Nameless (48 page)

Next to the
pictures, the headline said in corny, predictable words almost identical to the
ones Erin had imagined in her nightmares, “Seth Thomas Love-Child! Secret
Affair!”

Skimming over
the first paragraph of the story was enough to prove that Mary Carlyle knew exactly
who she was—name, job, daughter, everything. The story explained that
apparently this situation explained Seth Thomas’s mysterious retreat from
socializing for the last several months.

Erin hugged Mackenzie
more tightly, almost protectively.

For the second
time in just over a year, she realized that her entire world had turned upside
down.

She stared
blankly at the screen. Forgot that innocent infant ears were inches from her
mouth.

Muttered under
her breath, “Oh, shit!”

“Give mommy a kiss, pumpkin,” Erin
murmured, leaning toward Mackenzie, whom she held in her lap. Erin made a few
smacking noises with her mouth as she brought her daughter closer.

When Mackenzie
started to squirm, Erin eased up on the hug and held her upright so the infant stood
on her lap. Mackenzie loved this and began to babble happily and
incomprehensibly.

Mackenzie had rocked
in her swing while Erin had a little breakdown about the pictures and then
called both Liz and her father—trying to talk through what was still muddled in
her mind.

Looking at her
rosy-cheeked daughter in a purple t-shirt with a big red apple on the front, Erin
tried to shake the sick heaviness she’d felt ever since she’d seen the story. “Oh,
pumpkin. What are we going to do?”

Mackenzie didn’t
have any answer except to giggle in choppy little gasps and bend her knees in a
strange sort of squatting dance on Erin’s lap. The fine red hair stuck out all
over her head, and her blue eyes looked more and more like Seth’s every day.

“I don’t know
what my boss is going to say. And I hate that you’re the feature of some trashy
story.”

Mackenzie
didn’t appear to care about either of these issues. She reached out one arm
and—when she drew her daughter closer—Erin realized what she was reaching for.

A handful of Erin’s
hair.

“Ow. That’s
my
hair.” She tried to loosen Mackenzie’s grip, but the girl clung resiliently. “Ouch.
Let’s find something else to play with.”

Mackenzie wasn’t
pleased with the interruption, but Erin stood up and carried her daughter into
the nursery, where she found one of the bunnies Seth had given her—the first
one, from California. Picking it up, Erin let the baby hold it.

While Mackenzie
squeezed and patted and shook the soft toy, Erin watched and tried not to brood
too much about how everything in their lives might have changed in the course
of an afternoon.

Mackenzie held
the bunny up by one of the ears and babbled, “Gah, gah, gah, gah, gah.”

Erin nodded and
made sure she smiled, although she wasn’t feeling very cheerful. “That’s right.
That’s a bunny. Your daddy gave it to you.”

Mackenzie
stared at the stuffed bunny, as if she were trying to work out a complex
equation.

After a few minutes,
Erin realized that her diaper needed to be changed. Just as she was pulling off
the dirty diaper, she heard a knock on the door.

“That better
not be Mary Carlyle looking for a quote,” Erin grumbled. “Or else I’m going to
have to hold your ears while I give her a piece of my mind.”

After a minute,
the knocking continued, this time louder and more insistent.

Erin was trying
to work on the diaper quickly, but Mackenzie wasn’t making it easy. She
squirmed and kicked and writhed in protest.

Erin had just
managed to wipe the baby’s bottom when the knocking at the front door started
up again.

“Erin! Let me
in!”

The voice was
muffled through the door and half of the apartment, but Erin recognized who it
was.

“Oh. It’s your
daddy.”

Erin wasn’t
sure how she felt about Seth’s impromptu visit. She hadn’t seen him since the
night before—which had been unsettling for an entirely different reason. She
hadn’t called him this afternoon because she wasn’t really sure what to say. It
felt safer, somehow, to just hibernate. Talking to Seth would mean it was real.

When Erin had
managed to put on the new diaper and then pull back on the red and purple pants,
he was pounding on the door relentlessly.

Carrying Mackenzie
with her to the door, Erin finally swung it open to reveal a very disgruntled Seth.

“What the
hell
were you doing?” he demanded. He was dressed casually in a crew neck
sweater and gray trousers, and he looked tired as well as cross.

“Hey!” Erin
objected, nodding down at Mackenzie, who had started babbling at the sight of
her daddy. “Your language.”

“Sorry. But why
did you make me pound on the door for five minutes? My shouting for you to let
me in from the hallway is not going to make this situation any better.”

Erin scowled
back at him. “I was changing her diaper. I’m so sorry I didn’t snap to
attention at your summons the way I should.”

“I’ve been
trying to call you all afternoon. Why are you ignoring my calls? I know this is
hard, but I’m not going to let you shut me out.”

Erin had only
briefly considered pulling away from Seth because of this new situation, but
his overbearing tone provoked her immediate annoyance. “I’ll shut you out if I
want
to shut you out. You don’t get to boss me around.”

Seth swallowed
hard, clearly trying to control whatever his instinctive response to her words
had been. “Are we actually going to discuss this out here? Where we could be
overheard? Am I allowed in or not?”

“Well, you’re
not allowed in if you’re going to be mean. In case you hadn’t realized it, I’ve
had a really bad day.”

“Apparently it
hasn’t occurred to you that my day has been equally bad, compounded by the fact
that you’ve refused to talk to me.”

Erin let out a
frustrated breath. “I wasn’t refusing to talk to you. I’d turned off the
ringer.”

“Why?”

Shooting him a
significant look, Erin stood aside to let him into the apartment. “Why do you
think?”

“Someone has
been bothering you?”

“Mary Carlyle,”
Erin said tiredly. She made her way into the living room and sank onto the
couch with Mackenzie on her lap. Straightening the baby’s t-shirt so her belly
wasn’t showing, Erin added, “After the third call, I just turned off the
ringer.”

Seth had gone
over to her phone without asking and was browsing through her call history. This
bit of intrusiveness should have infuriated her, but she was too tired to be
anything more than mildly exasperated.

After going
through the incoming calls, Seth lowered himself onto the couch beside her. “Did
you talk to her?”

“No. All I
would have done is scream at her, so I just hung up instead. But eventually
something
will have to be done. The story might get picked up by other tabloids.”

“I know.”

Sighing, Erin
pulled Mackenzie toward her chest. The baby wasn’t feeling cuddly, but Erin
needed the security and comfort. “This really sucks.”

“Believe me. I
agree.”

His tone still
sounded rather grumpy. Almost sarcastic.

Erin hadn’t
known what to expect from Seth, but she’d assumed he’d go into crisis mode,
that he’d be careful and gentle with her and Mackenzie, and that he’d go out of
his way to be supportive and encouraging.

She certainly
hadn’t expected him to be bad-tempered with her.

“Is there some
reason why you’re being so snide? I didn’t do this, you know. You don’t have to
act like you’re angry with
me
.”

“I know you
didn’t do this. And I’m not angry with you, as long as you’re not going to use
this as an excuse to...”

“To what?”

“To pull away
from me.” His voice was slightly hoarse as he explained, “I thought that’s what
was happening when you wouldn’t answer my calls. I didn’t know you’d turned off
the ringer. So I started to react to what I thought was happening.”

Erin was beginning
to understand his mood. Part of her still resented it—if she’d decided to
emotionally pull away from him because of this, she would have had every right
to do so—but the rest of her ached for him.

Slumping back
against the couch, Erin brought Mackenzie close again. She knew Mackenzie
recognized Seth and was starting to love him, and every once in a while she
felt the baby pull toward him, as if Mackenzie wanted Seth to hold her.

But Erin was
far too upset this afternoon to release her baby quite yet.

“What do you
think your boss is going to say?” Seth asked.

“I don’t know.
He’s so conservative. And you try cases before him sometimes. He might think
it’s a conflict of interest or some sort of threat to his reputation. He
might...”

“I’m sorry.”

She’d lost her
privacy. She might lose her job. And she could see he was blaming himself for
it.

In some ways,
this situation was caused by his notoriety. She wouldn’t be in this position if
not for him.

But she also
wouldn’t have Mackenzie if not for him.

They’d always been
in this together.

She reached one
hand out and laid it on his knee. She knew he’d resist any hint of pity, but
she wanted to let him know that she cared about him. That she understood.

That she didn't
want him to feel guilty.

Squeezing his
knee, she said lightly, “You’re not the one to blame, but just wait until I get
my hands on that Mary Carlyle.”

Her comment
broke the tension between them, and Seth actually chuckled a little. At the
sound of his laugh, Mackenzie giggled too. She’d been squirming in Erin’s arms,
and now she reached out toward Seth’s shirt.

Giving up her
needy hold, Erin offered Mackenzie to Seth.

He hesitated
slightly, searching her expression, as if he weren’t sure she was serious. As
if he weren’t sure Erin was willing to give up her daughter to him, even
temporarily. As if he weren’t sure she could trust him that much.

Erin nodded
encouragingly, even though she felt that same heavy sinking in her gut she'd
felt all afternoon. “Hold her, will you?” she said casually. “I’ve got to go to
the bathroom.”

She didn’t
really. She just wanted an excuse, so the gesture wouldn’t seem as significant
as it felt.

Seth took Mackenzie,
and Erin hurried to the bathroom, where she splashed water on her face and
breathed deeply, trying to recover from the heavy mood of the last few hours.

This was bad, but
it wasn’t the end of the world. Seth wasn’t really a celebrity, so the story
would quickly die down—assuming it took off at all.

Maybe there
wouldn’t be a stir. Maybe her boss wouldn’t even hear about it.

It was
possible.

Whatever
happened, they would be all right.

When she
returned to the living room, she moved quietly, thinking maybe she could catch Seth
talking to Mackenzie again.

He wasn’t. He held
her so that she stood on his lap, and the two of them stared at each other
intently. Seth’s sweater and trousers were neat, stylish, and expensive. Mackenzie’s
sweat pants were rumpled, with one leg hiked up around her knee, and there was
milk dribbled down the big apple on the front of her t-shirt.

But the blue
eyes gazing at each other held the same wondering expression.

Erin smiled
fondly, despite the lingering anxiety. She flopped down on the sofa, closer to Seth
than she’d been before.

“Is your daddy
teaching you his intimidating stare?” she asked her daughter.

“She doesn’t
need to be taught. I think she comes by it naturally.”

Erin chuckled
and reached out to tickle Mackenzie’s sides, causing the baby to giggle.

“She’s good at
laughing. She might get her looks and her intimidating stare from you, but I
think she gets her laughing from me.”

“I hope so,” Seth
said, his voice low and husky. He was looking at Erin now. She could feel it.

The sound of
his voice made Erin’s heart flip-flop. She shifted uncomfortably and tried to
think of an innocuous topic. “Do you want to stay for dinner?” she asked,
before she could think through the suggestion. “I’m thinking I’ll start Mackenzie
on a little bit of solid food today, so you could be here for her first try.”

He was still
holding Mackenzie up on his lap, and she’d started the squatting game with him
now. “Yes. I'd like to stay. Thank you.”

***

“You’re sure you don’t mind
watching her?” Erin asked again, checking to make sure Mackenzie’s diapers,
bottle, and other provisions were all in place, in case they were needed.

“Of course
not,” her father assured her, looking a little impatient. “Why would I mind
spending quality time with my granddaughter? I’m just going to watch the game. Maybe
I can teach her a thing or two about it.”

“Sounds like a
good plan. I won’t be too long. I just feel like being alone for a little
while. I’ll have my phone, though, so just call me if she starts to get fussy.”

She’d taken Mackenzie
out of the city the night before—after a very long, stressful week—and they’d
stayed with her father. Even in the quiet of the small town and her childhood
home, however, she was still feeling stressed and restless. So she’d decided to
get away by herself for a few hours that afternoon, and her father had
volunteered to watch the baby for her.

After rehearsing
everything with her dad a few more times, Erin finally left the house. Feeling
strangely free and solitary, she drove around for a while before she found a
good spot to park her car. Then she got out and walked, breathing deeply and
trying to clear her mind of all of her worries and stresses.