Never Let You Down: The Connaghers, Book 4 (5 page)

“Hit me, Ginny. It’s okay. I can take it. Hell, I’ll probably like it as much as he does.”

It broke her heart to hear such a thing from him, her noble, loyal friend who’d already humiliated himself by going to his knees for her. So many times he’d taken the blame for whatever scrape she’d gotten them into. Even this mess. “I don’t…”

“You’re not going to lie to
me
, are you? Give it to me. I want anything you’ll give me. I can take whatever you need to dish out.” And then, because he was Jeb and he was always there for her, he did what she needed so she could have an excuse. He touched her, drawing her back into his arms even though she’d ordered him to never touch her again.

She slammed her fist down on his chest, pounding out her frustration, grief, guilt. Her terror that she’d ruined everything, both with him and with Ty. How was she ever going to face her fiancé? He’d take one look at her face and know. He’d see the guilt. She thumped her fists on Jeb’s chest until her arms were too tired to lift her hands and then she simply laid her head against him and bawled her eyes out. While he held her. Her friend. Her rock.

For the very last time.

Chapter Six

Virginia stared at the woman in the mirror. It took all her self-control not to smash her fist into the glass.

“Oh, Mama,” Vicki said softly, clapping her hands. “I thought I could pull it off, but wow. You look fantastic!”

She fussed at the material, smoothing invisible wrinkles from the deep crimson fabric that hugged the hard lines of Virginia’s body. Life on the ranch had always been more hard work than a dozen men could do on any given day. She didn’t have the time let alone the inclination to go to the gym for Zumba and if she wanted to eat nothing but bacon and biscuits for breakfast, by God, that’s what she was going to have, because she’d work it off in an hour. Time had taken its toll, sure, but a good bra did wonders.

“I swear you don’t look a day older than thirty.”

I don’t look like me.
Virginia tried to think of something positive to say. She especially didn’t want to hurt her daughter’s feelings, and she’d gone above and beyond to design a dress that was easy to slip on over her cast. She’d been able to get it on by herself, with an easy to reach side zipper she could manage with her one good arm. It wasn’t too tight or provocative. It was appropriate for a woman of her age. The gauzy sleeves even helped disguise the sling.

But not for me.

“What do you think?”

She tried not to sigh, and even managed a tremulous smile. “You do fine work, honey.”

“But…?”

Virginia met her daughter’s eyes in the mirror, trying to gauge how truthful she ought to be. “Don’t you think this is a bit…much? For me?”

“Nothing’s too much for you.” Vicki smiled, her eyes softening. “That’s what Jesse said to me once. I didn’t really believe him at the time, and I can tell by the look on your face, even though you’re trying to be nice, that you don’t believe me either.”

“I knew I liked your young man for a reason.” Virginia smiled back, trying not to look stony and furious. It wasn’t her daughter’s fault that she saw a foreign woman in the mirror. “You’re young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Of course you ought to dress up and go out for a night on the town looking your best.”

“And you shouldn’t? Don’t be ridiculous, Mama.”

“My time is done.”

“You’re not dead yet,” Vicki retorted, “so don’t stop living.”

Virginia flinched, the words cutting her as sharply as a vicious slap to the face.

“I’m sorry, Mama.” Vicki reached out a shaking hand but didn’t touch her, as though afraid she might retaliate. “We almost lost you in that accident, but we didn’t. You’re still alive. You’re healthy except for your arm. A few weeks of physical therapy and you’re going to be as good as new. But don’t you wonder if it wasn’t a sign? A wake-up call?”

“For what? That I’m alone?”

Her words sounded bitter to her ears. Harsh and strident and angry.

Yeah, I’m angry. I’ve been angry for twelve years.

“You don’t have to be. Look at yourself, Mama. You’re beautiful and Mr. Garrett is a nice, attractive man. He’s not younger than you. He’s someone you know. Weren’t those your requirements?”

Virginia stared at herself in the mirror, her eyes burning hot and dry. “I wish to hell I didn’t know him. That I’d never known him.”

“Why? Mama, please, talk to me. You helped me so much when Elias and I were going through hell. Why can’t I help you now?”

“You have no idea what it’s like.”

“What, Mama? I know you’ve been lonely all these years—anyone would be. I just didn’t know why. I mean, when I was younger I would have been jealous and upset if you’d started dating soon after Daddy’s death, but there’s no reason for you not to have some enjoyment in life. You deserve a good man who’ll take care of you and make sure you’re happy.”

Virginia closed her eyes a minute, trying to decide whether she dared tell anyone the truth. Let alone her daughter. No one knew. Except Jebadiah Garrett. Well, Miss Belle would claim that her supposed psychic ability had revealed the truth to her, when in reality she’d probably been spying on her teenaged daughter all those years ago.

“It was a long time ago.” She waited, hoping Vicki would say something, or at least demand an answer that she could take as a challenge or twist into an argument. Maybe Vicki had finally grown up, though, because she waited in silence with a painful look of encouragement on her face. Virginia sighed heavily and turned away from the burning image in the mirror. “In all the years I was in a relationship with your father, including the years before we were officially married, I was never unfaithful in any way, except once.”

Vicki gasped. “With Mr. Garrett?”

“Like I said, it was a long time ago and before I even married your daddy. We were engaged except for the ring. Ty wouldn’t put a ring on my finger until he had the ranch I wanted and he was working himself nigh to death to raise the money as quickly as possible. I was helping him any way I could, but his pride was a treacherous thing. He wouldn’t take any money from me or Daddy, but I could use our connections in town to make sure he got the best pay for his side jobs and the lowest prices on everything else. Jeb was away most of the time at Texas A&M and I don’t even know for sure how he found out about it. He got his sister to promise I’d come to the Texas A&M orientation that spring break, even though I’d already decided I wasn’t going to college. It wasn’t even a huge secret—I told Ty right away. Yet the very next day, they were both marked and bruised as if they’d beaten the tar out of each other.”

“Who won?”

“Who do you think? Though Jeb must have put up a pretty good fight. I expected them to avoid each other like the plague, but they continued to be friendly for the most part. Ty never said a negative word about Jeb to me. He even told me to go to Texas A&M if I wanted. That an extra four years would be good for both of us. So we’d be sure. But I wasn’t having any of that. We never mentioned it again, not in all the years we were married. In fact, Ty stood up for Jeb at his wedding. Isn’t that strange?”

“I think it just showed how much Daddy loved you, and how much he valued Mr. Garrett as well. I used to love all of Miss Belle’s stories about the shenanigans you used to get into together. So what happened between you two?”

“We kissed. Once. That’s it.”

Vicki let out a low whistle. “One kiss and they beat the tar out of each other? That must have been one hell of a kiss.”

Virginia busied herself sorting through the top drawer of the vanity to pick a lipstick that wouldn’t clash with the rich red of the gown. “Oh I don’t really remember,” she managed to reply breezily. “It was a long time ago. I’d be surprised if Jeb even remembers.”

“Oh he remembers all right. I could see it on his face that night at dinner.”

By the slightly smug tone of her voice, her daughter must have noticed the very careful way Virginia was avoiding her gaze. She selected a nude lipstick and leaned closer to the mirror to apply it, irritated that the skin of her throat was starting to color. She didn’t blush like most people. Her cheeks didn’t betray her until later. First, her throat and chest darkened with splotches of red.

“Even better, he wants to remember a great deal more, if you’ll let him.”

“I have only just begun even thinking about dating another man, but it can’t be Jeb Garrett. This is only old friends reconnecting, nothing more.”

Vicki made a low choking sound that almost drew Virginia’s gaze up to her face. Almost, but not quite. “Why on earth not? The man obviously adores you. Just think about him pining away all these years—”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Virgina broke in. “We were both happily married.”

“That’s it, isn’t it,” Vicki said slowly. “You think that it’d be cheating on Daddy again if you start things up with Jeb.”

Virginia flinched before she could hide the reaction. She didn’t have an answer.

“Oh, Mama,” Vicki breathed out. “You do have feelings for him, or you wouldn’t feel guilty.”

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t have to,” Vicki said tartly. “Now you listen to me. Don’t you think Daddy forgave and forgot that kiss about a million years ago? So why can’t you enjoy rekindling that old flame now?”

“I’m not rekindling anything!”

“You must have felt something. He must have meant something to you or you wouldn’t be so reluctant to talk about it.”

“He means nothing to me.” Yet her words rang with untruth, a heavy ugly jarring note that set her teeth on edge. “He was my best friend until I was married. Nothing else.”

“And your husband’s been in heaven for twelve years.” Vicki said it gently, her hands settling on Virginia’s shoulders. A firm, steadying weight. “If he were here, what would he say?”

She knew, thanks to the vision she’d had after the accident.
You’ve been alone too long.

“It doesn’t have to be him. It shouldn’t be.”

“What better man could Daddy recommend than your best friend?”

The very idea made Virginia groan and cover her face with her hands.

“Mama, give Mr. Garrett a chance. I think Daddy would approve. For all you know, he’s using his angel status to bring Mr. Garrett straight to you.”

Her eyes burned but she made herself snort. “You think your daddy was an angel? Honey, you’ve got no idea.”

“Only a saint could have put up with you all those years,” Vicki retorted, her tone lightened by the sparkle in her eyes.

“Ain’t that the truth.” Virginia stood and faced the mirror one last time. The stranger looked back at her, eyes dark and eager. Did Jeb have any idea what kind of pain and darkness lurked inside her? He’d only had a small taste of how hard and demanding she could be.

In the end, that was the rub. Her first kiss with Tyrell had determined exactly what kind of relationship they were going to have, and until that kiss, she hadn’t even known she could find pleasure in hurting him. That such a thing was even possible.

That long ago kiss with Jeb… What had it told her? That he’d been too damned afraid to make a move until someone else threatened to take her away? That wasn’t fair. Jeb was a lot of things, but not afraid.

Nope. I’m the one who’s afraid. It’d be my luck to regain the best friend I ever had outside of marriage, only to lose him when he realizes how wide my cruel streak is.

Chapter Seven

March 1974

Her stomach twisted into knots, Virginia shot to her feet as soon as she heard Ty’s slow, measured pace down the aisle. She figured the best place to lose him would be the first place she’d found him. In the stable, her true home. So she’d camped out here all night so she wouldn’t miss his predawn arrival. Daddy was willing to let him start work at five a.m., and most days he worked until six p.m., or later, before going to a second or third odd job around town. It’s a wonder he hadn’t killed himself yet.

He’s doing it all for me. For us. And I had to go and ruin everything.

It took all her courage to step out of Dancer’s stall and face him.

“Mornin’, Princess.” He tipped his hat back and smiled, but it wasn’t the same easy grin she’d become accustomed to. Tyrell Connagher was no dummy. She didn’t sleep in the barn and she hadn’t called him last night.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Figured as much. You know you can tell me anything, right? Anything at all. Ain’t nothing but death going to change how I feel for you, darlin’, and even then, I’ll be waiting in heaven until you finally show up so I can love you some more.”

She had to blink the tears away, determined to get the whole ugly truth out before she broke down. “So you say. Wait until you hear it all first.”

He pulled a small pouch of tobacco out of his shirt pocket. With practiced ease, he took out a paper and rolled a thin cigarette by hand. He didn’t smoke it, but simply held it in his mouth. He’d light it later as he rode out to check the fence line or count calves or whatever else the boss told him to do. “I’m listening.”

“I made a mistake last night. You know how I said I was going to go to Texas A&M with Sissy Garrett? She’d been nagging me to go because she didn’t want to drive alone that far, and she’s just dying to get to college and out of Crystal Springs as fast as she can. So I agreed to drive her. And there was a party. I didn’t drink or anything. But…” She took a deep breath and said the rest in a rush. “I kissed her brother.”

“Hmm.” Ty made a noncommittal sound, rolling the cigarette over to the other side of his mouth.

“Jebadiah Garrett. We’ve been friends forever. I guess he got to thinking that maybe it was too late and all, and he kissed me. That’s it.”

“He got to thinking it was too late? Or you?”

She swallowed hard. “Well, he’s my best friend. I guess… Some people thought we were a couple.”

Ty removed his hat and tucked the cigarette into the band. “I asked if you were promised to anyone.”

“I wasn’t. I’m not. No one but you. I never dated him. I never even kissed him or anything, not until last night.”

“And?”

She searched his face, wondering how he could be so calm about it all. Wasn’t he jealous? If he loved her like he said, wouldn’t he need to rant and rave and beat the shit out of something?

Or is that just me?

“How was it?”

She could feel the dull heat spreading across her chest, the telltale red crawling up her throat toward her face. That’s why she’d worn a sweater and a pretty scarf. Somehow she managed to shrug. “Honestly, I don’t think he’s kissed much at all.”

“You had to break him in some. Gentle him to your touch.”

She squeezed her eyes shut a moment, trying to forget. Then she opened her eyes and glared at Ty as mean as she could. “Don’t talk about your fiancée that way.”

“Why not?”

“It’s not right.”

Ty snorted and shoved the hat back on his head. “Now there’s the prim and proper snooty princess coming out to play. So old Jeb laid one on you and you felt the need to wait out here all night to tell me that. All right. What’s the problem?”

“Aren’t you mad?” She sounded bewildered, but she couldn’t help it. Nothing was making sense to her. Here she’d thought she’d lose him entirely, and he wasn’t even angry. “Don’t you want to yell at me? Make me feel bad?”

“Darlin’, I can tell by the redness of your eyes that you already feel bad enough. Why would I want to hurt you more?”

“I want you to make me feel badly for what I did, though I’m already miserable.”

“I can see that.” He strode over and tugged her close, though he didn’t let her hide her face against him. He used his knuckles to keep her face tipped up to his. “That might make you feel better for a while, but that ain’t what you need, darlin’. Not really. After kissing him, do you still want me?”

She nodded, sniffing to keep the tears at bay. “More than ever. I thought I’d lost you and I couldn’t bear it.”

“You’ll never lose me.” He held her steady, his eyes locked on her face. “What about Jebadiah? Do you want him?”

She blinked rapidly, afraid to move, afraid to think for fear that her face would betray her.

“You’re a lot of woman, Princess. I know exactly why he wants you. Any man in his right mind would like what he saw when you sashay by. But the only question I care about is whether or not
you
want
him
.”

“He’s my friend. My best friend.”

“Uh-huh. You’ve known him your whole life. Everyone saw you two hooking up one day, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Including him. Maybe including you. Until I showed up. So tell me true, Virginia soon-to-be Connagher, ’cause I’m marrying you one way or the other assuming you’re still willing. I’m only going to ask you this one time, and I’ll never mention it again unless you do. Do you want Jebadiah Garrett?”

Usually she could think things through, see how scenarios would play out in her mind, but this time, everything was a tangled mess. If she said yes, then Ty’s next question would be whether she wanted him more than Jeb, and then she’d be back to possibly losing them both. She’d have to choose one over the other and someone was going to end up terribly hurt. If she said no, then she’d still have Ty, hopefully, but she’d lose her best friend.
I’ve already lost him. We crossed a line that we can’t ever go back across again.

She lifted her chin, steeled her heart and pushed the memory of Jeb on his knees deep into the darkest, most secret pit of her soul. “No.”

Ty held her a long moment, studying her face, but she couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He wasn’t mad. He wasn’t disappointed in her. Not like she’d expected. He rubbed his knuckles underneath her chin lightly and stroked his fingers down her neck. “Nice scarf. All right then, if that’s the way you want it. Dawn’s coming so I’d best get to work. You want to grab a bite of dinner tonight? It’ll be late. Probably eight before I’m free.”

“Sure,” she replied slowly, her mind completely hollowed out. “That’s it?”

“Yep, that’s it. Except for this.” In a rush, he backed her against the stable wall and planted his mouth on hers. He kissed her like he was trying to find the other side of her and sail right on into oblivion. When he finally lifted his head, she could only stare up at him, panting. “I swore I won’t ever let you down, and I meant it.”

“I love you, Tyrell. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

He released her and gave her a playful shove back toward the house. “And I love you, Princess. Now get that cute butt to bed before I lose my better judgment and risk Colonel Healy’s wrath by dragging his sassy daughter off to wrestle in a hay pile.”

He fetched his rangy bay and started to saddle up.

She hesitated, biting her lip. “What about Jeb?”

“Don’t you worry about him none.” Ty led his saddled horse outside and she closed the stable door for him. “He’s a man of his word and so am I.”

“What does that mean?”

Ty stepped up on his horse and gave her a heavy-lidded look that made her nipples pebble against her shirt. “I’ll let him down real gentle like.” His horse broke into a lope, but she heard his parting words clearly. “As gentle as you broke him in last night.”