My Wish for You (4 page)

Our end of the
table was silent for the most part during the rest of breakfast. When everyone
was finished, we all got up and headed towards the hall, where everyone’s
luggage was sitting, separated into two piles. I figured one was the pile that
was going in Sean’s truck, and one was going in Dad’s Highlander.

“Honey, do you
really need to bring your briefcase with you? You’re not going to need your
laptop or files,” my mom asked Charles, gesturing to the briefcase sitting by
his bag.

“It’s in case of
an emergency,” he explained shortly.

“But it’s your
vacation,” my mom tried to reason.

“Sharon, I
believe you know what the definition of ‘emergency’ is.”

“Oh alright,” she
huffed, heading out the door with her bag as Charles turned to address us.

“Okay, so you
know the way there. Your luggage is that pile over there.” He pointed to the
pile that was further away from us. “Cassie, you’re going to come with us if
that’s okay with you. It will be less crowded that way. Now, I don’t want you
to take any detours. I’d like us to all get there before noon. You shouldn’t
need to stop, but if you do, give us a call to let us know you’re going to be
late. We’ll see you in about two hours.”

We all moved
towards the bags of luggage. I went to grab my bags and blanket, but Sean
snatched them up before I could grab them. He didn’t say anything to me—he just
walked out the door. Brian saw the look on my face and seemed to sense there
was something wrong. He looked at Sarah, who knew everything, and she just
shook her head. I had a feeling that Brian already knew everything too, though;
he must have talked to Sean. Brian grabbed Sarah’s bags and we headed out to
the truck.

Brian and Sean tossed
the bags in the bed of the truck and tied them down next to the quads. I walked
around to the driver’s side of the truck and realized that I would have to get
up yet again. Sean walked up unbelievably close and unlocked the truck. He
looked at me and held out his hand to help me up. I took it silently, hopping
up into the truck, and he handed me my blanket. Sarah and Brian got in on their
side without a problem…I looked at them enviously for the fact that they didn’t
need an extra boost. Sean got in and started the truck. He looked into the rearview
mirror to back out, only to discover that he could see me perfectly. I sighed
and prepared myself for the long drive ahead of us.

Chapter Five

The hostility
was rolling off of Brian and Sean as we drove down the street. It probably wasn’t
a good idea to let them sit up front together, but it was too late now. They
were both in a bad mood and I could tell that this wasn’t going to be a good
trip if Brian didn’t apologize, hopefully soon. A small part of me was telling
me that I should do something, but I was too tired to do anything at the
moment. I ruffled through my bag looking for my iPod. Of course, it was at the
bottom, underneath everything. I pulled it out and put the volume on high to
drown out the sound of the music coming from the expensive stereo system in
Sean’s truck.

Being sick that
morning had really taken it out of me. It didn’t help that I hadn’t slept
well….I’d had nightmares all night long. It didn’t take long for me to fall
into a deep sleep.

For the second
time that day, I didn’t wake up pleasantly.

“No, I trusted
you with that. You don’t get to use it against me. I thought you were more
considerate than that.”

“Dammit Sean, I
said I was sorry! I’ve had plenty of things going on in my life too. Did you
ever think of that? Did you even consider that possibility?”

Their screaming
did not help my head, and my stomachache was back. I started to wonder if I
really had eaten something bad rather than just being punished by my guilt. I
didn’t have very long to think about it.

“That’s beside—”
Sean started his side of the argument again.

“Sean, pull
over,” I mumbled quickly.

“No,” he
stubbornly replied. “I don’t want to hit traffic.”

“Pull over,” I
calmly but firmly repeated. He looked into the mirror and must have seen that I
wasn’t joking, because he slowed down and pulled over to the right hand
shoulder. Not caring whether I made it down safely, I hopped out of the truck
quickly. Slamming the door and running behind the truck, I got to the side of
the freeway just in time.

The morning’s
breakfast came tumbling out, not caring how I felt about getting sick. I heard
another slam of the truck’s door and prayed that Brian wasn’t coming to tease
me again.

“Sam? Are you
okay?” a voice I knew too well was asking when obviously I wasn’t okay. I would
have preferred Brian’s teasing.

“Sean, does it
look like I’m okay?” I gagged on the last few words and he ran to my side.

“Is there
anything I can do to help?” he asked worriedly.

“No.”

“Nothing?”

“Please, just
stop talking,” I groaned. I was trying to focus on not getting sick, and his
talking was not helping me keep my focus.

The nausea
passed a lot quicker than I thought it would. Trying to hold onto what dignity
I had left, I stood up straight.

“Do you want
some water?” He held a water bottle out to me and I gratefully grabbed it.
Taking a swig, I swished it around my mouth and spit it out. I thanked him and
started to walk around to the front of the truck. Now that I wasn’t about to
get sick, walking right next to the speeding cars didn’t seem like such a good
idea. I was right next to the front passenger door when he called me.

“Sam....”

I turned around.
He looked upset…troubled. I knew that he wanted to talk right now, but he still
caught me off guard. I wasn’t prepared. I’d barely managed to stop emptying my
stomach and he brought this up on me?

“We need to talk
Sam. What happened last night was—”

“Stop.”

“But—”

“I have one
question that will save us from this entire conversation.”

“What’s that?”

“Are you staying
with her?”

The look on his
face said it all, but pulled me in nonetheless. I knew he wouldn’t leave her,
but maybe, just maybe, there was a small chance.

“No, Sam, I’m
not leaving her.” His voice broke on the last word. He had struggled with his
decision…I could tell just from his tone. He loved her though.

“Well, then,
there’s nothing to talk about.” The disappointment rang crystal clear in my dry
voice. I had set my hopes too high…I knew all along he wasn’t going to leave
her, yet I still hoped. My eyes stung with the tears that wanted to force their
way out, and my throat hurt while I fought back the urge. We were in front of
the truck now. Brian and Sarah could see everything that was going on.

“Yes there is,”
Sean disagreed.

“No, Sean, there
isn’t. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Nothing happened,” I told him
coldly, turning to walk back to the truck. I felt nauseous again, but this
time, it wasn’t health related. I knew that my statement had hurt him. The look
on his face clearly laid it all out for me to see. He didn’t want to just
forget it. He wanted it to mean something to both of us… and it did…but I wasn’t
going to let him know that. As much as I wanted him to know it really meant
something to me, I wasn’t going to show that I was vulnerable.

I got in the
truck without his help. Brian and Sarah both looked at me questioningly. I just
shook my head and pulled my headphones back on. Closing my eyes, I tried not to
think about what had happened. The car shook lightly and I waited for the
engine to start, but it didn’t. Confused, I opened my eyes and looked around.
Brian and Sean were a few hundred feet from the truck. I glanced over at Sarah.
She motioned for me to take my headphones out. Reluctantly, I did.

“Sam, what did you
say?” Sarah softly asked. She was never pushy about these kinds of things, but
it was obvious now that she had to know, so I explained to her what happened
and what I said.

“Well, first
off, do you feel better?” Of course, she was worried about how I felt. That
only made me feel worse.

“Well, health
wise, I feel tons better. Emotion wise, I feel tons worse.”

“Well, I can’t
really say anything to make you feel better. Sorry.”

I just nodded
and put my headphones back in. Whatever their problem was, Brian and Sean
seemed to be over it now, and were walking back toward the car. I composed
myself and my emotions and turned my music back on.

I felt my phone
vibrate in my pocket. As I pulled it out, the car shook slightly. Knowing how
he would look at me, I didn’t look up as Sean started the car. Vowing to keep
my eyes off the rearview mirror the rest of the trip, I looked down at my phone
to see that Cara, my best friend, had sent me a message.

Hey. Can’t
wait til you get here! BIG party tonight. You in? Let me know when you get
here! <3-C.

Sighing, I
remembered her saying that there were always huge parties up at the cabins. A
lot of the rich kids at my school, including me, had parents that owned cabins
around the same lake. Many of them went up with no supervision…hence the
parties. I heard that they were a lot of fun, but still, I really wasn’t in the
mood. As much as I wanted to go so I could forget everything, even if just for
a little while, I still felt sick and I knew I wouldn’t be well enough to go.

Hey! Can’t
wait to see you too. Can’t go to the party. Sick. = [ Ugh. See you soon. <3
-S

Snapping my
phone shut, I looked up automatically, breaking my vow, and instantly regretted
it. At the same moment I looked up, Sean looked in the mirror. His eyes were
full of sorrow and pain. My stomach clenched, but I knew I wasn’t going to be
sick again, even though I felt awful seeing him hurt. My phone buzzed again and
I broke from our painful gaze. I opened my phone to another message from Cara.

=[ Bummer!
That sucks! Sorry. Call me when you get here. <3 -C

I closed my
phone and stuck it back in my pocket. My iPod was almost dead so I turned it
off, but left the headphones in so it appeared like I was still listening to
it. I closed my eyes, though I knew I wasn’t going to get any more sleep.

Everyone was
silent. I could just feel the emotions rolling off of everyone…pity, anger,
sadness, guilt.

A phone rang. I
opened my eyes as Brian snatched it up quickly and answered it.

“Hello?” There
was a pause. “Well, he’s driving. I didn’t think that you would want us to
crash. Yes, sir....um, I’m not sure.” He turned around and faced me. “Are you
feeling better Sam?”

Someone must’ve
called them while I was on the side of the road. I just nodded. I couldn’t
speak without feeling that I was going to cry. Brian must have been upset with
me. Even with all their differences and fights, he and Sean had been best
friends since seventh grade. He turned back around to answer the caller.

“Yes, sir, she
is. Yeah. We’re back on the road....we only lost about twenty minutes. We
should be there in about a half hour. ‘Kay. Bye.”

“Thanks,” Sean
said quietly, the hurt solid in his voice.

“You’re welcome.
It was your dad. I thought he’d be able to tell something was wrong.”

“You didn’t have
to do that.”

“Ya, I know. It’s
the least that I can do after....”

“Hey, Brian. It’s
cool. Don’t worry about it.”

So, all was well
between them, and I felt like crap.

The rest of the
drive seemed to go by very slowly. We got stuck in traffic and Sean’s father
called again, wondering where we were. Sarah fell asleep. Brian and Sean joked
and talked like guys do. I was left out, not that I minded really; I wanted to
be by myself.

I stared out the
window and watched the trees go by. There were little critters climbing up and
down the trees and through the bushes. They had life so easy. They didn’t have
to worry about much besides eating and mating season. Squirrels didn’t worry
about school and grades, parents and relationships.
Simple-minded squirrels
.

Surprisingly, I
didn’t mind all that much that we were going to the cabin right now. I wanted
to be alone where no one would find me, to go for a long walk where no one
would be able to trace my steps, maybe even get lost and not have to deal with
the pain and confusion of this mess that I had gotten myself into. Actually, I
could do without getting lost. None of that was really what I wanted. I wanted
to stay and be a part of everything…except, I wanted
him
.
For him
to love
me
, to be
my
boyfriend, to be there for
me.

Sighing, I took
a deep breath. I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Wanting him as much as I
did, I could only wish. In the end, it wasn’t going to happen, not in this
lifetime.

We were getting
closer. The trees were starting to clear a little and the road that led to our
cabin made us veer to the left. I could see trails left behind by people who
walked through the forest to get away and think.

I looked over at
Sarah who was peacefully sleeping. I didn’t want to wake her, but I’d have to.

“Sarah...Sarah.
Wake up sleepy head.” She groaned at the nudging on her shoulder. She muttered
something unintelligible and opened her eyes. Leaning back, I closed my eyes. I
was feeling slightly better; still feeling a little nauseous, but maybe I’d go
to the party anyway.

We pulled up to
the cabin and everyone was already inside. Everything was a bright, luscious
green. On the wall facing the pathway that lead to the lake were green
intertwined vines simply decorated with small, purple flowers that were in full
bloom. Near the front door were flowers shaded a vibrant yellow. I stepped out
of the truck and the warmth of the sun swallowed me up. It was freezing inside
the truck. I hadn’t realized that it would be warmer up here than it had been
in Reno.