Never Say Goodbye (31 page)

‘Well, it’s the sort of crack-brained thing I’d expect from her, not from you.’

‘So you’re not going to drink it?’

‘I didn’t say that. There’s no point wasting it. I’m just saying, I like my normal brew, with milk.’

Josie twinkled. ‘You’re turning into a bit of an old stick in the mud,’ she teased, ‘but it’s part of why I love you.’

Rolling his eyes, he took a sip of the tea and put the mug down next to his phone. ‘Anything good on telly tonight?’ he asked, opening the paper.

This is your moment, Josie, come on, girl, get on with it.
‘I haven’t looked yet,’ she replied, managing to sound like her normal, unflapped self. It was nearly a week since she’d had the chat with Bel Monkton, and she still wasn’t any closer to finding the right words, if they even existed, and she wasn’t sure that they did. She could hardly just blurt it out, and beating around the bush would only end up confusing them both.

Actually, she’d almost got there yesterday, but the first time he’d been called out on a job, and the second time her mother had turned up unannounced wanting to celebrate her lottery win.

‘Come on, I’m treating you down the pub,’ Eileen had insisted, turfing Jeff out of his chair. ‘It’s only two hundred and forty quid, but it’s better than a slap round the face with a wet fish.’

‘You could put it towards a new washing machine,’ Josie reminded her.

‘Oh God, will you listen to her?’ Eileen groaned. ‘How did someone like me end up with a daughter as boring as her, that’s what I want to know.’

And how did that boring daughter end up with cancer when she’d never smoked a cigarette in her life, and hardly ever had a drink, that was what Josie would like to know. It didn’t seem very fair, did it, when she did her best to play by the rules and people like her mother never did? Not that she’d wish cancer on any one of them, no way would she ever do that, she just felt the question needed asking, that was all.

‘Who’s that now?’ Jeff grumbled, as someone knocked on the door, and taking his mug with him he went to find out.

Smiling to herself, since he clearly liked the tea more than he was letting on, Josie took a sip of her own and thought it was a shame that it wasn’t making her feel as relaxed as she had been at Bel Monkton’s. Maybe relaxed was putting it a bit strongly, but she certainly hadn’t felt as uptight or self-conscious as she’d expected she would.

She was a really lovely young woman, Bel Monkton, not only beautiful on the outside, but inside too. She’d remembered now where she’d seen her before; it was at the clinic. She’d gone into the Visitors’ Information Room with Mr Beck, which probably meant he’d been her sister’s surgeon until it all went wrong. Josie wondered how many people Mr Beck saw it go wrong for. It couldn’t be easy, doing his job.

Fancy cutting off all her hair to make her sister feel better. Josie couldn’t imagine doing that for anyone, apart from Lily, of course, but it was different between mother and daughter (unless the mother was Eileen). Whatever, Bel obviously still really missed her sister, and Josie could see how much harder it was likely to be losing a twin. There hadn’t been any mention of a mother, so presumably she wasn’t around either.

The remark Bel had made about her father was interesting, that he’d been in the line-up of people she’d wanted to blame for her sister’s illness. Though Josie was no expert in these things, she’d come away with the feeling that Bel Monkton was hiding a lot more pain than she’d want to admit to, or some kind of guilty conscience, considering what she’d said about deserving to have cancer.

How could anyone deserve that, especially someone like her?

Josie would have liked to ring her again, but knew she probably wouldn’t. She’d texted, a couple of days after her visit, to say thank you again for the chat.

Have you told him yet?
Bel had messaged back.

Getting there,
Josie had replied.

‘All right, doll?’ Carly demanded, bustling in through the door. ‘Can’t stop, on my way out, but Mandy Berry’s having one of those Ann Summers parties the Monday after next. All the girls are going. Remember what a scream we had at the last one? Tickets are only a quid so she can cover the cost of a glass of wine and some nuts. I can give her yours in the morning, if you’ve got it, save you traipsing over there.’

Since it was the day of her next chemo, Josie had to say, ‘I’m not sure I can make it.’

Carly looked up from her mobile, shocked.

‘I might have an extra shift at the caff that night,’ Josie improvised.

‘Oh no,’ Carly groaned, ‘everyone wants you to be there. It makes us all laugh even more when you laugh.’

Knowing that was true, probably because of how much more naïve she was than most of them, Josie said, ‘I’ll check and let you know. Who’s Jeff talking to out there?’

‘Oh, Jack Moss,’ Carly replied, glancing over her shoulder. ‘He’s trying to drum up support for something or other. Anyway, got to rush, hot date. Let me know when you can about the party.’

As she left, Jeff came back into the room, still holding his mug.

‘So what was Jack going on about?’ Josie prompted. ‘Did you tell him about our dodgy boiler while you were out there?’

‘I fixed it,’ Jeff responded indignantly. ‘At least for now. Anyway, he wasn’t here as a plumber, he wants to know if we’ll vote for him when he runs for the council.’

‘I hope you said yes. He’s one of the few people around here who’s prepared to do something about our bins not being emptied often enough and those bloody rats in the park. The rest of us are too blinking lazy to stand up for ourselves, that’s our trouble.’

‘Speak for yourself,’ Jeff retorted. ‘I’m dead beat after a full day’s work, that’s why I don’t get involved. Whereas you, with the way you’ve been going on lately, you’ll be able to run for Prime Minister come the next election, you got so much time on your hands.’

‘Well I couldn’t make any bigger a mess of it than the halfwit we’ve got there now,’ Josie responded, feeling the discomfort of his words creeping over her, ‘but since we’re on the subject of me and my two-day week, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.’

‘Good. I hope you’re going to tell me you’ve found something else, because it wouldn’t be before time.’

With her insides fluttering badly, Josie took a sip of her tea and said, ‘It’s not that I don’t want to find something, you know me, I’m not a shirker. It’s just that at the moment it’s a bit difficult.’

He looked up from his paper. ‘Difficult? In what way?’ he demanded.

‘Well, it’s just . . .’ Where were the words? They had to come now. She took a breath and tried again. ‘Well, you remember I was a bit off colour last week?’

‘Yes,’ he replied, his eyes starting to narrow. ‘What are you trying to say?’

‘Well, just that, it wasn’t food poisoning I had, it was . . . it was side effects from having chemo.’

It took only a moment for shock to turn his face white. ‘What do you mean, chemo?’ he said. ‘You only have that when you’ve got . . .’

Their eyes were locked on each other’s as Josie nodded.

She could see, almost feel, his confusion. ‘Are you saying what I think you’re saying?’ he asked.

‘I’ve got breast cancer,’ she stated, and found, to her surprise, that it was almost a relief to say the words. ‘It’s not a big deal, or anything,’ she went on hastily. ‘They’ve caught it early, and now they’re giving me treatment to shrink it.’ It didn’t matter that it wasn’t the entire truth, and she didn’t have tell him yet about the mastectomy, either. That could come later.

‘How long have you known?’ he asked darkly.

‘Only a couple of weeks. I didn’t want to bother you with it until I knew for certain, and like I said, it’s not a big deal. It just means I won’t be able to hold down another job for a while, till the treatment’s over.’

‘What about the one you’ve got?’

‘Oh, that should be fine. They’re treating me on Mondays, so I should be OK for work by Thursday.’

‘I meant, should you be doing it?’

‘Yes, definitely. I was right as rain by Thursday last week. A bit tired, I suppose, but that could be said about most of us these days. Anyway, we don’t have to talk about it any more. It’s all under control . . .’

‘Have you told the kids?’

She flushed. ‘No, not yet. To be honest, I’m not sure I even need to. I mean, what’s the point in worrying them if I can get through it without them knowing?’

He continued to look at her, seeming lost for words.

Reaching into her bag, she said, ‘I got this for you.’

He watched her put a booklet on the coffee table, and turn it round so he could see its title.
In it together: for partners of people with breast cancer.

‘Right,’ he grunted, making no attempt to pick it up.

It didn’t matter, at least she’d given it to him, and because she’d read it herself she knew that his reaction, or lack of one, wasn’t all that unusual. She just had to hope that he did end up reading it, since it was very informative and she was sure he’d find it helpful. ‘So,’ she said, snuggling deeper into her chair, ‘what are we going to watch?’

Passing her the paper, he replied, ‘Here, you look. I’m going up to have a shower.’

Harry was already waiting when Bel arrived at the Crustacean Brasserie, the only restaurant in Kesterly able to boast a Michelin star plus a sweeping view of the bay. Not that there was much to see from the wall of windows on this inky-black night, just a few disembodied lights on the horizon as vessels passed from the estuary into the Bristol Channel, and the glistening spume of waves as it washed on to the nearby rocks.

With Harry was a man Bel had never seen before, though it came as little surprise when Harry introduced him as his cousin, Ozzie.

‘He’s staying with us for the weekend,’ Harry explained, as she shook Ozzie’s hand, ‘and he didn’t want to miss out on being able to thank you for the tickets.’

‘Which I do, wholeheartedly,’ Ozzie assured her, clasping both his hands round hers. He was several inches shorter, and rounder, than Harry, but was almost as good-looking and appeared to be equally charming. ‘It’s a great honour to meet you,’ he declared, as Harry held out a chair for her to sit down. ‘I’ve heard much about you, all good, I hasten to add.’

Bel smiled as she said, ‘I’m relieved to hear that.’

Laughing, Harry asked, ‘Isn’t Nick joining us?’

‘He’s supposed to be,’ she assured him. ‘He should be here any minute.’

‘Would you care for an aperitif?’ Ozzie offered as a waiter approached with the vodka tonics he and Harry had ordered.

‘A glass of wine would be lovely,’ Bel told the waiter. ‘A Macon-Villages, or something along those lines?’

‘Medium or large?’

‘Medium, thanks. Ah, here’s Nick,’ she declared, spotting him coming in the door. She waved out as Harry and Ozzie got to their feet, ready to greet him.

To her surprise he seemed to take an inordinate amount of time checking in his coat, then he stumbled on the steps up to their table.

‘I’m fine, I’m fine,’ he chuckled as Harry and Ozzie sprang forward to help him, and using the banister to haul himself back to his feet he said, ‘Harry, my old friend, how are you? It’s been a long time.’

Realising, to her horror, that he was drunk, Bel could only watch as he shook hands with Harry, then Ozzie, only just managing to hold his balance.

‘Bel,’ he declared, coming to embrace her, ‘and was a woman ever more
belle
, I ask myself. You look ravishing, my darling.’

Stunned, and almost recoiling from the sour stench of whisky on his breath, Bel hissed, ‘What’s going on? Where have you been to get like this?’

Ignoring the question, he slumped down next to her and raised a hand to summon a waiter. After ordering a double Scotch, he folded his hands on the table and broke into a smile. ‘So, this is nice, isn’t it?’ he remarked. ‘All friends together. Thanks for inviting us, Harry. It’s a great pleasure to meet you, Ozzie.’

Since he’d already said that when greeting them, Bel attempted to deflect attention away from him. ‘I was wondering,’ she said to Ozzie, ‘what you do in London?’

Ozzie grimaced. ‘I’m sorry to say, I’m in banking,’ he confessed.

‘Which is how come,’ Harry chipped in, ‘he was able to go back to the art show and put a red sticker on one of the paintings. A birthday present for his wife.’

Nick was blinking wildly. ‘You bought one of Edwin’s paintings?’ he cried. ‘That’s not going to earn you any points with Bel, I hope you know that.’

‘Nick,’ she whispered harshly.

Shrugging, he sat back in his chair and seemed to drift in and out of awareness as Harry returned the conversation to safer ground by enquiring about Bel’s new project.

‘Have you seen the barn yet?’ he asked Nick, as a waiter turned up with the double Scotch.

‘No ice, thanks,’ Nick said, waving it away. ‘I haven’t been invited yet,’ he told Harry.

‘But you will be,’ Bel assured him, ‘when you have time.’

Raising his glass to everyone, he took a sip and said, ‘Never enough of that, is there? Time, I mean.’

‘Tell me about it,’ Harry responded wryly. ‘Are you still lecturing at Exeter?’

‘Sure am,’ Nick replied, loosening his tie. ‘For now, anyway.’

‘Nick’s been offered a job at Sydney University,’ Bel informed them. ‘It’s a great opportunity, so he’s intending to take it.’

‘Really?’ Harry said, his eyes moving worriedly between her and Nick. ‘Sounds . . . interesting, Nick. Same subject, I guess?’

Seeming not to have heard the question, Nick said, ‘Of course, Bel doesn’t want me to go. She’s worried about not seeing the children, and I can understand that . . .’

‘Nick, we don’t need to discuss this now,’ Bel interposed, putting a hand on his arm.

Turning to her, he said, ‘You’re the one who brought it up.’

‘About the job, yes . . .’

‘I don’t want to leave her behind,’ Nick confided to Harry. ‘It tears me up just to think of it, but what choice do I have? The children treat her like she’s their mother . . .’

‘Ah, the menus,’ Harry declared as a waiter began handing them out. ‘I must admit, I’m liking the look of that lobster floating about in the tank over there, but if anyone else has an eye on it . . .’