My Once and Future Love (13 page)

“Oh.” On the one hand, I was glad to get one
more moment alone with him. On the other, it didn’t feel right
leaving her here.

“Jacob, could you give us a moment?” she
asked.

“Sure.” He got up from the table and went
outside.

She took my hand. “The truth is, I’m not good
at goodbyes. You’ll need to be brave, Elizabeth, and my blubbering
won’t help…because this isn’t goodbye.”

“Just ‘see you later’.”

She smiled. “Exactly. If you need to talk
when you get home--”

“I’ll pick up the phone. I, um…I can’t thank
you enough for your hospitality. This trip was a big deal for
me.”

She glanced at Jacob pacing outside.
“Important for both of you, it seems. Well, give me a hug, and
we’ll part with smiles.”

Gladly. I lingered in the embrace as long as
she let me. Logic was usually my course, but intuition told me this
trip had changed my life, that the path before me would be
different, and not for the cliché reason of losing my virginity. If
there was another Beth out there facing her mother’s illness
without these memories, experiences, she’d be much more alone.

Mrs. Lindsey left the kitchen and I tried to
finish my breakfast. Jacob came in off the patio, sat down, and
watched me eat.

“You didn’t finish your toast,” he said.

“It’s cold.”

“Microwave is over there.”

I stood with my plate and set it next to the
sink. “Back off, okay? I’m too anxious to eat much and pushing food
at me doesn’t help.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” A chair
slid on the tile. He wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his
chin on my shoulder.

I leaned back against his chest. “Know you’re
just looking out for me.”

“You’re my Bethie.” For him, that said it
all.

Still wanted to know what being his really
meant, but I wasn’t going to ask. Not after one week. Not when I
was going thousands of miles away.

We didn’t say much during the ride to the
airport. He put a CD in of bouncy punk, trying to lift our spirits
and give us something else to focus on. We parked. He carried my
suitcase. I wished he could see me all the way to the gate.

“Everything I could say feels like statin’
the obvious,” he said when he could go no further. “Of course I’ll
miss you.”

“Of course you want me to have a safe
flight.”

“Of course I wish you could stay longer.” We
leaned into each other, touching foreheads.

“Me, too.” I sighed. “Well, there’s
Christmas…”

“Yeah…” His arms tightened around me. “I’ll
send you a copy of the demo soon as we pick a cover shot.”

“Looking forward to it.” I tilted my face up
and kissed him, hoping he would feel what I couldn’t say.

Hoping it would help him not forget me.

He moaned and pressed me closer. The crowd,
the airport, the take-off noise—it all fell away. We made out until
someone tapped me on the shoulder.

The security guard stood there with a raised
brow until we parted contact. I blushed. Jacob was unapologetic,
staring right back.

“Move along,” the guard said, and continued
on his rounds.

“I need--”

“To go. Yeah. Call me when you get home.”

“It’ll be late.”

“Beth, do you think I care?”

My cheeks reddened further. “No…”

He hugged me, then let me go. “Go. Before I
drag you home.”

I nodded and turned to the security line. As
long as I didn’t look back, I could do this.

Chapter Eleven

I did sleep on the plane, but not as much as
I hoped. Dad
and
Mom picked me up at Baggage Claim. I smiled
for them. Didn’t know what else to do.

Mom hugged me while Daddy looked for my
suitcase. “I’m sorry you cut your trip short, honey. This is all
going to be very routine.”

“I hope so, Mom.” She looked the same as when
I left, still beautiful. That comforted me, and I realized I’d
feared she would be weak and sickly already. “It’s okay. I still
saw a lot.”

“I want to hear
all
about it.”

“Geeze, Elizabeth, what’d you bring back?
Lead?” It sounded like a complaint, but he was teasing.

“Just some books, Dad. It’s not
that
heavy.”

He grunted, his usual reply, and started for
the car. We followed, sharing a look of
what can you do
. The
familiar was comforting.

At home, I took my stuff in my room to
unpack. Dad was grilling dinner tonight and Mom knew I liked to
reestablish normal when I came home from a trip, so I was left
alone.

A week ago, this room had been my sanctuary.
Now, as I put dirty clothes in the hamper and set aside souvenirs
on my bed, it seemed smaller, inadequate. One week, and the room
felt like a young girl’s, not a college student’s. I hadn’t
redecorated since my sophomore year, when I wanted to go back to
school as a young woman and put away all my stuffed toys except for
one bear sitting on my dresser. Everything that didn’t say
“teenager” went into a box in the garage.

Jacob said he didn’t recognize the place. I
took that as a compliment.

It was the bed, I think, that really made me
notice. White-painted metal, twin-size, and girly. My father put it
together when I was ten. He thought girls should be all about pink
and sweetness and frilly dresses. It took bringing home my
dissected frog from seventh grade Biology to convince him that
wasn’t me.

Checking my watch first, I reached for the
phone and called Jacob.

“Hey, baby,” he said. Made me feel good he
picked up on the second ring.

“Hope you don’t always answer the phone like
that.”

“I was waiting for your call. What are you up
to?” The warmth in his voice loosened the knot in my stomach a
bit.

“Unpacking, as far as my parents are
concerned. I finished already.” I stretched out on the bed.

“Where are you?”

“On my bed. This thing is really too small
for me now.”

He laughed. “My mother spoiled you.”

“
You
spoiled me.”

He sucked in a breath. “Kitten…”

Hadn’t meant to go to the sexy place. “I’m
not a baby feline.”

“No, but you
are
adorable and possess
sharp claws and teeth.”

I smiled. “Metaphorical, maybe.”

“Sweetheart, I’ve got a bite mark.”

Oh, god…where did I do that? “Um…”

“Still there, love?”

“I’m here.” I cleared my throat. “How was the
gig?”

“Rowdy. But we got paid. Had a pint with the
boys, then came home to wait for you.”

Awww… “Your friends are going to start to
hate me.”

“Bah…work is work, and what I do on my time
is my soddin’ business.”

“Touchy subject?”

“Not yet. So…how is it being home again?”

I switched the phone to my other ear and
sighed. “Like there’s an elephant in the room. Mom barraged me with
a ton of questions about what I saw, and Dad pretty much didn’t
talk at all. Not that he’s wordy to begin with, but…”

“I’m sure your mum will be fine, love.
Could’ve just been a dirty scanner.”

“I hope so.” Thinking of the C-word was too
huge, too scary. The what-ifs had been hard to ignore since Dad
told me the biopsy news.

“Beth?”

“Sorry…I’m here.”

“You okay?”

I swallowed the lump of worry in my throat.
“I don’t know.”

“Oh, baby…I wish I could hold you right now.
Try not to think ahead of what you know, alright? She’s still
healthy and active, right?”

“Yeah.” Presumably.

“Then that’s the truth until you know
otherwise.”

It was good advice. “You’re occasionally
smart, Jacob Lindsey,” I teased.

“Oh, you’ll pay for that one next time I see
you.”

“Ooo, I’m scared. You barely outweigh me.”
Probably not true, but guaranteed to rile him up. My boyfriend’s
vanity was a sure thing.

“Hey, there’s muscle on this frame!”

“Uh-huh.”

“I miss you,” he said, his voice soft and
affectionate. The sudden turn surprised me.

“Miss you, too.” After last night, I wouldn’t
have left for anything but the most important circumstances. I
ached for him now. “I’ll call you tomorrow as soon as I…know.”

“I can--” He yawned. “I can stay on with
you.”

So sweet. “I’ve heard the tired in your voice
the whole time, Jacob. And I know you didn’t get to sleep
much.”

“Mmm, best reason to stay up, though. Gonna
dream about you, Bethie. Sure you don’t wanna chat? I don’t have to
be anywhere in the mornin’.” He yawned again, and apologized.

“
Go to bed
.”

“It’s lacking a soft-skinned brunette.”

I turned red at the seductive purr in his
voice. At least he couldn’t see it this time.

“Nothing I can do about that,” I said. “But
I’m sure you’ll pass right out.”

“Yeah, yeah. Tomorrow, love.”

“Count on it. Bye…” I pressed “end” on the
keypad.

I loved that he wanted me there still, but
emphasizing it just made it more difficult to bear. My heart wanted
to be in two places at once.

A knock on my door, then, “Elizabeth…”

“Yes, Mom?”

She opened the door and stuck her head around
it. “Dinner, honey.”

“Okay.” I put the phone on the stand and
followed her out.

I grabbed my glass off the table and went to
the refrigerator. Dad walked in from outside with a plate of
chicken. I heard the “thunk” of the plate hitting the table, then
his chair sliding on the floor when he sat. The grilled veggies
were already on the table. My glass full of Snapple Iced Tea, I
took my place.

It was the most quiet, awkward dinner I could
remember us having. Dad complimented Mom on the marinade, she
complimented him on the chicken, and I kept my mouth full to keep
from asking questions I wasn’t sure I wanted answers to. Mom tried
asking more about my trip, but with Daddy sitting there like a
lump, I didn’t want to talk about it. He cleared his plate, then
excused himself to his study for “work”.

“Well, that was fun,” I muttered.

“Elizabeth.”

“Sorry, Mom.” I took my plate into the
kitchen and got a bowl for ice cream.

She sighed. “No, you’re right…I considered
not telling your father until I knew something conclusive, knowing
how he’d be, how he’d worry.”

“Are you worried?”

She handed me the chocolate ice cream.
“Nervous. But, it isn’t the first time in my life there has been a
lump in my breast, so I’m expecting it to be another cyst.”

“A cyst would be good?” I scooped three
scoops into my bowl, then offered her the carton.

She shook her head, put the lid back on the
ice cream, and put it in the freezer. “They’re usually benign, and
they drained the last one and it was done. Or, it might just be a
calcium deposit. I really wish your father hadn’t interrupted your
vacation, honey.”

Me, too, under different circumstances. “It’s
okay. I want to be here. So, how does this go tomorrow?”

“The procedure won’t take long. My doctor is
going to take a look with an ultrasound, then get a sample of the
lump.”

“Cut you open?”

“Probably not. Don’t worry, Elizabeth, I’m
not going to come home looking like Swiss cheese.”

I stuffed ice cream in my mouth and muttered,
“Glad you can joke about it.” She didn’t look up from washing the
dishes, so she either didn’t hear me or chose not to comment.

I wished I could be as non-ruffled as she was
right now, but I guess I was more like Dad—too many thoughts to be
glib. Back in my room, I set my bowl on my desk and looked in the
drawers for a notepad, needing to write down the questions I
had.

A biopsy was taking a small sample piece for
testing, but what if they look at the thing and want to get rid of
all of it? She hadn’t told me how big it was. That mattered, right,
for how long it’d been in the body…how bad it could be? And were
there good kinds of breast cancer vs. bad ones, like the grades of
skin cancer?

As we rode to the doctor’s office the next
morning, I wondered if my brother knew. If Mom was sick, I knew
he’d come, but could he and Dad put aside their differences for her
sake? The stress wouldn’t be good for her and I’d be stuck as
referee.

We were ten minutes early and they took Mom
right in after she filled out the paperwork. She explained on the
way that the doctor would be sticking a needle into the lump and
pulling out a bit of tissue—no cutting today. Dad read a golf
magazine, or pretended to. I watched the clock.

“When will we know?” I asked when Mom and the
doc came back to the waiting room.

“Twenty-four to forty-eight hours,” the
doctor said. “It depends on how busy the lab is. I’ll be in touch,
Sarah,” she told Mom.

“Thanks,” Mom said. She looked the same,
except for not carrying her purse on her shoulder.

“Did it hurt?” I asked her.

“She gave me a local,” she said. “It just
felt a little odd. Now, who wants brunch?”

Dad opened the door for her, took her hand to
walk back to the car, and that was it. They were ignoring the
elephant. I didn’t flippin’ care about
brunch
.

“Mom, is that all you’re going to say?”

“Elizabeth, I don’t know anything more
to
say. We have to wait.”

“How can you be so calm?”

“Elizabeth, that’s enough,” Dad said. He
glared at me. I glared back.

He dropped me at home with a line about
“fixing my attitude”. It was his clumsy way of protecting Mom.
Alone in the house, I went for the phone and called Jacob.

“’Ello.”

“I’m glad you’re home,” I said.

“Bethie? It’s good to hear your voice, love.
How’d it go?”

“We have to wait another day or two for
results. My parents are trying to pretend everything’s normal and I
hate it.”

“I’m sorry, baby. Wish I could say somethin’
to make it better.”