Never Far From Home (The Miller Family 2) (20 page)

“Joseph said Emma’s dessert was the best one there. He put two pieces in a napkin to eat the next day.”

Simon’s surprise bloomed across his face. “Is that right? Emma’s not one to spend much time in the kitchen with fancy baking. I’ll be sure to tell her what Joseph said. She’ll be pleased.”

Amos set down his awl and met Simon’s gaze. “She’s on
Rumschpringe
then, your Emma.” It sounded more like a comment than a question.

Simon immediately grew uneasy. “Why do you say that? Was something wrong with her dress or clothes in some way?” He thought about the cotton candy-colored lip gloss and felt the back of his neck start to sweat.

“No, Joseph didn’t say anything about her appearance, other than she turned out real pretty…and that she was courting an
Englischer
.” Amos watched Simon intently as though waiting for his reaction.

Simon ground down on his back teeth hard enough to crack molars but didn’t reveal his inner turmoil. “Courting? No, that
Englischer
is just a friend of hers. He’s another sheep farmer, and my Emma has grown plum attached to her sheep.” He forced out a small laugh.

Matthew dropped a tool he’d been fiddling with by the window, drawing the attention of his elders. Simon had forgotten the boy was in the room. “Go outside and get some fresh air, son, but don’t wander too far. We’ll be leaving as soon as the harness is done.”

Matthew glanced from Simon to Amos, opened his mouth to speak, but shut it again and headed for the door.

“He’s just a friend of Emma’s,” Simon repeated.

“
Jah
, all right,” Amos said. “My Joseph will be happy to hear that since he might have it in his mind to court your girl. But you tell Emma she ought not to hold hands with friends, lest she give folks the wrong idea.” Amos slipped several brass fittings into place and began tightening everything up. He adjusted and measured and adjusted again while Simon stewed over the news.

Simon didn’t like another man telling him his business or how to raise
kinner
, but because he couldn’t cut hay without new leather, he bit back any retort he might have had. “I’ll tell her, Amos. Now, what do I owe for the harness?”

Amos scratched his chin and named his price after inspecting the finished set one last time.

Simon refused his offer of coffee and muffins, paid the harness maker, and then he left with his son. He allowed Matthew to run the horse faster than normal on the less-traveled northern route around town. He was anxious to get home and have a word with his daughter.

Emma was feeding chickens when they arrived shortly after one o’clock. She waved and poured the remaining ground corn into a pile inside the pen. “Finally home?” she called, closing the gate behind her. “Lunch has been ready for over an hour.” She carried her bucket toward the house.

“Hold up there, daughter,” Simon demanded. “Matthew, put the buggy away, rub down the horse since he’s lathered, and turn him out. Then come in to lunch.”

“Now, Pa, why don’t we—”

Simon didn’t let him finish. “Go do what I asked. This does not concern you.”

Matthew cast his sister a sympathetic glance before driving the buggy toward the barn.

Simon walked to where Emma stood by the fence. The hollyhocks had grown taller than her in the past few weeks of sunshine. “I heard some disturbing things today at the harness maker’s,” he said and waited.

But Emma only shrugged in confusion. “What did he tell you?” she asked.

“He said you were courting an
Englischer
. And that you two were seen holding hands at that cookout the other day. Is it true, daughter?”

Emma’s complexion blanched to the color of new-fallen snow as she gripped the bottom of her apron with both hands. She appeared to consider her reply carefully. “
Jah
, James took my hand when we walked down the hill toward the bonfire. It was rocky, uneven ground, and he didn’t want me to fall. But no, we are not courting.”

The two locked gazes for a long moment until Simon looked away. “Good, that’s what I told Amos. I’m glad you have not made me into a liar. Let’s go have our lunch. I am hungry, never expecting to be gone that long. You can’t believe the traffic headed to Berlin today…as if stores were giving things away for free.”

Simon marched past Emma and climbed the porch steps, so he didn’t see her expression change from surprise to utter mortification to sorrow.

She might have followed him to the kitchen table and gone through the motions of eating in front of her family, but Miss Emma Miller swallowed very little food that afternoon.

How could one lunch of toasted cheese sandwiches and tomato soup take so long? Emma thought her
bruders
and
daed
would never go out to the fields. But, finally, they slapped their hats on and left, enthusiastic about what they would accomplish by dusk. Supper would wait until dark—no sense taking a dinner break since they were starting so late. Julia headed into the front room to lie down because the upstairs was stifling hot. Emma and Leah cleaned up the kitchen.

“Don’t forget,” Leah said, “you promised to go swimming with me this afternoon.” She carefully swept breadcrumbs into the palm of her hand.

“
Jah
, okay,” Emma said, forcing a smile. “But later, after our work is done.” Actually, she’d forgotten her plans with her little sister, but she would honor them despite the fact she’d rather hide from her family right now—preferably under a slug-covered rock where all deceivers and manipulators belonged.

Emma was ashamed of herself. As much as she loved James—and that notion had only occurred to her this afternoon—she regretted her sneaky behavior. Not until her
daed
backed her into a corner did she realize she loved James Davis. Why else would she lie to her dear father—the man who’d taught her to swim, how to eat ice-cream cones, and how to love the Lord with her whole heart?

Now she’d broken the ninth commandment.

But what else could she do? She was in love with a man whom her parents found unacceptable. It didn’t matter that he was kind, gentle, and attentive. It didn’t matter that he was respectful, honorable, and strong in his Christian faith. He was an
Englischer,
and that’s all they saw when they looked at him.

Emma couldn’t choose James over her family, especially not when he planned to leave for college in a few weeks. How could she break her parents’ hearts for someone who might quickly forget her on a campus full of pretty girls?

When Leah headed off to the ironing, Emma filled water buckets for her sheep. In hot weather she needed to be extra diligent to prevent dehydration. After counting heads and checking for signs of illness of injury, Emma walked back to the barn. Sweat dripped down her neck and turned her scalp itchy. Gnats swarmed around her head, deepening her miserable mood. She hadn’t bothered with cheek blusher or lip gloss today. Why make the effort for a bunch of chickens, sheep, and cows?

Hot and out of sorts, Emma couldn’t bear the stuffy barn loft, so she headed for the herb shed, a quiet place to work and read. But first she stopped at the house and tucked the family Bible under her arm. She’d never read Scripture much on her own, content to listen to
daed
read in the evenings or during the preaching services. But today Emma realized she was no longer a little girl, sitting by her father’s feet. She was an adult with grown-up problems to solve. Pushing open the door to her sweet-smelling retreat, she yearned for guidance.

Perched on a stool, she closed her eyes and turned her face upward. “Dear Lord, I am Emma Miller of Winesburg, Ohio. Please help me and show me the way.”

Then she opened the well-worn Good Book on her lap to where a bookmark had been placed. It was the book of Proverbs and someone had underlined chapter 28, verse 7: “Young people who obey the law are wise; those with wild friends bring shame to their parents.”

Wild friends?
Did
daed
think of James as wild? James did not drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, or use foul language. Would a
wild
person loosen the bits on several horses that had been too tight during the trail ride?

But even though James wasn’t wild, she was bringing shame to her parents nevertheless. How upsetting for her father to hear about the hand-holding from the harness maker. Did she really believe her behavior on a farm not a mile away wouldn’t get back to her parents?
Young people who obey the law
…for the Amish, their
Ordnung
was the law. But this was her
Rumschpringe
. She hadn’t broken any law…yet.

Emma scooted her chair closer to the window, turned back a few pages, and read another underlined passage, Proverbs 17:25: “Foolish children bring grief to their father and bitterness to the one who gave them birth.”

Is that what I am doing? Adding bitterness to the burdens
mamm
already has with her arthritis?

Emma flipped to another bookmark in the book of Psalms and read chapter 32:9-10: “Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control. Many sorrows come to the wicked, but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord.”

Was she a senseless mule? She thought about their tired old pony, Belle. Belle would charge back into a burning barn just to get to her stall with fresh straw and a bucket of oats. Emma longed for unfailing love, yet knew her sneaky behavior was a form of wickedness. Would sorrow be
her
future?

Shutting the Bible, she clutched it to her chest and fled from her safe haven. She ran to the house and to her
mamm
. It was time to talk to the woman who had given her birth and had sheltered her from harm.

“
Mamm
, are you awake?” Emma asked, creeping softly to her side.

Julia had woken from her nap but hadn’t moved from the couch. “Yes, child. What’s wrong? You look troubled.” Julia struggled to sit up and then patted the spot beside her.

Emma laid the Bible down on the table. “I am troubled. I’ve been reading some places
daed
had marked.” She faltered, waiting for some response, but Julia only breathed heavily as though she’d been running hard.

“I haven’t completely told the truth about James. I told
daed
we weren’t courting, but I want to court him. I like him very much, and he likes me.” Emma waited for Julia to absorb this.

“You wish to turn English?” Julia reached up to straighten her
kapp
.

“No, I don’t. At least, I don’t think I do. Not right now anyway.” Her words trailed off to a whisper as her conviction vaporized.

Julia nodded. “You are sixteen and confused. That’s understandable.”

“That’s probably why
daed
marked those Scriptures for me,” Emma said.

Julia reached for Emma’s hand. “Your father didn’t mark those passages for you to find. I did.”

“You did? But Pa is the deacon.”

“Exactly, and as deacon he would prefer that you not read and study indiscriminately. But you are much like your aunt, needing to find answers on your own. I just thought I’d give you a place to start.”

Emma nodded, yet she didn’t completely understand. Her mother wanted her to read the Bible but her father didn’t?

“James isn’t wild or foolish,” Emma said, remembering certain words.

“He can be a very fine young man and still not be the right one for you.”

“How can I know for sure? How can you?”

“You must be patient and do nothing to seal your fate until you are sure.”

Emma hung her head. “Fate seems to have already decided for me. He’s going away to college in a few weeks. He doesn’t want to go, but he will to please his parents.”

Julia looked relieved, but maybe it was only Emma’s imagination. “Then both of you will get a chance to grow and learn and see how you feel later.”

Emma wanted to say her feelings would never change, that she would wait for James no matter what, but she didn’t dare. Instead she said meekly, “He asked if he could write me when he goes away. Is that all right?” She glanced up to find Julia’s face pinched and creased with fatigue.

Pangs of guilt and shame squeezed her heart once more. In spite of her honesty, she was still bringing anguish to her
mamm
.

“
Jah
, he may write to you. And you may write back, but make no promises, no commitments until you’re older and sure of what you want.”

Emma hugged her until Julia squawked. “Enough, daughter, before you crack a rib. Go find Leah and give her a hand. And don’t neglect your promise to swim with her later. It’s a good day for that, I will say.” Julia tucked a stray lock of Emma’s hair under her
kapp
. Despite the misshapen fingers, her touch was soothing.

Emma pressed her face against the gentle hand, wishing she could have stayed a little girl forever. How safe she was as a child! And how simple her life had been.

Should she have told
mamm
about the kiss? Her first kiss during the bonfire party had been bittersweet—a pledge of love coupled with the news of his leaving. But a girl’s first kiss was an important milestone—one that Emma needed to keep secret for a while longer.