Never Say Never (Lakeview Contemporary Romance Book 3) (34 page)

E
arlier that afternoon
, in order to take her mind off things, Olivia had decided to tidy the garden shed. It was a job that was way overdue, and one that she’d been putting off for ages. But as the house was spick and span, the ironing up to date and the shopping done, she couldn’t think of anything else to do other than fret over the situation with Robin, and worry about Adam. Not to mention fretting over Matt’s surprising comments last night on the way home.

Ellie was at her mother’s, Eva having decided that Olivia should be free to travel to the hospital in Dublin should Matt need her. Olivia had tried his mobile a number of times since, but it was switched to messages, and still she’d heard nothing. Despite what they said about no news being good news she didn’t think it was appropriate in this case. Surely Matt would know she’d be on tenterhooks, wondering whether or not Adam was suffering from meningitis? At one stage, she’d been so desperate for something concrete, she’d almost called over to Catherine’s. But an idiotic sense of pride stopped her doing that, as she suspected that Catherine would feel some sense of superiority at the fact that Matt hadn’t been in touch.

She was in the process of dumping some ancient congealed paintbrushes and tins into a black refuse sack, when the doorbell rang.

Matt. She raced back into the house, forgetting to remove her rubber gloves in her haste to get to the door – and hopefully for him to put her out of her misery once and for all. With any luck, all would be well with Adam, and then she could have a good long chat with Matt and finally let him into her confidence about Peter.

But when she opened the door, Olivia’s world spun on a three-hundred-and-sixty degree axis.

“Hello, Olivia,” her visitor said with an unsure smile.

She was so stunned it felt like a couple of hours before she could get the words out. “What – what are you doing here?” she whispered eventually, her head dizzy with shock.

He shook his head apologetically. “I’m sorry, I know I should have called first. But my flight got in around lunchtime and I was really anxious to get here so – ”

“But what are you doing here?” she asked again. “What do you want?”

“What do I want? Olivia, surely you must know – ”

Somewhere nearby she heard a car door slam.

“He’s OK, Olivia,” came Matt’s relieved-sounding voice over the air. Then the sound of his footsteps on the path outside. “It wasn’t meningitis at all, thank goodness – it was just some reaction to – oh, I’m sorry … excuse me …” Matt’s voice trailed off as he approached the doorway. He looked at the other man and grinned apologetically. “Sorry to interrupt, but I had to let her know.”

“That’s wonderful news,” Olivia barely heard the sound of her own voice, so strong was the sound of her heartbeat thudding against her ribcage, so intense were the feelings of anxiety, confusion and – and out-and-out panic.

What on earth was she going to say?

She saw that Matt was looking unsurely from her to the other man, obviously waiting for an introduction, or some explanation as to why she was acting so strangely. And unfortunately, Olivia would have to give him one – one that after last night she knew he wouldn’t be expecting.

She tried to clear her throat, to clear her mind and get some hold on her senses. How – knowing full well that Matt had somehow got it all wrong – was she going to explain this? How?

Olivia willed her heart to slow down, willed her nerves to settle a little. She began to speak slowly, hoping to soften the blow somewhat.

“This is Matt Sheridan, a good friend of mine,” she said, her voice hoarse and her hands shaking as she made the introduction.

Then she turned and looked directly at a smiling Matt.

“And this is Peter – my husband.”

I
t was
as though every drop of blood had all at once drained from Matt’s face.

“What?” he said staring at Olivia, his expression a mixture of shock and confusion, “What the hell …?”

Olivia scrambled to explain. “I’m sorry, Matt, I know you thought otherwise, but I only realised that last night when you said you thought he was –”

Peter spoke to his wife as if Matt wasn’t even there. “Olivia obviously this is a bad time, so maybe I should – ”

“Will somebody please explain to me what the
hell
is going on here?” Matt said, his voice rising a few octaves. He glared at her. “I thought your husband was dead. You
told
me your husband was dead!”

Olivia floundered. She had never seen him so angry, but yet she could completely understand why. “Matt, I never told you that,” she began, her words slow and deliberate, as if she were trying to explain something complicated to a child. Yet at the same time, her hearbeat was galloping. “I never told you
anything
like that. I know I haven’t been exactly forthcoming where Peter was concerned but I never,
ever
said – ”

“Hold on a damn second. You
told
me you were a widow, that you’d brought Ellie up on your own, that you didn’t know how you’d have coped without her. You didn’t like to talk about it, you said – it was too painful. No wonder it was bloody painful – the geezer was still around!”

Peter stepped forward. “Look, mate, I’ve no idea who you are but I don’t think you’ve any right to talk to – ”

“Peter, stop, please,” Olivia felt as though she’d landed on another planet. What was Matt saying? She’d
never
told him that she was widowed or that Peter was dead – she’d barely said anything at all about him because it
was
too painful. Where had he got that idea? Granted he knew she was married, and that she and Ellie now lived on their own, but surely he couldn’t have made the huge leap to the notion that Peter was dead, could he? She had told him she was separated, hadn’t she? Because why else would he have come to her house that time telling her he had feelings for her? Her head spun as she tried to remember all the conversations they’d had about her and her marriage, tried to figure out how she might have misled him. But in her heart of hearts she knew she hadn’t misled him. Granted, she’d been evasive, but he must have come up with the assumption that she was widowed all by himself.

Still at that moment, Olivia desperately wished that she hadn’t been so reticent, so unwilling to let him into her confidence. Now it looked as though she’d deliberately misinformed him, although where he got the idea that Peter was dead she still couldn’t understand …

“Matt, please come inside and let’s talk about this. I don’t know why you thought that, and I never, ever tried to mislead you.” She ran a hand through her hair. What a total mess. She should have explained straightaway last night, but then he was so upset after Catherine’s phone call, she hadn’t had the opportunity and … oh what was she going to do? Her thoughts and emotions were so confused just then that she couldn’t think crooked, let alone straight.

“Matt, Peter and I seperated many years ago, but we haven’t yet divorced and …” She trailed off, as the thought struck her. “Is that why you’re here?” she asked Peter, feeling an odd combination of relief and disappointment. “For the divorce?”

“I don’t believe this,” Matt was saying as he marched back down the path. “I don’t believe what I’m hearing, what I’m seeing. I thought you were special, Olivia, I though you and I had something. But you’re nothing but a liar!”

“Hey, watch it,” Peter called after his retreating back, but Matt was already in the driver’s seat of the car. He started the Volvo and revved the engine ferociously before driving off. Olivia watched him speed off towards the main road. Strange, she thought absently, that he didn’t go straight to Catherine’s.

“Olivia,” Peter’s strange but yet weirdly familiar voice brought her sharply back to the present, “can I come in? I think you and I need to talk.”

She looked at Peter’s face then, a face so familiar it was as though she’d never been apart from him. Then, with no clue or idea as to what he was doing here, Olivia stood back from the doorway and let her husband – the man whose return she’d dreamed about for five long years – into her house and back into her life.

O
livia stared
into those expressive eyes she had once known and loved so well. “Why now, Peter? What do you want from me – from us?”

“I didn’t plan for it to happen this way, believe me,” he answered softly. “I was going to call first – I know I should have called first, but when I landed in Dublin airport this morning, I couldn’t not come.”

“But what are you doing back in Ireland in the first place? Oh,” she said, the realisation hitting her, “it’s your mum, isn’t it?” She knew that Teresa wasn’t well, but Olivia had never in her wildest dreams imagined that Peter would come all the way from Australia just because his mother was feeling out of sorts.

“Did she tell you she’s suffering from Parkinson’s?” he asked, and instantly Olivia felt guilty.

“No, no, she never said.” Teresa had never opened her mouth. Olivia had noticed her slowing down of course, in the same way that her own parents were showing signs of getting on in years, but she had never once suspected that it could be anything more serious. Suddenly she felt guilty for all the nasty thoughts she’d been thinking about Teresa lately. Suddenly her insistence on spending more time with Ellie made sense.

So, Peter was home for Mummy then. Nothing to do with the wife and child he’d so cruelly discarded years ago. Then again, why did she think it could be any different?

“She’s getting progressively worse and the treatment she’s on doesn’t seem to be having much of an effect.” He studied her. “But I’d been thinking about contacting you for a while, Olivia.”

“Then why didn’t you? Why didn’t you let me know that you were coming back to Ireland at least – let alone turning up unannounced on my doorstep? For goodness sake, Peter, never mind me, but how did you think Ellie would react to you turning up out of the blue like this?”

“Do you … do you really think Ellie would know me?” he asked unsurely.

“Of course she’d know you – she has photographs in her bedroom, and your parents make doubly sure to show her pictures of you every time she visits. What they don’t tell her is that her father was so upset with me that he decided not to bother about her.”

“That’s not true – of course I bothered about her, of course I cared about her. But these last few years been hard, Olivia. Being away from you was the only way I could see things more clearly, you know that.”

“And you had to go to the other end of the world to see things more clearly?” she said, his reference to wanting to ‘stay away from her’ cutting her deeply. He still blamed her then. “This is crazy, Peter.”

“Is Ellie here?” He looked nervously around the room, and his eyes rested on a framed photograph of her on the mantelpiece. It was a professional photograph Olivia had commissioned a few months back, on Ellie’s fourth birthday. She was grinning happily at the camera, the gap in her teeth unmistakeable and charming. Olivia followed his gaze and instantly folded her arms protectively across her chest.

“She’s at my mum’s,” she replied shortly, offering up a relieved prayer that Ellie wasn’t here when Peter arrived. “So four years and a few birthday and Christmas cards later, you think you’re entitled to just pop in and see her – without so much as a phone call beforehand? How dare you, Peter?”

“I know, I’m sorry, but I just thought – ”

“You thought you could waltz in here after abandoning her – abandoning
us
like you did.”

“Look I didn’t think I
would
come here, and certainly not so soon. I’m sorry but I just wasn’t thinking straight. I’m tired and jet-lagged and worried about Mum and …” he trailed off. “Being back here again is a huge thing for me, Olivia – surely you can understand that.”

She did understand, but still couldn’t forgive the casual way he had just turned up on her doorstep. Then she thought of something. “How did you know where to find us? You sent the cards to your mother’s and I never gave you this address, so how did you know how to get here?” Although, as soon as she’d asked, Olivia thought she knew the answer.

She was right.

“Mum told me where you were, but she also told me to leave it for a while before getting in touch. She knew it wouldn’t be easy for you, but at the same time, I think she knew I’d want to see you two eventually.”

“And you thought
I’d
feel the same, I suppose?” Olivia was so angered by this she could hardly think straight. Who did the Gallaghers think they were, playing with her feelings like that? With all Teresa’s snide remarks about Matt and her so-called ‘concern’ for Ellie’s welfare. She was just making sure that if Peter
did
decide to come home, he’d still have a ready-made family there waiting for him. “You thought
I’d
be sitting patiently at home, waiting for you to change your mind, to decide that you did love us after all – was that it?”

The problem was – only a few months earlier, Olivia
had
been hoping the same thing. She’d been waiting for him to return, waiting for him to forgive her, hoping that they might eventually be a family again. But that was before, and now, try as she might, she couldn’t concentrate properly on the sheer magnitude of his actually being here – in Lakeview. She was too concerned about Matt and the mess she had made of it all by being secretive, by trying to protect herself.

Peter sighed deeply. “I’m sorry, this was a mistake, I should have called first, I should have at least told you – ”

“Yes, you should.”

He hesitated a little. “I know this probably isn’t the right time but … you’re looking really well, Olivia. And it
is
good to see you.” At this, he flashed his best Colgate smile, those teeth seeming even whiter against his Australian tan.

Amazingly, in all the years she’d known this man, this was the very first time that Olivia could see through the compliment for what it was. It was an attempt to control her, to get his own way, to soften her up a bit. She had always thought Peter was charming, had always thought she was lucky to find a husband who was so respectful and considerate not just to her, but to other women also. Only now did it strike her that he was simply a weak, selfish cad. Absence didn’t quite make the heart grow fonder – in this case, it made it insightful. But, she thought, that wasn’t the whole story, was it? Her feelings, or lack of them, for Peter now, had more to do with Matt, than her finally realising how spineless and pathetic Peter had been in taking off and leaving her and Ellie. She could, perhaps, understand why he had abandoned her, but there was no excuse for his selfish rejection of Ellie.

All of a sudden, Olivia didn’t care that Peter was back, or about what Peter did or didn’t want.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this now. Ellie will be home soon, and I don’t want you here when she returns. I have a life of my own –
Ellie
and I have a life, one that you’re not part of, that you haven’t ever been part of. I know you had your reasons for leaving but, to be honest, I think I’ve done my penance and suffered enough over the years. What you seemed to forget so easily was that it was hard for me too, yet I didn’t have the luxury of taking off to ‘get over it’. I had a child to raise.”

“I know.” To his credit, Peter looked shamefaced.

“Yet, you didn’t care about my suffering, did you? You just believed what you wanted to believe – that I had come home late intentionally, that I didn’t care about the consequences, that I should have been there.” She shook her head, unwilling to relive the pain and the guilt all over again, especially in front of him. “But I just lost track of time.” At this her voice broke and she closed her eyes briefly, the pain almost too strong to bear.

“I know.”

“And yet you couldn’t see that at the time, you kept thinking that I had done it on purpose – as some kind of revenge, for goodness’ sake. That was never
ever
the case.”

Peter nodded with heavy emotion. “I know, but I had no other way of getting my head around it. No matter what you say, there was always some resentment there, Olivia – you admitted that once yourself.”

“Yes, but the resentment was towards
you
– couldn’t you ever see that?”

Peter said nothing and for a long time husband and wife just stood there in silence, painful memories hanging heavily between them.

Eventually, Olivia shook her head. “Peter, I’m sorry but I don’t want to get into this now. Maybe we can arrange something later, but you can’t just turn up at the door like this. Matt, the man that called just now, he’s very important to me and I have a lot to explain.”

“I see.” His hands in his pockets, Peter began to head towards the door.

“No, you don’t see,” Olivia followed him out to the hallway. “You don’t have a clue how hard these last few years have been for me, and finally, when I get a chance at happiness, you turn up and ruin it all.”

“That was never my intention,” Peter said, stepping out onto the front path. He turned to look at her. “I never wanted to upset you, Olivia – I just wanted to see my daughter.”

She nodded. “Well, Teresa has my number. If you’re still in Dublin, phone me later maybe – when I’ve had a chance to prepare Ellie,” she added pointedly.

“Thanks, I appreciate that and I would like to speak to you before I go up to Galway if I could.” Peter paused slightly as he turned to leave. “Look, I’m sorry for surprising you like I did. I hope I didn’t mess things up with you and that – that guy. I didn’t mean to do that – I didn’t even know you
were
with someone, I mean, Mum didn’t say …” He trailed off, slightly uncomfortable with the admission. “In fact, I’m in another relationship now too.”

“Good for you.” Olivia suddenly realised she didn’t care any more. She’d always suspected that he might have found someone else – after all, it was a long time – but now she decided she just didn’t care about Peter, his new relationship, or even the fact that he’d finally come home. At that moment, all she cared about was Matt.

She had to explain why she hadn’t told him everything about her marriage before now. Maybe she
could
understand why he thought that Peter had died, but yet … Olivia’s head thudded, her brain unable to cope with the enormity of all that was happening.

If only she’d told him everything from the beginning. But she couldn’t have done that though, could she? She had to make sure she trusted Matt beforehand, trusted him enough to tell him the truth. Otherwise, he wouldn’t understand.

Just like Peter hadn’t understood.