Never Say Genius (27 page)

Mya got into position to throw the Frisbee at Archie Clone’s chopper. She was about to let it loose when—

Fttttttttttttttttttttttt!

A dart hit Mya on the side of her neck! Coke looked to the right and saw one of the bowler dudes sitting in a chopper with a blowgun in his mouth. Then that chopper flew away.

Mya stopped, her eyes rolling back in her head. She crumpled to her knees, dropping the Frisbee.

It was like everything was in slow motion as the Frisbee fell to the concrete. Coke put his hands on his ears in anticipation of the inevitable explosion.

But nothing happened. There was no explosion.

“The Frisbee detonates on the
second
impact!” Pep shouted. “Remember? She skips it off the ground!”

Pep ran over and grabbed the Frisbee. Archie Clone’s chopper was about fifteen feet off the roof now, and moving horizontally. In a few seconds, it would be out of range.

“Throw it!” Coke shouted to his sister.

“He’s leaving!” Pep shouted back. “I can’t—”

At that moment, Archie Clone stopped his helicopter and swiveled it around.

“You kids think you are so smart,” he shouted out the open window. “Well,
nobody
is smarter than me.”

He pulled out what appeared to be a gun but was in fact much worse than a gun. It was a missile launcher, the kind that terrorists use. One well-placed shot could take off the roof of the museum. Archie Clone pointed the monstrous thing at the twins and looked through the scope.

“Throw it, Pep!” Coke shouted. “Now!”

Pep reared back and whipped the Frisbee hard, so hard that she fell down as she let fly. The Frisbee hit the chopper just above the fuel tank. A moment later there was a flash, followed by a fireball that enveloped the whole chopper. I’m talking about a big, orange, action-movie fireball.

Coke covered his eyes to shield himself from the flash of light, the heat, and the flying debris.

“Nice throw!” he said, genuinely impressed by his sister’s skill.

The flaming chopper spun crazily for a few seconds, and then crashed into the ground next to the museum, resulting in another fireball. Terrified tourists scattered to avoid getting hit.

Coke and Pep looked over the edge of the roof to watch the twisted wreckage smoke and burn. Nobody climbed out of the chopper. There would be no survivors.

Pep began to sob. Her brother put his arm around her.

“I killed somebody,” she said quietly.

“We
both
killed him,” Coke told her. “There was no other way.”

Bones landed his chopper on the roof, jumped out, and ran over to the twins.

“Get out of here!” he implored them. “Quick, before the police show up to find out what happened.”

By five o’clock, when the museums closed for the day, teams of very official-looking workers had carted away most of what was left of the burned helicopter outside the Museum of American History. There had been a story on the news about a helicopter crash near the Washington Monument, but government officials had managed to keep the details of the accident away from the press. Life had returned to normal on the National Mall. People were jogging and skateboarding as if nothing had ever happened.

Coke and Pep were lying around on the grass when their parents came strolling out of the National Air and Space Museum.

“So did you kids have a good time?” asked Dr. McDonald. “Did you see Albert Einstein’s pipe?”

“How about Warren Harding’s pajamas?” asked Mrs. McDonald.

“It was really cool,” Coke told them. “We saw the actual flag that inspired Francis Scott Key to write ‘The Star-Spangled Banner.’”

“And we saw that John Bull train. Did you know it used to take two days to get from New York to Philadelphia?”

“And Dumbo the flying elephant…”

“And Dorothy’s ruby slippers from
The Wizard of Oz
…”

“We learned a lot about American history,” Coke told his parents. “I think it’s going to really help us in school this year.”

“Great!” Dr. McDonald said. “I’m so glad you kids went there. See? It’s possible to go places that are fun and educational at the same time.”

“You’re limping, Coke,” Mrs. McDonald said. “What happened?”

Coke looked at his sister.

“Well, the truth is,” he said, “we were kidnapped by this crazy teenager who looked like Archie from the comics. He dragged us up to the roof of the museum, where he was going to take us by helicopter and drop us on the point of the Washington Monument. But we jumped out at the last moment and Pep threw a Frisbee grenade at the chopper and blew it out of the sky. I twisted my ankle when I jumped out of the helicopter.”

Their parents looked at him for a long time.

“Ha, ha!” laughed Dr. McDonald. “That’s a good one. You kids crack me up.”

“Hey,” Mrs. McDonald said. “What do you say we go watch some fireworks tonight? Tomorrow is the Fourth of July, you know.”

“I don’t think so, Mom,” Pep said. “It’s been a long day.”

C
oke and Pep’s long nightmare was finally over. Archie Clone was dead, a victim of his own greed and insanity. Dr. Warsaw was dead, a victim of a very high fall from The Infinity Room at The House on the Rock. Mrs. Higgins was, in all probability, in police custody, after foolishly trying to steal the top hat that Abraham Lincoln was wearing on the night he was assassinated. The bowler dudes had flown away in helicopters, but neither of them seemed to have the smarts to mount a serious campaign of terror without the guidance of an inspiring leader.

There was nobody left to bother Coke and Pep. When they woke up on the morning of July Fourth, they were both smiling for the first time in a long time. A burden had been lifted. Finally, they could enjoy their summer vacation.

Everyone rushed to get dressed. Aunt Judy’s wedding was scheduled for noon on the grass in front of the Lincoln Memorial. The McDonald family had packed their nicest clothes for this occasion, and had waited the whole trip to wear them.

Before this year, Pep had never cared much about clothes or what she looked like. But today she was all decked out in a lovely blue skirt with a ruffled white blouse and a necklace with a butterfly on it. Coke hated to wear a jacket and tie, and put up with them as long as it was just for the occasional wedding or funeral. His pants and sleeves were just a
little
short, because he had grown a few inches in the last year but had refused to go shopping to get new clothes that fit. Dr. McDonald had on the jacket he wore to work every day, with a red, white, and blue tie. Mrs. McDonald wore a conservative flower print skirt. She didn’t want to put on anything that might outshine her sister, the bride and star of the show.

Everyone in the McDonald family was used to throwing on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt in the morning. So getting ready took longer this day, fussing with all the ties and buttons and zippers and belts. But in the end, they looked good. The all-American family. People stared at them as they boarded the Metro heading into Washington.

The Fourth of July is a special day. It’s America’s birthday, after all, and everyone wants to go to the party in the nation’s capital. People were holding little flags. Red, white, and blue was everywhere.

Mrs. McDonald was understandably nervous about the wedding. She had not seen her sister, Judy, in many years. Bridget and Judy had grown up together in California, but after college Judy had moved to Washington to take an entry-level job in the government. For a short time, she worked at the Pentagon. Bridget and Judy had a falling-out when Judy started going out with—and almost married—a boy that Bridget didn’t like. He seemed mean and abusive, and she didn’t want her sister mixed up with a guy like that. Judy broke up with the boy a long time ago, but she and Bridget didn’t reconnect after that. They had stopped speaking, and neither one wanted to be the first to apologize. Bridget was surprised when she received an invitation to Judy’s wedding. Maybe it was a signal that their feud was over.

In any case, the sisters hadn’t seen each other in ten years. Coke and Pep didn’t remember meeting their Aunt Judy when they were very little.

The McDonalds were already running late for the wedding, and there was a delay on the Metro that made them even later. They got out at the Foggy Bottom Metro stop and rushed about half a mile toward Potomac Park, where the Lincoln Memorial is located.

“I barely remember what Judy looks like anymore,” Mrs. McDonald said as they hurried down Twenty-third Street.

“She probably looks the same,” said Dr. McDonald. “Just a little older and grayer. Like us.”

“What should I say to her?”

“Just say congratulations.”

“What if she’s marrying some jerk?”

“That’s her business, not yours,” Dr. McDonald advised. “Don’t judge her. That’s what caused all the problems last time. Besides, how bad could he be?”

It was a beautiful day, and lots of tourists were out. The McDonalds were looking for people dressed as a bride and groom.

“Over there!” Coke said as they crossed Constitution Avenue.

Hundreds of folding chairs had been set up in front of the Lincoln Memorial. The McDonalds grabbed the only four consecutive seats that were empty, in the back. They could barely see the big statue of Abraham Lincoln. It looked like they had arrived just in time. The bride had already walked down the aisle, but the ceremony had not started yet. The Elvis Presley song “Love Me Tender” was playing out of a big set of speakers.

Dr. McDonald took some coins out of his pocket and handed Coke a penny.

“Notice anything familiar?” he asked.

Coke looked at the penny and turned it over. The image on the back was exactly what he was looking at—the Lincoln Memorial.

“You know,” Dr. McDonald said, “this is the spot where Martin Luther King Jr. gave his ‘I Have a Dream’ speech.”

“I know, I know,” Coke said.

“Isn’t this beautiful?” Mrs. McDonald asked, to nobody in particular, as she fussed with her hair.

“I wonder how they were able to get a permit for this space,” Dr. McDonald commented. “Somebody must have a lot of dough, or a lot of clout.”

“Shhhhh, you’re spoiling the mood, Ben.”

“All I’m saying is, you can’t just pay somebody a hundred bucks to rent the Lincoln Memorial. Somebody pulled some strings—”

“Shhhhhhhhhhh!”

“Mom,” Pep complained, “I can only see the backs of their heads from here.”

“Shhhhhhhhhhh! We’ll talk to Aunt Judy and her new husband after the ceremony.”

Mrs. McDonald stood up for a moment to get a better look at the front. She couldn’t see much. The bride was wearing a traditional long white gown. The minister was standing at a podium, fussing with some papers. The groom appeared to be sitting in a wheelchair.

“I didn’t know Judy’s fiancé was disabled,” she said.

“Shhhhhhhhhh!” Dr. McDonald replied. “I think they’re about to start.”

Mrs. McDonald sat back down. The buzzing in the crowd fell to a hush as the minister began to speak.

“Dearly beloved,” he said, “we are gathered together here to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony…”

Coke looked around. He wished he’d brought a portable video game system, or his iPod. This was going to be boring.

“Marriage is the joyous joining of two people in heart, in body, and in mind,” the minister continued. “In marriage, two people make a lifelong commitment to embrace their dreams, to face their failures, their disappointments, and to one day realize their hopes together.”

Mrs. McDonald started to tear up, and Dr. McDonald handed her a tissue. Coke looked around to see tissues being passed around among the sniffling crowd. Even Pep looked like she was getting a little choked up.

Coke looked over at his dad, and they winked at each other as if to share a secret—
Weddings are a girl thing
. It would be so much more fun if he and all the guys at the wedding could go to a ball game instead. Probably even the groom would come along.