My Stupid Girl (2 page)

She was really irritating.

A big guy, her boyfriend, trailed her. Mark
or Mike or something or other, was big and popular. He was a handsome guy, if
you go for that tall, dark, and handsome type. He played on the football team
and dated the prettiest girl in school. Mike (Mark?) was pretty much the king
of the world, or at least the Kalispell High School world, which was the only
world that mattered to most of them. I thought Mark (Mike?) was a joke. I'm
sure he had great parents who adored him and gave him everything his precious
heart desired. Adorable. 

"What are you looking at?"
Michelle asked, sneering at the large group that just joined the crowd at the
lake’s edge. 

 "Nothing, shut up," I said
irritably. She muttered something back at me, but ignored my bad mood. Thank
goodness for friends who get you. Or, if not “friends who get you” at least
“friends who are as weird as you are.”

I inhaled again from my cigarette and blew
the smoke out in little rings. I should start singing like that caterpillar
from Alice and Wonderland, maybe then I would disappear without having to get
up and slog through the snow. I heard Johnny laughing behind me. Then I felt a
pain in my arm as he punched me to get my attention. 

“Dude, it’s that girl.” 

“What girl?” I asked, acting like I hadn’t
noticed Lucy.  

“The one I was telling you about, the girl
that I tutored for math last week.”

“Oh,” was my only response. Johnny had gone
on and on about this girl who sat so close to him during tutoring that her hair
tickled his face the entire time. I thought he had been exaggerating, but now
that I saw who he had been talking about, I realized that he was telling the
truth. He had probably been completely freaked out the whole time too. Johnny
wasn’t the big stud he made himself out to be. But that girl, she was
definitely the type to get way too close without realizing how insanely close
she actually was.

"Let’s go." I flicked my cigarette
in the snow and stood up. I took one more look at my classmates, the church
group that had no clue I even existed. I saw the black, sprinkled marshmallow
spinning around in a kind of chaotic way. She obviously had no idea what she
was doing. I looked down at her feet and saw brand new skates. She’d probably
purchased them yesterday, brand new skates for a one day thing. She acted like
she didn't care how silly she looked, like she was perfectly at ease in her own
skin. The stupid twirls and the uneven, jerky movements ended up looking like
fun, rather than the train wrecks they were.

I wondered what that kind of self-assurance
would feel like. I didn't even know how to comprehend such a feeling.

She was skating out to the middle of the
lake. A few “unconventional” spins morphed into a race back into Mr. Perfect’s
arms. What a delectable couple. I could see them now: married, him balding and
her 70 pounds overweight. The American dream.

I turned around, put my earphones in, and
turned up my music as we all walked to my car, a beat down little Rabbit
convertible. That car was old and dingy, but it was awesome. I loved driving
it. It was always like an adventure. Never really knew how it was going to turn
out. I was grabbing the keys out of my pocket, when Johnny hit my arm and
pointed to the lake. I looked over and saw Lucy standing awkwardly; I knew at
once what was happening by the look of terror in her eyes. Something had
happened to her footing. Mr. Perfect was standing a few feet away from her waving
his hands wildly for her to walk over slowly.

What an idiot.

"She needs to sit down, take off her
skates and scoot," I said to no one in particular. No one even responded
to me; what I was saying was so obvious. Most of her group was all huddled
together on the shore, chatting. The ones in skates were off at another part of
the frozen pond, doing a kind of dance, the “killing time and not looking like
a total fool by pointlessly moving around” kind of dance. The few that had
noticed Lucy’s panic were frantically looking around, trying to find a branch,
form a chain, get an adult. That was at least more helpful then what Mike
(Mark?) was trying to do. But obviously, none of the church group had paid
attention in PE class when they went over this very thing. Everyone was trying
to talk, to each other, to her, to Mark, to the snowflakes… Hippies.

I wasn't much of a conversationalist so, if
that were me, I would be good to go. I’d listened in class. I’d just tune them
out and do my thing. Skateless and scooting. Lucy, however, started to walk
slowly towards Mark (Mike?), when I heard a loud crack. Goosebumps instantly
rose on my arm and all the hair stood up on the back of my neck. I got a crazy
rush of adrenaline all the way down to my fingertips.

"Hey, tell her to sit down!" I
yelled to the crowd, startling my own group. I saw Isaiah jump from the corner
of my eye. Down near the pond, two people turned toward me but, before they
registered what I’d said, I heard another crack. Lucy froze again as a visible crack
grew in the ice near her feet; this time she should have just kept walking. My
body tensed with that second crack. I knew what was going to happen; my head
was already playing it in slow motion. Her body jerked a little as the ice
below her shifted.

Lucy tried to run away from the crack but
just fell lower with each step. Running on the blades of her brand-new
ice-skates looked almost impossible for her. I started to panic as I saw her
plunge down, not totally under water, but pretty close. The ice she’d been
standing on was buoying her up, but I knew that wouldn’t last. Her arms started
flailing as soon as she started falling and she began screaming that high-pitch
panicky scream people only get when they’re really, legitimately scared.

As soon as she screamed, everyone in the
area turned toward Lucy. Almost instantly (as soon as they realized what was
going on) the herd of cows started heading to her. I swear someone mooed.
Amazing. Just what the situation needs, more people on the ice.

Her dumb boyfriend was making things worse
by standing at the opening trying to grab Lucy. He kept backing up as his
weight made the hole bigger. He was making the whole thing worse while she was
trashing around, making herself more tired. It had only been a few seconds, but
she had to be freezing already. Mike (Mark?) grabbed Lucy’s hands once but
almost fell in and flew back, away from the hole, without her.

I knew in that moment that I had to do
something. I couldn't just let this girl drown right in front of me. My feet
started moving before I even gave it a real thought. I was running toward the
ice. People went flying as I pushed through the crowd of gawking faces. Lucy’s
frightened face was sinking lower, her arms were slowing down, and her fingers
were losing their grip on the ice. She was disappearing slowly out of view. Mr.
Perfect was now standing to the side like an idiot. His mouth hung open as I
raced by him toward the hole. A regular Prince Charming. With a frog for a
brain, apparently.

As I ran, I yanked my belt off. When I got
to the lake itself, I dropped to my stomach and belly-crawled towards Lucy. I
was surprised at how fast I was moving and at how big the hole was. They had
done a number on this thing “trying” to get her out. I yelled at someone to
come grab the other end of the belt but they all stared at me. One or two
people stutter-stepped, but no one seemed willing to step onto the ice. I
pulled a big knife that I kept in my boot (for no other reason than it was
cool) and plunged it into the hard ice. Then I took the belt that I had slipped
off and put the metal buckle around the hilt of the knife. My hand clamped
around the other end of the belt. Hopefully one of those dumb cows would figure
it out; I didn’t trust an old knife stuck in cracking ice. I focused all my
attention on the partially-glazed, panicked eyes of the beautiful girl sinking
away from me.

Lucy’s stupid snow suit had probably
weighed ten pounds before she had gotten soaking wet. No matter what I grabbed,
sleeves, shoulders, chest, the soaking, half-frozen fabric slipped right out of
my hand. I was already starting to shake from the contact with icy water. I
could only imagine how insanely cold Lucy was by now. It was crazy that she was
still able to move or focus on me. Her arms reached toward the fingers of my
free hand and I was able to grab under her elbow. I tried to pull her up but I
couldn't get more than her chest out of the water. She weighed a ton; every
inch of her that left the hole added a huge amount of weight to what I was
pulling. I really needed two hands but I knew that, without the dumb
knife-and-belt setup, there was a good possibility that I would fall in with
her, and we would both be toast. I paused for half a sec before I spoke to her.

"I am going to let go...”

"No!" She tried to scream at me,
but her voice cracked from the cold. Terror registered in her eyes. I didn't
blame her.

"Listen, I am going to let go and put
my legs in. I will pull you up." I couldn't believe I was about to try
this.

"Don't leave me," was all she
said.

"I won’t leave; I’m going to grab you
with my legs, okay? You just hang onto the edge, get both elbows up
there." She didn’t answer but she tried to fold her elbows up onto the
ice, like she was resting them on a counter-top, and nodded her head. Her chin
jutted out like she was determined to do what I said if it killed her. Which, I
realized, it might.

Another adrenaline rush. Like I didn’t have
enough pumping through me right now to power the entire city.

“I'm letting go." I pulled her elbows
onto the icy shelf but they slipped right off the second I let go. After
several minutes she was losing all motor skills.

Big blue eyes and puffed out cheeks sank
away from me quickly. She was going down fast. I spun my body around and put my
legs in the freezing water. Even though I’d been expecting cold, I still lost
my breath from how crazy-cold it was. I felt Lucy’s body with my legs and
locked my boots around her waist. A million freezing daggers were attacking my
skin. Also, I had a 200 pound whale anchoring me to the bitterly cold hole of
doom.

I pulled my legs up as far as I could with
soaking wet skinny jeans in sub-zero water. I think I was losing that one
argument I had with myself about snow suits and the purpose they served. As
Lucy’s blank face neared the surface, I managed to grab under her arm with the
whole right side of my upper body. She gasped for air and, like a magnet, clung
to my neck. Holy cold. Lips and nose were facial ice cubes, digging into the
inside of my neck. I imagined it felt warm to her but I was really not enjoying
it. At all. I still wasn’t sure I was going to be able to lift this stupid girl
out of the hole by myself. But then the girl’s friends were there, pushing
themselves on their bellies towards us. It looked like an army of colorful
penguins was coming after me. Thanks for nothing guys.

"Hurry!" I yelled at them. It was
unlike me to raise my voice, especially in a crowd, but I was desperate. A
chaperone-looking guy grabbed Lucy from my now-frozen arms and shimmied her out
of the hole and got her onto solid ice. Then many hands grabbed her and rushed
her to a car in the parking lot, hopefully with the heater blazing. Mark
(Mike?), aka Mr. Perfect, grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the hole.

Then he picked me up and ran me to the same
car.

I think I preferred the deathly ice-trap
than being held like a blushing bride being tenderly held by Romeo himself on
her honeymoon night.

As we neared the car, I saw them stripping
Lucy out of her clothes. She looked waxy and was alternating between shivering
uncontrollably and not moving at all. That was bad.  That meant that her
temperature was so low it couldn’t get up on its own. Through concern for the
girl came the thought that they were going to try to do the same to me. If I
hadn't been freezing to death I would have run away as fast as I could. As it
was, I couldn't move.

They sat me next to her in the back of the
big Cadillac, Driving Ms. Daisy style. It was so warm in the car that it almost
burned my skin. Blazing heat made the air almost soupy, it was so thick. I
could feel the heat hit my lungs as I breathed in and instantly warmed from the
inside. The crowd around me started taking my shoes, socks and jacket off, then
whipped off my layers of shirts and proceeded to take off my jeans. And maybe
the theoretical long-johns.

"S-s- top!" I managed to stutter.
"I choose dea-ath!"

I was being completely serious. I heard a
snort from the frozen, bright-faced girl next to me. As I turned to look at
her, I realized she had what looked like a duck down comforter wrapped around
her. Jealous.

"Put the b-b-blanket around y-you and
then take offff…" she couldn't finish the sentence. Her lips were frozen
shut; it was probably painful for her to speak. I could appreciate her
discomfort, but what she was feeling was nowhere near as painful as letting
those kids undress me. Not that I was arguing with the basic point. Like I
said, I paid attention in PE and I had to get the cold clothes off of me. Even
if I hadn’t paid attention, my legs were so cold my bones hurt. I wanted out.

My reaching for the blanket was the sign;
the sign the crowd was waiting for.  It spurred them into action. Two solemn
guys wrapped me with a big comforter like the one that was encasing Lucy. Then
I felt someone take off my pants…and everything under my pants. 

Isaiah was going to love this.

I had no doubt that my friends were all
watching this and taping it with their cell phones. My frozen face would be on
YouTube in hours. The title, no doubt, would be something amazingly creative
like, “Christian Diving.”

The guys who’d wrapped me had to tug a few
times but eventually got my extremely tight, wet pants off. Weird. But I
instantly felt warmer. I curled up into a ball in the Caddy’s long back seat,
wrapping the big blanket as tightly around myself as I could. A frozen goth
burrito.