Nameless (8 page)

She believed
him.

“Okay,” she said,
wishing she’d figured this out before she’d made the big scene. “I don’t like
your snooping, but I guess I can understand why you were suspicious. Neither
one of us is well equipped for this. All I’m doing is trying to have this baby
in the simplest, securest way possible. I don’t want anything from you that you
don’t want to give. You have my word.”

She didn’t know
if he believed her, the way she’d believed him, but he nodded just as she had.

They stared at
each other for a minute, still standing in the entryway of his apartment.

Feeling
uncomfortable, she did what she always did, blurted out something random to
break the tension. “This apartment is something else.”

It was. There
were only two apartments on this floor, so his place must be three times bigger
than hers was. All she could see, however, was an airy, spacious great room,
and she was quite sure Seth had used an interior designer, since she couldn’t
imagine him picking out the high-end art or Asian rugs.

“Thanks,” he
said. “I think.”

“No, it really
is impressive.”

“My grandfather
told me once that, to prove I’d really made it, I should hire the most
expensive decorator I could afford to do my house, and that I should instruct
them to make it as impressive as possible.” He gave her his wry half-smile.
“That’s the kind of paternal advice he would give me.”

“How old you
were you when he told you that?” she breathed, astonished at the cold
superficiality of it.

“Thirteen.”
Seth must have seen something in her expression because he added, “He wasn’t a
bad guy. He was always perfectly nice to me.”

Even that told
her something. A boy who’d been genuinely loved would never say he’d been
treated “perfectly nice” by his family.

She felt a wave
of sympathy, which made her very uncomfortable. “So are we okay? About
everything?”

“We are on my
end.”

“Me too. But
don’t go spying on me anymore. If you want to know something, then come out and
ask me. I don’t react well to people working behind my back—any more than you
do.”

“Understood.”

They were
silent for another minute. Then Erin noticed Seth’s eyes falling lower than her
face. Confused, she looked at him closely, following the line of his gaze to
her belly. “What?” she demanded. “I’m not
that
big yet.”

"Of course
not. But I haven’t seen you since the meeting with the lawyers, so I thought
I’d evaluate the progress.”

Self-consciously,
Erin put a hand on her slightly protruding belly to hide the strip of bare skin
between her shirt and pants. “Well, there’s not much to see yet.”

Seth, however,
had found something else to see. His eyes had now lifted to the level of her
chest.

He visibly
repressed a smile. “Speaking of impressive...”

She peered down
at her own breasts. Saw the full curves and tight nipples clearly through the
stretched fabric of her T-shirt. "I forgot to put my bra back on,” she
sighed as she realized she’d been too distracted as she’d left her apartment.

“I see that,” Seth
murmured, an edge to his voice now. He seemed to be coiled a little tighter
than he’d been a few minutes before. “But don’t do so on my account.”

She sneered,
but without much heat. “Hopefully they won’t get any bigger.” She liked her
breasts quite well at the moment, but if they grew anymore she would have to
change her mind.

Seth chuckled.
“Don’t hope that on my account.”

Despite
herself, Erin felt an answering amusement bubbling inside her. Then it spilled
out into soft, appreciative laughter. They shared an amused, ironic smile.

“All right,”
she concluded, wishing she weren’t still quite so restless. Her body was
starting to get ideas, prompted by the underlying spark in Seth’s gaze. “I feel
better about everything.”

She pulled her
t-shirt down a little farther, hoping it would meet the top of her pants. “I
have the doctor’s exam on Friday,” she reminded him.

“I know. It’s on
my schedule.”

“Okay.” Erin
was edgy and fidgety, and it felt like her breasts were tingling a little too
much. She felt very conscious of her body, mostly because she was pretty sure
that Seth was conscious of it too. “I’ll see you there then.”

She turned
toward the door, wishing he didn’t look quite so disheveled and adorable without
his sleek business suit on.

“Have a good
evening,” he murmured as she started leaving.

“You too.”

She shut the door
behind her. Shook herself off a little.

Hormones, she
decided. They did crazy things to your emotions.

And they gave
you crazy impulses that
shouldn’t
be indulged.

***

Erin shifted uncomfortably on
the examination bed, feeling vulnerable, exposed, and annoyed.

And really
needing to pee.

“We can wait a
couple of minutes if you think he’ll be here soon,” the doctor offered, looking
at Erin’s flushed, irritated face sympathetically.

“No. The
appointment was for forty-five minutes ago. If he was coming, he’d be here by
now.”

She hadn’t
really been eager to have Seth present at her private exams but, even so, she
was kind of disappointed that he’d stood her up so obviously, after making such
a point of being invited.

Had the doctor
been on time, the appointment might have already been over. Predictably, the
doctor had been running twenty-five minutes late. But now they’d covered the
first part of the routine exam and were preparing for the in-office ultrasound
scan.

But still no Seth.

Erin had spoken
to him on the phone just last night, and she’d reminded him of the appointment
yet again, but apparently it had slipped his mind. Or else something more
important had come up.

Men usually
didn’t get into this sort of thing as much as women did—at least, that was what
Erin had been told.  But, still, as the doctor started making necessary
adjustments to the machine, Erin admitted to herself that she was disappointed.

She’d been
starting to accept the fact that he would be a real presence.

And he wasn’t
even present here today.

Irony, her old
friend, was never far away.

It was to be
expected, just the way the world worked. Why would she and her baby be a
priority to Seth Thomas?

“Ready?” the
doctor asked, turning to face her with a smile.

Erin looked at
the closed door. “Yep,” she said, forcing a cheerfulness she didn’t feel.

Before the
doctor could start rubbing the gel on her belly, there was a discreet tap on
the door. At the doctor’s response, one of the receptionists stuck her head in.
“I’m so sorry, Dr. Warren, but there’s a very agitated gentleman up front who
insists that he’s expected.”

Erin let her
breath out in such a rush that she actually giggled a little. With her consent,
the doctor told the receptionist to show him in.

A minute later,
Seth burst into the room. He was flushed slightly, breathing quickly, and there
was a sheen of perspiration on his skin. “Sorry,” he told Erin in a rough
murmur, “I was...detained and could only now get here. Am I too late?”

Erin found
herself smiling stupidly, rather than being annoyed by his tardiness. “No.
We’re just beginning now. We got a late start too.”

He came over to
stand beside her, and she saw his gaze immediately fall to the gentle swell of
her bare belly.

“I thought
you’d forgotten or something,” she added.

He shifted his
eyes back up to her face, narrowing as he gave her a cool glare—making it clear
what he’d thought of her assumption.

“I’m glad you
could make it,” she added. “Even forty-five minutes late.”

Seth nodded and
they both looked at the doctor—who seemed to be hiding a smile, for some
reason.

“Shall we
begin?”

They both
listened politely as the doctor explained the process, and they both watched as
she brought the transducer against Erin’s belly.

The doctor
pressed down slightly and slowly moved the transducer, and Erin winced as the
pressure affected her already full bladder.

But she kept
staring at the ambiguous images on the monitor, feeling her heart speed up as
she waited to see a glimpse of her baby. Soon she was almost holding her
breath, couldn’t look away. The doctor was still talking, but Erin couldn't
focus on the words.

She could feel Seth
standing beside her, and she could sense that he was tense as well. Which kind
of surprised her. She wondered what he was thinking. What he was feeling. Why
he even wanted to be a part of this.

“And there we
have it.” The doctor gestured toward the monitor, indicating the little form
that was barely recognizable. “There's the head, and the little body. Do you
see?”

Erin just
stared. Forgot about the doctor. Forgot about Seth. Forgot how much she needed
to pee. Forgot about everything except that little image on the screen.

That tiny
form—which she was starting to recognize now—was actually existing inside of
her.

Overwhelmed all
of a sudden, Erin fell into a blank daze. Just stared. Tried to come to terms
with it. Didn’t move and didn’t speak at all.

After several
minutes, the doctor had finished up what she’d needed to do and told them
everything was looking normal and healthy.

Vaguely, Erin
heard Seth ask, “I’ve read that the gender can often be determined even as
early as this.”

The doctor
smiled as she answered. “It’s true that the sex can sometimes be determined
this early, but the accuracy isn’t high at this point, so we won’t provide that
information until the next scan at around twenty weeks.”

Erin had never
really thought about her baby as a boy or a girl. Hadn’t really thought of it
as distinct in any way. She’d only really thought of it in theory.

She was staring
so hard and so intently that it took her a minute to realize people were
talking to her.

“Are you okay?
Erin?” It was Seth, and he was for some reason right in her face.

“Yeah.” She
sounded strange. Winded.

He narrowed his
eyes like he didn’t believe her, but he didn’t pursue the conversation until
they were on their way out of the doctor’s office.

He stopped her
on the sidewalk outside. “Erin?” he prompted, taking her by the shoulders and
peering down at her face.

“What?”

“Do you want to
burst into tears or something?”

For some
reason, his slightly suspicious tone struck her as funny. She started to laugh,
and then she couldn’t stop.

After a minute,
she was clinging to Seth’s jacket lapels and wheezing hysterically.

And really
wishing she’d gone to the bathroom in the doctor’s office.

Seth looked
half-amused and half-wary when she got herself under control. “I’m okay,” she
told him. “Just the hormones, I’m sure.”

“They make a
very convenient excuse for all kinds of strange behavior.”

She chuckled
and patted him on the chest. “I’m glad you were able to make it.”

“Me too.”

She was almost
positive he meant it.

It wasn’t until
she was home that she remembered how she’d felt, looking at the image in the
exam room.

She had a
printout of one of the ultrasound images to take with her, but she didn’t need
to pull it out to remember what she’d seen.

“Sorry,” she
said at last, alone in her apartment—out loud and a little self-consciously.
“You’ll have to get used to how clueless I can be, but I guess I never understood
you were real before.”

She looked down
toward her belly. "Yeah. Sometimes I'm a little slow."

*
* *

The following evening, Erin went
out on a date.

He lived a few
floors down in her building, and he’d always been friendly. Erin thought he was
cute enough, so she’d been extra nice to him one evening earlier that week as
they were in the elevator, and he’d ended up asking her out for Saturday night.

She’d said yes.
She wasn’t sure how much potential they had for a serious relationship, but
she’d been surprised before. She liked him a lot, he was fun, and he was
clearly interested in her.

No reason not
to go out with him. Especially since, in a few months, she’d probably not have
very many opportunities to go out with anyone.

On Saturday, she
felt strangely giddy all day. Not from anticipation of her date that evening,
but from the new connection she’d made with her child the day before. Every
time she thought about the little picture or glanced down at her stomach, she
had to fight the urge to smile mushily or babble in giddy recognition.

For a no-nonsense,
cynical woman, the impulse was almost embarrassing.

But she didn’t
try to stifle it, but rather decided to enjoy it for however long it lasted.

So she actually
didn't think much about her date, until she started to get ready for it. They
went to dinner, a movie, and then coffee afterwards—Erin got decaf—and she had
a pretty decent time. She was in a good mood anyway, and her date was friendly
and reasonably intelligent.

Erin was quite
sure there wasn’t a future with him, but it had been a date worth having. She
laughed a lot that evening, and she was still laughing when he walked her back
up to her apartment.

She could see
in his eyes where he was hoping this would go, but she didn’t think it was
going to happen.

She wasn’t
opposed to sex on a first date. She’d certainly done so before, but things felt
a little different now, and it seemed kind of weird—not rationally, but
intuitively—to sleep with this guy while she was pregnant with her child.

Not that she
would think it was
wrong
. Just that something inside her seemed to resist
it.