Never Say Goodbye (15 page)

‘Don’t laugh now,’ Carly warned, ‘but remember I told you Esme Spark went home with some bloke when we went out on Saturday night? A right good-looker he was too, wouldn’t have minded him for meself, but she got in first so you have to respect that. Anyway, wait for this, you’re going to piss yourself when I tell you. She only wakes up on Sunday morning to find he’s gone and left a couple of twenties on the bedside table.’

Josie’s eyes widened. ‘You don’t mean . . .’

‘I do.’

‘No way!’

‘I swear. The bastard only thought she was a prozzie. I could hardly keep a straight face when she told me. She was that mad I thought she was going to smash something, or do me some sort of injury. But like I said to her, at least it was a couple of twenties, think how she’d have felt if it had been a couple of tens!’

As Carly hooted with laughter, Josie dutifully laughed too and felt thankful all over again that her friends had long since given up trying to talk her into joining them for girls’ nights out. It wasn’t that she never enjoyed the odd binge on the town, sometimes they could be a good laugh, but she always hated it when the others started getting off with blokes. She never knew where to put herself, and if anyone tried to chat her up she just about wanted to die.

‘You’re definitely not your mother’s daughter,’ Carly would often tell her.

‘Nothing like,’ Eileen would confirm in disgust. ‘She’s a right bloody prude if you ask me.’

‘No I’m not,’ Josie would protest. ‘I just happen to be married and it’s how I want to stay.’

Fortunately no one ever mentioned the business with Dawnie Hopkins, or not these days anyway. They used to though, quite regularly, telling her to get her own back so Jeff would know what it felt like; or that she deserved to have a bit of fun after what she’d been through, ‘so get on with it, girl’.

The trouble was, her idea of fun had never been to meet another bloke. All she’d ever wanted was for her marriage to mend.

‘Hey, you heard about what’s happening with Trev and Nina, haven’t you?’ Carly prompted.

Josie hadn’t, but was sure she was about to.

‘It turns out he’s definitely got something wrong with his waterworks, so he still can’t get it up, and everyone knows how desperate she is to have another kid. If you ask me, I reckon it’s why he’s having a problem, all the pressure is making him impotent. And who can blame him? The three they’ve already got would be enough to turn me celibate for life. It’s just that she wants a girl, and I suppose we can understand that, you and me, when we’ve been so blessed with ours. Which reminds me, my Amy tells me your Lily’s thinking of moving nearer to Jasper’s parents after they get married. Is that right?’

Feeling suddenly sober, Josie said, ‘I don’t think she’s got any particular plans yet. It’ll depend on what jobs they manage to get when they graduate. Maybe they’ll stand more chance of one if they live over that way. We’ll see.’

‘It would be really hard for you though, wouldn’t it, if she wasn’t just up the road any more. And let’s face it, Bristol’s not a million miles away. I know I’d hate it if my Amy moved to London, or somewhere over that way. It’s bad enough that she’s in Kesterly with her mates, but at least she’s got a good job in Topshop and if she needs her mum she can be here in twenty minutes on the bus. If you ask me, that’s the trouble with kids having an education. It makes them leave home, and though I know that’s not always a bad thing, there doesn’t seem any need for it if you all get along. Amy’s always saying to me, “Mum, I could never manage without you,” and I’ve got to tell you, I don’t think she could.’

Though Josie would have loved Lily to be closer, she wasn’t going to admit that to Carly in case it made her seem critical of Lily, or weak, or clingy. ‘Wouldn’t you rather she was able to stand on her own two feet?’ she asked. ‘I know Amy earns her own money now, but if anything was to happen to you, what would she do, with her being so dependent?’

Carly’s sigh formed a white cloud around her face. ‘I must admit, I do worry about that sometimes,’ she confessed, ‘but I expect once she’s met the right bloke and they settle down together, it’ll all sort itself out. I just hope he’s from around here, that’s all, because I’d hate it if she was somewhere I couldn’t see her very often. I don’t know how you stand it with your Ryan. I’d be worried out of my tiny mind if I had a kid in nick, that’s for sure. Well, I know you are, and I hope he realises what stress he’s putting you under. Boys! They never think about anyone but themselves, do they? When are you seeing him again?’

‘Saturday,’ Josie replied. ‘Did I tell you Lily and I went to the dress designer’s last weekend?’ she went on, changing the subject.

‘Yeah, you did. Sounds bloody lovely it does, ivory lace and a fishtail bottom. She’ll look like a movie star, so she will. You’ll have to be finding yourself an outfit soon. Are you going to look in Bristol, while you’re up there? I don’t mind coming with you if Lily’s busy.’

‘That’s kind of you. I’ll let you know how it goes.’ As they’d reached Carly’s front gate by now, Josie gave her a quick peck on the cheek and after saying goodnight she skirted round the bins and hurried along the path to home. She was fond of Carly, she really was, but she couldn’t deny a part of her was often glad to get away from her.

After putting the chips in the microwave to reheat, she was just lighting the gas fire when Jeff came stomping in through the front door, scraping his feet on the mat and banging his hands together.

‘It’s bloody warmer in the car,’ he grumbled, keeping his coat on as he came into the lounge.

‘I expect it is,’ she sympathised, turning the fire up high. ‘Why don’t you pop up and put the electric blanket on so it’ll be all nice and snug for when we get into bed.’

With some muttering under his breath he took himself off upstairs, and by the time he came down again Josie was laying out plates of curry sauce and chips in front of the fire.

‘Thought we’d have a little picnic,’ she told him as he came into the room.

‘Did you win the lottery?’ he asked. ‘I thought you were skint till Friday.’

‘I was, but you lent me a fiver, remember, and we’ve only got chips, no fish.’

‘That fiver was for your bus fare tomorrow,’ he reminded her. ‘How are you going to manage to get home again if you’ve already spent half of it?’

‘I might pick up some tips at the caff. If I don’t I’ll ask Fliss for an advance. She’s usually quite good about that. So, are you going to come and eat?’

Stripping off his gloves, he sank down next to her, and picked up his plate. ‘Bloody good idea,’ he told her after the first mouthful. ‘This is really hitting the spot.’

She smiled. ‘I thought it might. So, you got your dad home all right?’

‘Just about. Stupid bugger tripped on the front step, but I managed to catch him before he hit the deck. Swore at me blind, he did, as if it was my fault, but at least he never minds going home. Your mother, being your mother, tried to persuade me to take her into town for a bit more action.’

Josie shook her head. ‘Why aren’t I surprised by that? I hope she doesn’t start playing her music and upsetting the neighbours again. One of them threatened to call the police last week, and she never helps matters the way she screams at them to shut up, like they’re the ones making the noise.’

‘She’s always been the same, and I can’t see her changing any time soon.’

‘Chance would be a fine thing. Anyway, you haven’t told me yet how much Trev wants for a down payment on a new car.’ She wondered if he and Trev ever discussed Trev’s waterworks problem, but somehow doubted it. Nor would she tell him, since he was no fonder of gossip than she was.

‘He said he’d be happy to take the old one off our hands as a deposit, but we’d have to find a hundred and fifty a month after that, and I don’t reckon, once I’ve paid me insurance, and road tax and petrol and everything, that we’d be able to pull that much together. Not if business goes on the way it is.’

‘It’s always slow at this time of year,’ she reminded him. ‘It’ll change come the spring, and we’ll manage somehow till then.’ She wasn’t sure how, they just would.

‘I wish I had your optimism,’ he grunted, and helped himself to more chips.

‘You do,’ she teased, ‘you just feel you have to hide it, but I know it’s there somewhere.’

Cocking an eyebrow, he ate some more, and watched her as she ate too.

‘What?’ she asked when she realised he was still staring at her.

He shook his head. ‘Nothing.’

‘Yes there is. I can tell.’

‘I was only wondering,’ he finally confessed, ‘if Bob plies all the women with free cocktails, or if it’s just you.’

She laughed in surprise. ‘Two rum and Cokes is what he gave me, so not cocktails, and if you count his buy one, get one free offer tonight, he didn’t give me anything.’

‘So who paid for the two, because I know I didn’t?’

She blinked. ‘I thought you did.’

He shook his head. ‘I’m telling you, that bloke’s got the hots for you, always has had.’

Josie started to grin. ‘You wouldn’t be jealous, would you?’ she teased, dipping her head to peer up into his face.

‘Give me a break,’ he growled. ‘I’m just saying, that’s all, but you ought to go careful, you don’t want people talking about you like there’s something going on.’

Josie waved a hand. ‘Even if they did they’d be wrong, so what’s there to worry about?’

‘He was your boyfriend once.’

‘Yeah, when we were twelve. Anyway, you should be thankful you didn’t have to pay, given how tight things are this week. Have you got any fares booked for tomorrow?’

‘Not yet, but I’ll give the cab office in town a ring tomorrow, see if they’ve got anything going over there. If they have, and it works out, I might be able to give you a lift in.’

‘That’d be nice,’ she said, reaching over to turn down the fire. ‘I was going to ask Fliss if she might need me for an extra couple of days now Mr Crover-Keene’s given me the heave-ho.’ Bloody nice that was, letting her clean his place top to bottom before telling her he’d decided to hire a Filipino couple to take care of the house and garden from now on. Still, at least he’d had the decency to give her a hundred-quid pay-off, which had gone straight into financing the car repair.

Realising he was watching her again, she put her head to one side and regarded him steadily. ‘What’s going on?’ she prompted. ‘Why do you keep looking at me?’

Finishing his chips, he said, ‘I had to go and pick up Debbie Prince from Eastbrook today.’

Josie’s insides started to knot. Debbie Prince was renowned on the estate for being as aggressive and potentially lethal as her husband and brothers, all of whom were serving time for murder. She was also the mother of Shane Prince, the boy who’d got Ryan into trouble. Eastbrook was the nearest women’s prison.

‘She’s a right piece of work,’ Jeff went on sourly. ‘Cussing and screaming into her phone at someone the whole way back.’

‘So, has she been inside?’ she asked.

‘From the sound of it she’d been visiting one of her daughters. They’re a bad lot, those Princes.’

‘You didn’t tell her who you were, I suppose.’

‘What kind of fool do you take me for? It was bad enough having to be in the same car as her, I definitely didn’t want to get into how we’re connected.’

Flinching at the mere thought of being connected to a woman like that, Josie said, ‘So where did you drop her?’

‘At home, if that’s what she calls it. Looks a right dump to me with plastic sheeting in half the windows and a smashed-up old telly in the garden. It’s streets like hers, and families like hers, that give this estate such a bad name.’

‘You have to wonder how she can afford a taxi,’ Josie commented.

He snorted his derision. ‘They’re never short of cash, that lot. It’s how they come by it you shouldn’t ask about. It’s just a shame they don’t use a few bob of it to buy a bar of soap once in a while, because I’m not lying when I tell you she stank. I felt like going to fumigate the car after she got out.’

Shuddering, Josie collected up their plates and carried them out to the kitchen. ‘Did she say anything about Shane?’ she asked as he came to put the kettle on.

‘Not that I heard,’ he replied.

‘I wonder if she even cares about him,’ she said, squirting a short stream of washing-up liquid into the bowl, and running the hot tap. ‘I never see her at the prison.’ Thinking of Ryan was making her feel sad, and needful of being able to put her arms around him. She guessed he was probably in bed by now, maybe even asleep, alone in his cell. It was how she wanted to think of him, how she
must
think of him at night or she’d never have a minute’s peace. During the day she’d learned to tell herself he was busy working in the kitchen, or the library, or learning how to weld, which he’d recently got into. She couldn’t allow herself to think of what hell the Prince boy and his gang might be putting him through, or any of the other inmates. She just hoped to God they weren’t doing their worst, or he wasn’t self-harming or starving himself half to death.

What good was going to come of him being in that place?

None she could even begin to imagine.

‘The best times of all,’ he’d written in his last letter, ‘are when you come to see me, Mum. It makes me feel better to see your face, and after you’ve gone I look at your photo and remember all the things you said.’

What on earth was he going to do if she had to tell him she had cancer? Though she’d made up her mind not to think too much about it until she got the results, she had to accept that the surgeon might have got it right. If he had she’d still go to see Ryan, obviously, but it might not be so often if she had to have treatment.

Feeling suddenly afraid, she slid her arms round Jeff’s waist and rested her head on his back. Though she was aware of the dressing on her boob, she was sure he wouldn’t be able to feel it too, not through her bra.

‘What’s all this about?’ he asked in surprise.

‘Just feeling like a bit of a cuddle,’ she said, keeping hold of him. She’d had a letter yesterday, telling her to go for a bone scan next Monday and a CT scan the day after. She’d rung her GP in a bit of a panic, but Dr Moore had assured her the scans were simply a precaution to make sure nothing had spread.