed you. Dad will buy some more in a few weeks.'

‘Got it.'

‘And always make sure the water trough is full.'

‘Got that too.'

‘You know what … after all this time of counting the days' — she leaned against a rail — ‘I almost wish I wasn't going tomorrow. I mean I want to go, but I really like hanging out with you. You've grown on me, Bri — like a wart!'

‘Gee, thanks.'

‘Will your dad help out with your mum if she gets sick?'

‘Probably. But she's not going to get sick.'

She put her arms around me suddenly, and held me so tightly. I felt tears streaming down my face.
Stop it, will ya? Stop it!

I started mumbling an apology but Emma put a finger to my lips.