No One's Hero (Chadwell Hearts) (9 page)

He takes a step back, an uncomfortable look on his face. “Pout later, we’re behind schedule.” He glances at his watch. “You need to be to English class in ten minutes.”

“Thanks so much for giving a damn.” I stomp toward the SUV, feeling even more drained and tattered. I was wrong, no one—not even Kevin—is on my side, and the sooner I accept that the better. In one moment he’s made me feel just as rejected as the boys as my school used to after word got out how perilous it was to date me because of Axel’s interference.

Kevin reaches out an arm to stop me. “Wait, what happened?” His eyes shift over my shoulder, then back to my face, surveying everything at once. “Did someone hurt you?”

Only him. I’m torn between feeling like I’m making a huge deal out of nothing, and a keen desire to wallow in self-pity. Seeing the hard look on Kevin’s face, I decide to play it off. Obviously he’s not looking to comfort me, and I’m sick of his man-period. “It’s nothing, really. Just a case of disillusionment.”

He visibly relaxes, but he’s still all business. “But no incidents? You’re unharmed?”

I jerk away. “No. No incidents.” Of course he’s only worried if I’ve been physically harmed, because that’s all he’s paid to care about. If I was undecided on telling him about Madison’s cut lock on my locker, his gruff attitude cements my decision not to. Screw him.

The sound of his footsteps on the loose gravel follows me to the SUV. “Why do I feel like you’re keeping something from me?” he asks as I buckle my seat belt.

“No one made an attempt on my life. That’s all that matters, right?”

“No. I need to know about any and all threats. Any detail could be important.” He pauses, takes an exaggerated swallow, then glances at me. “And if you want to talk about...whatever... I can try to listen.”

“Never mind. I think you’ve made it pretty clear that the end of the day I’m just a job, and we’re not friends. So if you don’t mind, I’d rather skip the fake pleasantries and bullshit, because I’m full up on it right now, way past capacity.”

“Fine by me. Which building is your English class in again?” There’s a hard edge to his voice that wasn’t there before.

“The Decker Building,” I tell him after checking the schedule and map tucked in my purse. “Take the next left.”

Beneath the fog of my foul mood, the stately beauty of The Decker Building is lost on me. I hurry up the steps and down the hall without a second look. The building could have been made of straw and I wouldn’t have noticed in my current state.

“You can wait out here,” I tell Kevin.

“Nope.” He catches the door before it can close, then follows me into the classroom. “I shouldn’t have left you alone in the barn. Obviously something upset you, and when you’re upset it’s harder to think clearly about potential threats. I’m not leaving your side. And next time, I go first.” He brushes past me as soon as we’re both clear of the door, blocking my way.  The room is crowded, with very few opens seats, and even fewer open seats next to each other, since most of the fellow classmates were more punctual than I. I notice a few of them tossing me curious glances, but very few friendly smiles. I’m the only one dressed in riding attire, and I’m definitely not the only one who’s noticed. “Nice boots,” someone in the back snickers.

Apparently satisfied that there’s no immediate threat, Kevin points to the only two empty chairs in the back row. “Come on, we’ll sit there.” He starts away, assuming without question that I’ll follow his lead.

“Lexi!” Megan, the girl I met last night on my way into the dorms waves from the side of the room, then points to an open chair beside her.

I veer toward her, leaving Kevin standing bewildered in the aisle just as the professor strides into the room. Grateful that I seem to have made at least one friend, I slide into the seat. I’m sure Kevin’s going to give me hell for it later, but oh well.

Megan sneaks a glance under her arm, scoping the back of the room. “Someone doesn’t look happy. Your boyfriend?”

I shake my head. “No, definitely not. Don’t worry about him.”

Megan and I share a conspiratorial smile. “So,” she asks, “did you meet your roommate? Isn’t she something else?” She gushes as she speaks, like every thought out of her head is full steam ahead with a direct line from brain to mouth, no filter in between.

After a quick look at the front to make sure the professor hasn’t started yet, I nod. “You sound like you know her.”

“I do. We went to the same high school. She’s—” Megan stops and looks up as Kevin taps the boy on my other side on the shoulder.

Irritation radiates from him as he jerks his thumb toward the back of the room. “We’re switching seats. Go.”

At the podium positioned in front of the white board, the professor clears his throat. “Take your seats, and let’s get started.” He looks pointedly at Kevin.

Kevin shoots me a venom-laced look that would make most people shudder, then returns to the back row.

With the professor launching into a long spiel about what we’ll cover this semester, I don’t get a chance right away to ask Megan what she was going to say about Stephanie. It’s all I can do not to fall asleep as he drones on and on, determined to review each and every bullet point on the three-page syllabus he passed out. The course reading list is impressively long, and I realize I’m going to need to take a visit to the campus bookstore.

After what feels like forever, he finally pauses, asking if anyone has any questions. I’m sure I can’t be the only one praying no one speaks up. When no one does, he looks a bit disappointed, but dutifully dismisses us fifteen minutes early.

“You were saying, about Stephanie?” I prompt eagerly.

“Oh, right. Just that she’s been the way she is as long as I’ve known her. Her parents are doctors or something, and she thinks she has to keep a perfect GPA or they’ll be upset with her, and she’s vicious about making sure no one shows her up. And God forbid you distract her when she’s studying. I was pretty sure you and her weren’t going to get along when I heard you were an equine major.”

I’m not sure if Kevin is rubbing off on me or what, but I’m instantly alert. “How’d you know I was an equine major?”

She glances at me feet pointedly. “Well, the boots are sort of a dead giveaway.”

“I’m an idiot. Of course.”

“But besides, everyone on our floor has heard about the equine major who has her own bodyguard. Speaking of...” She indicates Kevin, who’s currently weaving through the crowd of students. “We’re all just wondering if he’s available, or if you’ve got dibs.” She winks. So that was what that question about him being my boyfriend was about.

“All yours.”

“Anyway, Stephanie’s brilliantly smart, but sort of lacking in the common sense department, if you know what I mean. She has no patience for anyone who doesn’t take school and studying seriously, though, and most of the Chancellorsville equine majors aren’t exactly rocket scientists. No offense.”

“None taken.” After meeting Madison, I can’t say that I blame her for that impression. “I was sort of surprised when I was the only one here in boots. Not really the way I wanted to stand out.”

Megan shakes her head. “Girl, do you know nothing? The equine program is mostly used by brainless rich girls who have to get some sort of degree while they come here to meet their future husbands. Most of them take entry-level courses, and crack more kegs than books.”

“I see,” I say, suddenly aware of Kevin’s silent presence at my elbow.

“I hope I didn’t upset you. You’re obviously not like them. Ugh, don’t mind me, I just never seem to know when to shut up.”

I laugh, trying to brush it off. “Don’t worry about it. It just leaves me more room to shine, right?” I at least halfway mean it, but her assessment is just one more nail in the coffin of my idealism.

“Oh! Before I forget, a few of us are going to a club downtown on Friday night. Want to come?”

I’m acutely aware of the way Kevin stiffens beside me. “Yes,” I say, too quickly.

“Great,” Megan says with a quizzical look. “It’ll be fun, although anything is better than hanging out in your room with Stephanie, right? She’ll probably be studying, demanding quiet.”

It’s not just Stephanie I think I’m going to need a break from, but I simply smile and nod as Kevin guides me toward the door.

“You’re not going to a club,” he growls in my ear.

That’s what he thinks. I’m determined to make friends and have fun if it kills me.

—-♥—-

L
exi

The next few days are filled with a whole lot of zero progress. Madison still hates me, and is determined to remind me so every time we cross paths at the barn. I’ve all but given up on being friends with Stephanie. It isn’t that I haven’t attempted to be nice, but she’s impossible to get along with. I’ve taken to ignoring her.

Kevin/Axel got me new riding gear, and it’s safely stowed in my locker at the barn. Well, my new locker. I gave up and let Madison have the one she wanted, because really, what does it matter? Our second riding class of the week was rescheduled for Saturday morning, because Thursday morning was otherwise claimed by a campus-wide lock down. The officials tried to play it off as a scheduled safety drill, but it seemed to rattle Kevin, and I wonder if there’s something he’s not telling me. While I can’t say I mind delaying my next encounter with Madison, an early morning riding lesson is going to put a damper on my Friday night plans.

I’m still determined to go, and Kevin has conceded begrudgingly, but I’ll have to stay relatively sober. Getting plastered with new friends with have to wait a bit longer to get checked off of my want-to-do-in-college list.

I stand before a full-length mirror—one of several new additions to my dorm décor, courtesy of the gift card Angel gave me—scrutinizing my chosen outfit. My black leggings fit like a second skin, and they’ve got a slight shimmer woven into the fabric that highlights my every move. For a shirt, I picked a silver sequined tank with a plunging neckline that drapes around my thin frame in suggestive waves. I kept my jewelry light; just the charm bracelet from Axel and Angel.

Kevin raps on the other side of the dorm door. “Can I come back in now?”

“No!” I shriek. My makeup bag gapes open on my desk; lipstick, eyeliner, and eye compacts in various shades spilling around it. I’ve done my eyes in a deep smoky blue and black that I’m hoping makes me look sexy and mysterious. I just need a semi-nude lip gloss to go with it, and then I’ll let him in. Not that I care what he thinks, but his initial reaction will be my best chance to judge the effect all at once. Going all-out on my appearance like this is more Chelsea than me, but it’s exhilarating and something I could definitely get used to. Fortunately for me, she was available to help me pick out my outfit over Skype. Hopefully tonight I’ll shed my funky mood along with my boring, practical every day clothes.

I’m a new me. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

“Come on, Lexi. You’re just going to a club, not the altar. What in the hell could possibly take so long?”

“Fine, come in then.” I say after slipping into a pair of heels.

Kevin’s expression when he sees me takes
my
breath away, because it’s so unguarded and real. There’s no doubt in my mind how he sees me in that split second when he’s captivated by my transformation. I’m not a job, or a surrogate ‘little sister,’ or the gawky girl from down the road. I’m a woman, he’s a man, and he wants me. It’s not that I want him—it’s painfully obvious that there’s nothing like that between us except some simple chemistry that likes to flare up, especially when I don’t want it to. Hell, most moments he doesn’t even seem to like me. I just want to feel wanted, and right now, he’s giving me that and I’ll take it where I can get it.  I snatch onto it, imprinting the feeling of being desired for nothing except myself—and a little makeup—never wanting to forget it. Then he shatters the moment, tightening the noose of circumstance back around my neck. I’m once again the girl he has to keep safe for Angel’s benefit, and apparently my outfit doesn’t fit into that plan.

Mission accomplished.

I smile despite the way he’s vehemently shaking his head. He’s changed out of his regular attire as well, replacing his jeans with dark cargo pants. His T-shirt is tighter than usual, highlighting his chiseled build. Even though Angel told me Kevin is former military—Marines, I think—tonight’s the first time I’ve really seen him looking the part. I’m not sure if he was aiming for sexy or intimidating, but he’s the perfect blend of both. Unfortunately, he looks more like a bouncer than someone going to the club to have a good time, and I can see that working in his favor if he decides to try and create a buffer between me and the rest of the group.

“Where are the rest of your clothes?” His voice is husky.

“Shut up. You sound like my father.” I roll my eyes and grab my wristlet, delighting in the heat in his eyes that makes it quite clear he’s feeling anything but fatherly.

“Well someone sure as hell needs to take you over their knee.”

“I don’t see you volunteering.”

He studies me quietly, and seems to be debating what to say. “What exactly are you hoping to get out of dressing like that?”

I shrug, uncomfortable with his tone more than with his question. It’s so raw and honest, I feel almost naked. “I want to be noticed.”

His eyes darken to unreadable pits. “There’s a difference between being noticed and being cherished. If you dress like trash, don’t act surprised when you’re used and discarded.”

A pained gasp escapes before I can seal away my emotions with a smile, determined no more will leak out. Used? Isn’t that what I’ve been for my entire life? I’ve been ‘cherished,’ and it sucked. It left me constantly feeling inadequate, unable to fill the ever-increasing void of my sister’s absence. Darkness attracts darkness, and no matter how much light I tried to fill it with, it was never enough. I was never enough. Maybe I never will be.

So what if a guy wants to pick me up tonight based solely on shallow attraction? At least we’ll both know what we’re getting into. I’m not looking for forever, just fun. “If you’re done lecturing, let’s go.” I breeze past him, traipsing down the hall to Megan’s room. She opens before I can knock, and she radiates exuberance. Her shoulder length hair is sleek—straight and shiny—except for the new streaks of pink scattered throughout.