My Once and Future Love (23 page)

Still, the month was a high. I read books,
went to seasonal exhibits with Mom, spent a day at Disneyland with
Jacob and their special holiday decorations, watched classic movies
with Dad, and talked on the phone with my brother. It was the
happiest I could remember being.

On Christmas Eve, I went to a candlelight
service with my parents (they were twice-a-year church people),
then exchanged gifts with Jacob at his hotel.

“Happy Christmas, love,” he said upon opening
the door.

“I’m saying now that I can’t stay overnight
so don’t ask me. Family obligations.” I handed him my coat.

“Too bad,” he sighed. He put my coat in the
closet. “Want your pressie now?”

“Whenever.” It really was a nice room, with a
big bed and big TV and chairs that weren’t torture to sit in.

I was nervous about his gift. It was
technically jewelry, which I’d heard made guys wig unless you were
already married to them, but not a scary piece. There was a guy
selling leather bracelets at a fair, and he’d engrave anything you
wanted on the silver bar in the center. I had
perseverance
written on the front and his graduation year on the back.
Encouragement wasn’t scary, was it?

He offered me a soda.

“Thanks.”

“It took me a while to figure out what to get
you,” he said. “It needed to be perfect, you know—not too
sentimental or forward or, well…something
I’d
like. Thought
about a shirt or something, but I don’t know your size. Then I
remembered I still had to get it over here, so size mattered, too.
Here.” He handed me a box wrapped in silver paper.

“Uh, okay.” At least I wasn’t alone in
obsessing over what I bought. I eased the tape loose so the paper
would come free, then opened the box. “
A Christmas Carol
?
Ooo, a vintage copy…please tell me it’s not original.” That’d be
too much, even for best friends turned lovers.

“Nah. Just old enough to have that smell you
like. I remembered you’ve watched, like, every version made of the
show. Do you like it?”

“I love it.” I threw my arms around him.
“Thank you.”

He grinned, proud as a peacock, and said,
“Okay, my turn.”

I retrieved the small box from my coat
pocket. “I wasn’t sure what to get you, either.” I’d wrapped it in
blue paper with white snowmen on it, a piece that was just the
right size to not waste any.

Jacob, being Jacob, ripped into his present,
shredding the paper, and pulled the lid off the box. He took the
bracelet out and turned it in his hands. I’d chosen the flat black
leather band to go with the majority of his wardrobe.

“It’s dated a year and a half from now,” he
said.

“Your class year.”

“
Perseverance
…you weren’t
kidding.”

“About what?”

He looked up from the bracelet. “About
believing. Thought you were trying to make me feel better.”

“Well, I was, but it’s true, too. Haven’t I
always said the same when you’ve had doubts?”

He dropped his eyes to the gift again. “Yeah.
Thank you.” He released the clasp and tried putting the band on his
left wrist.

“Here.” I stepped forward to fasten it.
“There. Fits.”

He pulled me into his arms. “You’re amazing,
you know that?”

“Nah…just thoughtful. And so were you.”

“Merry Christmas, Bethie.”

We kissed under a sprig of plastic
mistletoe.

****

Letting her go that night wasn’t easy. He had
nothing to do Christmas Day since his mother was back in London and
Beth would be with family. Far as he knew, they didn’t know he was
in town, which, after nearly six months together, kinda hurt.
Couldn’t be because of her mum—she’d always been sweet—so was she
that afraid of her dad’s reaction? Honestly, he was tempted to talk
man-to-man, get it out in the open, and be done with all this
sneakin’ around.

Well, he’d think on it. Called his mother on
the twenty-fifth, then went to the movies. There was always
something new and fun to see in December. After treating himself to
a very nice dinner, he came back to a message from Beth on the
hotel voicemail. She missed him and would see him tomorrow. They
had one week left together.

“Any more family obligations?” he asked when
she came to him.

“Life is back to normal. Dad’s back at
work.”

He slid his hands under her coat to wrap
around her waist. “That mean you can stay the night?”

“Perhaps…”

“Mmm, Miss Lawson, don’t tease me…this week
has to last us months.” He nibbled on the side of her neck.

“Unh, don’t remind me.”

“Maybe we can have dinner with your parents
before I leave…”

“Huh? Why?”

“Why not?” If he asked while making her feel
good, maybe she’d be more likely to say yes. “I’ve been to your
house countless times.”

She pushed him off. “They’d have a lot of
questions about why you’re here all the way from
England
.”

“So? Tell them the truth. I came for
you.”

“Best friends don’t do that.”

“Sure they can.”

“Not college kids. It’d be weird and I don’t
want weird on our last days.”

“Beth…”

“I’d rather spend my time with you. Come on,
I’m hungry.” She grabbed his hand.

He didn’t follow. “Are you ever going to tell
them about us?”

“Eventually. Jacob, I don’t want to argue on
vacation.”

“Fine…”

He didn’t want to argue, either, though this
issue definitely wasn’t buried. Yeah, she was a private person, but
there had to be limits…just like he didn’t go ‘round shouting from
rooftops even though he wanted to.

Beth was still holding back and he didn’t
know why. It was like there were two versions of her, and the one
around her parents was still fourteen and awkward. If she could
only see herself like he did…

Chapter Eighteen

New Year’s Eve was amazing. Jacob took me to
a nice restaurant—I wore a dress—then we went back to the hotel and
rang in the New Year in bed. Hours later, I was still deliciously
sore in places I didn’t know I had before.

Morning was bittersweet. He had to fly out
that day. Classes started on Monday for both of us.

Like last time at LAX, we clung to each other
until he was out of time. “This sucks.”

“I know. I’m going to miss you so much.”

“Don’t forget to call, okay? I know you’re
gonna get busy, but--”

“I won’t, I swear. How could I forget my
Bethie?” He kissed me again.

Squeezing my eyes shut tight to keep the
tears in, I tried to pour the next three months into one kiss.

“I have to go, love.”

“I know. Call me when you land.”

He nodded and turned away from me to continue
through security to his gate. Times like this, I hated that you
couldn’t see someone off all the way to the plane anymore.

Going back to school sucked after the
holiday. I settled in soon enough, though, because college was a
kind of home, too, for a freak that liked school. The new classes I
had for this term weren’t bad.

I only had a morning class on Fridays, so I
tried calling Jacob after I got back. Answering machine. He
probably had a gig. I left a message that I’d be in my room ‘til
six my time, and opened books to study for a short paper due.

There was an e-mail waiting when I signed on
later.

Beth,

You cheated, calling on a Friday, love. I
miss you, too. Keep seein’ girls with hair like yours and gettin’
excited, then I remember it can’t be you. At least, it’s not likely
to be, but I would never turn you away if you wanted to surprise
me.

Gotta hit the sack.

Yours,

Jacob

Mine…I hoped he’d remember that so far away.
I envied Michelle and her boyfriend getting to see each other every
day, touch each other, eat together, and fall asleep in each
other’s arms. Had to be some kind of masochist to enter into a
long-distance relationship

****

Mom had her six-month check-up the last week
of the month. To say Dad and I were nervous was the God’s honest
truth. I skipped classes that day and waited for her to come
home.

“Well?” I asked when she came through the
door.

“The mammogram was inconclusive.” She took
off her coat. “But I was told the surgery scarring could make one
harder to read.”

“And?”

“And, I see my doctor tomorrow. She didn’t
have openings today.”

“Oh.” That didn’t make me feel any better.
“But your other breast is fine?”

“Same as ever. I’m thinking of pot roast for
supper.”

I followed her into the kitchen. “Aren’t you
nervous about getting cleared?”

“Not really. I do my self-exams. If I’d felt
a lump, I would say so.” She got out a piece of beef to thaw and
started selecting veggies from the crisper.

Her nonchalance frustrated me. Dang near
pissed me off. How could she be so calm about
cancer
?

She made enough for three, so I stayed for
dinner then went home and sent a mini-rant e-mail to Jacob about
how I felt. A return message didn’t come, but he did call on time
on Sunday.

“Hey,” I said. “Don’t you check your
e-mail?”

“Oh, sorry, love. Been crazy busy this week
and haven’t got to the computers. You won’t
believe
what
happened—a talent manager offered to work with us.”

“Oh my God!”

“I know, right? This bloke approaches us
after the gig, and he looks like a nicer Howard Stern if he was a
hippie. Says he manages a couple bands, and I’m thinkin’
yeah,
bloody right, man
, but he hands over a business card and the
bands mentioned on it are groups we know. We all hit a nearby pub
to feel out the details, then me and my mates shake hands with the
guy and tell him we’ll call tomorrow with our decision. Pays our
tab for us even though he doesn’t have our business, yet.”

“Are the other bands doing well with him? Did
you sign?”

“Put our autographs on the dotted line last
night. Made sure I kept my song rights, but he’s getting a fixed
percentage commission from our proceeds in exchange for his
services. Says we’ve been on a decent track so far. Gonna get us
the rest of the way a lot faster than we’ve been able to do on our
own. I had to say sod all to sleep last night, I’m so bloody
amped.”

“I’m so proud of you. I knew it would happen
sooner or later.”

“Yeah. I came home with new determination,
you know…whipped the boys into practicin’ more than the day of a
gig and our shows have had an energy…aw, man, I wish you could see
it, Bethie.”

“Me, too.” Here he was, so excited he could
burst, and all I could do was say yay on the phone. “One
thing?”

“What?”

“Don’t flunk this term just because fame’s
knocking on your door.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, I know. You and Mum
wouldn’t let me hear the end of it. I’ll be good, baby,
promise.”

“All I want to hear. Speaking of school…”

He sighed. “I’m doing okay. My non-music
classes are goin’ to have C-equivalents and that has to be good
enough. There’s just too much work in my major classes and I’m not
a brainiac like you.”

“You’re not dumb.” I wasn’t a genius,
either.

“’Course not, but I know my limits, Beth, and
my strengths aren’t in academics. Never had the heart for it.”

“You just need teachers to put it in
Jacob-speak so you’re not bored.” I made a good tutor because I
figured out my student’s learning style. If public speaking didn’t
make me break out in hives, I would have pursued teaching.

His only limit was focus, always had been. He
was a June baby and craved constant stimulation. If you couldn’t
keep his attention, he moved on. I always hoped his attention span
would lengthen with maturity.

“Somethin’ like that. Wish I had you to study
with, love. I miss our sessions.”

“Me, too.”

“Enough about me. How was your week?”

I filled him in, except for Mom’s stuff. I
didn’t want to bitch during the limited time I had to talk with my
boyfriend. He responded at all the right places, but I could tell
his mind was still on the stars. It didn’t offend me. That was just
how he was.

He mentioned Spring Break and we found out
ours weren’t at the same time. It was a long shot, different
countries and all, but I’d still hoped. That left June for seeing
each other again. Maybe May.

“Maybe I can make it out. Can’t stand another
six months,” he said.

“I know…it’s awful. I miss my pillow.”

“That all I am? Comfort for your head?” he
teased.

“
Noo
. But December spoiled me.”

“Me, too,” he said softly. “Though I’m
particularly fond of New Year’s Eve.”

I blushed at the thought of it. “That was a
good night.”

“I like when you let me try something new.
Gonna have a whole list by June, baby.”

Oh god… “That’s kinda scary.”

He laughed. “Would I try something truly
depraved? Got to have a little faith, Bethie. You know I’ll make
you feel good.”

“This is not a conversation to have when I
can’t see you any time soon.”

“Why?”

“Because it isn’t.”

“Beth…”

“No.”

“Tell me, kitten.”

“I can’t come by myself, okay? Happy? You
talk all sexy and then I can’t get to sleep ‘cause I’m too worked
up and can’t make it better and it sucks.” I was so glad he
couldn’t see my face then. I was red down to my boobs.

“
Oh
…baby…” Great, now I’d flattered
him into being horny—well, horni
er
. “What are you
wearing?”

“Sweats. What are
you
wearing?”

“Jeans and a jumper.”

“A what?”

“A
sweater
. Yanks…”

“You were born here, too, bub.”

“A technicality.” He really was proud of his
dual-citizenship. It was just our running contest that one was
better than the other. No one had won, yet. “Well, love, I need to
keep the phone bill in check…I’m sorry.”