No Child of Mine (46 page)

She closed her eyes, as though trying to overcome the devastation of her world. ‘If Nigel had lived,’ she went on shakily, ‘maybe we’d have found a way for us all to be together, but he ... I wanted to contact his mother to let her know where you were, but she was old even then, and I knew she was terrified for her life. She only visited me
once in hospital, and that was to tell me that someone had turned up at Nigel’s funeral. They hadn’t spoken to anyone, she said, they’d just hung around watching, and she’d felt sure they were looking for you. So she was very sorry, but she didn’t feel able to be a part of your life. My Aunt Helen felt much the same way. No one had approached her directly, but she’d been followed often enough to be certain that someone was watching her, and who else would it be but Gavril or one of his people?’

Her eyes looked searchingly into Alex’s as she said, ‘I’m so sorry. I never wanted to leave you, I swear it, but do you understand now why I did?’

Alex nodded. ‘Of course,’ she replied. How could she not when it was only natural for a mother to do what she must to save her child? It just felt so awful to think of all they’d been cheated of.

‘Is this too much all at once?’ Anna asked, after a while. ‘Maybe I should stop now.’

Alex shook her head, though in truth she was feeling overwhelmed ... Nigel Carrington, not Gavril Albescu, was her father. It was cause for so much relief, celebration even, that were it not for the fact that she’d never know her real father now, she might be feeling far less heavy-hearted. ‘I thought ... I read that your sister, Yvonne, was seeing Nigel,’ she said quietly. ‘I had no idea that you and he ...’

‘It was what we wanted everyone to think, that he and Yvonne were together. It gave him the freedom to come and go from the house as he pleased, to be with you and me without raising Gavril’s suspicions. I was making plans to divorce Gavril, of course, and Nigel was all for telling him straight, but I was so afraid of what Gavril might do that I wouldn’t let him.

‘I guess the biggest tragedy of all is that the day before it all happened, my father and Nigel had gone to the police to offer to work with them in whatever way they could to help them arrest him. It was the only way we’d ever be rid of him, we felt. The police took them up on the offer, but there was no time to set anything up. It all happened ... We got a call about ten minutes before he arrived to
say he was coming. I don’t know who rang, it must have been one of his people ... If we hadn’t received that call we’d never have had time to hide you.’

She looked down at her tea as she said, ‘You’ll probably have read about the attack being revenge killings for reporting the trafficking to the authorities. It was what the police wanted everyone to think. They felt it was best no one knew you weren’t Gavril’s, it would only increase the danger you were already in. Thank God they took that decision – if they hadn’t ...’ She shook her head, neither needing nor wanting to finish the sentence.

‘A lot of arrests were made over the weeks that followed,’ she continued, ‘but Gavril somehow managed to slip the net and as we know, they never did manage to find him.’

‘Did you know where he was?’ Alex asked.

Anna shook her head again. ‘I expect he was shipped straight out of the country before any blocks were set up. Maybe he returned to Romania, but I’m sure they looked for him there, so who knows where he went. He had contacts all over Europe and Asia, and any one of them could have helped him to change his name, probably even his appearance, to keep him out of jail. In truth, I have no idea how he managed to escape the law for as long as he did.’

‘So how did you find out he was dead?’

Anna swallowed dryly. ‘His sister, Erina, contacted me to let me know.’

Alex’s eyes widened. ‘How did she find you?’

‘I’ve no idea, but it shook me up terribly when she did, because it probably meant that he’d known all along where I was and could have struck at any time.’

‘Do you think that is the case?’

Anna nodded. ‘There were times when I felt as though I was being watched, but then nothing would happen so I’d end up putting it down to paranoia. If it weren’t for those feelings I’d have tried to find you a long time ago, but I was terrified that it was all he was waiting for. I still don’t know if it was all in my mind, but the fact that Erina got in touch to tell me he was dead ... She must have known that he still had a hold over me, that it was
important for me to know that I no longer had to fear him. In her message she said that it was a great relief to her that he was no longer in the world, and she felt sure it would be for me too.’

‘Weren’t you afraid it was a trick?’

‘Yes, of course, but Bob – he’s my husband who I’ll tell you all about later.’ Her expression had visibly softened. ‘I know you’ll love him if you meet him and I hope you will, because he’s one of those people it’s impossible not to love. For now, though, all you need to know about him is that he had everything thoroughly checked out before either of us was ready to believe that Gavril Albescu really had gone to meet his Maker.’

‘So when ...’ Alex cleared her throat. ‘When did he die?’

Anna nodded, as though she’d expected the question. ‘About a year ago. It’s taken most of that time for us to be fully convinced that it really was him who’d been killed in a shooting in Ghana, but once we were I was desperate to come and find you. The only problem was deciding on the best way to do it. Bob was all for inviting you to New Zealand, mainly because you’re living so close to where everything went so terribly wrong ... He’s worried about how upsetting it might be for me to be back in the area, but I knew I could handle it as long as everything went well with you.’

Alex’s heart skipped a beat. Were things going well between them? On the face of it they seemed to be, more or less, but there were still so many emotions and fears churning around inside her that she couldn’t be sure how she was really feeling about anything. Unwilling to explore it now, she said, ‘How long have you been married?’

Anna smiled. ‘We’ve recently celebrated our twentieth wedding anniversary, so quite a long time.’

Twenty years. Two whole decades of being happy and loved, living in a world with people Alex couldn’t even begin to imagine, while she, Alex, had felt like an outsider in her own home. She’d spent so much time wondering where her mother was and why she didn’t come. She had the answers now, but still wasn’t sure they were enough
. ‘And do you ... Do you have any children?’ she asked.

‘No,’ Anna answered, her eyes coming to Alex’s. ‘I only have you.’

Though it was selfish, Alex realised it was what she’d hoped to hear.

‘Bob has a son and a daughter from his first marriage,’ Anna went on. ‘He’s ten years older than me, so they’re both in their thirties. They live close by and Shelley, his daughter, is married to Philip. They have a little boy, Craig, who’s just turned eight and is utterly adorable, and a ten-year-old, Danni, who’s the bossiest yet sweetest little minx on the planet.’ She was smiling so fondly that Alex found herself smiling too. ‘Bob’s son Rick,’ Anna continued, ‘is engaged to Kate who is the niece of my dear friend Sarah who I’ve already told you about. They’re due to get married next summer.’

Not quite sure what to say to that, Alex simply let her continue.

‘They’re all very keen for me to pass on how much they’re hoping to meet you,’ Anna said. ‘Bob’s even posted a greeting online with an invitation to come whenever you like,
and
he’s offering to pay for your ticket.’

Feeling herself withdrawing from that, Alex replied, ‘That’s very generous of him, but I don’t think ... I mean, I’m not sure ...’

‘Don’t worry, you don’t have to make a decision about anything until you feel ready to. It’s just his way, and mine, of letting you know how welcome you’ll be if you do decide to come.’

It was almost midnight by the time Alex turned out the light next to her bed, knowing that sleep was probably still a long way off, given how deeply conflicted she was feeling. On the one hand she could easily let elation take over, but on the other she was still horribly anxious and doubtful. It was the fact that her mother lived in New Zealand that was bothering her the most, she realised, since she could see no point to them being in each other’s lives now, with so much distance between them. Wouldn’t it have been better simply to have left things the way they were?

Her mother was just along the landing in Alex’s old
room, having been persuaded to stay rather than try to book herself into the pub. Alex suspected she’d all but passed out as soon as her head had hit the pillow, given how jet-lagged she must be, but her need to hear all about Alex’s young life had kept her awake until long after she might normally have dropped.

As she lay in the darkness with the unsettling emotions of the day still coasting about inside her, Alex could feel the demon of dread growing larger all the time. How long was her mother planning to stay? Surely she wouldn’t have come all this way just to turn around and go back again, but maybe she had? Or there might be friends from the past she was hoping to catch up with, old haunts she wanted to visit. Presumably she’d want to see her family’s grave, and perhaps the one belonging to Nigel Carrington.
My father
, Alex said softly to herself, and though it seemed strange, as if she might in some way be fooling herself, at the same time she was aware of a sense of calm surpassing the loss. She knew from what she’d read that he’d been a master carpenter and had lived somewhere on Exmoor. She needed to find out as much as she could about him, and felt sure her mother would be ready to tell, provided she was going to be around long enough. Perhaps there was family it would be safe for them to see now. They could go together if her mother was willing; they might even receive a warm welcome.

How special and yet strange it would seem to have a family of her own. One whose blood ran in her veins, whose history she shared.

Recalling Bob’s invite to New Zealand, she lay thinking about it for a while.
New Zealand
! It seemed so exotic, so far away and impossible to imagine. What was his family like? Did they really want to meet her? Though she’d baulked at the idea of going earlier, she was finding herself becoming quite curious now, even intrigued. Perhaps when she spoke to Tommy tomorrow she’d explore the possibility of taking a fortnight at Christmas.

‘Oh, Alex, that would be wonderful,’ Anna smiled happily, when Alex suggested it to her at around four a.m. They were curled snugly at either end of the sofa now,
having found each other awake several minutes ago when Alex had crept along the landing just to make sure her mother was OK.

‘Obviously I can’t make any promises,’ Alex said, ‘but I can give it a go.’ She could feel herself starting to tense again as she struggled with the urge to say what was on her mind. In the end she just blurted it out. ‘I was wondering how long you’re planning to stay. Only I have to work, you see, and I expect you’ve got other people you want to visit ... Well, I just wanted to get some idea of what your plans might be.’

Anna started to answer, but Alex hadn’t finished.

‘If you’re going to fly off straight away,’ she cut in, ‘that’s fine, I don’t have a problem with it, I just need to know, that’s all.’

Anna was smiling tenderly. ‘Well, actually, I was hoping,’ she said, ‘I mean, if it’s all right with you, to spend as much time with you as you can spare for the next two weeks.’ She grimaced jokily. ‘I thought you might feel that was long enough to begin with, but if you think it’s too long you must say.’

Since she hadn’t had any clear idea what to expect, all Alex knew was relief that her mother hadn’t planned to go rushing off again. ‘No, it’s fine,’ she replied.

‘I’ll be happy to entertain myself during the day while you work,’ Anna continued, ‘and maybe I can have a meal waiting for you when you get home at night. Or we could go out to eat, whichever you prefer.’

Finding herself entranced by the idea of her mother cooking for her, Alex said, ‘I don’t mind.’ She wouldn’t mention how short she was of money which would make it difficult to eat out, nor was she going to ask her mother to join her in her search for somewhere to live. The kinds of places she was looking at were too dark and depressing; she really didn’t want anyone to know where she might end up. ‘I’ll call my team leader in the morning,’ she told Anna, ‘to see if I can rearrange a few things this week. I’ll still have to visit the children in my caseload, obviously, I couldn’t let them down. In fact, there’s one, Ottilie, who I have to see tomorrow because I told her on Friday that I’d take her to the zoo after nursery.’

Anna was twinkling. ‘Ottilie. What a pretty name,’ she declared. ‘How old is she?’

Smiling too as she pictured Ottilie’s sweet little face, Alex said, ‘Three and a half, but she’s quite small for her age. Intelligent though, she picks things up very quickly and has an amazing understanding of what’s going on, but she’s so shy it’s not always easy to know what she’s really thinking.’

‘Dear thing,’ Anna murmured. ‘What’s happened for you to be involved with her?’

Alex sighed and shook her head. ‘It’s what I’m trying to find out, but there are certainly problems with her mother. Very probably with her father too, but he’s a tricky customer. I think he’d like nothing better than to be rid of me pretty damned fast, but I can’t see that happening any time soon, not with the way things are.’

As Anna started to reply she lost it to a yawn.

‘You must be tired again by now,’ Alex said, getting to her feet.

‘Mm, I guess I am,’ Anna admitted, standing up too, ‘but before we go back to bed I have a suggestion. How about I come to the zoo with you and Ottilie tomorrow? Would that be allowed?’

Alex’s eyes widened with surprise. ‘I don’t see why not,’ she replied. ‘In fact, it might be good for Ottilie to get to know more people.’

Chapter Nineteen

‘WHAT DO YOU
mean?’ Alex cried into the phone as she drove through the glistening country lanes towards Kesterly. ‘Why can’t Ottilie go to nursery today?’