Never Surrender (24 page)

“I know,” he murmured softly. “It took me two weeks of watching over you from my hide to get it. Dr. Torrance said you’d eventually hit the wall, and you did. I had a lot of time on my hands, Bay, while I kept you company up on that hill. You were trying to stand on your own two feet. You’re not the kind of person to lean on others. You’ve always been strong and independent.”

“But I wasn’t strong.” Bay studied him through her lashes, her voice tight with regret. “You needed a break from me, Gabe. You were trying to do everything for me all the time. I saw you hurting, and it hurt me.” She pressed her hand against her heart. “I wanted to get well as fast as I could. I didn’t want you having to be standing strong for me at every turn.”

“Poppy gave me an ass-chewing about that,” Gabe admitted wryly, moving his fingers across hers. “She said I was burned out, and I needed to give you some space. I didn’t listen to her, and she ended up being right. I was wrong.” Tears glistened in her eyes, and Gabe would have given anything to see the pain in them dissolve. “Baby, I was stretched too thin. My emotions caught up to me, and when you had that panic attack in the gym, I nearly lost it. I’d tried so damned hard to protect you, and when you listened to that therapist instead of me, something broke inside me.”

“Oh, Gabe—”

“Stop saying you’re sorry, Bay.” He grimaced. “You shouldn’t apologize because you’re battling one hell of a trauma. I should have let you try your wings. I shouldn’t have blamed you for trusting your therapist. Sitting up on that hill for two weeks gave me a new perspective on myself, you...and us....”

“I know what you mean,” Bay admitted, leaning her brow against his shoulder, feeling so very, very ancient and old. “When I held the jaguar carving in my hand,” she whispered, “everything else came back to me.” Bay lifted her head as she felt him tense. Gabe turned toward her, startled.

“What do you mean?”

“I remember us, Gabe.” Bay touched his bearded face, giving him a searching look. “I remember everything. You carved a jaguar for me before I left and went on my last deployment to Afghanistan without you.”

The hardness in his eyes melted and as she saw his lips part, a powerful sense of protection overwhelmed her. The sensation erased Bay’s anxiety and fear. “I remember how I escaped out of that cave now.” She told him because he had no idea of how she’d evaded Khogani, either.

Gabe sat quietly, listening to Bay’s memories, holding her hand. He released her fingers when she was finished. “You’re the most incredibly brave woman I know,” he whispered unsteadily, sliding his arm around her shoulders, drawing her against him. Something old and fearful dissolved within Gabe as he realized Bay finally knew all about them. About their love. As she eased beneath his arm, nestling her head against his shoulder, he allowed a gutted sigh of relief to flow out of him.

Bay wrapped her arm around his waist, holding him with her incredible woman’s strength. Gabe felt his entire world alter and shift. Shift back to where it had before all this had happened to Bay. He knew things were different, however. They’d taken a step forward, but, God, there were so many other steps ahead of them. Still, Bay remembered....

“I never stopped loving you, baby. Not for a second,” Gabe whispered against her ear, kissing her temple.

“I know....” Bay choked, simply allowing herself to love Gabe with every cell of her being. “That’s why you followed me when I ran away.”

“You didn’t know what we had, Bay,” he said wearily. “I did. I figured I’d just hang around and make sure you were going to be safe, that’s all. I know you needed downtime. You had to have it. I hadn’t backed off or given you the space you needed, either. In a sense, I was smothering you.” His mouth turned down. “That’s really why you ran. I forced you to run.”

With the strength of his arm around her, she surrendered to Gabe. “I wish my reactions would just go away.”

“They will in time, baby. You just have to be patient with yourself. I have to give you your space, too.” Gabe managed a strangled laugh. “Love is supposed to set us free, not suffocate us to death.”

She nodded, absorbing his quiet strength, his rock solidness that was now an important anchor in her life. “I was falling in love with you all over again, Gabe.” Bay lifted her head, her face inches from his. His eyes darkened and flared with hunger. For her.

“Even not knowing about our past together, I still fell in love with you all over again.” Bay stretched forward, her lips barely touching his. Never had she wanted anything more than Gabe’s mouth upon hers, his male stamp, his strength and caring that she knew he could give her so well.

Groaning her name, Gabe dragged Bay into his arms, lost in the fragrance of her as a woman, her soft lips yielding against his. Her arm wrapped strongly around his shoulder, her other hand framing his face, clinging to his lips. He felt her smile beneath his mouth, boldly move her tongue teasingly against his. Oh, God, he wanted Bay so damned badly the explosiveness of need nearly edged out his steel control over himself. Her mouth was wet, cajoling, gently biting his lower lip and then moving her tongue sweetly across it. A deep shudder worked through Gabe. She was hungry, assertive, and this was his woman he knew so well.

The uncertainty of the wounded Bay was gone. In its place, to his surprise and pleasure, was the very brave woman he’d met in Afghanistan last year. Her fingers moved up into his hair, massaging his tight scalp, sending wave after wave of electrical jolts down through his body. Her breath was hot, moist and flowed across his cheek and nose. She was as eager and hungry as he was. Another shudder worked through Gabe as her hand moved beneath his shirt, her fingers spreading fire across his chest.

With a growl, Gabe tore his mouth from hers. They stared at one another, breathing hard like two animals warily circling one another. Bay gave him that heated smile that made his body grow so damned hard he wanted to double over in pain. The look of her drowsy blue eyes glinting with gold was all he needed. In one swift movement, he stood up, turned and slipped her into his arms.

Bay sighed, her entire body quivering with need for Gabe. “Where are we going?” she asked breathlessly, clinging to him, her head resting against his shoulder.

“To bed,” he growled, holding her gently, “to love you...”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

I
N
HIS
LIFE
, Gabe had met and known many kinds of fear. But the one at his doorstep with Bay appeared insurmountable. He had no experience with a woman who had been raped. As he laid her gently on the bed, her hair fanning out in soft brown curls around her flushed face, he tasted fear. Always, as a SEAL, he’d push through fear, ignored it and not allowed it to control or distract him. This time, it was completely different.

Moving up beside Bay, his arm beneath her neck, her body next to his, Gabe leaned over, moving his mouth tenderly against hers. When he eased away, holding her gaze, he had never been more scared.

“Listen, baby, we’ve got to talk before we go any further.” He moved several curls from her right cheek, holding her blue and gold gaze. He wanted her so damn badly he could barely think, much less talk. With the way her eyes grew shadowed, Gabe knew Bay sensed where this conversation was going.

She slid her hand along his shoulder. “I don’t know how I’ll react, Gabe.”

He pursed his lips, hearing the uncertainty in her husky voice. Bay looked normal, healthy, eager to make love with him. Everything looked so damned right and perfect.

Nervous, Gabe cupped her cheek. “I’m not going to lie to you. I need you so damn much I don’t know which end is up anymore. But things have changed.”

His chest tightened as he saw her eyes grow moist. “I’m afraid if I touch you in the wrong place, do something wrong, I’ll send you into a panic attack.”
Or worse.
He felt trapped with no exfil point. Leaning over, Gabe brushed a kiss to her brow. “You’ve got to help me, Bay. You have to let me know what you want, the way you want it, okay?”

She nodded, finding her voice. It came out low and rattled. “I’m scared, too, Gabe. I don’t know how I’ll react. I just want to love you.” Her voice cracked. “I’ve asked my therapist about this, and she just gives me vague answers. She tells me every rape survivor is different. Some don’t want a man touching them at all.” She moved her hand restlessly across his tense shoulder. “I want
your
touch, Gabe. I can’t tell you how often I’ve craved your hands loving me. And when you do touch me, I feel whole...I feel hope.” Bay swallowed, her gaze clinging to his.

“What else did she say?” he asked quietly, wanting to always touch Bay and see her eyes turn soft as he stroked her, as he made her skin tighten or flush with pleasure.

Shrugging, Bay sighed and said, “That some survivors can enjoy sex. Others can’t. Or they’re okay with specific kinds of sex, but not all types of sex. That touching the wrong part of their body turns them off or triggers them into a panic. She said it’s so individualized. I have to experiment and find out.”

“Great,” he said, and they shared a wry look. Her leg lay across his, and it felt good. She had long, beautiful legs, and Gabe wanted to explore them slowly and thoroughly. More than anything, he wanted to please Bay, let her know that she was a woman, no matter what had happened to her. He was damned if he was going to let her trauma define him or her.

Wrinkling her nose, Bay said, “Maybe the best way for us is just try, Gabe.” Her brows fell, her voice nervous. “I want to please you. Having sex is part of loving you. And I know you’ve loved me well in the past. We’re good together. I remember now....”

Her voice turned dusky with longing. It riffled over every sensitized nerve in his body. Gabe recognized that dulcet sound, and it fed his heart, his body and inflamed his soul.

“We’ll get that back sooner or later, baby. I promise you. But for right now, I just want to welcome you home, back to me, to what we had before that was so damned sweet and good....”

His roughly spoken words sizzled through her entire body like an awakening song. “We’ll go as far as we can,” she whispered against the hard line of his mouth. “I’m yours, Gabe. I’ve always been yours, and I want to love you so much it hurts....”

Groaning, he moved his hand to the top button of the soft purple velour top she wore. “We’re both hurting,” Gabe agreed, and as he eased the button free, moving his hand gently beneath the soft fabric, slowly exploring her collarbone, he whispered against her mouth, “Over time we will heal one another, baby. Love never gives up, love never surrenders....”

Bay wanted to become completely lost in Gabe’s touch, his kisses, and feel him move her into dizzied heights of euphoria. She was nervous and wanted to please him, but he shushed her, asking her to lay back and let him undress her. She watched his mask dissolve and saw the man beneath, his vulnerability as he eased the velour top open, revealing a silky pink camisole beneath it. His eyes changed and darkened as he drank in her breasts swelling beneath the material, her nipples tight and peaked.

He met her half-closed eyes and whispered unsteadily, “You are so damned beautiful, Bay,” and he feathered light, wispy kisses from one collarbone to the other.

Bay closed her eyes, focused on his moist breath flowing across her upper chest and neck. Her flesh tingled wildly in the wake of his mouth. She moaned as Gabe’s roughened hands slowly outlined the outer contour of her breasts, the coolness of the silk contrasting with the tightening heat radiating from them. An ache began to fill her; her lower body was coming alive even though he hadn’t touched her there at all.

As Gabe brushed her nipples with his thumbs, a moan tremored through her, and she instinctively arched her hips against him. Her breathing was becoming faster, more shallow, as he teased them. Bay wanted to keep her eyes closed, focus on Gabe’s hand, his breath, his mouth. It kept her mind from engaging with the trauma, and she sank farther into a cauldron of heat simmering beneath his hands.

The moment his lips captured the first nipple, Bay cried out, gripping his arms, feeling the scalding shock bolt down to her womb. It felt so good, dissolving her nervousness. His mouth caressed the other peak as his calloused hand slid beneath the material, easing it upward. She longed for his lips upon her nipple once again. Anxious for his heated touch again, Bay breathed raggedly and gave a shuddering sigh of pleasure.

She stared up into Gabe’s stormy green gaze, which made her lower body react powerfully. His mouth curved, and he gently took her lips, as if to tell her how much he loved her. He opened her, moved his tongue slowly inside her mouth, teasing her. Every move was unrushed, nothing hard, sharp or jolting. And as Gabe kissed her, he unbuttoned her jeans. He moved his hand down to the waistband, slipping his fingers beneath the material and sliding his fingers slowly across her abdomen. He found the soft mound of her curls. Her breathing changed drastically as the heat of his palm excited her body, wetness collecting swiftly between her thighs. Moaning, Bay arched up into his hand, wanting more, wanting him.

Gabe felt tension in himself, felt the dogged worry hounding him as he opened her jeans even more. Bay’s face was flushed, breathing shallow, clutching at his arms, her hips insistent against him. Was he being too conservative with her? Too slow? The wrong step in any direction would cause an explosion. Gabe eased the jeans off her hips, down her legs, and he dropped them by the bed. She wore a set of silky boxer shorts and he skimmed his hand from the outside of her thigh, curving it inward. Bay called his name, and it made him grow harder, if that was possible. He was still dressed and wanted to wait before he got naked beside her.

Gabe gently eased her thighs open. She was incredibly slick against his fingers as he moved beneath the silk, testing her, seeing if she would react negatively to him.

As Gabe cupped his hand against her hot, silky core, his arm went beneath her neck, drawing her up into his lap. She drowsily opened her eyes, her brows drawing down, as if not understanding what he was asking of her.

“Trust me, baby,” he rasped, kissing her nose, cheek and finally her mouth. “This time is for you. Take all you want....”

Bay found herself settled between his legs, his back resting against the headboard, and she was held in the crook of Gabe’s arm. She whispered his name, feeling weak with need, the fire licking up through her lower body, her womb spasming as his fingers slowly explored her. Bay closed her eyes, a soft cry erupting from her lips as he drew a slow circle around her wet opening. Breathing faster, she pressed her cheek against his jaw, whimpering, wanting more of him.

Gabe smiled against her parted lips, taking her, inhaling her breath, sharing it. As he moved his fingers inside her, she arched tautly against him, her cry reverberating into his mouth. He breathed her in, feeling her writhe in his arms, her hips grinding against his hand, begging for more. Gabe could feel her building toward orgasm, some part of himself feeling relief. He stroked her, teased her, and her little cries of pleasure fed him confidence.

Loving her fiercely, Gabe eased Bay into the curve of his right arm, capturing the tip of her nipple, suckling her. In seconds, she came loose in his arms, a mass of heat and rippling muscles clenching around his fingers, her hoarse cries of ongoing pleasure the sweetest sounds he’d heard in a damn long time. They’d taken their first step together.

* * *

“H
APPY
T
HANKSGIVING
!” P
OPPY
cried as Gabe and Bay stepped into her warm cabin. Outside, snowflakes were falling thick and fat, covering the area in a blanket of clean white snow. Poppy kissed Bay and then Gabe. They gave her a bottle of champagne and some flowers they’d bought in Dunmore earlier in the day before the blizzard arrived.

“It all smells wonderful, Mama,” Bay whispered, hugging her again. “How big is the goose?”

Poppy smiled and gestured for Gabe to take their coats and hang them on the pegs along the wall. “He’s a twenty pounder this time.”

Eva-Jo was busy at her desk in the corner of the living room. She loved coloring and coloring books. Walking over, Bay hugged her younger sister, who looked up and smiled.

“Look, Baylee, look! I drew this and colored it.” She proudly held it up to her. “Do you see what it is?”

Gabe came over and slid his arm around Bay’s shoulders. He saw Bay frown and put her finger to her lips in thought. She looked beautiful, her hair soft and recently washed, her cheeks flushed and blue eyes shining. In the week she’d been home, he’d never been happier. Nor had she.

“Ummm, is it a turtle, Eva-Jo?”

“Noooo, Baylee.” She shook the paper at her. “Don’t you see it?”

Gabe saw nothing but colorful abstract lines on it. What was Bay going to do? It looked like a dreaded Rorschach test to him.

“Well, is it fish, bird or four-legged?” Bay looked over at Gabe. He was smiling, and her heart swooned over his rugged good looks. The past week had been a special kind of hell on them, but they’d gotten through it together. Like he said one night in bed after they’d made love, no land mines so far.

“You don’t know,” Eva-Jo said with a pout.

“You’re right, I don’t,” Bay admitted, kissing her forehead. “But you look beautiful in your new red dress. Mama did a nice job of putting those ribbons on it.” Ever since Halloween, Eva-Jo had fallen madly in love with colorful ribbons of all kinds. Poppy had sewn four half-inch grosgrain ribbons around the waist in red, white, green and yellow, all favorite colors of her sister’s.

Eva-Jo smiled and touched them delicately with her fingers. “Baylee, aren’t I pretty with them?”

Bay leaned over and whispered, “You’re the most beautiful girl here, Eva-Jo.”

Gabe felt his heart open wider, if that was possible. He saw Bay’s giving nature in the tender look she gave her sister. Eva-Jo was twenty-five, tall and had a woman’s body. The red velvet dress Poppy had made for her was tasteful, an empire waistline, the material falling to her ankles. Gabe gave Poppy a lot of credit, having continued to raise her daughter. Because of challenges, Eva-Jo could never live on her own. Looking over at Bay, he saw the same compassion in her expression. That was why she was such a good combat medic. Her touch, her voice, could calm anyone wounded on the battlefield. Hell, she’d tamed him, and he wasn’t exactly a softy, although she claimed he really was. Gabe couldn’t buy that. He was a SEAL, after all.

“Time to eat,” Poppy sang out.

Bay turned and hurried to help her mother with all the food that was to be brought from the kitchen into the dining room. Gabe opened the bottle of champagne. Eva-Jo took her latest artistic drawing and set it next to her plate at the table. Classical music played softly in the background. The fireplace crackled with roaring flames, a black grate around the outside of it. After the early evening dinner of goose, as a family, they would trim the Christmas tree that Gabe had chopped down two days ago with Bay’s direction and help.

* * *

B
AY
SAT
WITH
Eva-Jo at the cleared table later, each of them cutting construction-paper circles, stars and trees. Eva-Jo was excited about putting all kinds of different colors of glitter on them. Gabe helped her mother string the lights on the tree first. The blue spruce was six feet tall and looked stately and beautiful in the corner of the living room. As Eva-Jo completed the glittering of each decoration with gusto, Bay would punch a hole in it and slide a bright, thin red ribbon through it. She’d then tie a knot in it so it could be hung later. Her heart felt close to bursting as she looked around the happy room. Though she missed her pa terribly, Gabe’s presence brought a man back into their family, giving it a special energy that uplifted everyone.

When the tree was fully decorated, Bay stood back and admired it with Gabe, proud of their handiwork. Poppy had poured them a glass of red wine, giving Eva-Jo a glass of apple cider. Gabe caught Bay’s fingers and tugged on them, leading her over to the old leather couch. Poppy flopped down on the chair next to it, giving them a tired but happy smile. She picked up her glass of wine and said, “Cheers.”

Bay smiled softly, lifting her glass. She knew Gabe preferred beer over wine, but he had the good grace to take a glass anyway. He was that kind of man. She slid her hand across his broad shoulders, content to curl her feet beneath her and lean into the shelter of his body. He was solid, strong and warm. And his laughter over a joke Poppy told made her heart swell fiercely with love for him.