New Title 3 (26 page)

*****

Later that evening I sat with Gareth and his followers in front of a fire that roasted a small animal carcass. The smell was all-encompassing, triggering a powerful memory.

It was a memory referenced from our camping trip, one of many I would now have to forget: meat cooking over an open flame, my friends surrounding me, my Sara next to me. A single tear tracked the contours of my cheek and I brushed it away angrily. It was my destiny to carry out this plan of Gareth’s. Sara and Conner were dead to me, and I was already alone. I couldn’t be sad, I was certain. The word destiny repeated itself over and over in my head, lulling me into a trance. It was all I had left to believe in.

Gareth watched as I tilted my head back, closed my eyes, and breathed deeply, enjoying the heady cooking scent permeating the air.

“
They're all over these parts,” he said, gesturing toward the carcass, which had been removed from the flame and laid on a platter. Snapping away a few meat-covered ribs, he handed them to me. I didn't need to be asked twice: shit, I hadn’t eaten a piece of fresh meat in months. Biting down on the charbroiled flesh rejuvenated me somewhat. I felt like a person again. Like a man.

“
Good, yes?” Gareth looked amused as he watched me tear into the meat so eagerly that juices smeared all over my cheeks and chin.

“
It's good,” I confirmed.

“
We don’t waste a single organ: even the tongue and eyes are eaten. It is the perfect balance. We use everything we catch. We use the animal completely.”

When the meal was over and some members began cleaning up, Gareth took me aside so that the real business could be attended to. The first thing he wanted to know was what my friend looked like.

“
I'll point him out to you,” I replied.

“
How can we be sure the others will not retaliate? Could you take him to a secluded spot?”

I shook my head. “I wasn’t exactly on good terms with anyone when I left. If I took him away with me and returned without him, they’d suspect I’d had a part in it. No, they'll have to witness his death.”

“
They'll have to be unarmed.”

“
That's not going to happen. They’re too used to carrying guns everywhere.”

“
Then we’re at an impasse, and that is unfortunate.” Irritation hardened his tones. “I won’t march into your stronghold without a guarantee that my people will come to no harm. I offered you the same guarantee.”

“
I'll make it happen, there'll be a way. I just have to figure out how I'll get them all outside, but I need more than your word that you'll only take him, and hurt no one else.” I meant it. My destiny was coming to fruition; but I would not allow any harm to come to the others.

“
You have my word, Joel. That is all I can give.” He rose. “We leave tomorrow for the house.”

After bidding me goodnight, he disappeared into his trailer. I walked back to my bike. Sitting next to it and leaning against its smooth metal side, I told myself,
I could kill them all right now I’ll bet. I could. I could take my spare canister of gasoline, pour it all over their camp, and throw it into the fire. That would be something.

But I couldn’t, much as I wanted to. I needed them now. I needed them to complete my destiny.

Strangely, I slept soundly.

T
he ride back to the house was like a bad dream. It was happening. It was really happening.

After camp was broken and the RVs rolled out, I started my bike and assumed the lead position. Gareth raised a hand to me as I passed, not looking at me directly. His eyes were for the road only, the road ahead. I had to hand it to the son of a bitch- he was intense and driven. Even during that fateful moment when we reclaimed our freedom, he had not for an instant played the victim. He could sense a destiny playing itself out, maybe he had always known. Maybe that was why he never lost his edge. He could accept his destiny where I had failed to do so.

Pulling ahead of the pack by half a mile gave me enough time to stop a moment and light the pipe. Shaking my head violently, I looked back to see whether the caravan had caught up. When they drew close, I pulled back onto the road, tires spitting the loose gravel behind me.

When we were around two kilometres north of the house, I stopped and dismounted. Gareth got out of his RV and approached.

“
This is as far as I want your trucks,” I told him. “The rest of the distance we’ll cover on foot.”

Gareth agreed. He turned to his followers and gave them the signal to exit the RVs.

“
When we get there I want you to sit tight in the back woods until you see me appear by the pool.” I scratched my face and rubbed the end of my nose. I was having trouble hiding the fact that I was anything but straight right now, but I did my damndest. “When I’m at the pool, it means that in roughly five minutes I'll have everyone out front and ready.”

“
Understood.” He turned to address his group. “Everyone hear that? When Joel reveals himself we will slowly move in, flanking either side of the house, closing in on his position at the front.” Turning back to me, he added, “Will we be certain not to run into any resistance?”

I assured him that my friends would not fire unless fired upon. “They are trained to follow my orders. If I order their guns down, then they'll do it.”

“
Be sure that you do, Joel. I’m not looking for a bloodbath: I want the sympathizer.”

With those chilling words, we began our approach. After positioning the flags safely beyond our defences, I left Gareth with a final order. “Do not mess this up. You have one chance at this. We can't afford any screw ups.”

He nodded.

The walk back to the house took me past the graves of Julia and Gil. Beside their sites was an ominous, yawning hole, the latest fruit of Connor’s dark obsession. I stopped and knelt at its edge.

“
What a thing,” I thought. “What a thing to do, Connor, what a burden to carry all this time, to dig your own hole.” I rose and kicked loose dirt into the abyss. “You knew the whole time, didn't you? You
knew
. You fuckin’
knew
. So why didn't you do something to stop it? Why did you let it go this far?”

All that answered me was an indifferent silence. I turned away and continued toward the house.

Sonny, who was on duty in Skylab, saw me approach. He alerted the others, who met me in the kitchen as I entered through the sliding doors.

“
Joel!” Sara cried. She rushed toward me, but stopped at my grim expression. “Where have you been?”

“
Just clearing my head.” I avoided eye contact. “I’m back now though.” A pause.
I had to do this.
“Where's Connor? I need to see him.”

Sara looked pleased at the question. “He's been pretty eager to see you too, Joel.”

“
So where is he?” I asked again.

“
He's in his room.” Seth spoke up. “Good to see you, man. We were getting worried.”

“
Thanks.” I went up the stairs, heart pounding. I was going to confront him, to see him, to accept that I was fulfilling a destiny that was bigger than both of us. Reaching his door, I hesitated for a moment. Across the hall, I could see Rex lying on my bed, looking at me.

“
What!?” I whispered at him. “Shut up!” This was not the time for him to start talking. Then quickly, abruptly, I knocked on Connor's door.

“
Come in.” Connor sounded despondent.

I opened the door. He was sitting on his bed, elbows resting on his knees and eyes on the floor. When he looked up and saw me, his eyes didn’t brighten. “Hey,” he said.

“
Hey.” I forced myself to smile. “I’ve got to ask you to come out front with me, you and the others. It’s important.”

“
I had a déjà-vu last night,” he said.

Shit!

“
It involves you, Joel. And me.”

“
I don’t want to hear anymore.” I told him, shaking my head, blinking madly.

“
Well, you're going to.” His tone was lifeless. “So you'll want to take a seat, old man, and listen to my dying declaration.”

My whole body went numb.
He knew.
I sank into an old rocking chair.

“
Your paranoid delusions are just that. But they’re also your reality. What you’ve accused me of never happened. It’s your addiction that guides you now. I can’t hate you for your accusation. But it’s up to you what you do about it.”

“
Connor... I don’t know what you're talking about, but you're right about me. I’m a mess. I’m a paranoid prick with a temper to boot. I hate myself for hitting you and want you to come outside to show you that I am sincere.”

He knew I was lying. He knew me so well.

“
The déjà-vu has shown me everything, Joel. Last night I saw it all.” He stopped. “We are unfortunate souls, you and I, Joel. People who believe in something beyond all this shit.”

“
You're telling me.” Tears collected in my eyes. I willed them back.

“
I know that what you think you saw is as real as this conversation. I get that. But when it’s all said and done, don’t discard Sara. She loves you so much. You would be a fool to walk away from that.” He paused. “So now it’s up to you Joel. Do you listen to the voices in your head?”

“
Aren’t I supposed to?” I interrupted.

“
Or do you look to common sense?” He continued unfazed. “I can’t judge you either way. I just have to trust you’ll make the right decision… for you.”

“
I...” I couldn’t speak.

“
So. Let’s go outside.”

We stepped slowly into the hallway, Conner leading the way with purpose in his every step. This was it. The final test. I watched myself follow in slow motion. I could stop it. But he wouldn’t let me. I followed as if being carried forward by a current stronger than myself. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t stop now. The fear was overwhelming. Fear for Conner. Fear for the life that was to follow, one way or the other.
On descending the staircase, I saw that the bulk of our clan had come to meet us in the front hall.

As I approached the back of the house, I heard Connor explain that we would be convening on the front lawn for a meeting. I stopped in front of the back door, and held the handle for several moments. The metal felt warm in my hand. My muscles twitched. Turn the knob. Do it. Turn the knob. My stomach churned. I returned my mind to the hurt and hatred I felt towards my friend. I let it linger on an image of Conner and Sara, together in my bed. I was ridding myself of an enemy now. I couldn’t trust him. I made myself feel certain I could never trust him again. I turned the knob.

I made my way to the pool, knowing I was visible to Gareth's troops. In five minutes Connor would be at their mercy. There was now no way for me to stop this. I had made my choice.

Everyone came outside. I approached the group, who eyed me expectantly. I stood next to Connor, making sure that Gareth’s people would not take out the wrong 'sympathizer', and studied the surrounding trees, knowing that Gareth would emerge when I gave the sign. My friends’ guns were either holstered or slung over their shoulders, unprepared for the act that would momentarily play itself out in front of them.

We were surrounded almost immediately. My friends froze, unable to comprehend what was happening. I envied them their ignorance. The flags relieved them of their firearms. Then they grabbed Connor by the arms, pulling him aside. Enraged, Sonny slammed a powerful fist into the face of one of Connor's captors. The man dropped to his knees, groaning and bleeding. His comrades aimed their weapons at Sonny’s head.

“
Stop!” Connor cried. “Don’t react, Sonny. Please. I don’t want anyone to die here.”

“
It wouldn't be wise to continue your course of action, Sonny.” Gareth appeared next to Connor, staring at him as he addressed us. “Connor knows what he's done, being a secret supporter of the Reaper's ideals.”

Gareth now faced to the group. My friends were regarding him with fear and hatred.

“
Connor is a classic sympathizer. He cannot be changed, only destroyed!” He strutted through the circle, relishing this moment.

Sara whimpered. Her feelings were betraying her at the worst moment.
Proof that she didn’t love me. Caroline was shaking and crying. Sidney comforted her. Earl’s eyes met mine as he realized what was about to happen; I could tell that he was trying desperately to keep from charging the nearest flag member. I shook my head and he relaxed, acknowledging that we would not stand a chance.

Forcing Connor to his knees, Gareth waved in his depleted forces, keeping a hard line on our movements. Connor was looking at me. Tears fell to the dusty earth as his head bent forward. Helpless to change what had come to pass, I honestly couldn't feel anything anymore. In that split second, the same split second it took for Gareth to end my friend's life, I did not exist.

Then suddenly, as if the gunshot blast had awoken all of my senses, the paranoia, hate, and jealousy left me. There was Connor, face in the dirt, blood trickling from a hole in the back of his head, silent, dead. I could no longer stand. I lost use of my legs and sank onto the ruinous earth beneath me just as Connor had. I was not the first to fall, I was not the last. We were all experiencing the same nightmare.