New Species 09 Shadow (11 page)

“That isn’t my fear. I suppose it partly is…but mostly I’m afraid of losing control.”

“I understand. I suffered those same anxieties about Lauren. I had to trust myself to know I wouldn’t strike out at her if I had a bad moment. You just need to remember she is flesh and blood, not those videos and machines. We’re free. Our bodies are no longer harnessed for pain and humiliation while our seed is stolen. You won’t forget that while you are touching her. Shed that fear. I know what I’m talking about.”

“I know you do. I keep having flashbacks to what was done to us.”

“You are unable to get an erection?” Wrath whispered, a hint his mate was nearby and he wanted to protect his friend from the humiliation of anyone else knowing if that was his problem. “There are pills for that. You should discuss it with a doctor. We see commercials for that all the time. They say it’s not just physical issues but sometimes emotional ones.”

“My dick gets hard all the time. My body reacts to her. It’s the fear that cock blocks me.”

“I had the same problem.”

“Yes.” He knew Wrath would understand.

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“You and Lauren finally have your house and this is the first time you’ve had real seclusion. I know how much you both looked forward to leaving the task force basement. You stated many times you wanted her to cook for you naked and share sex without fear of someone interrupting you. I didn’t want to do that.”

“In other words, you were being thick-headed and stubborn? I wanted more stable work hours once I finished my time with the task force instead of someone pounding on our bedroom door at two in the morning with an emergency mission. You’re my best friend and I don’t consider you an interruption.”

Shadow chuckled. “I should have contacted you.”

“You should have.” Wrath agreed. “Let it happen if you are attracted to each other. I tried to deny my feelings for Lauren. Your imagination of what bad things could happen is far worse than the reality.”

“She’s been abused.”

“So were we. I promise you won’t turn into an animal and either go into a rage from flashbacks or somehow lose control by taking things too fast. You care for her?”

“Yes. I’d do anything to avoid hurting Beauty.”

“You’ll focus on her needs rather than your own. We’re stronger than we believe. You need to discover that.”

“And trust you.”

Wrath laughed again. “Exactly. I’d never steer you wrong.”

Shadow grew somber. “She caught me jacking off last night. She fled into her room and slammed the doors between us.”

“Are you sure she saw you?”

“Yes.” He winced. “The light was on in my room and I was standing not five feet from her.”

“It’s natural. Explain to her that we’re highly sexual and not tending to our needs makes us cranky and mean spirited. Nothing is more irritating that swollen, painful balls.”

“No shit.” He glanced at the closed door, still not hearing anything to indicate Beauty had woken. “So trust myself?”

“Yes.”

“I still resent being ordered to share sex.”

“I know you well. You wouldn’t be there if you truly didn’t want to go. You’d have called Tim or Trey to ask them to bring you back to the task force sooner rather than later. Are you still contemplating returning?”

“I don’t know. Things are different.”

“Beauty.”

“Yes.”

“Would you miss her?”

He pondered the question. The idea of not being around if she needed him was disturbing. Other males would hear of her interest in him and might believe they could ask her to share sex if she didn’t want to be labeled a Gift Female. Anger flared and his teeth clenched.

“I will take that for a yes since you didn’t immediately deny it.”

“I would.”

“You should notify the task force and tell them you’re not available anymore.”

“Not yet. What if this blows up in my face? What if we do share sex and she wishes to explore it with other males the way our females do?” He’d have to kill every male who touched her but that was beside the point. “I’ll wait and see what happens.”

Wrath laughed again. “You have it bad.”

That described the turmoil of emotions he experienced. “I am glad you called and that you and your mate are doing well.”

“Last night was very funny.”

“What happened?”

“We had a dinner guest. Tiger came over after a meeting with Justice and Fury. Lauren’s cat hissed at him and he hissed back. They didn’t like each other. She told them to both behave and they had something in common. Then she revealed that they shared the same name. I almost hurt myself laughing at his expression.”

“The cat or Tiger?”

Wrath laughed harder. “The one who understood. He was not amused but I was. Fury agreed. He actually fell over from laughing so hard. Ellie was having a movie night at the women’s dorm so we invited him too, for pizza.”

“I wish I could have seen Tiger’s face.”

“He got even.”

“How so?”

“This morning we woke to someone at the door. Tiger said someone had found a puppy a few days ago near the front gate at Homeland. He’d retrieved it from Security where they’ve been caring for it. He said it was a housewarming gift and we couldn’t refuse.”

“That was nice. Do you and your mate like dogs?”

“She fell in love. It is cute and seems to really love us already. He licks my face and follows me around.” He paused. “Tiger told Lauren it was a Species custom to name gifts and to meet little Fury.”

The meaning sank in. “Fury is not going to be amused but I am.”

“Exactly.”

“How is the cat getting along with the puppy?”

“They are adjusting but it will take some—”

The sound of glass breaking carried over the phone made Shadow tensed. “What was that?”

“The cat just jumped on top of the wall unit and knocked over a vase. I said Tiger got even but it wasn’t just with Fury.” He covered the phone a little. “I’ll clean that up.”

Lauren could be heard in the background. “Bad Fury! Tiger isn’t a ball to chase.”

Wrath sighed and spoke directly back into the phone again. “The puppy believes that cat is a toy and the cat seems to think it’s under attack. I have a feeling it’s going to be a long week.”

“They’ll become friends,” Lauren called out. “We’ll just have to invite Fury and Tiger back to dinner so they can see that felines and canines can get along.”

“She’s planning on getting even too,” Wrath whispered. “I’d better go. I don’t want Lauren to cut her feet. She’s naked and too close to the broken glass. Call me if you need advice. Don’t hesitate.”

“I won’t.”

Shadow disconnected the phone and stood. He needed a shower then he’d cook breakfast. The smell of food should lure Beauty out of her room. At least he hoped it would. They needed to talk before he had to meet with Torrent for the swimming lesson. The thought of leaving her alone for an hour wasn’t comforting but he didn’t want her around other males.

* * * * *

Beauty stretched out on her stomach and cracked open her eyes. The sun was up and the smell of bacon teased her fully awake. She was hungry and a new day had dawned. At first two weeks had seemed as though it would be a long time to see where her attraction to Shadow led but one of those weeks had already passed and they hadn’t made much progress. They lived together but they might as well be roommates. It seemed that actual sexual contact might never happen.

She blamed herself for peeking into Shadow’s bedroom. He’d been uncomfortable after the night she’d caught him stroking himself. He wouldn’t meet her gaze for longer than a few seconds and found excuses to be outside often. Not that she blamed him. She’d probably avoid him as well if he’d caught her in the same situation.

The one time she’d tried to bring it up, he’d shut her down fast by changing the subject, stuttering his words, and ducking out of the cabin after swearing he’d heard a noise. She hadn’t. It had been an excuse to avoid the conversation. Any chance of a romance seemed dim as each day passed. She was tempted to ask Shadow to just return her to Homeland. Her heart wouldn’t allow it though.

Her nights hadn’t been haunted by the past. Instead it had been the tall, blond Species who’d tormented her dreams. As soon as she’d drift off to sleep, he’d appear, stripped naked and running his hands all over his body but he would step back every time she tried to touch him. The sight of all those muscles, tan skin and him fisting his thick cock left her aroused and frustrated.

The floor outside her door creaked before a knock sounded. “Beauty? Breakfast is ready.”

“Okay. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” It had become routine for him to inform her that food was ready, they’d silently eat together, and then he’d be out the door until the next meal.

“Take your time.”

The floor creaked again as he left. She shoved off the covers and glanced at her nightshirt. It was tough to fight the temptation to go downstairs just the way she was. That’s
exactly
what she wanted to do. Fight with Shadow. She was a grown woman and he was a man. They were alone and she wanted to experience everything life had to offer, including him. She was tired of the avoidance and the casual discussions on neutral topics.

There were signs that Shadow had showered when she entered the bathroom. A wet towel hanging on the rack confirmed it. It only took seconds to strip and wait for the water to warm. After her shower, she hurried to get ready and dressed in a skirt with a loose tank top. The sight of women’s legs was supposed to make men think of sex. She hoped the books had it right. The loose top allowed her to ditch wearing a bra.

She looked down. Her breasts weren’t overly large but she wasn’t flat chested either. Movement was apparent under the top when she bounced on her bare heels, making them shake. Beauty nodded.

“Don’t play fair. Life isn’t, so why should I be?”

One deep breath and she went in search of Shadow. He sat in the kitchen at the table with two plates of food. It always touched her that he waited for her arrival before he ate. The atmosphere was still a little tense but she had expected that. She took the seat across from him and peered at his face.

He avoided eye contact, his plate seemingly very interesting.

“This looks delicious. Thank you.”

Shoulders barely covered by a black tank top shrugged.

“I appreciate it.”

“I hope you slept well.”

Tiny lines around his eyes told her he probably hadn’t. “Not really.”

Beauty studied him. “I’ve had enough of this.”

His eyebrows arched. “Enough of what? Do you want something else to eat?”

“Enough of whatever is going on between us. I can’t take it anymore. I’m so sorry that I saw what I did but the last week of us hardly talking and you taking off for hours has been driving me crazy. We should discuss it.”

That drew his attention. “I wanted to apologize.” His cheeks darkened, showing his clear mortification. “You shouldn’t have seen that.”

He was blunt and surprised her by not avoiding discussing what had happened. “I was the one who opened the door. I heard noises and wondered what you were doing.”

His eyebrows shot up.

“I found out.”

His mouth pressed into a firm line as his expression smoothed out.

“You don’t need to apologize but I wish I were more appealing than your hand.”
I really said that. Crap!
She hadn’t meant to express her thoughts aloud.

“You are.” His voice came out deeper.

She had to look away, the moment just a bit too intense. “It hurt my feelings.” While she was admitting things, she might as well go for broke. “I offered to sleep with you.”

“I didn’t want to just sleep.”

She met his stare. “I didn’t either.”

He took a sharp breath and the chair scraped loudly across the floor as he rose quickly and shocked her by stepping around the table. His hands gripped her upper arms and he pulled her to her unsteady feet.

“Don’t be afraid.”

“Okay.” Her heart speeded up.

Her feet left the floor and he spun with her until her ass landed on the counter. They’d gone from barely speaking to being face-to-face level. Shadow softly growled, a sexy sound, and wiggled his hips. She parted her knees to allow him to step closer until they were nearly nose to nose.

“I want you.”

His confession was what she wanted but it was happening so fast that she struggled to think. “What do we do?” Her hands lifted when he released her. The skin on his shoulders was extremely warm as her fingers curled around them for something to cling to.

He searched her face, possibly looking for fear. That’s not how she felt though. Shadow had her pinned on the counter and was close enough to kiss. She lifted her chin and parted her lips, an invitation to do just that.

He leaned in a little and her eyes closed in anticipation. His breath fanned her face, the smell of coffee nice. She waited but nothing happened. Her eyelids parted to peek at him.