No Deal Breakers (17 page)

"Making my bed," he said, turning to face
her, his brows furrowed. She placed stubborn hands on her hips and
shook her head.

"You are not sleeping on the floor in your
own room."

"Yes, I am. If you think for one second I'll
let you sleep on the floor you must not know me very well." She
started laughing, and Brian grew even more confused.

"I meant that you'll sleep in the bed, and so
will I." She lost some of her stubbornness as she grew visibly
nervous at her suggestion, and suddenly found something intriguing
on the wall right above Brian's head. He couldn't believe his ears,
was she really suggesting they share a bed?

"What are you saying?" She blew out a breath,
but still didn't meet his eyes.

"I'm saying that neither of us is sleeping on
the floor. I'm not saying we're going to be…intimate, you know I
can't do that. But, it's a huge bed. I think we can both sleep
comfortably without touching." He couldn't say he wasn’t a little
disappointed at her words, but he wasn't surprised either.

"I think you're right. I just assumed, since
the last time we shared a room I —"

"The last time we shared a room I was
terrified you were going to chop me into little pieces while I
slept." They both laughed, and Brian grew serious again.

"And now? Now, you know I would never hurt
you in any way, right?"

"I do. I trust you now. You've proven
yourself every day over and over again." Hearing her voice her
trust was like a healing salve to his soul.

"I'm glad to hear you say that. Promise me if
you're uncomfortable with this that you'll tell me, and I'll gladly
sleep on the floor the rest of the time." She nodded, and made her
way to the side of the bed farthest from the door, Brian smiled and
wondered how she knew that he always slept on the other side. She
flipped back the blankets and used some of the extra pillows to
build a barrier along the middle of the bed. His heart fell, she
trusted him, but not that much.

It was pitch dark in the room, but she could
hear him coming down the hall. Please don't let him want me,
please, no. She didn't know if she could take any more today, she
made herself as small as possible, but that never helped. She knew
if he wanted her, he'd have her and there wasn't a thing she could
do about it. She heard him come closer and closer, until she could
feel his hot breath on her cheek, smell the stale alcohol mixed
with sweat and cigarette smoke, that clung to his clothes and body.
That smell was so familiar to her, yet made her sick every time he
came near.

She clamped her eyes shut. Please no, please
no, please no… over and over again she plead with…with any deity
that would listen, with anyone that would care. Not that it helped,
it never did. And then he was on her, pinning her to the bed, she
tried to pull free, but it wouldn't do any good, she knew what was
coming.

"Aria" she heard her old family nickname
being called, "Aria, honey." It was a man's voice, but it wasn't
his voice. It was a smooth, rich, deep comforting voice, and she
wanted to fall into the comforting embrace it was offering. She
pulled away from him, and towards the comforting voice.

The room flooded with light, and she forced
her eyes open, and saw Brian's concerned face staring back at her.
She wasn't in that place anymore, she was home, in bed with her
husband, safely in her new life. It was just a nightmare, but she
could still feel his weight on her, and smell his stench in her
nostrils, though the smell was drifting and harder to make out.

She looked around the room, everything was
just the same as when she crawled into bed, it was just her and
Brian in the quiet room. But, she could still feel the weight
pressing her to the bed, she looked down and saw one of the pillows
she had used to build a wall between them was covering her. As the
world continued to right itself and the reality that it was just a
nightmare sunk in, Brian continued to stare at her in the light of
his bedside lamp, concern etched on his face.

She tossed the pillow to the floor and sat
up, preparing to explain that it was just a dream when Brian's hand
came up as if to rest on her cheek. When he realized what he was
about to do, he froze, as he always did when he was about to
unconsciously offer her comfort. Normally she just let him drop his
hand and pretended not to notice, but this time she wanted his
touch, she craved the comfort it brought. She had never before felt
as safe as she had tonight in his arms, she wanted his comforting
touch again.

"It's okay, Brian, you can touch me." She
whispered, and watched as his concern turned to shock. His eyes
held hers for a moment, silently asking for confirmation of what
she'd said. She nodded slightly in response. He hesitated just a
moment longer before leaning in and brushing a strand of hair
behind her ear and then gently cupping her face.

As soon as his warm hand rested on her face
she felt grounded. All of the worries, and anxieties that always
came from her nightmares simply melted away at his touch, and she
knew she was going to be okay. Brian was her safe haven, always
there to offer as much comfort as she needed. She leaned into his
palm as he continued to study her before finally breaking the
silence.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it was just a nightmare, I'm sorry I
woke you up."

"I had hoped you weren't having them any
more. It's been almost a week since your last one." She started to
nod when his words finally sunk in.

"Wait, how do you know about them, I've never
mentioned them…?" He stroked his thumb down her cheek one last
time, then sat up further to face her fully.

"The first night I woke to the sound of a
blood curdling scream coming from above me, without thinking I ran
up the stairs and tried to open your door, but it was locked." She
flushed as she remembered how she used to lock her door every
night, it had been almost three months since she'd done that, she
felt silly for it now. "I was seriously contemplating kicking it in
to get to you, when I heard you start to mumble in your sleep. I
realized it must have been a nightmare that had you screaming like
that.

"I didn't know what to do, I wanted to offer
you any comfort I could, but I knew you were still afraid of me, so
I sat on the floor outside of your door and prayed for you." She
felt the tears running down her cheeks, and didn't even move to
wipe them away, that was so incredibly unbelievable, yet totally
Brian.

"It broke my heart to hear you screaming and
crying in your sleep every night. I sit outside of your door and
pray until you finally calm down and your breathing returns to
normal. I—"

"Wait, sit, as in, you still come to my
rescue every time I have a nightmare?" He looked away with a
sheepish grin and shrugged, "I do." She couldn't believe what she
was hearing, Brian was always trying to take care of her when she
was awake, and apparently, his care for her went far beyond what
she realized. No one had ever taken care of her like that, aside
from her mother.

"Why?"

"Because I l—" Her eyes grew wide at what she
was certain he was about to say, she wasn't ready to hear it, even
though she knew it would be true. She felt his love in everything
he did for her. But, she wasn't ready to hear it, she wasn't
deserving of hearing it, and as good as Brian was, she knew that
even he couldn't love her if he knew about what she had done, no
one could. She let out a sigh of relief when he cut himself off and
changed tactic.

"Because I care about you. Because you're my
wife. Because I want to protect you, and comfort you when I can.
Because how could I possibly sleep knowing you're right above me,
hurting and scared? Because I vowed to be there for you, for better
or worse, and I meant it. Because even if you don't accept my
comfort, I'm going to offer it anyway." She just stared,
open-mouthed, with tears streaming down her face. She didn't know
how to respond, but she knew every word he spoke was truth.

"Are you offering it now? Comfort, I
mean."

"Always, honey, whenever and however you need
it." That was all she needed, without another word she tossed the
pillow-barrier on the floor and scooted over, lying down next to
him, he only hesitated a moment before lying down next to her. As
usual, he kept a few inches of space in between them, respecting
her boundaries. For some inexplicable reason, she didn't want
space, she wanted the comfort and security that she'd only ever had
in his arms.

She closed the space between them and nuzzled
his chest through his thin t-shirt, breathing in his clean,
masculine scent. This felt so right, she couldn't remember now why
she had avoided his touch for so many months, after welcoming it
today, she didn't know if she'd ever turn it away again. She just
hoped he understood that this intimacy was the most she could ever
offer him. Hopefully it would be enough for him, too.

"Do you want the light off so you can
sleep?"

"Please" she said into his chest, and he
turned to shut the lamp off. They stayed that way for some time;
her arms crossed over her stomach, her face against his chest, and
he on his side with one arm folded under his head and the other
along his side.

Finally, he whispered, "May I…would it be
okay for me to…uh, hold you?" His voice was filled with
apprehension. She was glad he had asked, that's what she really
wanted, but couldn't bring herself to ask.

"I think I'd like that." She could almost
feel him smile as he readjusted himself so that one arm was under
her head, his hand caressing her back, and his other arm was draped
across her waist, and bent up to rest his hand on her shoulder.

She didn't have words for what she was
feeling, she'd never felt this way before. There was safety,
comfort, and security, those she could identify, though they were
still new to her. But, there was something else, something that set
her entire body on edge, in the most wonderful way; it had her
heart pounding faster and her stomach full of butterflies. She
snuggled closer and fell asleep relishing his closeness.

Her eyes fluttered open to see bright blue
ones staring down at her, she couldn't help the wide smile that
spread across her face. They were tangled in each other's arms,
both of his were wrapped lovingly around her waist, his hands
clasped together on her back, one of her arms was on his side,
tucked under his arm, the other was tucked under her head. His
lower body was angled away from her, and she blushed when she
realized her leg was slung over his waist.

"Morning, beautiful," he smiled sleepily at
her.

"Morning," she mumbled as she began
untangling herself from his body. He looked dejected.

"Do we really have to get up? I think I could
stay here all—"

"Auntie Ari, Uncle Brian?" Ami's sweet
soprano voice and light knock at the door cut him off. She gave him
a sardonic smile and whispered "there's your answer," before
scooting away and instructing Ami to come in. Brian groaned, but
gave her a goofy grin and a wink as they both sat up, leaning
against the headboard.

"Are you sure? Grandpa said you might be in
your birthday suits and I should make sure you had on jammies
before I came in." They both flushed at "birthday suits" but
laughed despite themselves, Brian assured her that they were
dressed and without further hesitation, the little spitfire came
barreling into the room.

"Well, aren't we all bright eyed and
bushytailed this morning? Come give your favorite uncle a good
morning hug." Ami's smile widened before coming to his side to give
him a big hug. The sight was so adorable that it brought tears to
her eyes, he was a wonderful uncle, and she was sure he would make
an even better dad.

"I'm supposed to tell you two sleepyheads
that daylight's a burning, and that the biscuits are getting cold,
we ate without you."

"What time—oh wow, almost nine. Shoot, did
Grandma Genie make her famous biscuits and gravy?" Ami nodded.

"Well, in that case, you tell her we're on
our way, okay?"

"Yes, sir," she said in as a deep of a voice
as she could master before saluting and marching out. They both
jumped out of bed, dressing as quickly as possible, taking turns
using the bathroom to get ready, before joining the rest of his
family in the dining room.

"Those were delicious, Mom." Brian dropped a
kiss on his mother's head before taking both his and Aria's plates
to the sink and rinsing them. "Oh, Aria, will you go grab the quilt
so I can show them before we all get busy? Mom, just wait until you
see what Aria made for my birthday…you are going to be so jealous,"
he gushed as she nodded and went back to his room to retrieve the
quilt.

She had been nervous giving the quilt to
Brian, but the thought of showing it to his entire family had her
clutching her stomach, hoping beyond hope that her breakfast stayed
where it was.

"The baby clothes…I thought they were
ruined?" Genie gasped as soon as Brian spread the quilt out for
them to look at. Before Aria could explain, Brian asked what she
meant.

"These are your baby clothes, the ones that
were in the loft that you said had been eaten by mice, I thought
you said they were beyond saving." Brian's eyebrows shot up and
every eye in the room was on her. The blood rushed to her face and
she could feel it burning.

"Ummm, I had already started on it when we
found the clothes, I had already cut the pieces from new fabric.
When I saw how upset you were over his baby clothes being ruined I
decided instead of throwing them out I would wash them up and get
what use I could out of them…I hope that's okay." The older woman
had tears running down her face, and the rest of the adults in the
room had looks of awe on their faces, the children had long since
abandoned the boring adult conversation for crayons.