No Turning Back (Full Circle) (3 page)

When we hit her driveway, we turn off the headlights and creep all the way up.  Her mom doesn't mind her being out late; we just never want her to know how late we actually get home.  We knock on Summer's window and in we go. 

Once we’re in the window, we go to Piper's room and get ready for bed.  We turn on Miranda Lambert Radio on Pandora and sing as loud as we can.  Good thing Scott and Tina's room is on the other side of the house.  We get ready for bed, and that's when the conversation starts.

"Charley, you do know that you can leave this place?" Piper whispers.

"Yeah, I know.  It's just that I thought LRC was what I’m supposed to do.  Both my parents went there.  I was dating Cash, but that's over.  I just don't know what to do.  My parents will kill me if I want to change." 

Cash was my knight that showed up in Carhartts and a white F250 even though I’ve known him my entire life.  He's the only reason I've survived the past year, but I pushed him away as usual. Like I’ve said before, I love to choose the bad ones.  Now he doesn't want to talk to me even though I’m the one who made that final decision. Maybe that will change.  He was there in my darkest hour, knows exactly the person I am, and who I will always be.

"You know they just want you to be happy.  They would understand.  And you know Cash still cares about you.  You’ve been friends since you could walk."

"I know, but I think it's the right choice. School and Cash.  I'm just going to sit on it for a while."  Knowing the Cash part is a complete lie.  I’ve loved him my entire life.  He lived at the next farm over.  He’s always been the brother I never had, friend, and now ex-boyfriend.  He knew absolutely everything about me, the good, bad, and some things that I’d love to just erase from my mind entirely.

Piper, Annie, Morgan, Carrie, and I have an amazing graduation trip to Cancun.  We live it up every night dancing at clubs, baking in the sun, and meeting a new guy every night.

About the middle of July, my world starts to cave in on me.  I come to the conclusion that I have made a mistake.  I do want out of this hick town, and now I can't.  How am I going to tell my parents?  I come up with a plan to talk to Mom on the way to Grandma's tomorrow.  I know I’ll have questions to answer, but that’s expected from my mom, AKA Mrs. Worry Wart.

The next morning, I wake up and get ready.  I look at myself in the mirror, and worry is written all over my face.  I pack my clothes for the week and head downstairs.  I go to the pantry and grab a chocolate chip cookie and a Choice Cherry Gold, breakfast of champions.  Mom and Tessa come into the kitchen and are ready to go.  We load up the Chevy and are on our way.

Before we hit the county line, Mom looks at me and says, "Okay, spill it!"

I look at Mom, and tears fill up in my eyes.  "I don't want to go to LRC. Are you mad at me?”

My mom looks over and says, "Of course not!  There’s only one problem. Where are you going to go?  There are three weeks before classes start, Charley.  I don’t even know where to begin.  I know that you have been accepted to several places, but will they be able to accommodate you? What schools do you want to look into?”

"Carolina State and Southern, " I say quietly.

I had been accepted to Clemson, Carolina State, LRC, and Southern.  I’ve always wanted to be a Tiger, but knew that was probably out of the question.  I mean hello!  Huge school and three weeks before Moving Day!  I loved Carolina State.  It is big, so maybe I can fly under the radar.  I can keep to myself, stay unnoticed, and get my degree.  Southern is small, and I mean smaller than my graduating class, small.  But it has always appealed to me ever since a family friend talked about how gorgeous the campus is and all the friends she made there.   Carolina State and Southern are close to my grandmother's.

“Charley, why don’t we go to Carolina State on our way to Grandma’s?” 

“That sounds great, Mom.”

On the way there, we stop at Carolina State.  They can enroll me, but there is no room in the inn.  I'd have to find housing off campus.
I don't think so!
  I’m already scared to make this gigantic change to my life plan.  I’m definitely not living off campus in a big city.  The admissions counselor says she will put me on the housing waiting list.  I smile politely and tell her thank you for her time. I know in my heart of hearts that Carolina State is out the window.

The entire week I try to keep my mind off the choices that are in my near future.   I did all the things most southern girls like me love. I hang out with my cousins, work in my grandma's garden, take Daisy, the horse, for a ride, and shuck corn until I never want to see another ear. 

On Wednesday, we call Southern and schedule an appointment for Friday.  There's no turning back now.  I pray, “Please God, let this work out for me.  I know that I haven’t always made the right choices in my life, but things are starting to get back to how they use to be before I messed up.”

On Friday morning, we eat breakfast.  I choose my grandma's pound cake and her famous sweet tea.  Then we say our goodbyes and down Highway 49 we go.  My mom doesn't say much.  I know what she is thinking.  She's thinking about why I want to go to this little rinky dink school?  What am I running from?  Will I make the same mistakes again?  We ride in silence.

When we get to the stoplight on Highway 49, we turn right; we go half a mile and see the Southern University sign.  Unsure of where to turn, we keep going.  Next thing I know, we’ve driven through it completely.  In the blink of an eye we are already leaving campus and the town.  Well dang, it’s smaller than I thought!   We turn the Chevy around and stop at the stoplight. 
Really?  A stoplight?
  I look to my right and notice the train tracks running straight through the middle of campus.  That's going to be fun to wake up to.  The light turns green, we move forward and turn left into a driveway that goes to the Admissions Building.  We pull into one of three visitor parking spaces.  It's now or never.

We get out of the car, and Mom looks at me.  "What do you think?"

"I think I love it!  It's small, but I don't think I can handle a big school.  That's part of the reason I liked LRC."

We walk on the lawn to the stairs of the Admissions Building and go in. 
Here goes nothing,
I think to myself.  We meet John, an admissions counselor.  He shows us around, and I fall even more in love.  The school is old.  The buildings are worn out, but there is so much character in each one.  I can feel the history. There is one downfall; the dorm rooms are tiny.  I mean smaller than small.  I think even a jail cell might be larger.  Even with that little downfall, I know this is where I am supposed to be.

We continue our tour with the one major question that’s the elephant in the room.  Is there room for me?  I look at my mom, and she asks John.  "I know this is late notice.  Charley has been accepted here, but will there be a dorm space available for her?"  I wait for what feels like years, and then he speaks.  "Yes, there is."

Whew!  I feel like my heart is about to beat out of my chest, and I smile like I haven't in a long time.  I am truly happy about this decision.  After making our way back to the Admissions Building, we are given the proper paper work to complete and then head back to Grassy Pond.

The ride home is awkward.  I know what is coming.  Mom begins to question my motives for going there, why I really want to go there, and am I positive
this
time. Yes, I am positive
this
time.  It's the right choice. I know it!  For once in my life, I know I have made the right choice. 

Chapter 2
:
Moving Day

48 hours earlier...

I get up.  It's the day I have been waiting on. Moving Day.  I've been trying to get all the last minute stuff that I MUST have with me.  I get ready.  What do you wear on a day like today?   Since the majority of my clothing is already packed in a gazillion plastic containers, I look to see what I can find.   Today is hot.  In North Carolina, there is a thing called humidity and it sucks!  I know that I'll be sweating like a hooker in church as soon as I walk outside.  After looking to see what's left of my clothes, I remember that my mom did laundry last night.  Maybe, just maybe, something somewhat new will be in there.  I go to the laundry room and see that my Rock Revival Buckle Jeans are washed and sitting on the counter along with a new aqua blue zebra halter that I haven't seen before.  I think to myself,
I love my mama!
  I run back upstairs to get ready.  I grab a blue and silver cuff bracelet and my pair of Dannijo Paz earrings.  They are my favorite and are handmade from New York City.  Yeah, that’s the only thing “Big City” I own.  I look in the mirror and think it's time to start a new chapter in my life, one that I have been waiting on for eternity.  

Everything is packed in the Chevy and Honda. It’s time to head toward Southern to start over on my own.   I take a few minutes to love on my favorite dog, Blue.  I look into those big brown eyes, and he lets me know that my secrets are safe with him.   Blue is the one that I can always talk to.  He doesn't reply with smart comments, he just listens to me.  I take a look at the farm and think to myself,
Are you really ready to leave this place?
  There's only one thought that crosses my mind. Cash.  I look to the farm on my right and wonder what he's doing.  Should I have told him bye?  Is he feeling like I'm feeling? 

Then I notice his F250 coming down the drive.  WTF!  I was
not
planning on this today!  I really don't know if I can handle seeing him.  My stomach is fluttering with an army of butterflies.  How can just seeing his damn truck do this to me?  Deep breaths I tell myself.  Blue looks at me like he is reading my mind.  "I know, Blue. I know," I say quietly. 

Cash turns off the engine and steps out of the truck with pure confidence.  He wipes his forehead with the bottom of his t-shirt showing off a perfect six pack.  My world completely freezes as he begins to move towards me.  Cash is wearing a pair of Carhartts that fit his ass just right and a sleeveless Dixon Tigers t-shirt that shows off his arms of steel that I know can hold a girl tight all night long.  His short light brown hair is full of sweat from working on the farm.
Dang
. The country does a boy good!  Why does he have to be so stinking hot?  I stand up from Blue and slowly walk toward him.  I try to hid my butterflies, but know I am unsuccessful when he smiles and his one little dimple shines.  He runs his hand through his sweaty hair just before he meets me. 

"Hey, Cash.  Whatcha doing here?"

"Charley, do you really think I'd let you leave without saying goodbye?"

"I ... I... guess not." My voice is about to fall apart.

"You know I want you to be happy.  That is all I have ever wanted for you.  I know things haven't been great between us, but I want you to know that you will always have a special place right here,” he says as he pats his hand over his heart.

"Cash, you know I can't do this right now.  I'm glad you finally decided to talk to me when I'm about to leave for college!  Why didn’t you do this yesterday?  This is too much.  I'm closing this chapter in my life, starting fresh,
and
minus you." I snap.

"Charley, you can say what you want, but I know you.  I know you like no one else.  Remember, I've been here through the good and bad, and no matter what happens I will still be here even if you continue to push me away." 

Cash walks towards me and closes the distance between us.  He gives me a hug, and all the butterflies disappear.  I fall apart in Cash’s strong hardworking arms.  This is not exactly how I thought today was going to start.

I look into Cash's eyes, the ones that are crystal blue, and know he's telling the truth.  He may have given me the silent treatment for the past six months, but at least he still cares. That is all I need to know right now.

We pull apart from each other, and he wipes the single tear that is falling down my face.  I look into those piercing blue eyes and whisper to him, "Thank you."  He turns around and walks back to his truck.  He gives me one last wave and a crooked little grin.  Ohmygawh! That grin!  I love that grin!  He puts the truck in reverse and heads to their farm next door.  I smile and wave, but my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces, again.

Mom comes out the screen door off the front porch with a few of my favorite homemade goodies to take to school.  She looks at me with sadness in her eyes.  She knows how much it hurt to lose Cash once, and she knows I can't handle that again.

"Charley, hun, are you okay?"

"I'm trying to be, but how can he just come over here like that!?  Doesn't talk to me for freakin’ six months and now acts like everything is fine and dandy.  Why now?"

"Sometimes things take time to heal.  Remember, you hurt him as much as he hurt you.  It will be okay sweet girl."

Mom walks over to me and puts the goodies in the Honda, then holds me in her loving arms like she has done all my life.  I have great parents even though I have let them down time and time again. 

"Come on, sweet girl, put that smile on your face.  It's time to hit the road, Jack!"

I can't help but laugh at my mom.  One minute I'm ready to choke her for putting me in my place and the next she's making me smile.  I hope I'm half the Mom she is when I grow up.

Dad comes up from the barn. He went to make sure Tessa took care of her chores this morning.  Tessa is the best sister a girl could have, but when it comes to chores, she ends up MIA. 

"Well girls, you ready to go?"

"Yeah, I think so.  Can we stop by the Chevron so I can tell Tessa bye real quick?  And I think I need a Choice Cherry Gold to go." 

"Sure, but you're not putting it on my tab," Dad says as he smiles, knowing that I will.

I pull into the store and start pumping gas.  When I turn around, Tessa is right there with me.  She has my Choice Cherry Gold in her hand.  I just love her.

"Great minds think alike," she says.

"You know it!  I'm sure going to miss you, but I'll be home in two weeks for the Dixon-West Football game."

The gas cuts off, Dad takes care of the bill, and I give my sis the biggest hug ever.  Even though she gets on my nerves, I wouldn't trade her for the world.  Tessa waves and goes back to work.  Dad gets in the Chevy and waits for us to lead the way.  We pull out of the store and head toward I-85.  My new journey begins.

Mom and I make small talk on the ride.  We discuss what I think my roommate will be like, how I want to decorate, and what classes I plan to take.  I know everyone takes the basics their first two years, so why should I be any different?

"So, Charley, are you nervous about anything?"

"Well, I'm really scared about my roommate.  What if she's like some slob or the campus ho?"

"Charley, I can't believe you just said that!  I taught you better manners than that."

"I know, Mom, but I do worry about it.  I don't want different guys in my room every night. "

"I see where you are coming from, but at least try to think positive."

I wonder what it will be like without me at home.  Like I said before, Tessa is pretty slack when it comes to working around the farm.  She'd rather be making something crafty, doing her nails, or partying with her friends.  I've always been the responsible one.  Well, most of the time I have been.

Before I know it, we are at the stoplight I sat at a month ago.  This time we turn left instead of right and don't miss the campus. We make another right toward Mercer Gym to register and get keys.  We drive slowly across the metal bridge and find a parking space. 

"I'm so glad to be outta of the car.  I guess this is where we go," I say as I look at my dad getting out of the Chevy.

Mom, Dad, and I make our way into the gym.  I swear it's like deja vu. Everything in here looks like my high school.  The colors are the same, and it's small.  I mean we saw it on the tour, but I guess I didn't think about that.

As we walk in, we are greeted by students who are overly eager to help us.  We make it through the line for meal plans, financial aid, residency, medical, clubs, and sports.  I get my room keys, and we head back toward the cars. 

On the way to the car, Dad looks at me and says, "I guess the reason I was put on this earth was to pay for your education."  He just smiles and so do I.

We drive back across the road, passing the Chapel, President’s home, and then cross the railroad tracks.  To my right is Foot Hall. As we turn right, there is Dyer Hall, and at the bottom of a set of concrete stairs is Kluft Hall, my home for the next year.  My nerves are about to get the best of me, but it's more of a sense of the unknown rather than being scared.

I put the Honda in park, roll up the windows, and get out grabbing my purse and the goodies Mom made for me.  Dad parked beside us and is waiting on us at the steps.  We walk up and into the dorm.  I'm in Room 209, which is upstairs.  My dorm is coed, which my mom was not thrilled about, but got over it.  We walk upstairs, and my room is the third one on the left.  The door is open, so my roommate must be in there. I hope this goes well.

I walk into the doorway to find my roommate, a girl with curly, dark brown hair and a strong Northern accent.  I was unsuccessful trying to contact her in order to figure out who was bringing what.

"Hey, you must be Crystal.  I'm Charley; it's nice to meet ya."

"Nice to meet you, too.  We are about to leave to go get some items we didn't bring; see you in a little bit."

Okay that was weird!  This might take some time to get use to.  Anyways, Dad, Mom, and I make multiple loads to get everything.  Mom helps me make my bed and put up clothes.  When that is finished, she is smiling. 

"Well, looks like that's it.  I guess we will get back on the road."

I nod and follow them back to the Chevy.  I hug them both.  Dad puts the Chevy in reverse and waves as they head back home.  I wave until I can't see them anymore, then I turn around and try to put away the remainder of my stuff.  How the crap am I going to get all of this to fit in this cracker box of a room? 

I'm alone in my room for about fifteen minutes when Crystal returns with her parents.  They bring in a few groceries, and then she walks them out to say goodbye. 

When she returns, we make small talk.  I can tell that she is different from me.  She is very confident of being on her own.  She knows who she is and why she is here.  Crystal turns around and asks, "So, you want to walk around and see what's going on?"

"Sure."  I am at a disadvantage from everyone else on campus.  Since I changed my mind so late in the game, I missed Orientation.  It is very obvious that friendships started there, and currently I just have a roommate as an associate.

Crystal and I walk down the hall and introduce ourselves to our hall mates.  The first person I meet is Georgia.  She is all of about four foot eleven.  She has the cutest smile.  You know how your gut tells you things?  Well, I knew from that moment that I met her she would play a starring role in my college life.  There was something about her that was familiar.  Her roommate, on the other hand, I think not! 

Across the hall I see two very athletic looking blondes, Cassie and Jenny.  You can tell that they have spoken before moving in, hence, the matching loft beds, comforters, and room decorated like an interior designer.

To my right, is another Southern Belle, Caroline.  She looks like the cheerleaders at my high school, skinny, blonde, and overly excited about everything.