Never Say Goodbye (22 page)

“I’m meeting Chad at The Cave,” she says with a smile.

“Nah, that’s okay. I’m not in the mood to run into anyone there,” I say truthfully.

“I pretty sure Nate’s not going to be there, I believe C
had said he’s on a date, thank God, that dumb bitch he was with before was annoying,” she says with a happy smile.

“I’m just happy they broke up before we played that stupid truth or dare game, or I would have felt horrible,” I say, staring dagger’s at her.

“I made sure they were broken up first so please, save it,” she says in a “shut the fuck up” tone.

“Well you have fun tonight with lover boy,” I say with excitement.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come along? It will be fun, I promise,” she says with pleading eyes.

“I’m not in the mood, I’m just going to stay in tonight, sorry
bestie,” I say, with a not a chance look.

“You’re no fun,” she whines.

I start to laugh, “Please, you are going to be all over your boyfriend and I’ll just be a third wheel. Sorry not interested.”

“When have I ever made you feel like a third wheel?” she asks harshly.

“I’m not saying you do, but that’s what it will feel like, plus Chad’s not a fan of me anymore. You don’t need to have a fight because I show up.”

“He’s getting over it, trust me
, it will be fine, now go get ready,” she demands.

I start to laugh again, “I’m not going, not tonight. You have fun and if you need me I will be right here,” I say
, as I prop my feet up on the edge of the couch and snuggle into the pillow behind my head.

“Damn you,
you suck, you know that right?”

“I know but you love me anyway,” I say smiling.

“Yes, I do. Well enjoy your boring Friday night. I’m off to have a blast!” she says as she whips her hair over her shoulder and heads towards the front door.

“Have fun B, love you,
” I say with a laugh.

She laughs and then
shuts the door on her way out.

It’s going on a little after
1:00 a.m. when I’m awaken by my damn phone.

“What?” I ask in a sleepy voice.

“Liv, it’s mom, you need to get to the hospital now,” she says quickly.

That wakes me up fast.

“What?! Why?! What happened? What hospital?” I ask confused, because my parents aren’t even in the same state as me.

“
It’s Brynn honey, she was in an accident. Jill and Frank are with us, we are on our way now, they couldn’t get a flight out until morning, so we’re driving,” she says in a panicked voice.

“Mom, is she okay?” I ask nervously.

“Sweetie I’m not sure. The hospital called Jill and Frank and told them to get there ASAP, so that’s what we’re doing. She’s at UNC Memorial.”

“Okay, mom I’m on my way, I’ll keep you posted once I find out something. Drive carefully, love you,” I say quickly as I throw
on my sneakers.

“Love you to
Livie,” she says and hangs up.

I race to grab my hoodie and keys and run out the door.

It takes approximately ten minutes to get to the hospital. I park and race inside to find my best friend.

I’m told to go to the admittance area and
then told to head to the second floor and wait. I run as fast as I can, taking two steps at a time. My heart is racing, my mind is filled with worry.

Please be okay Brynn, please.

I get to the waiting area and see Chad with red, puffy eyes.

“What happened? Where is she? Is she okay?” I ask frantically.

“I don’t know, they haven’t told me anything. Liv, I’m sorry,” he says through watery eyes.

“What happened?” I ask, trying to sound calmer than I am.

“Shit. We got into a fight at the club,” he says sadly.

“What? Why?” I yell.

“It was stupid, it was over you and Wolffe. It shouldn’t have happened. She stormed out and I thought she was just going to get some fresh air. I never thought she would try to walk back.”

“What do you mean, try to walk back?
To campus?” I ask angrily.

“I guess
so, I went outside and couldn’t find her. I tried to call, but she wouldn’t answer. I got in my car and drove towards campus and that’s when I saw the accident,” he says sadly.

“What happened?” I say slowly this time, waiting for him to tell me what he saw.

“The officer’s told me she must have been walking on the side of the road and whatever asshole was driving was drunk, he didn’t see her and hit her. Liv, I don’t know what I’m going to do if she doesn’t make it,” he says through tears.

I give my best friend’s boyfriend a hug and wonder the same thing.

“She’s gonna pull through this, she has to,” I whisper through tears of my own.

It feels like forever, but it’s only been twenty minutes when Sophie, Megan, and the whole sorority house fill the waiting room
, asking for information. Unfortunately, we haven’t been told anything yet.

“Come on, they have to tell us something,” Sophie complains.

“I’ve went up to the desk four times already, they said someone will update us shortly.”

A few of Chad’s friends come in, including Nathan. I’m glad
his friends are here for him. We need as many people praying for her as we can get.

Eventually, a doctor comes in to inform us that she’s in surgery and it may be a few hours, but he will keep us updatin
g on her progress.

Before I could ask how severe it is, Chad jumps in and asks. The doctor tells us it’s serious
. She has head trauma from the impact from the hit.

That’s all he tells us.

Hours…that’s how long we’ve been sitting here waiting for something, anything.

Around hour six
, my parents along with Brynn’s parents show up.

“Mom, dad, they haven’t told us anything other than she’s still in surgery and it’s serious,” I say as I hug them tightly.

“We know baby, we called for updates. Frank’s going to see if he can find anything else out,” my dad says.

The waiting room is still packed
with friends waiting for information.

I see Jill and she has tears running down her cheeks. She comes up and hugs me, “She has to be alright, she just has to be,” she says through tears.

I don’t say anything because what can I say; instead I just hug her back.

After waiting another hour, the room is getting smaller. Some of the girls go back to the house and are waiting for calls from us; others go to get food and coffee. I can’t eat or sleep, I need to make sure Brynn’s okay first.

Sophie and Megan never leave my side. Sawyer comes and sits with Megan, and even Caden shows up to be there for Soph. I’m not surprised when Levi doesn’t show up. I never expected him to; even though it would have been nice.

Chad keeps pacing the room and Nathan keeps telling him to try to relax, we don’t know anything yet. I know he feels like it’s his fault, but it’s not.

“Liv, who is that with Chad?” my mom asks curiously.

“Nathan,” I tell her.

“What?” she shrieks, making everyone turn to look at her. Wow, that was weird.

I just stare at her in confusion.

“Yeah, he goes to school here too.” I say like it’s not a big deal. The look on her face says otherwise, though I don’t know why.

She looks at my dad and then back to Nathan th
en to me, then back to my dad.

What the hell was that for?

I don’t get to ask because the doctor walks in to give an update. Everyone in the waiting room stands to hear what he has to say.

“I’m so sorry, we did everything we could but we couldn’t get the bleeding to stop in her brain. I’m sorry. She went into cardiac arrest several times but we weren’t able to revive her after the third time
,” the doctor informs us.

I watch in horror as Jill falls into Frank’s arms bawling. The rest of the room
is filled with sounds of sadness.

I’m not prepared, I didn’t prepare for her not to make it. She can’t be dead. I also don’t prepare for when my legs give out and I fall to the floor with tears pouring from my face.

My best friend…gone.

Chapter Twenty

I leave the hospital with my parents. Brynn’s parents are staying there for a bit, they want to see her body first. I don’t say anything, just cry. I can’t seem to stop crying. We get to my sorority house and I can’t move.

“Liv, just throw some clothes in a bag and you can stay with us at the
hotel,” she says softly.

“I want to stay the night here mom,” I tell her through more tears.

“Honey, I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” she says rubbing my back.

“I need to, please?” I say
, though it sounds like a whisper.

“Fine, but we will pick you up later on,” she says not looking happy with my decision.

It’s already going on 7:30 a.m., I know I won’t be able to sleep, but I just want to be alone.

I head inside the house
. I’m not surprised when a bunch of the girls run up saying how sorry they are, asking if there’s anything they can do.

“I just want to be left alone for now, “I say through tears as I drag myself to my bedroom, the bedroom I shared just last night with my best friend.

I crawl into Brynn’s bed and sob into her pillow. It smells of my best friend, my best friend who I’ll never get to laugh with, cry with, and argue with.

I pull the picture of us off her nightstand and hug it t
o my chest and continue to cry.

Before I know it, I’m being woken up, and I see my mom
sitting on the edge of the bed with red puffy eyes.

“Sweetie, we are going to head back, dad and Frank are going to drive your car and I’m going to drive you, me, and Jill back home. Do you want to pack a bag, or do you want me to do it for you?” she asks sadly.

“I’ll get it, just give me a few minutes and I’ll be ready to go,” I say as I get out of Brynn’s bed.

“Jill’s waiting in the car, she couldn’t come in here, so I will keep her company while you get packed,” she says before heading out my bedroom door.

I stare at my closet, what the hell do I pack. How long am I planning on staying at home? So many questions and yet I have no answers.

I throw a bunch of clothes and under garments in a bag and grab the picture I was holding when I fell asleep and head
out of my bedroom.

“Liv,”
Soph says with red puffy eyes, “I’ll be up on Monday. If there’s anything I can do let me know,” she says as she pulls me into a hug, tears rolling down her cheeks.

I just nod my head and hug her back, then make my way down the stairs and out the door without talking to anyone.

I crawl in the backseat with my stuff, never saying a word.

The drive back home takes forever. I spend my time staring out the window
, watching life pass by.

My mom tries to hold a conversation with me and Jill, but it’s useless, neither one of us wants to talk.

By the time we get home it’s going on 11 p.m. I hug Brynn’s parents before heading inside my house. I head inside, up the stairs and straight to my room.

Looking around the room I see all the pictures I have of me, Brynn and our friends from high school. T
hey are everywhere; my desk is covered with pictures of Brynn and I since we were around ten and up. I look at each one before anger takes control and I throw everything off my desk, mad at the world.

I’m mad
at Chad for fighting with her; I’m mad at her for not calling me and trying to walk home, but I’m mostly mad at myself, if only I would have went to the damn club with her, she would still be here.

She promised she’d never leave and yet she’s gone.

I sit on my floor crying big, fat, ugly tears. I would give anything to have my best friend back.

The
next two days are a blur. Mom and dad check on me, but it’s pointless. I’m not hungry, I’m not in the mood to hang out, I don’t want to talk. I just want left alone, so they let me alone.

I turned my phone o
ff, it wouldn’t stop ringing. I get it, people are worried and want to help, but you can’t help, you can’t change the outcome. All I want is to be left alone. Is that so much to ask?

I’m lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling when there’s a knock on the door. I choose to ignore it, hoping whoever it is will go away.

“Hey,” Sophie says as she peaks her head in my door.

I nod in her direction.

Her eyes are still puffy and red showing she’s been crying a lot. I understand, she knew Brynn better than all the other sisters, other than me, of course.

Sophie doesn’t say anything, just lies on my bed beside me, staring at the ceiling.

I’m not sure how long we lay like this, and eventually she speaks up.

“What the hell do you do in this town? I saw nothing but freaking farms,” she says
, causing me to laugh for the first time in days.

“What, you mean you don’t go cow tipping in Chicago?
” I ask with an actual smile.

Soph
starts laughing, “Hell no, where I live there’s no farmland.”

“Well you are missing out,” I tell her with a laugh.

“Somehow I highly doubt that,” she says looking all serious.

“Don’t knock it till you try it, or you could always go four wheeling or fishing,” I say surprising her.

“Seriously? I never took you for the redneck type,” she says with a laugh.

I start laughing a full out belly laugh, “
Soph, I’m kidding, I don’t do those things. I do normal things, movies, mall, hanging out, and parties.”

“Oh, well I think we should do something. Show me around this tiny town you live in,” she says looking hopeful.

“My mom sent you didn’t she?” I ask, seeing where this is going.

“She’s worried and so am I, but I seriously want to see what you have in this town. When we came through
, I didn’t see much of anything,” she says.

“
Soph, I’m not really in the mood to go anywhere,” I say, hoping she lets it go.

“Please Liv, you need to get out of this room, you’re
kinda starting to smell,” she says, waving her hand in front of her face.

“Shut the hell up,” I say with a laugh as I whack her in the face with a pillow.

“No, seriously, you can tell you haven’t showered in a few days,” she says with a smile.

“You aren’t going to
take no for an answer are you?”

“No, I’m not. So go get showered and then you can show me around,” she says as she gets up from my bed and starts looking around at the pictures in my room.

“Can we not have a crowd?” I ask quietly.

“Just you an
d me, now go shower,” she orders.

I mouth a “thanks” and head into my bathroom to get showered.

After getting a nice hot shower, I throw on black yoga pants with a hoodie and sneakers. I throw my wet hair up in a bun and am ready to go.

“You’re wearing that?” Sophie asks looking me up and down.

“Yea, what’s wrong with it?” I ask, eyeing my outfit.

“Are you taking me cow tipping?” she asks matter of fact.

I laugh, “No, I’m not taking you cow tipping.”

“Then change, because that’s what it looks like,” she says as she starts opening up my dresser drawers. She throws a pair of jeans, and a tee-shirt on the bed
, “put that on,” she demands.

I grab the clothes and change into the jeans and tee-shirt and throw my hoodie
on over top of the tee-shirt.

Luckily,
Soph doesn’t say anything about it. I put a pair of chucks on and head towards the stairs.

“Hey honey, are you hungry?” my mom asks
, looking relieved.

“We’ll grab something when we’re out, but thanks,” I tell
her, knowing I have no plans of eating anything.

“Oh
, alright,” mom says as she comes up and hugs me, “Liv, I love you and I am here for you sweetheart,” she whispers in my ear.

I look up at her, and I can feel the tears start to fill my eyes, “I know mom, thanks,” I say
before giving her another hug.

I say b
ye to dad and walk out to my car with Sophie.

“I’ll drive,” Sophie says out of nowhere.

“And where are you going to drive to?” I ask in a mocking tone.

“Umm, good point, never mind,” she says as she gets in the passenger side.

I drive through the tiny town and point out the high school, elementary school, the town square, and few shops we do have here. I show her the hotel as we pass it.

“Yeah, that’s the only hotel in this tiny town,” she says with a laugh.

“Sure is, how do you know that?” I ask surprised.

“That’s where we’re staying,” she says sadly.

“Oh, that makes sense.”

“So where do you want to go eat?” she asks.

“I’m not really hungry.”

“When was the last time you ate?” she says intently.

“Earlier today,” I lie.

“No you didn’t, your mom told me you haven’t eaten in three days,” she says calling me out.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Liv, as your friend
, I’m telling you that you need to eat, even if it’s something small.”

“Fine,” I say giving in. The last thing I want is to argue about food when I know I need to eat something. “Could you eat pizza?”

“Sure, that sounds good,” she says with a smile.

I drive to the only pizza shop in our town, park, and get out of the car.

We order and sit in a booth. I see a few people in the shop, but not really anyone I know, thank goodness.

“So, I wanted to talk to you about something,” Sophie says nervously.

“What’s up?”

“Are you planning on coming back to school after
err...everything?” she asks looking solemn.

I hadn’t really thought about it, just figured I would go back. I still need my college education.

“Yeah, I’m coming back.” I say quietly.

“Good, because I wanted to see if you would room with me for the rest of the semester?” she asks
, looking hopeful.

“What? You room with Megan,” I say surprised.

“Megan and I talked and we think it would be good to change things up a bit. So would you consider rooming with me when we get back?” She says, staring at me.

I just stare back, not sure what to say.

“I don’t want to be rude Sophie, but I want to stay in my room,” I say truthfully.

“I figured as much. I could move into your room,” she says like it’s no big deal.

“Umm…could I think about it?” I ask nervously.

“Yeah
, sure. I talked to Lindsay and she said they aren’t moving anyone in with you, unless you say it’s okay. I just thought…well never mind,” she says with a weak smile.

“They didn’t move Brynn’s things out did they?” I ask frantically.

“No, no they didn’t touch anything. Your mom said something about you and her doing that when we go back down.”

“Oh, okay,” I say and then luckily our food
gets here. We eat in silence.

Do I want another roommate? No. Would it be wise to have another roommate? Probably not, especially with how I’m feeling right now.

I’m thankful we finish our pizza without visitors. I drop Sophie off at the hotel and head home. I park and start to walk towards the door and then see the treehouse.

I climb the ladder and sit inside the crazy old treehouse I’ve had since I was a little kid.

This use to be Nathan and I’s clubhouse, it was where the cool kids hung out, or so we told ourselves. Once he moved, it took me a while to go back inside until Brynn gave me no choice. She bitched at me and told me to grow a pair, at ten years old. Just thinking of the things she would say and do, makes me laugh.

Damn, I miss you Brynn.

Brynn’s funeral is in two days, not that I’m looking forward to it. Jill asks me if I want to go through her bedroom and take anything I’d like. I don’t want to take anything; I want my best friend back. I want Brynn to yell and bitch at me and tell me to grow a pair.

But she can’t because she’s not here, she’s dead.

The next two days are a blur. I don’t do anything except stay in my room and grieve. I’m not in the mood to do anything. I know I should, but I just feel empty.

I haven’t turned my cell phone on yet and I don’t plan on it either. Today’s the day I’ve been dreading, my best friend’s funeral.

My parents and I are going early because it’s a closed casket due to the severity of the accident, but being like family, Brynn’s parents are allowing us to see her one last time.

My parents don’t want me to see her like this, but I have to. She would see me and say goodbye if the roles were reversed, which I wish they were.

I don’t wish for her to mourn my death, but if things were reversed, it would mean she’s still living, which is what I want.