Nightmarish Sacrifice (Cardew) (43 page)

             
Completely disarmed and utterly reluctant to fight – even the thought of trying to cause Cardew any pain felt too wrong in that moment – I just gazed breathlessly at his face, my expression half-pleading half-hopeful...

             
I didn’t need to beg him to receive what I was craving for: attentive and wordless, he bowed forward to me and caressed my face with protective gentleness I was associating with him only when I had broken down – the brush of his fingertips ethereal like the touch of an unearthly creature.

             
The deep breath he took opened up a pause filled with sweet tranquil silence, and I inhaled its magnificence, thrilled with his closeness and the tenderness he was treating me with. For a moment, his lips fluttered – as though he wanted to say something he couldn’t formulate right – and he hesitated what to do, but then, just like I had expected, it was not a confession but a warm silent kiss he gave me, its lucent lightness absorbing through my skin to the inside of my heart...

             
Cardew whispered my name – his voice softer than the warmth I was dissolving in – then he stood up and slowly walked out of the room, the door remaining open behind his back.

             
And the room felt so empty, as if its soul had just left...

             
I stayed there relaxed, straining my hearing to capture the distant sound of his footsteps so as to chase away loneliness; the stillness surrounding me was gradually growing colder together with the smooth luxurious satin of the armchair, and, as the prolonged minutes of isolation were accumulating into an untidy bleak heap, I managed to stand up and follow Cardew out of the room.

             
He had obviously heard me approaching, as his head was already turned into my direction when my hand leant on the door-case of the bathroom, and the smile gleaming on his lips was a bit more rebellious than before.

             
“It’s ready,” Cardew sank the tips of his fingers in the nicely warm aromatic water and rearranged the rose petals floating over the crystal-clear surface. “I’ll try to find you something to wear while you’re here –”

             
“Thank you, my love –” I pronounced the last two words before managing to realize it and stop myself, and, not to see his reaction, I quickly bowed above the bath and inhaled the strong intoxicating fragrance it was radiating, then gave him one more smile. “What have you put in this water?”

             
“Love potion,” Cardew gave me a wink and I burst into giggling. “Have a pleasant time here, and call me if you need anything... Or want something you don’t particularly need –”

             
“I got the hint,” I blew him a kiss and he smiled before going out and closing the door behind himself.

             
The shower revived me almost immediately and I let its heat take the coldness of past horror off my skin before I shifted to cooler water to refresh my senses. I was rarely in the mood of silent observation and wordless staring, but the quiet splash of the numerous drops crashing all over me was so pleasurable I just enjoyed it without trying to explain its effects to myself, before stopping the shower and taking a step towards the full bath.

             
Could Cardew poison me with it? I took it as a possibility, but that didn’t prevent me from sliding into the warm water and sinking deeply into its attractive scent.

             
I couldn’t help admitting that he was really capable of indulging me in every way I could think of, even more – he could easily make being weak a hobby of mine. If it was not for the ominous premonition that I would never see a new dawn, I would have seriously thought that opportunity over.

             
My intuition had been deluding me before, but this time I was perceiving it so real...

             
‘When I wake up tomorrow, I will swear never to trust premonitions again,’ I promised myself with a comforting smile.

             
But a tiny voice added in my head a remark I wasn’t particularly happily excited by, ‘IF you ever wake up again –’

             
The silent creak of the door as I went out wrapped in a towel made Cardew turn his head towards me and stand up with a mild friendly smile, as if my walking around his house like that was the most natural thing in the world.

             
Well, not that it was something totally new...

             
“I don’t think any of my clothes are really appropriate for you –” Cardew shrugged apologetically and turned aside discreetly to restrict himself from staring at me, as the towel had slid down a bit.

             
“It would be strange if they were,” I giggled and held the piece of cloth more firmly not to let it fall completely. “But I’d rather wear something, after all –”

             
“Yeah,” he chuckled with me, and stretched his hand towards the large double bed to attract my attention in that direction. “Indeed, I found something yours –”

             
He was right – the white and rather short silky nightdress laying on the bed cover really belonged to me, and its presence there reminded me of how many possessions of mine were carelessly spilled around in Cardew’s house.

             
“What would I do if you weren’t here –” I wondered aloud while sliding into the night-gown and after that walking within his field of vision. “I don’t like to confess it, but I owe you a favour.”

             
“We can easily arrange this,” he winked at me playfully, but there was something peaceful and noble in his smile as he just fondled my cheek with the back of his forefinger and pulled back. “But not now – you are exhausted, lovely, have a rest –”

             
“Are you my guardian angel?” I smiled gratefully and slid under the blanket without taking my eyes off his.

             
“No,” Cardew shook his head with one of his serious smiles and turned off the small lamp on the bedside table, sinking the room in pleasurable dusk; the silent squeak of the bed let me know that he had rested on his side of it, and his voice felt velvety and caressing when he whispered from closer than before, “I can only be your guardian from time to time –”

             
I could see his eyes through the darkness – lighter than usual, they seemed softly silver like moonlight, and as he gave me a calming smile, I believed I was safe.

             
Safe?!?... Exhausted, helpless, and almost asleep in the bed of my worst enemy – the person whom I suspected in planning to kill me, a merciless torturer, a murderer?... Could I ever be safe while he was still alive?

             
Nonetheless, I discovered that I trusted him – on a subconscious, instinctive level, but I trusted him.

             
I just knew that he wouldn’t betray me.

             
Not that night, when I was so weak, tired and scared, unable to fight and begging for his protection.

             
Not when I depended on him.

             
As I closed my eyes, all the moments of the play we had so recently taken part in twirled in my mind for a single second, and I realized I was falling asleep just after really sinking into the world of illusions...

                                          Her face was so extremely familiar that I was already thinking I knew it better than my own.

             
Odda.

             
Again.

             
Confused, I had a look around – this time we weren’t in her cursed abandoned graveyard – everything around was pure untouched darkness, and she wasn’t crying...

             
Yet.             

             
“Odda?” I exclaimed in astonishment, my eyes blinking fast. “What –”

             
“I warned you, Freya!” the translucent ghost slid closer to me and I was bewildered to realize that her innocent face was trying to suppress an outburst of anger. “I warned you about Cardew!”

             
“You did, and I am grateful about that –” I drawled, playing mournful, to win time; there was something about her expression which I hadn’t noticed before – as if the mask of eternal weakness and goodness was fading in front of her face to let me see the heart of a real warrior...

             
Was this possible?...

             
Had the dream distorted, or was my imagination playing with me?...

             
Odda – a warrior? I had to test her...

             
My intuition was hinting me to start a war – and I almost did so by adding determinedly, “But I took the decision for myself, and I thank you for everything but I’m not leaving him.”

             
“But he will kill you!” Odda exclaimed dramatically and I shuddered at the bleak artificial colour of her tone. “He will do it to you, like he did it to me!”

             
“I’m sorry about your death –” I went on slowly not to turn the talk hysterical; an argument between a living creature and a ghost felt weird enough for me even without turning it into a ferocious fight. “But I love Cardew and I trust him – he won’t do me harm –”

             
She cast me a glance full of compassion and I hardly suppressed the sharp outburst of disdain my pride awoke inside me – who was she to pity me?!?

             
“That’s what I used to think, too –” Odda explained melodiously, the hidden rage lingering in the background of her tone like a constantly repeating false note in a song. “Before he murdered me!”

             
Could a ghost lie to me?

             
Or was this nightmare fake?...

             
I wasn’t sure...

             
“Look, Odda –” I tried to play friendly and grateful at the same time and, thankfully, it worked flawlessly. “I am terribly sorry I started exploring his past, as thus I betrayed his trust, so I won’t think about what I discovered there anymore.”

             
“But how?! –” the other girl gasped, her bluish eyes suddenly filling with over-tragical worry. “Freya! You are hiding from the truth!”

             
“Be it so!” I folded my arms on my chest defensively, although she couldn’t possibly do anything serious against me – at least not physically. “I love Cardew more than I love this life! And... even if he did kill you, why should this mean the same will happen to me?”

             
She was shaking her head with perfectly sincere-looking compassion, but I wasn’t trusting her anymore – my intuition’s advice was powerful enough to forbid me this mistake.

             
“You are just his next victim, dear friend, this is his way of action!” Odda was going on, but what I was already thinking about was what reasons she could have so as to possibly want Cardew not to be with me...

             
Was I a threat from which she wanted to protect him?

             
But in what way would I be dangerous, given that I wouldn’t do anything – consciously or not – to ever hurt him?

             
What if my impressions of her actions were wrong and she was sincerely concerned about me?...

             
Odda didn’t leave me enough time to figure it out – her transparent-blue insane eyes sinisterly fixed on me as she attacked once more.

             
“You will be dead before you see the sun again!” she screamed with the piercing ice-cold tragedy of a misunderstood prophet. “Dead, Freya, dead! Dead like me!!! –”