My Teenage Dream Ended (16 page)

I was lucky I had my sunglasses on, so nobody noticed me crying. I sat there for ten minutes trying to calm down and figure out whom to call to come pick me up. I realized I had left my new phone and all my contract information in Derek’s car, but fortunately I still had my old phone and hadn’t turned off the service. I couldn’t call my parents. This was definitely not how I wanted them to find out I had been seeing Derek. I ended up calling my sister. She wanted to know why I needed a ride home from the pool, so I had to tell her, “Because Derek left me here.”

While I was waiting for my sister to come get me, Derek called. I picked up and just yelled at him—about leaving me and about what an asshole he was. I pretty much didn’t let him say anything. Then I hung up on him.

I waited in front of the pool ‘til my sister picked me up. Then I had to admit to her that I had left my new phone in Derek’s car. My sister wasn’t happy about all the running around I was asking her to do for me, but she was even more annoyed by Derek and his behavior.

I was beyond mad. I was ready to hate Derek for everything and never speak to him again. But I had to get back my new phone, so I had no choice but to call him. He told us to meet him at his house, but when we pulled up, he wasn’t even there. I tried calling and texting him, but he didn’t pick up or reply to my texts. Finally, he pulled up around the corner and his dumb friend Bentley was in the car with him.

My sister was pissed. She glared at Derek. “You know, stealing phones, we could call the police for that.”

Derek threw the phone over to her and then looked at me and said, “Love you, Babe!” and drove off.

I didn’t know what to make of that. Was Derek being sincere or was he mocking me and throwing my love in my face? I was upset, but my sister didn’t want to talk about what had happened. She was sick of Derek.

When I got home, I had to face the truth. I couldn’t stand who Derek had become. I knew I couldn’t hang out with him anymore. I went into work and switched my hours, so I would only work mornings and I wouldn’t have to see him anymore.

UNPLANNED PARENTHOOD

By now it was late July. A lot had happened since the end of June, and none of it made me feel like there was hope for Derek and me. I tried to keep busy, so I wouldn’t dwell on how much he had hurt me over the past couple of months. I went to summer cheer practice and to work. When I wasn’t doing that, I hung out and tanned with my friends.

But there was something else I had been trying to avoid thinking about, something that at this point I had no choice but to deal with: I still hadn’t gotten my period.

I finally had to face the fact that something was really wrong. I wasn’t just late. Now, when I did my abdominal planks during cheer practice, it didn’t look like I had a six-pack anymore. It looked like I had a small triangle poking out of my tummy. I knew that I was probably pregnant and I started freaking out.

I confided in one of my closest cheer friends, Zabby. She promised she would keep it a secret and said I should get a test to make sure. But I didn’t want to go with her to get the test because, even though we were close, you can’t trust cheerleaders not to gossip. I couldn’t ask Derek because he wasn’t returning my calls, so I asked my girlfriend, Sadie, from work to go with me.

One day at work, I said to her, “Will you come with me to get a test to see if I’m pregnant?”

Sadie looked shocked. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah. I’m late, and my body feels different. My pants are tighter. I don’t trust anyone else. Please?”

“Okay. I’ll borrow my mom’s car and come get you after cheer practice tomorrow.” She knew all about my history with Derek and was really supportive.

After cheer practice the next day, Sadie picked me up and we went to the Planned Parenthood clinic, which is where I had gotten my birth control. Sadie came in with me and we sat in the waiting room until my name was called. I was so nervous, the wait felt like forever. When I finally heard the nurse call my name, I wanted to hide my face.

Sadie said, “I’ll wait out here.”

I got up and said, as cheerfully as I could, “Okay, see you soon.”

As I followed the nurse, I had a million thoughts running through my head:
It’s just nerves. It’s the birth control making you fat
—anything that could possibly explain why I had put on weight other then the fact that I might be pregnant.

But now it was truth time. I would find out if I was or I wasn’t.

The nurse led me to a restroom and told me to pee in the cup she gave me and then leave it in the restroom and come out when I was done. I peed into the cup and looked at it. It didn’t look any different to me. It looked like my regular pee.
I don’t think I’m pregnant
, I thought to myself. I set the cup on the sink and walked out of the restroom.

Then the nurse led me to an exam room and told me to wait there until she came back with the results of the test. I sat there and waited. I thought,
If I’m not pregnant, I’m never having sex with Derek again, after all the shit he’s done to me and now he’s not even here with me. I’m going to quit having sex altogether.
Then I tried to think what would happen if I was pregnant, but my mind didn’t want to go there.

After ten minutes, the nurse came in. I tried to be happy and cheerful, hoping that if I acted normal, everything would be fine and the test would be negative. I looked at the nurse’s face. She didn’t look happy.

“So, the test came back saying you’re pregnant.”

I went from cheerful and happy to hysterical and crying in one second flat. I was in a total panic and wanted someone to blame.

“If I’m pregnant, then it’s your fault! I got my birth control here, so if it didn’t work it’s your fault I’m pregnant!”

The nurse tried to soothe me. “Honey, you need to calm down. Let’s talk and figure this out. Have you been taking your birth control daily around the same time?”

“Yes, I make sure I do.” I took my birth control pills religiously.

“Well, do you take any medications?”

I thought for a minute. “No I don’t, but I did have to take a prescription antibiotic for my tonsils a while ago. My doctor thought I might be coming down with an infection.”

“Well, based on the date of your last period, you could be as many as six weeks pregnant. Did you take the antibiotic four to six weeks ago?”

“Yes.”

I felt like I couldn’t sit in this room a second longer. I couldn’t remember anyone explaining to me that medications could make my birth control pill ineffective.

The nurse looked at me sympathetically. She explained that it wasn’t too late to terminate the pregnancy if that was what I wanted. I could either have a surgical abortion at a health center, or I could choose a nonsurgical method, called a medication abortion, which is an abortion induced with medications.

I asked her about the medication abortion and she explained, “There are two steps; first a medication is given in pill form at a health center, followed by a second self-administered medication taken at home. The first medication blocks the hormone progesterone, which causes the lining of the uterus to break down and prevents the pregnancy from continuing, and the second medication causes cramping and bleeding which expels the pregnancy.”

She said that if I wanted to end the pregnancy, I could take this medication but that, since I was under eighteen, a parent would have to come in first and sign a form. This is not the case in all states, but in Iowa the law required the clinic to notify a parent. She told me to calm down and to go home and talk to my parents.

“I’ll give you some time to yourself and you can come out when you’re ready.”

“Thank you,” I said quietly.

I was sad, but I knew what I had to do now that I had found out for sure I was pregnant. I needed to call Derek. I got out my phone and dialed his number, but his phone rang and rang and then went to voicemail. I hung up. It was around 11
AM
. He was usually up by now.

I was fed up and, looking back, probably in shock. It had been a week since our fight at the pool and Derek had not called me or returned my calls. I had tried to call him randomly, when I was bored tanning, but he never picked up. I felt like he had been purposely avoiding my calls and I hadn’t done anything to deserve him treating me like that. I was so angry. I thought,
If he can’t be bothered to pick up his phone for me when I need him the most, then I don’t want him in my life.

I got up and walked down the hall back to the waiting room.

“Come on, let’s go,” I said to Sadie.

We got in the car and she asked, “What happened?”

“I’m pregnant.” I started to cry again. “And now I have to tell my parents. I tried to call Derek, but he didn’t pick up.”

Sadie shook her head. “I’m so sorry, Farrah.”

“The nurse told me I can take a medication that will end the pregnancy, but my mom has to come in and sign a form first.”

“Do you think your mom will sign?”

“I’m sure she will when I explain everything to her. Will you come in with me while I tell my mom?”

“Yeah, no problem.”

We left Planned Parenthood and drove to my house. I was so nervous I was shaking. Since Derek wasn’t there for me, I really needed to know that my parents would be supportive.

All the way home, I couldn’t help thinking of the derogatory comments my parents had made about some of the teenage girls we knew who had gotten pregnant. I remembered my mom saying things like, “I would kick that girl out of the house if she was my daughter.” I thought,
If I just tell them the truth, they should understand and at least let me still live with them.

TIME TO FACE THE MUSIC

When Sadie and I arrived at my house, my dad noticed right away that something was really wrong with me. The first thing he said when we walked in the door was, “Are you okay?”

I couldn’t face my dad yet, so I muttered “Yeah,” and kept walking. I wanted to talk to my mom first. I thought my mom would be more understanding and more helpful than my dad. Turns out I was wrong about that. My mom was working at home that day, so I walked into her office with Sadie following behind me. I was relieved I had a friend with me, but I knew this was going to be really uncomfortable for her. This wasn’t her problem. She didn’t even know my parents, but since Derek wasn’t with me I really needed a friend by my side to give me moral support. I was still struggling myself with the reality that I was pregnant and I had no idea how my parents were going to react.

I couldn’t stand keeping the news from my parents a moment longer. This was huge—it was life changing. So I took a deep breath and plunged in.

“Mom, we need to talk.”

She was on a conference call, so she told me to sit and wait. I sat down. My mom was always busy working and I was used to waiting. But this was different. Every second that went by I felt a little more terrified to tell her that I was pregnant.
I couldn’t look at Sadie because my anxiety was growing and I knew the awkwardness of the situation must have been intense for her.

My mom finally finished her call and asked, “What’s going on?”

“I have to tell you something. But just listen first and then we can talk, okay?”