No Child of Mine (32 page)

You mean the family that hardly ever comes to see her, and who’ve no doubt found a far less expensive home in the north to try and make sure there’s some money left for them when Millie finally croaks?
She didn’t voice her thoughts because they were horribly cynical, in spite of probably being true. What she said instead was, ‘Actually, I think it’ll be quite disruptive for Millie, because she’s used to where she is now. She knows the staff and she always knows me when I go to see her. I wouldn’t tell her niece this, but she never asks about any of her family. I think she’s forgotten them.’

‘You’re probably right on both counts,’ Gabby sighed, ‘but I could hardly tell her I thought it was a bad decision, could I? After all, Millie’s her aunt, not ours, so it’s up to her what she does with her. I did think it was a bit bad not even consulting you, though, when you’ve always been
quite close to the old dear in your way. I expect you’ll miss her when she’s gone, won’t you?’

More than you can imagine
, Alex was thinking as tears blurred her eyes. Right now she simply couldn’t bear the idea of Millie going anywhere, but maybe she was being selfish, trying to hold on to something, someone, from her past who’d always seemed to care when Alex had felt that no one else did. ‘So what shall we do about Elaine?’ she asked, pushing past her emotions. ‘Will you call to let her know I’ll post a key through in the morning, or shall I?’

‘I’ll send her a text,’ Gabby replied. ‘I think she’s quite excited about this, because the market’s been a bit slow lately, she said. Actually, why don’t you ask her if she’s got anything on the books that might work for you and Jason? I’ll bet she has.’

Realising that to tell her about Jason now was going to end up making them both feel terrible, Alex simply said, ‘I’m not sure about being able to afford anywhere around here.’

‘Well, you never know, it could still be worth asking. Maybe one of the houses on the new estate over by the ice cream factory is up for sale. They always look so cute, I think.’

With a smile, Alex replied, ‘I’m not sure you’re really clued in to what properties cost these days, but I’ll bear it in mind. How are the twins? I guess they’re already in bed.’

‘Finally. It took me ages to get them down tonight and Martin doesn’t help, with pillow fights and tugs of war just when they’re supposed to be going to sleep. You’d think, as a doctor, he’d know better, wouldn’t you?’

‘It seems ages since I saw them,’ Alex said sadly. ‘Maybe I could come down on Sunday. I’ll be happy to babysit if you and Martin feel like going out for lunch somewhere.’

‘You are such an angel, and we’ll definitely take you up on it another weekend. Unfortunately this Sunday we’re going to one of his partners for lunch. Otherwise I know the kids would be mad keen to see you. I’ll send them your love though.’

‘Yes, please do.’ Her breath caught on a rising sob. ‘Actually, I should go now, someone’s trying to get through. Call as soon as you know if you can come on Saturday and I’ll make sure your room is ready.’

‘Oh God, that’s what makes me so worried about coming, I don’t know if I could bear it. Anyway, you’d best find out who’s ringing. Love to Jason, and to you, obviously.’

As the line went dead Alex braced herself and clicked on again.
Please let it be Jason, please, please
.

‘Hi, you’re there,’ Jason said brightly. ‘Who’ve you been chatting to?’

Alex’s heart contracted.
So natural and airy. Had he forgotten he’d left her?

‘Sorry, none of my business,’ he said. ‘Habit, I guess. Anyway, how are you?’

‘I’m fine thanks,’ she replied, somehow managing to sound it when it was hard to imagine feeling any worse. ‘How about you?’

‘Yeah, I’m good. Got a couple of new jobs this week, although one of them’s for my parents, so I guess that doesn’t count too much, because I’ll have to do it at cost. Still, it’s better than giving quotes that no one ever gets back to me on.’

‘Of course,’ she mumbled.

‘So, what’s new in your world?’

Oh now let me think about that – Gabby’s selling the house and might already have found a buyer; Millie’s being transported off to a care home in the north where she knows no one and will be too far away for me to visit; a little girl who thought she was being adopted now isn’t and because I spoke my mind to her foster carer I’ve been hauled over the coals by Wendy. Then there’s another little girl who breaks my heart just to look at her and has the world’s weirdest mother and I swear an abusive father, but how am I going to prove it? Oh yes, and you left me, so I’m actually in pieces but pretending really hard not to be. Is that enough to be going on with?
What she said was, ‘Oh, nothing much. I was talking to Gabby when you rang, she asked me to send her love.’

With an uneasy laugh he said, ‘That’s good of her when I don’t suppose I’m her favourite person right now.’

‘She doesn’t know we’ve broken up, but I’ll probably tell her this weekend. If you prefer I’ll leave it until after the show, so you don’t have to feel awkward when you see her.’
Why should she care? As far as she was concerned he could feel as awkward as a pork chop in a synagogue and it still wouldn’t be awkward enough
. ‘Anyway, I can’t imagine you just called up for a chat,’ she went on breezily, ‘so what can I do for you?’

He took a breath. ‘Actually, I just kind of wanted to know how you are.’

Bristling, she said, ‘Please don’t feel sorry for me, Jason, there’s no need, because I’m absolutely fine. I hope everything’s working out for you too.’

‘Yeah, yeah, it’s cool,’ he replied a little too quickly. ‘The kids are behaving themselves a bit better now. I think they like me being here.’

He was evidently calling from home, so where was Gina? Out with her mates, or off on a date with another bloke already?

‘Actually, I ought to come and pick up the rest of my stuff at some point,’ he said, trying to make it sound like a pop in for a drink.

At last the real reason he was calling, and wishing she could make herself just hang up, she said, ‘Yeah, you probably should. Would you like me to pack for you?’
Why the hell had she offered to do that, what was wrong with her? Since when had she decided to remodel herself as a doormat?

‘It’s OK, I can do it,’ he assured her, ‘but thanks. I was hoping Sunday might work if it’s convenient for you.’

‘Actually, I’m sorry but it’s not,’ she lied. ‘I’m going out on Sunday.’
She’d find somewhere to go. Another visit to her dead family’s grave?
Hopefully Millie would still be around. Of course she would, nothing with the NHS moved that fast.

‘Maybe it’ll be easier if you’re not there,’ he suggested. ‘I’ll just take my clothes and computer and stuff and leave the key when I go. Would that be OK?’

‘That’s fine,’ she retorted.
Had she sounded bitter? Did it matter if she had?
‘It would be best if you didn’t come after twelve, or before five,’ she ran on. ‘I’ve got some friends
coming over for lunch.’
Eat your heart out that you won’t be here too – and wonder who they are, because one of them might be another man
. Then she remembered she’d just told him she was going out.

‘Oh right, that’s cool,’ he said hesitantly. ‘I don’t want to interrupt anything. Whatever suits you.’

And now Alex, you have to get to the end of this call without making an even bigger fool of yourself than you’ve already managed
. ‘I’ll see you on Saturday then, for the show,’ she said.

‘Ah, yes, there’s a bit of a problem with that, I’m afraid. Don’t worry, I’m not letting you down, it’s just that I can’t make it myself, but Cliff is definitely going to be there. And he’s way more experienced at it all than I am, so everything’ll probably turn out to be ten times better than when I’m there.’

Is that what you think? Is that what you really think?
Why was she still holding the phone? Why didn’t she just say what she actually thought and hang up? Did she even know what she thought? ‘Before you go,’ she said, ‘did you ring me earlier? It’s just that someone did but I didn’t get to the phone in time.’

‘No, this is the first time I’ve rung tonight. Why? Oh God, please don’t tell me that scumbag from the estate is still bothering you?’

Shane Prince hadn’t even crossed her mind – until now. ‘His sister’s not in my caseload any more,’ she told him, as if it were an answer when actually it wasn’t. Maybe it had been Shane. Maybe he was also responsible for the two or three calls she’d found on the answering machine when she’d got home, where whoever it was had rung off without leaving a message. It was too late now to dial 1471, because all she’d get was Jason’s number since he’d been the last one to call.

‘I should go,’ she said. ‘If you could text to let me know when you’re coming on Sunday that would be great,’ and before he could say goodbye, or anything else, she quickly cut the call and pressed her hands to her face.

She didn’t want to cry, she really, really didn’t, but she was suddenly so overwhelmed by a childish, primal sort
of need to let go that there was no way she could make herself stop.

It’s just loneliness, Alex
, she told herself sharply, as if that was going to help in some way. Loneliness and never feeling she was doing enough for the pathetic, vulnerable kids with whom she spent so much of her time.

There was such a cacophony going on in the office that Alex could barely hear herself think, never mind make out what Scott Danes, the Northumbrian police officer, was trying to tell her down the phone. In the end, asking him to hang on, she grabbed her notebook and pen and dived into Tommy’s office, closing the door behind her.

‘Sorry, but it’s a madhouse out there,’ she explained to a startled Tommy, and going back to her call, ‘OK, I’m here. So let me get this straight, you haven’t been able to find a record of anyone called Jill McCarthy – either with a J or a G, or the various spellings of the surname?’

‘Nothing in our records,’ Scott Danes confirmed, ‘but as I was saying just now, you should try your own people up here, or the local health authority. They’re more likely to have records of paranoid schizophrenics than we are, unless a crime’s been committed, of course.’

‘Actually, I’ve already spoken to them,’ she assured him. ‘I just wanted to know if she was showing up for you in any way, and obviously she isn’t, but thanks for checking.’

‘Any time. Is that all for now?’

‘I think so, unless you can help me with Erica Wade’s medical records, but I’m already on to her old GP about that, Andy Miller. Do you know him? Hang on, I’ve got his address somewhere.’

‘It’s OK, I know him and he’s a pretty regular sort of chap, but if you have any problem accessing what you need give me a call and I’ll go round and have a chat.’

‘You’re brilliant, thanks so much. I’ll be in touch.’ As she rang off, she said to Tommy, ‘Are you following any of this?’

‘Better refresh me,’ he told her.

‘Well, it seems that the woman who hassled, or harassed Brian Wade after his son’s death, you know, calling him a
child-killer and all that, isn’t showing up on anyone’s records. Even the headmaster up there – Derek Tolland – admits he never actually spoke to her himself, or clapped eyes on her.’

Tommy nodded his interest. ‘So what are we deducing from this?’ he enquired.

‘That it’s a lie?’ she suggested. ‘I mean, someone who’s been diagnosed a paranoid schizophrenic has to be registered somewhere, and apparently this woman isn’t.’

‘Maybe it’s not her real name – or the diagnosis was more layman observation than a specialist’s findings.’

Alex deflated. ‘Actually, I’d thought of that, but it was so unhelpful I decided to overlook it.’

‘Sorry,’ Tommy murmured. ‘So how’s the rest of it going?’

Alex pushed her hands through her hair. ‘Let me see. OK, there’s now a health visitor on the case, Vicky Barnes, which is great. She went round yesterday, and when we spoke later she said that on the face of it Ottilie’s in good physical shape. A few old bruises apparently, but she wasn’t particularly concerned about them, thought they’d come from a fall or walking into furniture, the way kids do. But there was a nasty burn on her hand which definitely wasn’t there when I visited on Wednesday.’

Tommy was frowning. ‘And how did she come by this burn?’

‘Apparently she’d tried to heat up some milk for her teddy bear.’

Tommy looked as dubious as Alex felt; however, having no way of knowing exactly how Ottilie had come by the injury, they had no choice but to accept the explanation – for now.

‘The health visitor’s gone ahead and set-up an appointment with the community paediatrician for the twenty-ninth of this month,’ Alex continued. ‘Apparently the father’s going to take her, but he was quite shirty about having to arrange for more time off work.’

‘What’s the matter with the mother taking her?’

‘I don’t think she ever goes out, though she told me she’d take Ottilie to nursery on Monday. I guess we’ll have to wait and see if she means it when Monday comes.’

‘Mm. This mother really is a bit of a problem, isn’t she? What kind of background have you got on her?’

Alex pulled a face. ‘I’m still working on it,’ she confessed. ‘But so far, until their son died she was a part-time private music teacher – piano, I’m told, but there’s no piano in the house now. Unless it’s upstairs in a bedroom. I’ve only seen Ottilie’s room – if I’d tried looking in any of the others Brian Wade would have had a blue fit. He’s a very private man, you understand.’

Tommy’s expression was wry. ‘I often wonder what private people have to be so private about, don’t you?’

‘I do indeed, and in his case I’ve got absolutely no doubt that there’s something. Question is, how do we unearth it?’ She shook her head in frustration. ‘This is turning into one of those situations when I feel more like a detective than a flaming social worker.’

‘If we had anything like the same powers as a detective we’d probably get somewhere a lot faster, and save a lot more kids from harm, but don’t get me started on that or I’ll go on all day. So, we still don’t know enough about Mrs Wade, apart from the fact that she used to teach music and is a bit of a ... How would you describe it?’