No Longer Mine (28 page)
Authors: Shiloh Walker
Tags: #Fiction, #Romance, #Contemporary, #Contemporary Romance
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Shiloh Walker
what the older woman had pictured her future daughter-in-law to be. From the wrong side of town, a broken family, hoodlums for brothers, an alcoholic for a father, the daughter of a woman who had killed herself rather than deal with the problems in her life.
None of that counted now. Her hoodlum brothers were reformed for the most part. Her father was sober and had been for years. Nikki had stumbled a few times, but she had proven to be stronger than her mother. They lived in a small town where people liked and respected them.
But even if that hadn’t been the case, Nikki knew it wouldn’t have mattered.
Wade thought she was good enough. He had wanted her, and God willing, hopefully, he still did. The little girl clinging desperately to her shoulders definitely wanted her. That was what mattered.
Rubbing a soothing hand over Abby’s back, she rose, cradling the little girl against her. Carefully, she settled in the chair by the bed and reached out and took Wade’s hand.
“What should we say?” Abby whispered.
“I don’t know. What do you think we should say?” Nikki asked.
With the hope of the young, Abby cocked her head and said, “Maybe we should tell him how little girls ought to have a dog. A real one.”
“Wise choice,” Nikki decided.
Side by side, they talked until their throats were raw and their voices hoarse. Twilight was settling in when they fell silent. Sleepily, Abby asked, “Do you think he heard?”
“I know he did, honey,” Nikki said with a smile as she brushed back silky black locks of hair from Abby’s face.
“Why doesn’t he wake up?”
“I think he’s kind of lost. It’s like he’s in a place he doesn’t know and somebody went and turned out the lights. He’s just got to find his way out. That’s why we need to keep talking to him. If he hears us, he’ll know which way to go.”
With a sleepy smile, Abby said, “He gets lost a lot. He always finds his way back though.”
“He will this time too,” Nikki promised. She hoped she wasn’t lying.
Abby fell asleep on her lap, her face pressed against Nikki’s breast, small arms locked around her neck.
From the chair in the corner Louise sighed and said, “I wished we could have explained it to her like that. We didn’t know what to tell her.” Silence fell again as Louise came and collected her sleeping granddaughter. “I need to get her home. Do you really think he heard?” Louise asked, her voice breaking.
“Yes.”
“How can you be so certain?”
With a sad smile, Nikki replied, “Because nothing else is acceptable.” 152
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Moments later, quiet footsteps were followed by the soft click of the door and then Nikki was alone with Wade. Pressing her lips together, Nikki reached once again for his hand.
“Wade, it’s me,” she said, forcing her voice to be level. “Buddy, you need to wake up. There’s people here who need you. Your little girl. Your folks.” In a whisper, she added, “Me.
“We went and messed things up real good, Wade. But that doesn’t mean we can’t straighten them out.” Her voice broke and she clenched her hand tightly around his. “Damn it, Wade. Don’t do this. I can’t lose somebody else. You’ve got to come out of this.” Tears fell down her cheeks and she leaned forward, laying one arm around his waist, resting her face against his belly. “I love you. I always did. Sometimes I hated myself because I couldn’t stop. But it’s a part of me, like breathing, like writing. I can’t live without you. I can live with you not wanting me, but I can’t do it unless you’re out there somewhere.” His face remained still, his eyes closed, as she continued to cry against his chest. “Damn you, Wade.
Wake up.”
Her voice faltered and then strengthened as she started to talk to him. She told him about Jason, about the pregnancy, about the short time she’d had with him before she lost him. “He looked just like you. He was smart and sweet and funny.”
She told him about her books, the ones she had written. The ideas that brewed and simmered in her head before she was able to get them down on paper. She told him about her family, how they had straightened out and actually started acting like a family. How Dylan and Shawn had gone from troubled street punks to hotheaded but decent young men.
He was silent through it all.
Shifts changed. New nurses came and went. One quietly offered to get her a drink, some food, and was told no. Another suggested she get some rest and was ignored. Some of Wade’s old friends had pulled strings, talked to a couple of doctors, and Nikki could stay around the clock. She wasn’t leaving until he woke up.
Sometime near dawn, eyes dry and burning, Nikki released his hand and rose. She wandered over to the window and stared out at the sleeping city. In the distance she could see the Kennedy Bridge and the distant lights of southern Indiana.
She was back here. Again. Not exactly the way she’d wanted to return home. Restless, she paced the room. Why wouldn’t he wake up?
Silence swarmed all around him and Wade wanted to scream with frustration. Where had she gone?
Nikki?
He couldn’t talk, couldn’t move…
Damn it!
Was she going to walk away again? If she did, he wouldn’t even be able to stop her. He should have tried harder last time, should have kept pushing her.
Damn it, where had she gone?
He floundered, hesitating. Two different lights. Which one led the way home, to Abby, to Nikki?
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He paused, turning from one to the other. As the silence continued, he made a choice.
Soft sobs filled the room. Nikki still sat at the bedside, her face buried in the sheets by Wade’s side. It had been three days. Three days since she had first entered this quiet room. Since that first day, she hadn’t cried. Until now. Sheer exhaustion and fear had eaten away at her and sometime after Louise had taken Abby home she had simply broken.
“Oh, God, Wade,” she whispered raggedly. “You have to come back.” One hand clutched desperately at his.
“Cry…”
Startled, she jerked upright, one hand pressing against her mouth. His face was pale, his hand limp in hers. But his sculpted mouth parted. “Wade?” she whispered, almost afraid to speak.
“Don’t cry.”
“Wade,” she gasped, leaning forward as his eyelids slowly lifted. Then he was staring up at her.
“Please don’t…cry,” he repeated, his voice a weak whisper.
“I can’t help it,” she wailed as more sobs built in her throat. Tears of relief this time, as she huddled at the bedside, his hand clutching hers tightly.
“Did you mean it?”
A day later Nikki raised her head to look him. Gritty-eyed from lack of sleep, her mind bleary, she asked, “Mean what?”
“What you said.”
“You heard me?”
He frowned at her over the tray of hospital food, broth and jello.
Yum
. “I heard you say you loved me.
Did you mean it?”
Locking her gaze on his, she simply said, “Yes.”
“What do you plan do about it?”
“What do you think we should do?”
It was almost night again. His parents had finally headed out, leaving them alone. She was nervous and scared and hopeful. He had clutched her hand most of the day, as though he feared she would disappear if he let go.
“I think you should marry me,” he decided, his voice hoarse, both from lack of use and from the feeding tube that been removed the past night. But his tone was firm, almost belligerent.
“Is that a proposal?” she asked, cocking her head as she lazily swung one foot back and forth. She looked casual and relaxed, but her insides were jumping with happiness and hope.
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“No,” he snapped. “I’m telling you. I proposed once and that was a damn disaster. This time I’m telling you.”
“Telling me?” she asked archly, raising that arrogant eyebrow and staring at him. “Don’t you think this is something we should talk about?”
Catching the teasing twinkle in her eye, he tugged her hand. Willingly, she came down to cuddle against his side. He covered her mouth with a rough, almost desperate kiss. Then he buried his face in her hair as he replied, “No. You spend too much time talking. Haven’t I already told you we get along much better if we don’t use our mouths to talk?”
She smiled and whispered, “I have just one more thing to say.”
“What?” He scowled.
Nikki lowered her head, nipped his lip gently before turning her head to whisper into his ear, “Yes…”
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Author’s note
Sometimes an author gets asked which of their characters they identify with the most. Without a doubt, for me it would be Nikki.
Both of us are writers and both of us fell for a guy in our teens, although my road was a lot smoother than Nikki’s. I married my high school sweetheart without any of this drama and angst. I also, thank God, never had to deal with any of the relationship mishaps Nikki did—and that’s good for my guy as well, because I might have skinned him.
We both deal with the same frustrations as writers—and there are many. The writing part is very often hard and a pain in the butt—it’s also only part of an actual writer’s job. Neither Nikki nor I realized that starting out.
We both suffered a similar loss.
Nikki’s loss of her son was a pivotal point in her life and that loss was part of the reason I was leery to consider putting this book back out on the market.
In 2005, I miscarried. While the losses weren’t identical, the pain of losing my baby was too close, and for too long I couldn’t even think of this book without hurting.
When I first considered releasing this book again in late 2009, the first thing I had to consider was whether I could read the book without breaking apart. I managed. Since I could get through it, I decided maybe it was time to do some revisions.
So many people kept asking for the book. I hope you’ve enjoyed it. It’s not one of my best, I know, but trust me, in ways you may never understand—and hopefully you won’t have to—it’s one of the hardest.
Shiloh Walker
About the Author
To learn more about Shiloh, please vis
it www.shilohwalker.com.
Send an email to Shiloh at
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Look for these titles by Shiloh Walker
Now Available:
Always Yours
Legends: Hunters and Heroes
Talking with the Dead
Malachi
Hunter’s Pride
The Huntress
For the Love of Jazz
Beautiful Girl
Hunter’s Edge
Vicious Vixen
Playing for Keeps
My Lady
The Redeeming
No Prince Charming
Grimm’s Circle
Candy Houses
Sometimes getting to heaven requires a trip through hell.
Beautiful Girl
© 2008 Shiloh Walker
Twelve years ago, it looked like Del Prescott had it all. The wealthy family, the car, the looks and charm, and the perfect boyfriend. Then, mysteriously, she disappeared to “study abroad”. Now she’s back, and it’s not merely to attend a high school reunion. She’s here to face her demons—and Blake, the man she has never stopped loving.
Blake Mitchell is a changed man, thanks to surviving twelve long years of difficulties that began after Del dropped out of his life. Now she’s back, and she’s nothing like the polished, stylish world traveler he imagined she’d be. There’s a darkness about her, and a grim expression in her eyes that says she’s prepared for fight or flight.
Blake’s concern for her breaks down the walls Del has built around her heart and she finally begins to heal from the abuse she suffered at the hands of her own family. But the betrayal goes deeper than either of them ever imagined—and it’s about to come back to haunt them.
Warning, this title contains the following: explicit sex, graphic language and violence.
Enjoy the following excerpt for
Beautiful Girl: Blake reached out and caught one of her hands, lifting it to his lips. “You look gorgeous.” He kissed her hand, watching her from under the fringe of lashes. A soft blush stained her cheeks pink, her cheeks, her neck…lower. He found himself staring at the neckline of her dress and he tore his gaze away as he realized he was ogling her breasts. He wanted to do more than ogle. He wanted to peel the dress off and lick her all over. Instead, he gestured to the dance floor. “You know, I never got to dance with you at my senior prom. Why don’t you make it up to me now?” The smile that curved her lips up hit in the chest with the force of sledgehammer.
“I’d love to.”
He led her out onto the dance floor and guided her hands, first one, then the other up to his shoulders.
From the speakers, Garth Brooks sang a song about unanswered prayers. Blake wasn’t much for praying.
Back before he’d stopped asking God for anything, though, this had been a regular prayer—having this woman back in his arms.
Maybe unanswered prayers weren’t the only thing to thank God for. At that moment, Blake was grateful for the answer to a prayer that had been a long time coming. Del moved against him awkwardly at first, her body tense, but bit by bit, she relaxed.
“So did you miss me at your senior prom?” she asked, cuddling against him just like she used to.
Lowering his head, he brushed a kiss against her cheek. He breathed in the soft, warm scent of her and managed to stifle his moan—just barely. His voice was hoarse as he told her, “Not a bit.” Tipping her head back, she asked, “Not even a little?”
“Nope.” Then he smiled and confessed, “I didn’t go.” Cupping a hand over the back of her head, he eased her back against him. “Wasn’t interested.”
Through the thin silk of her dress, he could feel the heat of her body and it was killing him. He could feel the soft, sweet weight of her breasts, the flat planes of her belly. His left hand rested at the small of her back and he was almost painfully aware of the rounded curve of her ass. Nuzzling her neck, he murmured,
