My Wish for You (10 page)

“Oh, gee. And
she started flirting with that random dude hiking through.” We both laughed at
the memory. As we were walking up some rocks, I felt myself losing my footing
and I came crashing down on them. Sean stopped and turned when he heard me
grunt, my face against the rocks.

“You never fail
do you?” Sean asked, chuckling lightly. He walked over to me and bent down
beside me. I glanced up at him from the rocks.

“I do my best,”
I said, pushing off the rocks and wiping myself off. I looked down at my jeans
to see a stain on them. I sighed and looked up at Sean. “Just when I try to
stay clean, I always end up ruining something.”

“You remember
that year at that picnic, when you were wearing that white dress and—”

“I fell asleep
under the picnic table!” I laughed fully. “Oh, my god, she was
so
angry!
I thought she was going to kill me.”

“They had to
call in those rangers because no one could find you.”

“And when they
found me, she was more upset about my ruined dress than the fact that I was
under the picnic table. Oh man, I had forgotten all about that.” I sighed from
laughing so much. We continued to walk, and walk, and walk. As we walked, I
wondered why anyone would possibly put a picnic grounds all the way up there.
And why on earth would anyone go out of their way to go that far just for a
picnic?

We made our way
through the break in the trees and I got my answer. It was one of the most
gorgeous places I had ever seen.

***

It seemed
surreal, like a chapter taken straight out of a fairy tale. Everything was
beautiful. Like everywhere else in the area, everything was green, a luscious,
full, deep green. There were flowers everywhere, purples and yellows, oranges
and blues. A waterfall spilled into some kind of deep blue lagoon that was on
the far side of the area.

A couple of old
logs like the ones down by the lake that were used for benches were near the
edge of the water. Wooden picnic tables were placed sporadically through the
wild grass. It was a stolen gem hidden amongst the trees and wildlife, our own
personal hiding place, protecting us from the complexities of our lives and
letting us breathe in peace.

Sean and I spent
the day lazing about in the grass sharing childhood anecdotes, stories of our
lives when everything was a little simpler; when there was no convoluted love,
no cheating girlfriends, no animosity. We were all just kids with a fondness
for each other, a bond that was so strong, a friendship that would never be
broken. When did it all change? And how did we make it all stop?

We were floating
around on our backs in the water at the bottom of the waterfall, when Sean
broke my thought process.

“Sam. Sam?
Sammy!” Sean startled me and I lost my balance, sliding under the surface of
the water, swallowing what felt like gallons of water.

“What? What?” I
stuttered as I popped my head out from underneath the water. I started coughing
hysterically…choking is more like it. I flailed as I tried to keep my head up
to get a full breath of air in. Sean grabbed me by the sides and held me above
the water. I grabbed on to his shoulders as I tried to stop coughing. Clearing
my throat, I took a couple of deep breaths and looked up at him.

“Did you say
something?” I asked.

“Uhhh...no.” He
hesitated.

“Come out with
it.”

“I, uh, I had
asked you who your first crush was,” he mumbled. Instantly, I was aware of the
space between us…the almost nonexistent space between us. I looked down at us,
so close together, holding each other. Looking back at him slowly, I tried to
gauge how he would react. He prodded me with his eyes, waiting for my answer.

“Well, who was
it?” he softly asked again.

“It was you
Sean. It was always you,” I whispered softly.

The silence was
deafening.

I looked into
his eyes, his light hazel eyes, and he stared back into mine. Leaning down to
him slowly, I tilted my head a fraction of an inch, looking down at his lips
and back up at him. He lowered me down a little towards him, stretching his
head up ever so slightly. Gently, I dropped my lips, touching his. He met mine
with eagerness. I closed my eyes for a brief second.

Before I
realized what we were doing, I felt him jerk away from my lips, and his hands
left my sides, pushing back away from me. I felt the emptiness as I watched him
swim back to shore.

“I’m sorry. I
just…can’t,” he called back from the shore to what I’m sure was a dumbfounded
look on my face as I continued to hover in the water. “I would love to; I just
can’t.”

Chapter Thirteen

I would love
to; I just can’t.

What was wrong
with me? How could I be so stupid?

The woods were
quiet as I walked through them alone. After he got out of the water, Sean left
me at the picnic site. Not wanting to run into him on the way, I laid in the
sun on the grass, drying off. I tried to forget his words as I soaked in the
sun, but despite my best efforts, they haunted me.

I would love
to; I just can’t. I would love to; I just can’t.

Now, here I was,
stranded, by myself, in the middle of the woods with my stupid thoughts. I
couldn’t help but think of how I could have changed things. How could I have
possibly made it better? I thought the day was going perfectly…everything it
could possibly be, and then some. I thought that Sean had felt that too.

I guess I was
wrong
.

As I made my way
back to the cabin, I was careful not to trip on the rocks of the creek. I didn’t
want to have to crawl back if I maimed myself. Through all my wandering, I
still had found no sanity, no small glimmer of hope to ease my troubled mind. I
sat down on one of the rocks and tried not to cry. The embarrassment of
throwing myself at him was overwhelming. I don’t know what I had expected to
happen.

That was a lie.
I did know. I knew exactly what I expected to happen. I expected him to kiss me
back and then everything would be okay. I expected a kiss that would change the
game, a kiss to somehow make him mine.

I would love
to; I just can’t.

His words stung
through to my heart. I closed my eyes, took in a deep breath, and tried to
clear my head. I ran through everything again and again. When I finally sighed
and opened my eyes, there was a small squirrel sitting on the rock in front of
me.

“Why is it that
every time I try to go out on a limb, the branch falls out from underneath me?”
I asked the squirrel. She tilted her head at me quizzically. “Seriously…boys.
They are the stupidest things on earth. You think you know what they want.
Then, like a flip of a coin, they change their minds, leaving you heartbroken
and depressed, and in need of a tub of freaking ice cream!”

I watched as the
squirrel turned and ran up the tree, leaving me all by myself. I looked up to
where it perched, a male squirrel sitting next to it. Of course. Even the
stupid squirrel had somebody to love.

Did I really
just pour out my heart to a squirrel? Seriously
? I needed a life.

I got up off the
rock, over my pathetic behavior, and made my way back to the cabin. As I walked
into the open area in front of the cabin, I noticed my quiet surroundings.
Everything was still…it was almost eerie. I started down to the path and
slipped on a rock, disturbing the quiet peace with my loud yelp.

I lifted my head
up from the ground slightly, checking to make sure no one saw me fall. I laid
my head back on the ground, looking to my left towards the lake. From there, I
could see the smallest sliver of water. It looked really blue.
Maybe I’ll go
down to the lake today.

I turned my head
to the right, looking the other way, up towards the cabin. I was startled by
the figure standing in the doorway staring at me. I got up quickly and wiped
myself off before storming inside the house. I saw Mrs. W sitting in the chair
in the corner of the family room, reading, and my mom was in the kitchen.
Charles and Mr. W were in the room at the end of the hall playing cards, or
cribbage, or whatever it was that old men played.

I could feel
Sean following me. I stopped abruptly in front of the pantry and he ran into
me.

“What the —?”

I shushed him
and pulled him into the pantry, closing the door behind us. He pulled the
overhead light on and light flooded the short area.

“Why are we in
the pantry?” he asked me quietly.

“What is your
problem?” I whispered heatedly. “You’ve been all into me and then, when I
actually throw myself at you, you flip out like some scared little girl. Why
are you dancing around the bush like we’re playing tag or something? We’re not
five years old anymore, Sean. Grow up. Be a man. Make a decision. I’m sick of
this little game you’re playing. Either you want me or you don’t. Which is it?”

Defiantly, I
stared at him as he gazed back at me, and then, just like that, we were going
at it. His lips were on mine, stopping me from saying anything. His hands were
on the sides of my face, holding me to him. Gripping him tightly, I placed my
hands on his hips. Suddenly, I was in his arms, my legs against his sides, and
he was holding me up by my bottom. He bit my lower lip gently, tugging it back.
I weaved my fingers through his hair, pulling slightly. Pressing his lips
against mine, he rested against the door, sliding us to the floor. As I sat on
his lap, he slid his hands to my sides, holding me tight. Pressing my chest
against his, he sat up, pushing back against my lips. Leaning into him, I
wrapped my arms around his neck. Pulling me with him, he sat back against the
door quickly. The next thing I knew, the door was giving out behind us and we
were tumbling straight into the hallway.

Sean looked past
me with an expression of horror. I slowly turned around, expecting to see the
worst, Tasha. Instead, I found my mother staring down at me with the very same
expression of horror mixed with a tad bit of amusement.

“You know,” she
smirked, “when I was a kid, we used to hide in cars.”

She stepped over
the two of us and grabbed a couple of cans of corn before walking away, leaving
us in the middle of the hall. Horrified, I jumped up, fixing my hair. Sean got
up slower, more reserved. Trying to put myself back together, I methodically
smoothed my hair. Worried by potential consequences, I glanced down the hall to
check and see if Charles or Mr. W had seen anything, but they were still
laughing away, unaware that anything had happened.

“Uhh, I don’t
know what came over me. I apologize for my rash behavior.” Trying to collect
myself, I looked to the floor and back up at him unemotionally. I was quiet,
the words inaudible and barely coming out of my mouth. Uncomfortable, I bit the
inside of my cheeks as I felt the blood rush to them. Embarrassment flooded my
body. I had to get away from him.

“Yeah. You’re
right. Completely irrational.”

We sounded like
business people going over the downfall of a company. We stood there awkwardly,
him shuffling his feet, me rubbing my arms, both looking away from each other.

“I should get
going. I have things to do today.” I said calmly.

“Yeah, of
course. Don’t let me keep you.”

He stepped out
of my way, opening up my path into the hallway. I walked past him coolly.
Keeping my composure, I made my way upstairs to my bedroom, shutting the door
behind me as I entered the room. I glanced around the room quickly and checked
the bathroom to see if anyone was around. Once I reassured myself that no one
was there, I jumped and danced for joy.

Chapter Fourteen

After I got over
the excitement of the morning, I cozied up on my bed and started reading. It
ended up being a quiet afternoon. Cassie and Sarah moseyed in and out of the
room, neither of them saying much. Well, Cassie said nothing to me at all; I
was still clueless as to what her problem was. I considered telling Sarah about
what happened between me and Sean, but I decided against it, wanting to keep it
a secret all to myself.

Cara had called
earlier, chatting and telling me about Chad. Apparently, he was the “greatest
guy and has the cutest laugh. Not to mention he is the best kisser!” She
laughed and giggled like she did any time a boy struck her fancy. It was rather
cute and endearing. It had been a trait of hers since we were in the seventh
grade. Usually though, she lost interest after a couple of weeks, at most a few
months. She’d never had a serious relationship in her life, just a string of “could
be’s.” qct

After we hung
up, my phone was completely silent. The day went by without a sound except for
the sound of the turning of the pages. So, when my phone vibrated I was
startled. And when I looked at the screen I was even more surprised that it was
Lance.

Hey :]

In all honesty,
I hadn’t given much thought to Lance at all since I’d sent him that text
message the previous night. In fact, I didn’t think I had given him any thought
at all. All the excitement with Sean had left little room for thoughts of
anything else. I felt a twinge of guilt that I was misleading him as I replied.

Welllll. Hi
there.

What’re you
up to?

Not much.
Just readin.

Fun. Whatcha
readin?

The Notebook.

Oh. Joy,
he
replied, obviously sarcastic.

Yeah. It’s
good.

That’s good.
Anyway. What’re you doing tonight?

My heart
fluttered a little bit at the prospect of him asking me out again.

Not much.
Why?

Wanna hang
out?

Sure. What
did you have in mind?