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The werewolves were howling now, but it only sounded to Caleb like there were two. That didn t bode well at all. Caleb got down on his hands and knees and started searching through the grass, and almost instantly his fingers hit the baggy. When he picked it up, however, he found it open and empty. The crumbs had to have fallen out when the baggy had fallen off the table. He did a quick search of the ground looking for any little green glowing specks, but they were too small to be seen through the cover of the grass. There was nothing he could do about that, apparently. They would probably get eaten by birds or something, and while he didn t relish the idea of having to deal with super powerful robins at some point in the future he supposed it was better than some alternatives.

The last growling of a werewolf stopped with a sudden whine just as Caleb came across one more artifact, but he made no move to pick it up. Instead he looked carefully around at the people that were still here. Moorealan was unconscious nearby and there were more than a few dead bodies, but everyone else was gone. Everyone living, at least. There were still a whole lot of zombies wandering about. Oh, did that ever give him an idea.

He took the artifact he had found and threw it off to the side, someplace just far enough away so it would look like he wouldn t be able to reach it, and then looked for Gloria. She was getting to her feet with the Pretty Pink Thing s box in her hand. Not too far away from her was a metal skeleton-looking thing surrounded by a white powder. Caleb knew the handiwork of the Pretty Pink Thing instantly.

Is that Tuffy? Caleb asked.
Yep, Gloria said, her voice hoarse. I d say some witty comment about her death, but I m getting a little tired. Getting to be bedtime soon, you know.
Oh, and trust me that I would like to join you. Gloria raised an eyebrow at him. No wait, I didn t mean it like that. Well, actually, yes I did but I meant it to sound a little sexier than that. You know, um, a hero saying something witty at the end to his girl.
Don t you ever call me your girl ever, even if I do go to bed with you again. It was Caleb s turn to raise an eyebrow. Which I m still not saying I will.
Whatever. Look, just take my duffel and all of the artifacts and get them away from Lucas. But not the Omega Sword. I m going to need that.
Caleb, you can t fight him, even if that thing were to give you some sort of special abilities in a fight. He d grind you into a pulp.
I know. That s why I have no intention on actually fighting him.
Gloria didn t look too happy, but she took the duffel from him and ran for the hill. Phil and Sue were already there, and Phil was staring down at him like he might have been out of his mind. And maybe he was. The extract Lucas had been taking didn t seem to last for very long, but it would last long enough for him to get the duffel back from Gloria. However, Lucas also didn t seem to be too in control of himself when in super-powered form. Hopefully he was at in control enough to attempt to think clearly, even if he failed.
Caleb turned back to where Lucas and the werewolves had been fighting. Bruiser was lying on the floor of the pavilion and didn t appear to be breathing. All the others were scattered around in various states of consciousness. Fido was bleeding from a whole lot of wounds, and in her semi-wolf form she was actually licking them. But there was no immediate sign of Lucas, which in these cases usually meant
Caleb turned around and swung the Omega Sword just as Lucas dashed at him. Lucas was slowing down but he was still fast enough to dodge the sword and leap straight over Caleb. That put him right about where Caleb wanted him.
Lucas, listen to me, Caleb said. It s over. See this sword here? Do you know what it does? Lucas stopped long enough to stare at Caleb with angry wolf-like eyes. Every word he said seemed to be an effort. Stick it into the ground and you can control the world.
Sure, but do you know what else it does? Despite his obvious rage Lucas still cocked his head in curiosity. He really didn t know. That was good, because it probably didn t do anything else at all.
It makes the person holding it nearly invincible. You can t fight it. You ve got to give up. Lucas s features were changed enough from the extract that Caleb couldn t quite read the emotions on his face, but Caleb thought maybe Lucas was buying it. Caleb moved a little bit to his right, and in an attempt to stay away from the sword Lucas moved slightly to his left.
I m not going to let you evil sacks-of-shit win, Lucas said. He sounded more lucid now and his features were slowly beginning to turn back to normal, but he might still run forward and kill Caleb if he decided Caleb was bluffing. Caleb took a step forward, and in response Lucas took a step back. His foot bumped the artifact that Caleb had left there, and Lucas looked down at it. Then he looked back up and sneered at Caleb. And I can still defeat you. Lucas snatched up what he had found and held it up as he continued to step away from Caleb. Caleb began moving more to his right, causing Lucas to go further to his left as well as back. There were more zombies here, but they were all still too confused to pay either of them any attention.
Lucas, don t, Caleb said. Do you have any idea what that does?
It s the One Clog, Lucas said. He stopped backing away and used his left foot to work off his right shoe. One Clog to dance on them all. I put this on and the tremors it will cause can shake the entire Hill apart. Not as precise an ending to this pit of Hell that I was hoping, but the basic result is the same.
Lucas, you can t, Caleb said, trying to sound like he was actually worried. Don t do this!
With only one shoe on Lucas backed up even further, and in one last burst of speed as his form went back to normal he took the wooden clog and put it on his foot.
Caleb lowered the sword and smiled.
Lucas didn t seem to realize yet that Caleb was actually pleased with what had just happened. He was too busy laughing as the shoe on his foot started to move on its own. It was slow at first and it took several seconds before his other foot started moving right along with it. Now that the dance had started there was no way that Lucas could take it off. The clog would take several minutes to warm up, but when it had Lucas dancing at full power the vibrations from the dance would start to shake the earth. The resulting quakes could destroy the entire neighborhood, and probably even the city.
But only after several minutes.
All the zombies in the entire area turned to look at Lucas and groaned at once.
Caleb couldn t help but start laughing as it dawned on Lucas that something was wrong. Lucas s sneer melted into a frown, and then his eyes went wide with fear as the entire pack of zombies lurched toward him. Caleb looked over at the hill to see Phil and Gloria doing their best to restrain Sue, but for her part it looked like she was trying to hold back her own impulses. All the others, however, didn t care. All they saw was yet another person who had the nerve to dance in front of them and rub their lack of rhythm in their faces.
Caleb couldn t say that he felt sorry for Lucas at all, but he still couldn t bring himself to watch as the zombies descended and the sound of ripping flesh began.

Gloria winced and had to look away until the screaming stopped. She noticed that Phil continued to watch as he hugged Sue tighter to himself and he had a disturbing amount of satisfaction on his face. She supposed he had more reason to be angry at Lucas than even Caleb did, but that still didn t keep her from feeling just a little uncomfortable around him.

When she looked back the zombies were starting to disperse, and while many of them continued to hang around the site of all the carnage a few of them started to wander off on other business. There was a mess on the grass where Lucas had once been, and even though Gloria had seen things like this before it still churned her stomach. Then she thought about how the guy had almost destroyed the world and her stomach churned a little less.

As Gloria, Phil, and Sue started back down the hill Caleb went forward among the blood spattered remains and, using only his thumb and forefinger in order to get as little gore on himself as possible, picked up the One Clog. It moved slightly like it still wanted to dance, which was most likely because it still had a foot in it.

Ugh, Caleb said as they all came closer. Somebody want to help me get this thing out of the clog? Because I d really like to avoid putting a

Hey, don t look at me, Phil said. Your clog, your problem.
And I think I need to go take care of something right now, Gloria said.
Just what the hell would you need to do so suddenly? Caleb asked. Gloria gestured over to the pavilion, and Caleb followed her gaze. Four of the Senator Park Lunatics had gotten up from where Lucas had pounded them. One of them hadn t. Caleb turned back to her. Oh.
As Gloria started walking towards the pavilion she could still hear Caleb talking behind her. Well, Phil, could you pretty please help me with this then, cuz oh, Sue, I guess if you want to help wait, what are you ew! Gloria tried to ignore the smacking of lips that came immediately after. She really, really didn t want to know.
In the pavilion Fido was the only one standing completely straight, despite what looked like the worst wounds out of the four werewolves who were still conscious. The other three crouched low around the torn body of Butch. Both Snoopy and Bruiser cried, but Spot looked like he was desperately trying to hold the tears in.
Fido? Gloria said. Is he She was about to ask if Butch was going to be alright, but then she got a closer look at him. His body was twisted in a way that was completely unnatural even for the agile form of a werewolf. The wounds on his belly were deep enough that Gloria thought she could see organs inside, but she didn t look for long. Amazingly, probably thanks to his higher constitution as a werewolf, he was still breathing, but the breaths were shallow and erratic. The look in his eyes was unfocused, and he made no indication that he heard anything anyone said.
Go away, Strippy, Fido said. We don t need you for this part.
He can survive, can t he? Gloria asked. I mean, werewolves can be all super-healy.
Not with this much damage, Snoopy said.
We helped you out earlier, Fido said. And that was us paying you back. But when we helped you out just now? With this price? Now you owe us, you got that? You owe us big time, and when we come around to collect you better be prepared to pay, you got that?
Gloria didn t like the sound of that at all. It had been nice to have a favor the Lunatics owed her, but she wasn t so sure it was a safe idea to owe them one. Still, considering this, the only right thing to do would be to honor it.
I got it, Gloria said.
Now get the fuck out of my sight, Fido said. And don t come around Senator Park ever again unless we ask for you.
But what about him? Gloria asked, pointing down at Butch.
We know exactly what will help him, Fido said. But you don t have the fucking right to watch. Gloria nodded but couldn t meet any of their eyes before turning away and walking back to Caleb. After she was some distance away she heard a whine that suddenly cut short, like a dog being put down. Caleb was trying to clean some of the blood off the clog with a ripped piece of the OneStop smock Lucas had been wearing, and while Sue was standing nearby Gloria didn t see any sign of Phil. Where d he go? she asked.
He s right there, Caleb said, gesturing as Phil jogged back down the hill.
She s not far, Phil said. Looks like she fell asleep in mid-run.
Who? Gloria asked.
Wylma, Caleb said. She went running after Mary McPhisto, but I think all the spells she was throwing around took too much out of her. If it s anything like what happened to her earlier then she won t be out for long.
So we need to get her someplace where she can finish sleeping it off, Gloria said. And then I suppose we can call the special cops to clean this up, but I don t think any of us want to be around when they get here. Probably do whatever we can to clean up here and help anyone who s wounded or anything. Then what?
Caleb shrugged. That s kind of a duh. We just saved the world from certain destruction. Where else would we go after that?
All three of them said it at the same time. OneStop.

Phil held Sue s hand all the way back to the OneStop. He wasn t sure how much she was aware of what had happened, but she certainly seemed awfully clingy now. He wondered if it was possible for a zombie to be psychologically scarred. Probably, he guessed. If a zombie could love, then any other emotional state had to be possible.

As they went through the OneStop s doors, however, they were all laughing, even Sue, who probably hadn t gotten the joke Caleb had just told anyway. Actually, Phil hadn t gotten it either but really needed to laugh. Lots of crazy things happened around here, and it was usually just part of the night. But there were still problems, loose ends that needed tying up, and until that happened Phil felt a little nervous.

There were no other customers in the store as they entered. This was typically the slowest time of the night, the period after the bar rush but still before the early wakers came in for their morning coffee. Kelly was resting with her head in her hands at the counter and looking bored, but Sheila was mopping over by the Froztee machine. The instant she saw Phil walk in she dropped the mop and came running over.

Oh, thank God you re back! she said in practically a scream. You ve got to help us! The worst thing happened!

What? Phil said. He had hoped that they could all just get some snacks and then finally go home for the night, but it seemed like fate had more crap to throw at them. We ll do whatever we can.

Some vampires came in! Sheila said. She looked like she was ready to panic and run screaming out the door.

Did they attack you? Caleb asked.
No, Kelly said, her voice sleepy. They accidently broke the handle on the Froztee machine. It was spewing frozen raspberry slush all over the place, so we had to unplug it. Big Maggie said you had to fix it, Phil, if you came back alive.
But can t either of you do it? Phil asked. We ve kind of had an eventful night.
You re the only one who remembers how, Kelly said.
And besides, you have to stay anyway, Sheila said. You forgot to do the doughnut and milk orders before you left, and neither of us is trained for it. Phil sighed. Yeah. I guess I can do that stuff quickly enough. As long as you don t mind Sue sticking around while I do?
Kelly waved sleepily at Sue, but Sheila backed away. Phil turned to Caleb. You know, technically you should be doing this, too.
Caleb nodded. Did you want me to stay and help?
No, I m fine, I guess. You just need to promise you ll never take advantage of me like that again.
Caleb put out his hand for Phil to shake, and Phil took it. It s a deal.
One of you may need to take some more time outside the store, though, Gloria said. I mean to get out and probably help me off the clock. We need to try finding the last of the artifacts.
Just what exactly are we missing? Phil asked.
We lost the crumbs, Caleb said, but I don t think that will be a huge issue. There wasn t a whole lot of power left in them anyway. And sometime during the whole mess Mary McPhisto took the Osterhaggis Key.
Phil winced. Not like she can really use it here, but she won t let go of it lightly.
Don t forget the Bad Penny, Gloria said. I couldn t find it anywhere.
Neither could I, Caleb said. But you know what they say about it. It always turns up.