Never Say Never (34 page)

He was feeling very close to the edge.

His gaze focused on the ragged tiny tree she had bought for Joey, decorated with cheap, forlorn ornaments. Joey had been so proud of his handiwork. Dustin avoided looking at it, his gaze snagging instead on the big tree he had chopped down for Joey. Hell, that was partially a lie. He had brought that tree home for Jill because he could tell she was homesick, that she missed the Christmas spirit so generously displayed in the McCall household. Instantly, his gaze bounced to the antique, curved-back sofa where Jill had spent so many nights enjoying the tree lights as she fed baby Holly. He could see Jill so clearly, with her precious holiday decorations that he had not wanted.

He needed her so badly.

Jill had made her decision. It was something he would have to live with, whether he liked it or not. The anger he felt at her desertion would pass, but he didn’t think the hurt would dissipate so soon. It was worse than he had thought it would be, most likely because her departure was as sudden as everyone else’s he’d cared about had been. His father, Nina, and even Joey, though it wasn’t his fault; all those surprise partings had taken an emotional chunk out of Dustin’s soul. Jill’s choice to leave sliced like a razor, neat and clean, yet unique in its pain.

Dustin made himself take deep breaths of air. His lawyer had told him to play it cool for now. He could not storm the Copeland house like a renegade father and kidnap his own son, as much as he desperately wanted to do it. Maxine’s trump card was, unfortunately, very potent and full of potential to Dustin if he acted on the anger that filled him. Four days, though they seemed like an eternity, were not the end of the world, the lawyer advised.

Fancy that piece of crap from a man who had no children. Dustin slammed his fist into his palm. If Marsh were here, he’d have some stupid wisecrack to take the bite out of what Dustin was feeling. If his mother were around, she’d say something about believing in the spirit of Christmas and that everything would be all right. If Joey were here, the two of them could go throw birdseed out for the birds and watch them fly in.

But none of his family was around, and now Jill was gone. For the first time in his life, Dustin felt the agony of being completely alone.

Chapter Twenty-One

Wearing jeans and a T-shirt fit for loading boxes she had never unpacked at her parents’ house, Jill looked around the contemporary apartment where she and Carl had once planned to spend their newly married life. Sheets, towels, and other items necessary for starting a home filled the boxes. There was no reason to take them out now.

She was surprised to see that Carl hadn’t moved out very many of his things. She had told him she was turning in the notice, which she had done the day after he’d paid his surprise visit to the ranch. In some ways, Carl was a strangely motivated person, but getting his possessions out of her hair apparently wasn’t something that motivated him greatly.

She tried not to think about how depressing it was to have to look at all of his stuff. One phone message at Carl’s office was all she was leaving to warn him that if he didn’t get over here at a prearranged time and move out, everything he had parked in the apartment was going to the charity drop-off.

After that, she could get on with packing up and removing her things. It was bad enough that she’d had to leave Dustin’s house with her belongings in sacks; it was past time to find a place she could afford and settle into. She couldn’t go on living like a bag lady forever, she told herself sternly.

Casting a critical eye around the apartment, Jill wondered about leasing a new place this close to Christmas. Hopefully, something would be available. Of course, she could move the sofa and furniture that wouldn’t fit into her folks’ garage into storage and lodge with them until Christmas was past, but that option seemed worse than unpacking boxes by herself on Christmas Eve.

Wandering into the kitchen, Jill sat down at the table. Her parents would want her to come home. For the second time in two months, her life had drastically altered, but it would feel so much like she was running home to escape her problems and she was too old to do that now.

The real problem lay with her heart, though. Jill put her chin on her hand, realizing the only place she wanted to be for Christmas was at the Reed Ranch with Dustin. And Joey, and Eunice. It wasn’t going to be Christmas without them.

Suddenly, she saw the newspaper lying on the table. It was the same one she’d circled ads in just after Thanksgiving, leaving it behind as she’d gone to Lassiter: Reading the ad over again made her heart clench.

WANTED: HOUSEKEEPER FOR RANCH HOUSE.
Cleaning and meals for a man, young boy, and an elderly woman
.

Memories washed over her in a flood. She had been so worried, so afraid of what those strangers might be like. Now there were faces to go with the description. The Reeds had been so much more than just a man, a boy, and an elderly woman.

They had become her family. Their home had felt like hers. For just a little while, she had belonged.

She would give anything to be in Dustin’s arms right now.

“When can I spring you out of here?” Dustin asked, automatically sending a glance toward Marsh’s injured leg. Though the gun the thug had shot Marsh with had been small caliber, enough blood had been lost that the hospital had kept him overnight for observation. Dustin was itching to get his friend out of the hospital and his mother, too. Jeez, it was bad enough that Maxine had pulled a fast one on him, leaving him without his son. Having his mother and best friend in the hospital at the same time was too cruel. Shoot, he might as well check out a room for himself, Dustin thought sourly.

With Jill doing a vanishing act on him, he had no reason to get home. Hell, if he didn’t get everybody he loved out of this disinfectant-stinking hospital, he might find himself hanging candy canes from their bedrails.

Marsh chuckled. “Didn’t say anything about letting you spring me.”

“I am, though. As soon as I get the nod from the doctor.” It was his responsibility to take his friend home. Marsh had been wounded on his behalf—and Dustin knew his carelessness had been the reason Lynch had managed to get a shot off. He should have made certain the hood wasn’t packing hardware before he’d let go of him.

“Nope.” Marsh shook his head. “Can’t let you do it. But I’m already okayed to go home.”

Dustin jumped to his feet. “Well, hell, man! Why didn’t you say so? Let’s get out of here.” He grabbed Marsh’s boots from the corner they were occupying.

“Dustin, China’s going to be here, to take me home.”

He stopped in the act of stuffing Marsh’s boots into a bag. “China?”

“Yeah.” The grin on Marsh’s face was telling. “But I appreciate the thought, dude.”

“Ah, yeah. Okay.” Dustin put Marsh’s things down as if they were hot. For some reason he felt let down, maybe even left out. He’d been so wrapped up in his own misery that he hadn’t considered Marsh might have someone in his life. Dustin didn’t have anyone right now; perhaps he’d assumed Marsh didn’t, either. They could share their down times together, the same way they always had. Maybe not playing pool and hiding out in his parents’ rumpus room the way they’d done as teenagers, but sharing a beer and that wordless understanding that men were good at. Lord, he needed that.

Now Marsh seemed to be moving toward a relationship he’d been wanting for a long time. Dustin dredged up some happiness for his friend. “Jeez, Marsh, I didn’t think China was ever going to let you within a foot of her.”

“Me neither.” His smile was huge. “She must have changed her mind when she realized I was the only decent single guy left in Lassiter.”

Dustin sat down heavily in the hard chair beside Marsh’s bed. “Ah, no. Actually, now there’s me, too.”

“Jittery, are you? Cooling things off?”

He only wished it was that simple. “I think Jill got the jitters. She’s gone.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.” Dustin nodded. Even now it hurt.

“Ungrateful wench. After everything we did to her, too. Letting a punk beat up on her, not to mention Maxine…” Marsh broke off, his banter falling flat. “I’m sorry, buddy. No explanation, no nothing?”

“Jill left a note. It was your basic Dear John, I’ve-got-to-get-on-with-my-life letter.”

Marsh rubbed the bristles on his face thoughtfully. “Man, I thought she was in it for the long haul.”

Dustin certainly hadn’t seen Jill’s departure coming. “What can I say? Maybe in the beginning I worried that the situation was overwhelming. But Jill was pretty cool about everything. Level-headed, you know what I mean?”

“Yeah. I do.” Marsh nodded his agreement.

“Hell, I don’t know.” He couldn’t talk about Jill anymore, not even with his best friend. It was just too damn hard. “Guess I’ll go see Mother, if you think China’s going to be here soon.”

“Yep. Say hi to Eunice for me.”

Nodding, Dustin left Marsh’s room. It was only a couple of floors to his mother’s room, but once he got there, he fell into the chair by her bed, feeling winded. Like the breath had been knocked out of him.

Eunice opened her eyes and smiled at him. “You don’t look like you’ve been eating right.”

Who could eat? There was nobody in his house. He was used to a baby wailing and Bugs Bunny cartoons blaring and Jill humming and his mother’s encouraging words while he ate. It was too damn quiet.

“I’ll pick something up on the way home.” Glancing over his mother’s finely lined skin, he thought she seemed much better. “You look like you’re on the mend, though.”

“I am.” Eunice smiled.

“Great. Get the hell out of the bed and I’ll get in it.” She laughed. “Dustin, in a few days, you’re going to be a new man.”

“Yeah? How’s that?” It sounded good, but he couldn’t feel that type of instant rejuvenation coming on.

“Joey will come home on Thursday.”

That would do it. “Barring the judge siding with Maxine.”

“I’ve been thinking about this. Nothing Maxine thinks she can testify to is sufficient in the eyes of the court to warrant taking a child away from his only surviving parent. Who also happens to have a parent of his own to help rear the child.” She was quiet for a moment. “I don’t even think anything she can bring up about Jill is enough to convince the court that she shouldn’t be allowed to be a caregiver.”

“Jill isn’t here, so I guess that’s one less worry.”

“Is it?” Eunice slanted him a questioning look.

“Well, as far as the custody situation goes.”

“I didn’t think you were that worried about Jill’s impact on the custody problem.”

He shrugged. “I never was.”

“Then go get her back.” His mother pinned him with a no-nonsense look. “She left because she was afraid Maxine was going to use her against you in court. Jill felt certain her presence was causing such a problem with Maxine that in the end she would wind up costing you Joey.”

“No.” Dustin shook his head.

“No, what?”

“In my mind, Jill is just like you. So, no, she couldn’t have cost me my son.” He glanced up to meet his mother’s gaze. “Maxine doesn’t see it that way, I suppose.”

Eunice snorted. “It wouldn’t make it better if she did. Maxine has been after me like a tiger since we were girls.” She sighed deeply. “I think you’re right. I don’t think Jill would have cost you your son. But I know she felt like you might have to choose: either you had her, or you had Joey. Maxine is a convincing person, and if additional complaints were brought up, Jill knew you would be in trouble because of her.”

“I didn’t tell her about Maxine’s threats.”

“I know. Jill heard you on the phone in your room. She didn’t hear much, but she got enough to upset her.”

Dustin stared down at his hands. His fingers were woven together hard enough to make the skin whiten. “I love her.”

Eunice laid a gentle hand over his. “I know you do. I do, too. So does Joey. You have to go bring her home.”

“I can’t.” Dustin halted for a moment, trying to sort out of his feelings. “I’m too angry with her for leaving. Everything you’ve told me makes it a little better, but it’s the cold hard fact that she walked out on me. She walked out on Joey. I keep thinking how much it’s going to hurt him that she just disappeared.”

“Try to see it her way, Dustin.”

“No.” His voice was curt. It was something he couldn’t explain to his mother. Nina had always been wanting to leave, wanting to go home. He wouldn’t have forced her to stay. No matter what their problems had been, he had wanted their family to stay together. But he couldn’t make her want him.

Jill had left. It had been her own choice to leave without discussing the matter with him. After all, it was his own personal business, involving his family, his son. She had acted without consulting him; she had wanted to go. He would not try to change her mind.

This time, even his mother’s advice couldn’t sway him. A woman walking out on a man was a woman who had her mind made up.

He stood, jamming his Stetson on his head. “Did the doc give you a release date?”

“Tomorrow morning,” she said softly, her eyes too bright. Lord, he didn’t think he could bear it if his mother suddenly sprouted tears. He wasn’t trying to be obstinate. Some things were just the way they were.