My Perfect Imperfections (18 page)

“I’m never going to bring that incident up again, Lily. I promise you.” Chance sends tender kisses all over my face. “Lily, I have to be sure. You know what you’re getting into, right? There’s a good possibility that I may be diagnosed with ALS one day. I don’t want to be a burden to you, ever…that’s another reason I stayed away. As you can see, though, I’ve failed miserably. One thing you have taught me is that I can’t worry about the unknown. I just have to live day by day and make every minute count.”

I hug him tighter, drowning in the sea of bliss.

“You know I asked your parents’ permission to marry you?”

I look up at him, surprised.

“Yeah, I asked them officially when I returned back. Your mom cried and your dad said, ‘What took you so long? It’s about time you put your big boy pants on!’”

I laugh because I can totally picture the entire scene. Sighing deeply, I rest my head on Chance’s muscular chest. I close my eyes, savoring this moment and hoping this feeling of pure ecstasy will last forever.

The very next day, Chance and I head to the cemetery. I need to be close to Layna and share my news with her. As soon as we reach there, Chace places me on the ground and sits behind me to support me.

“Layna, I want you to know that I’m going to marry your sister. I can’t promise that our life will be perfect, but I can promise that she’ll never have to face it alone. I will look out for her until the day I die.” Chance then leans forward and kisses my cheek.

I lean my back against him and close my eyes.

Oh, Layna, I so wish you were here. I want to share this so badly with you. I love him, Layna. But, of course, you knew that. He’s wonderful, and I know I’ll be happy with him. I just wanted to come here and tell you myself. I want you to give us your blessing, Layna. There’s just so much I want to be able to share with you. Remember you used to say how we were both going to marry brothers so we could live together even after marriage? And remember, I would think you were nuts? I never thought I’d be getting married, Layna. Somehow, you knew. You just knew. You were the one who always believed. Thank you, my dearest sister. I miss you so much. I love you, Layna.

The plans move quickly after we’re engaged. The date is set ten months down the road, and Chance moves into my apartment with me. Although we’ve always spent a lot of time together in the past, we’ve never lived together. Chance has no reservations about helping me with my needs, but still, I continue to have my personal helpers come and assist me, especially for bathing and toileting. Chance has never seen me without my clothes, and I can’t help but feel that I’d like to keep it that way until after marriage.

Soon, his residency starts, and he buries himself in his work. He can only take a few days off for our honeymoon, so we decide to keep it simple. We plan to rent a small log cabin in the woods up north for some alone time and really get away from the stress of our everyday life.

Since I have ten months before marriage, I plan a surprise for him for a wedding gift. At my therapy session, I tell my physical therapist my plan.

“Lily, you know you haven’t walked that kind of distance for almost ten years now. Your muscles are significantly weaker.”

“I’m walking down the aisle. Are you going to help me reach that goal?”

Trina sighs and then smiles. “If anybody can do it, I know it will be you. You already walk very well in the pool with a little bit of help. We have to bring that to the land now. That means extra hard work, though. Instead of one-hour sessions on weekends, sometimes we may need to increase them to two hours.”

“I’ll do whatever I have to do.”

The next ten months are busy with wedding preparations, work, and my extended therapy sessions. Before long, I am dressed in my wedding dress, sitting in my power wheelchair at the end of the aisle.

Chance is waiting for me patiently, smiling as he sets his eyes on me for the first time in my wedding dress. My dad stands by my side and gives me a gentle squeeze on my shoulder. Right when the music starts, my therapist brings the walker to me and nods at me with pride and encouragement.

Taking a deep breath, I pull myself to standing position with some guidance from Dad and Trina. I position myself in the posterior rolling walker, which drags behind me while my arms are supported in the platforms to stabilize myself. Until I’m positioned just right, I don’t dare look at Chance.

When I’m finally ready to take the first step, my eyes find Chance. He stands there in shock, staring intently with a magnitude of emotions flashing through his eyes. Finding the strength, I take the first shaky step. I’ve been practicing this distance already with this walker, so I know I can do it. My apprehension, though, has me suddenly questioning if I can actually walk the full distance. I really don’t feel like falling in my wedding dress while walking down this aisle at my own wedding.

Once again, I take a deep breath and conjure up all the courage from inside me. I’ve worked hard all this time for this moment. For Chance. I won’t quit now. I take another shaky step, but this time, it’s a bit steadier. I focus on Chance, who is waiting for me at the end, encouraging me. I draw the strength from him and keep moving my legs forward. I know that Layna is here. I can feel her supporting me, cheering me on. Each step counts. Each step brings me closer to him. To my future with him. And, with each step, I feel stronger. Although my steps are slow and short, they keep moving me forward as I continue to pull my walker behind me.

Everybody is silent. I think they all may be holding their breaths. Dad continues to walk next to me, holding the crook of my arm. His steady grip gives me the reassurance to keep going. I notice the tears flowing down Chance’s cheeks when I finally take my place next to him. I want to reach up and wipe them away, but my arms are strapped onto the platforms of the walker. I maintain my eye contact with him and give him a shy smile.

As soon as my dad kisses my cheek and releases me, Chance grabs my face and kisses me right there in front of everybody. The vows are not even exchanged. As a matter of fact, the minister hasn’t even begun speaking. Far off in the distance, I hear somebody clapping and soon, all of the wedding guests are applauding and whistling. This snaps us back to reality, and Chance finally releases me. He wipes his tears away, and we both smile.

The minister clears his throat and says, “Are we ready now?”

“I’ve been ready,” Chance says, never releasing his hold of me with his eyes.

Because I can’t repeat the vows, I simply say, “Ya,” every time the minister asks me if I agree.

Chance unstraps my left hand and holds me steady while slipping the ring on my finger. Since it would be impossible to put his ring on him myself, he guides my hand while I hold his ring. While still assisting me, we both are able to put the wedding band on him.

Finally, I hear the words I’ve been waiting for: “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

At the reception, my dad and I dance to
Unforgettable
by Nat King Cole. I stay in my wheelchair while he holds my arms and dances around me. At the end of the song, he pulls me out of the wheelchair and into his arms. “I love you, baby girl. Be happy, Lily.”

I kiss my dad on the cheek before he places me back in my wheelchair. Next, Chance dances with my mother to
What a Wonderful World
for the mother-son dance. Chance has become very close to my parents through the years and considers them his own mother and father. After the song finishes, he escorts my mom back to her chair and kisses her hand.

Chance wanted to surprise me for our first dance as husband and wife. He picked the song himself, keeping it a secret from me.

He approaches me and bows dramatically in front of me. “May I have this dance, Mrs. Ryker?”

I smile and give him my arms so he can stand me up. He carries me to the middle of the dance floor and sets me down as the music starts.
Heal
by Tom O’Dell begins to play and instantly, I see Chance’s eyes fill with emotions. I know Chance keeps a lot bottled up inside him. He has talked about his past with me only once, and I’m sure he’s never repeated that story to anybody else. I put my head on his chest and cling to him.

He holds me tight while swaying to the music, and my body instantly melts against his. I lose myself in the lyrics, in this magical moment. I can feel his every emotion. In that instant, everything disappears. Nothing matters. There are no worries. All of the pain from the past vanishes. All of the worry about the future fades. It’s just about this moment in time. It’s about Chance and me.

And we heal together.

As soon as we can, we sneak away. Before leaving, I have my mom help me to the bathroom. Usually, if I use the bathroom around nine, I’m good until the morning. She also helps me change out of my wedding dress and into a simple white dress. I know Chance will have to help me with the bathroom situation during our stay there, but it’s just something I’ll have to get over.

“Baby, you’re radiating with beauty. I’m so happy for you,” Mom says, her eyes tearing up. “All this time, I’ve always seen you as my baby, and now, I have to see you as a grown woman.” Mom kisses my forehead. “Are you ready for this? You know I love Chance to death. He’s your perfect match, but honey, if you’re not ready to be intimate with him, you need to tell him that, okay?”

Oh, great! Leave it to Mom to have the “sex talk” right before I leave for my honeymoon. I roll my eyes and say, “Okay, Ma.” We both giggle, and she helps situate me back into my wheelchair.

Chance and I plan on driving straight to the cabin to start our four days of honeymoon. I assume we’ll be borrowing my parents’ minivan, but Chance surprises me with a brand new minivan with a lift waiting for us.

When I look at him questioningly, he replies, “Well, I can’t keep borrowing your parents’ van all the time. We needed one for ourselves, anyway. So, I wanted to surprise you.”

I smile and give him a kiss when he lifts me up to the passenger seat. He holds me in his arms a little longer and says, “You make a beautiful bride, Mrs. Ryker. You take my breath away.” He lowers his mouth to my lips, teasing me with his tender kisses.

During the two-hour drive, my anticipation builds. Suddenly, I’m nervous about being alone with him. Sure, we’ve been living together and sharing the same bed, but Chance has always backed off before anything further than passionate kisses can occur. I can sense that he’s just as nervous as me because the closer we get to our destination, the quieter he becomes.

Finally, when we reach the cabin, it’s almost midnight. He picks me up and holds me out in the open country air. We both lose ourselves as we stare at the sky full of stars. They twinkle down on us, smiling with happiness.

After kissing me outside while he cradles me in his arms, he eventually brings me inside to the sofa. As I inspect the beautiful log cabin, Chance heads back out to bring our belongings, including my communication device and my manual wheelchair. We’ve purposefully decided to bring the manual wheelchair because it will be easier to maneuver.

He helps me into my wheelchair and attaches the communication device on it. “I know it’s late, but I want to talk with you for a while, Lily.”

I smile, nodding. He’s buying us some time and hoping to ease up some of the nervous energy radiating between us.

“How long have you been practicing walking?” he suddenly asks.

“I started working on it soon after we were engaged. I wanted to surprise you,” I answer, proud of my accomplishment.

“Surprise? I was shocked! I thought you hadn’t been able to walk like that for over ten years now.”

“Believe me, I worked my butt off to do that walk down the aisle. It wasn’t easy.”

Chance takes my hands and kisses them. “When you set your mind to something, Mrs. Lily Ryker, you apparently can do anything. I’m flattered that you worked so hard for me. You know what this means, right?” Chance throws me a mischievous grin. “We’re adding the walking as part of our sessions now. As a matter of fact, I brought that walker with us in the minivan.”

I can’t help but laugh. Why am I not surprised? But, truth be told, I plan on continuing to work hard on keeping the walking skill. I know if I slack off even a little, I’ll lose it completely again.

Suddenly serious, Chance says, “Lily, are you nervous about tonight?”

I look down and shrug my shoulders.

“I figured you’d be nervous, but I’m nervous, too. I mean, if you’re not ready for it, I totally understand. There’s no pressure just because it’s our wedding night. I’m a very patient guy. I’ll wait for you.”

I frown. Has he lost his mind? Just because I’m a little nervous doesn’t mean I don’t want to do it. I mean, I’ve waited a long time for this! Besides, I’m well prepared for this moment. I’ve been on birth control pills for the past few months, and I’ve made sure that I’m nicely groomed…everywhere. No, he’s not getting out of this.

“We’re doing the deed tonight, Chance,” I reply with my device. “And, I’m looking forward to it.”

Chance laughs, his eyes dancing. “Well, okay, then! I’m here to please! But first, do you need to use the bathroom?”

“No, I’m good. I need help with brushing my teeth, that’s all.”

“Lily, you know you’re going to have to get used to me helping you with personal things, right? We’ve gone through way too much together for you to be shy about it.” Chance squeezes my hand.

“I know, but not tonight. Not on our wedding night.”

Chance smiles. “Okay, fair enough.”

After helping me brush my teeth, he brings me to the bedroom. I gasp when I see the huge king size bed with a canopy, surrounded by sheer white drapes around the pillars. The mattress is covered with rose petals. I have never seen a more beautiful sight.

When I turn to him questioningly, he shrugs his shoulders and says, “Just wanted to show you that I can be romantic at times.”

“I love you,” I say, using my own voice.

“I love you, my dear wife.” He helps me to lie down on the bed. Soon, he turns off the lights and lies next to me. The moonlight trickles into the room, shimmering and dancing.

Chance turns toward me and pulls me into his embrace. Playing with my hair, he says, “Mm, you smell really good.” He pauses. “Lily, I’m scared. I don’t want to hurt you.”

I stiffen up. Here we go again. I’m already nervous enough, and he’s not helping the situation. Somebody is going to have to take charge of this situation. I manage to slip my hands under his shirt. Bringing my lips to his mouth, I kiss him deeply, letting him feel my passion, my longing.

It works because soon we’re both breathing heavily. Chance catches his breath and says, “I love you, Lily. More than you’ll ever know. I want to do this right. I’ll try to be as gentle as I possibly can, but the first time for a girl is painful. And, probably not even pleasurable. But, I’ll do everything in my power to make it a pleasant experience for you.”