Nerd Girl (23 page)

“Do you want me to let you go back to sleep?”

“No, I’m awake now.” I noticed two more ibuprofen on my nightstand, sitting next to a glass of water. I sat up in bed and popped them into my mouth. “Thanks for leaving more Advil next to my bed. I just took them.”

“Well, I don’t know how much you remember about what I said last night, but I’m calling about this afternoon.”

“Oh?” I tried to run a quick mental inventory of events from the night before. “Oh! I remember … Oh! OH MY GOD. I am so embarrassed!” Thank God he isn’t here to see me flush from head to toe. Images of me throwing myself on him, stripping down to my underwear, and then trying to make out with him all flashed through my brain. Oh … that was so cringeworthy. I squeezed my eyes shut in painful memory. He was such a gentleman about it all.

“Uh, I didn’t mind … trust me,” he said, chuckling. “But that’s not why I’m calling.” He paused for a moment. “Julia, I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to cancel later today.” He sounded genuinely sad.

“Oh, okay. Is everything okay?” I asked, trying to sound nonchalant, though I was way more disappointed than I was letting on.

“I have some personal things that came up today. It was unexpected. Just trust me when I say I’m really sorry about having to cancel on you.” He did sound genuinely remorseful.

“Okay,” I said hesitantly. His explanation was pretty vague. “Are you sure everything’s all right?”

“Yes and no. It’s … complicated. I want to tell you all about it, but it’s a bit premature right now.” I heard some tension and uncertainty in his voice.

What the hell did that mean?
For his benefit, I decided to stay positive and lighthearted about it. I knew he couldn’t see me but I hoped he could hear it in my voice. “Well, I can’t say I’m not disappointed. I was looking forward to spending time with you today, but I understand if there’s something important that you need to take care of.”

“Thanks, Julia. I’ll call you later, okay? I’ll make it up to you.”

I tried to sound as convincing as possible. “Yeah, no problem.” We said our goodbyes and hung up.

But it was a problem. I was really looking forward to seeing him today. What surprised me most though, wasn’t so much his change of plans, though that bothered me, too, but it was the unexpected sadness that came over me as a result of these changed plans. It frightened me to know that I could feel this hurt already by someone I’ve only just gotten to know.

With the wedding a week from yesterday, I knew my schedule was going to get busier by the day. Would I see him at all this week? With all of the wedding craziness, I theoretically might not see him again until wedding weekend was over. I had to assume at this point that he wasn’t coming with me to the wedding because he couldn’t or wouldn’t. If or when I saw him after the wedding, almost two weeks will have gone by. A lot can happen in two weeks. A person could fall in love in two weeks. His feelings could change in two weeks. A cold chill came over me as it dawned on me that this was a definite possibility.

What I also found unsettling was that he wasn’t willing to tell me, at least just not yet, what this
personal
issue
of his was that caused him to cancel his plans with me. He didn’t trust me enough to tell me. He did sound sincere in his apology, but he was being so evasive about it. I really needed to try not to overthink this. Even though he wouldn’t tell me the real reason he had to cancel today, he sounded reassuring. It was probably nothing. Maybe he had some family obligation come up, like his mom or sister were sick or needed help with something.

I started to feel sick myself. I couldn’t tell if I was nauseated from the excess alcohol or if it was a psychosomatic episode brought on my overactive imagination. I really needed to do something with my idle time today or I was going to drive myself crazy.

The phone rang again and this time it really was Anna. Since I no longer had plans for the day, I agreed to meet her at eleven for Sunday brunch.

As I walked towards the Five Spot, I saw a long line of people waiting outside. My stomach was still queasy; food was a necessity. My watch said I was only five minutes late, but knowing Anna, it would likely be another fifteen minutes or so before she arrived. Even though I could predict her arrival time, I never did adjust my own to accommodate hers. Instead, I always found myself being the one to put our name in for the table and killing time reading email and perusing the latest posts from friends on Facebook.

While I waited in line for the hostess to take my name, I took a quick glance around the room and saw a familiar blond woman looking at me. I did a double take and when I caught her eye, she smiled. Catherine.

I just stared for a moment before reacting. It was that moment we’ve all had when you see someone you know out of context, so you’re pretty sure it’s them, but what if it’s not and you embarrass yourself? Well, this was one of those moments and it totally took me off guard. I knew it was Catherine, but wasn’t she still supposed to be traveling in Europe or was it Asia Pacific by now? I guess I never expected to see my manager outside of work, let alone enjoying brunch at the same restaurant as me, when she was supposed to literally be on the other side of the world.

She smiled and waved and I felt obligated to say hello. I made sure my name was listed with the hostess, sighing over the 25-30 minute wait, before walking over to Catherine’s table.

She looked a little tired and I saw some faint, but still noticeable, bags under her eyes. It was probably the jet lag. She still looked great, though, as Grace Kelly-esque as the photo on her door. I smiled as I approached her and prepared myself for the “fancy meeting you here” conversation I was about to have with my manager. I glanced briefly over to her friend and was momentarily stunned … It was Ryan.

Fuck me.

My smile froze and I blinked a few times, double checking to make sure I was seeing correctly. Ryan acted like he had just swallowed something really bad, suddenly pale and equally stunned.

“Julia! Hi, how are you?” Catherine asked cheerfully.

“Uh … Hi, Catherine,” I said stiffly but with as much pleasantry as I could muster while trying to recover from my shock. “I thought you weren’t getting back until later this week?” My words were numb; my smile frozen on my face.

“I decided to cut my trip short because I wasn’t feeling very well. I guess maybe I was getting a little homesick, too.” She glanced over at Ryan, reaching her hand out over the table to cover his.
What the fuck?
I felt my stomach stir uneasily. I was already a little nauseated from my hangover, but the look Catherine gave Ryan took it to a whole new level. Something was terribly wrong here.

I looked at Ryan but he was admiring the salt and pepper shakers like they were the most fascinating objects in the world. I willed him to look at me, but he wouldn’t. In fact, he didn’t move. I could see a vein in his temple twitching, though, and his lips were pressed tight, but he wouldn’t look at me in the eye.

Catherine noticed me looking at Ryan and said, “Julia, this is Ryan McGraw.” I could tell Catherine sensed something amiss between Ryan and me. She looked back and forth with a perplexed expression, but suddenly got all animated, startling me. “Oh! You guys already know each other. Silly me! Ryan told me he hit you with his car and then ran into you again at the All Hands meeting.” She laughed. “What a funny coincidence, isn’t it?”

I was completely dumbfounded and blinked a few more times in surprise. “Um, yes … completely. What a coincidence.” I smiled nervously and looked towards Ryan, regarding him as politely as I could. “Thank you for the new laptop, Mr. McGraw.”

Ryan finally looked up at me and replied curtly, “You’re welcome.” He smiled briefly but it never touched his eyes. “I’m sorry for hitting you with my car.”

I was too stunned and hurt by Ryan’s betrayal to say anything. I stood there stiffly, not knowing what else to say or do. My mind was reeling and my heart was starting to splinter.

Catherine noticed the awkward silence following Ryan’s comment. By social norms, Ryan should have said something more to me by now, especially given the mention of the car accident and laptop. Catherine shifted her head back and forth from Ryan and me, looking uncomfortable herself. “Well … um, this is sort of awkward, Julia.” She looked over at Ryan and with a look of embarrassment, she continued, “Ryan and I have a … relationship outside of work.” I thought I saw Ryan slightly cringe at her words. “A few people know this, but not many. I would appreciate it if you could keep this between us? I’m sorry to have to ask you that.”

Shit.
She had misinterpreted the silence. She had thought I felt uncomfortable because I had recognized that she was having breakfast with our US CVP.
Good fucking grief.

“Oh,” I said with my eyes wide. “Of course, you can trust me to not say anything. Don’t worry about it,” I said in a rush. I looked over at Ryan again. His face was impassive. He looked away again. If that vein could throb any harder, it was going to pop right out of his head soon. “I understand completely,” I said stiffly, looking directly at him, willing him to meet my eyes.
At least have the guts to look at me and man up to what you’ve done.

“Oh good, thanks, Julia,” Catherine said nervously.

I needed to make my escape before she could say anything else. I felt my breath getting shallow and I could feel the tears prickling behind my eyes. If I didn’t leave now, I would start crying, and that would be difficult to explain to my boss. Yes, I’m balling my eyes out because your boyfriend has been two-timing you and I’m a stupid, clueless idiot who just got her heart splattered all over the floor. Again.

I looked around the café and then blatantly tapped my watch. “You know, I think I was supposed to meet my sister at a different café down the street. I think I just came here out of habit. I’m sorry, but I’ve got to run. I’m already ten minutes late,” I rambled.

“Okay, we won’t keep you then. I’ll see you in the office tomorrow and we can catch up.” Catherine’s voice was heavy with relief. She wanted me out of there, too, but her reasons were different. She didn’t want anyone to know about her and Ryan’s relationship.
Her and Ryan’s relationship
. The thought made me shudder.

I rushed towards my car; I could text Anna from there. I was five feet out the door when my tears freely escaped. How could I have been so stupid? I knew it was too easy … too good to be true …
too effortless
. I knew there was something else going on. I knew it! But I chose not to listen to my own intuition. About a block down the street, I heard Ryan.

“Julia! Wait, please!”

I froze momentarily on the sidewalk, trying to wipe the tears away from my eyes. I continued towards my car, walking more briskly. I thought about running, but I didn’t want to make a scene.

“Julia!”

I felt him grab my shoulder, so I turned around.

He was breathless from running to catch up with me. “Please let me explain. Please,” he begged fervently, his expression stern.

I looked up at him, ambivalent, my eyes straining with tears.

“I’m sorry. I froze in there,” he said desperately, like it was an excuse. “I was completely taken by surprise.”

“By surprise?” I repeated incredulously. I felt a wave of anger. “Fuck you!” I spit out bitterly and then slapped him. In broad daylight.
So much for not wanting to make a scene.
I was surprised by the strength of my own emotions.

Ryan scowled in pain, but was unwavering. His mouth was tight. Calmly but firmly, he spoke through gritted teeth, “We need to talk, Julia. We can’t do it here. I know I have a lot of explaining to do.”

I glared at him and started to tremble. I was such an idiot! How could I have let this happen? I broke my first cardinal law. Never cheat with anyone. Never be cheated on by someone again.

“Were you ever truly on a … ‘on a break,’ like you told me?” I demanded.

He paused and looked down at his shoes. That said enough.

I gasped. “You are a piece of work,” I mumbled under my breath and shook my head in distress.

As I unlocked my car door with my key remote, he moved to stand in front of me, trying to block my entry.

“Let me go, Ryan,” I said quietly, staring straight ahead.

“No, we need to discuss this. I’ll come over later today. Please, Julia,” he begged.

I looked at him with tears flowing down my face. I couldn’t seem to stop them now and didn’t try to. I noticed the red outline of my hand was starting to reveal itself on his cheek.

“What’s there to talk about? It’s pretty clear to me what’s going on. Your
girlfriend
… my
boss,
goes on a little business trip. You use that time to get your kicks with the new piece of ass from the office.” The fact that his recent ex was my manager was another pretty substantial thing he had hidden from me. “Do you do this every time she travels? When you travel?”

He looked horrified by my crass accusation. He gripped both of my shoulders and scowled angrily at me. “I want you to know that I’ve
never
been unfaithful to
… to Catherine
… in any way, before I met you. And you are not some ‘piece of ass,’ as you put it.” He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, causing it to stand on end.