My Mother's Secret (34 page)

‘And what about Steffie? Will she forgive Jenny?’

‘I like to think children forgive their parents. I want to think that Alivia forgives me for not understanding when she went looking for her dad. I gave her an unnecessarily hard time. I thought I was losing her but in the end I think I was driving her away. And I know I can be clingy, but the thing is, Sarah, she might have been my greatest mistake, but she’s also my greatest joy.’

‘I suppose everyone makes at least one tremendous mistake in their lives,’ said Sarah. ‘The trick is learning from them. I don’t think I’ve quite nailed that yet.’

‘You can’t go back,’ said Lucinda. ‘You can’t erase your mistakes. You can’t start over. All you can do is move on and live with them.’

‘From tomorrow I’m going to try to do that.’ Sarah yawned. ‘We never talked like this before we went to bed when we were younger.’

‘We didn’t have such dramas to talk about.’

‘We probably did, over boyfriends or something, but of course those so-called dramas all fade into insignificance eventually.’ Sarah began to peel off her clothes. ‘I suppose everything does. You won’t be offended by the sight of me in my bra and knickers, will you?’

Lucinda laughed. ‘Not a bit of it. As long as you’re not offended by me either.’

‘Right so,’ said Sarah. ‘I’m getting in first. Will you blow out those tea lights? I don’t want to burn the house down.’

Lucinda extinguished the lights then got into bed beside her sister. ‘I hope you don’t snore these days,’ she said.

‘Like a trooper,’ Sarah assured her.

‘It doesn’t matter.’ Lucinda’s voice was already drifty. ‘I’m so tired and this bed is so comfortable. G’night, Sarah.’

‘Good night, baby sister.’

The two of them closed their eyes.

They were asleep within five minutes.

With the exception of Summer, who’d abruptly flaked out on the sofa and was lost to the world, nobody who’d been offered blankets, camp beds or sleeping bags was making any move to sleep. Carl covered his girlfriend with one of the lightest blankets and then went into the kitchen, where Alivia was sitting at the table scrolling through her text messages. He poured himself a glass of water, then walked back through the house. Colette was curled up in an armchair in the living room drinking a glass of wine. Bernice was also curled up with a glass of wine, although in her case she was on the veranda.

‘Mind if I join you?’ Carl asked.

‘Where’s your girlfriend?’

‘Sleeping.’

‘Lightweight.’ Bernice sipped her wine.

‘If I’d known you were coming, I wouldn’t have asked Summer,’ said Carl as he sat down beside her.

Bernice raised an eyebrow.

‘I’m not a total dick,’ said Carl.

‘Bringing that girl to this party was definite dickdom,’ Bernice said. ‘It was awkward for everyone, not just me.’

‘She got on with all of them,’ protested Carl. ‘She’s a sweet person.’

Bernice said nothing.

‘I wanted some fun, that’s all,’ said Carl.

‘I didn’t realise that life with me was so fun-free.’

‘It became that way.’

Carl’s words lodged between them.

Bernice ran the tip of her finger around the rim of her glass before Carl spoke again.

‘I thought by now I’d be tucked up in bed at the guest house. I reckoned I’d have left early because Mum would’ve done my head in.’

‘You were never keen on family gatherings.’

‘No,’ he said. ‘I wasn’t.’

Bernice didn’t add anything. She was trying not to think about the last time they’d been together as a couple and the suppressed anger that had crackled between them. She’d asked if they were breaking up and he’d said he needed some space. She’d asked what sort of space, and he’d said he didn’t know; then she’d said that he could leave if he wanted because they weren’t committed to each other, and he’d told her, quite sharply, that he had been committed to her but that she’d gone behind his back.

Despite the fact that they’d agreed to give it three months, she’d felt as though they were over as soon as he’d walked out the door. She hadn’t expected him to come back. Indeed, he’d waited until she was at work before he’d emptied his wardrobe and taken things that had always been his. As well as the Blu-ray player and the small TV from the bedroom. And it had broken her heart.

‘You always got on with everyone,’ he said when she didn’t speak. ‘They all love you. They were delighted to see you today. Happier to see you than me, I reckon.’

‘I doubt that. You’re family. I’m not.’

‘You were great earlier,’ he continued. ‘Looking after Poppy. Driving to the hospital in the rain. A real angel of mercy.’

‘I didn’t realise the floods would be that bad, to be honest,’ she said. ‘If I had, I probably would’ve let someone else drive.’

‘But you
did
drive,’ said Carl. ‘Everyone was impressed by you. They always are.’

‘It’s my job,’ she said.

He took a deep breath and turned to face her. ‘We always said it would be a joint decision. That we’d go together.’

‘I don’t want to have this argument again, Carl.’

‘It’s not an argument.’

‘That’s what it became. Every time.’

‘Because you wouldn’t see my point of view.’

‘I know exactly what your point of view is,’ she said. ‘You were relieved each time I didn’t become pregnant.’

‘Not relieved,’ he said. ‘It was just … Having a baby is a such a big responsibility, you know.’

‘Yes, I do know. I realise that you weren’t ready for it. I’m sorry. I kind of thought that at the age of thirty-five and with eight years behind us, you would have been.’

‘I’m responsible about the things that matter,’ he said.

‘And this mattered to me.’

‘It’s heavy stuff. Going to get tested. Seeing if it’s me or you that was the reason.’

‘And grown-ups have to deal with heavy stuff,’ she said. ‘But the truth is, you didn’t even want to be responsible for breaking up with me. You couldn’t say it out loud.’

‘Is that what you think?’

She gave him a resigned look and nodded.

‘It’s not true,’ said Carl. ‘I needed time to think about it. I said so.’

‘And your time to think made you decide that what you really needed in your life was someone like Summer,’ said Bernice.

‘You made me feel like a machine,’ he said. ‘That I was only there to provide sperm for you. As though all you wanted was a baby, not me.’

‘That’s not true.’

‘You agreed with me about kids at the start. You changed.’

‘Perhaps I thought you’d change too. Seeing you with Summer has made me realise what a big mistake that was. I’m sorry.’

‘So being sorry …’ He looked at her. ‘Does that mean you want things to go back to the way they were?’

‘Of course not.’ She sipped her wine. ‘It’s too late for that. I want a family. I wanted it to be with you, but it’s not what you want. That’s what I’m sorry about.’

‘I haven’t had a great experience when it comes to family life,’ he said. ‘Mum and Dad …’

‘You’re not the only person whose parents had a crap marriage,’ she told him. ‘And you lived with me, in reasonable stability, for eight years.’

‘We could still be together,’ he said.

She raised an eyebrow. ‘How would Summer feel about that?’

‘I like her a lot. But you can see yourself that she’s not the settling-down kind.’

‘Which must be ideal for you, because if I recall correctly, you told me that’s what you didn’t want to do.’

‘I said I didn’t want to be the sort of married-with-kids couple my parents were.’

‘Well, no chance of that when you wouldn’t talk about our fertility issues either.’

‘I didn’t want to be bludgeoned into going through tests and God knows what else when I wasn’t ready. And I didn’t like you going behind my back to get yourself checked out either.’

‘I was looking after my own health,’ she said. ‘Which I was perfectly entitled to do without you behaving as though I’d signed up for IVF on the spot!’

‘It was supposed to be a joint thing.’ His tone was stubborn.

‘I know you’re angry about what I did,’ said Bernice. ‘But it’s my body.’

‘Is it my fault?’ he asked abruptly. ‘Am I the reason?’

She thought again of the piece of paper in her bag. The results that she’d brought, not knowing if she’d intended to give them to him or not. Thinking that if she did, it would be a real jaw-dropping moment for everyone at the party.

She got up from her seat and looked at him.

‘If you want the answer to that question, you should go and get tested yourself,’ she said. Then she turned away and walked back into the house.

Chapter 30

When Steffie woke up, she was alone in the bed. She had no idea of the time, but there was a faint light filtering into the room. She sat upright, listening for sounds of Liam moving around. But the flat was silent and so she pushed the covers away, got out of bed and opened the curtains. It had stopped raining, although there were still some large grey clouds in the sky. Even as she stood there, however, the rising sun flecked them with a warm orange glow and the patches of blue between them grew bigger. But the road outside was still wet and the potholes remained full of water. She wondered if it had receded in the ditch where she’d abandoned her car. She’d have to deal with that as soon as possible.

Her discarded underwear was on the floor beside her and she picked up her bra and knickers before going into the tiny bathroom. She realised the power must still be out because the water from the electric shower was nothing more than a cool trickle. She hopped around beneath it for a minute before switching it off and drying herself with one of the two bath towels on the rail. Then she put on her party dress again. She pulled her fingers through her curls and walked downstairs, once again in her bare feet.

Although it was only six thirty, Liam was already in the restaurant, mopping the floor. At first she thought he was simply cleaning it, and then she saw that the entire floor was under water.

‘Oh my God,’ she said. ‘Don’t tell me you’ve been flooded! You’re on a hill here; how on earth did that happen?’

Liam rested his chin on the handle of the mop. ‘Not from the ground up,’ he told her. ‘From the top down. The roof is leaking.’

Steffie glanced upwards.

‘That’s the trouble with flat roofs,’ said Liam. ‘Water can gather and if there’s a weakness it’ll find it. I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner.’

‘Did it do much damage?’ asked Steffie.

‘It’s not too bad,’ replied Liam. ‘But the banquettes are soaked and they’ll take some time to dry. I’ll send emails to the diners who had reservations for today. It won’t all be dried out in time, and besides, I’ve no power.’

‘What about the food?’ asked Steffie. ‘Won’t it spoil?’

‘The temperature in the cold storage room will stay low for a while yet,’ said Liam. ‘But I’m hoping they’ll have it restored soon. Either way, though, I’m closing for today.’

‘Will that be very costly for you?’

‘It’s just one day,’ he said. ‘A pity it’s a Sunday, but there’s nothing I can do about it.’

‘Can I help with anything?’

‘Are you good with a mop?’

She grinned. ‘It wouldn’t be my number-one thing. But I’ll manage.’

‘There’s another one in the cupboard over there,’ he said.

They spent the next half-hour in silence as they worked on cleaning up. At least it wasn’t muddy flood water, Steffie thought as she squeezed the mop into her bucket. It wouldn’t take long to get the restaurant back to normal. When they’d finished, Liam told her he’d make some pancakes for breakfast.

‘I thought you had no power,’ she said as she followed him into the kitchen, which he’d already cleared of broken glass.

‘It’s a gas hob,’ he explained.

‘Of course. I’m an idiot.’

He smiled at her.

‘Do you want me to do a notice?’ she asked as she watched him get the ingredients together.

‘What sort?’

‘To stick on the window. In case people come to the restaurant anyway.’

‘That would be useful,’ he agreed. ‘There’s a little office through that door. You’ll find paper in the printer tray and pens in the cup on the desk. Tomorrow is our day off, so we won’t be open till Tuesday.’

Steffie went into the office, returning a short time later with some A4 sheets on which she’d inscribed the words ‘Closed Due to Flood Damage. Business as Usual on Tuesday’ and sketched a line picture of a man with a mop.

‘That’s fantastic,’ he said as she stuck them up. ‘You’d think it was printed.’

‘Hopefully you
will
be able to open on Tuesday.’

‘Fingers crossed. Here you go.’ Liam handed her a plate on which he’d placed three pancakes and a small ramekin of whipped cream, along with a variety of chopped fresh fruits.

‘This looks gorgeous,’ she said.

‘It’s meant to.’

‘I don’t normally eat much for breakfast.’

‘You should, you know. It’s the most important meal of the day.’

‘So the experts say. But I’m not usually one for food until at least ten. And being honest with you, I don’t see six thirty in the morning very often.’

‘It’s not my thing either,’ he admitted. ‘But I woke up and I thought I heard the sound of dripping water so I came downstairs to investigate. Although,’ he added, ‘I would’ve much preferred to stay where I was. I could’ve done far more interesting things there.’

She felt herself blush as her eyes met his. Neither of them spoke, and then he leaned over and touched her cheek. She felt a jolt of electricity run through her as his finger glided across her skin and came to rest on her lips. They remained immobile for a moment and then she closed her mouth around it.

‘You taste of sugar and strawberries,’ she whispered.

‘Is that a good thing?’

She nodded. ‘Why don’t we delay breakfast?’

Liam took the plate from her hand and put it on a table. Then, as he’d done a few hours earlier, he picked her up and carried her up the stairs.

‘Sure?’ he asked as he placed her gently on the bed. ‘In the cold light of day?’

‘It’s the warm light of morning,’ she said. ‘And I’m certain.’