My Miserable Life

 

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Table of Contents

About the Author

Copyright Page

 

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For S. and J.

 

SEPTEMBER

ABOUT ME QUESTIONNAIRE

by Ben Hunter

I am a person who is happy when … I have friends.

I am a person who is sad when … I lose.

My favorite color is … red.

My favorite sport is … baseball, and my favorite team is the Darters.

My favorite holiday is … Halloween (except when my mom, aka the Halloween Fairy, steals my candy).

My favorite animal is … Monkeylad. He is part weiner dog but looks part monkey (tail), rabbit (feet: he hops with his back legs), and Rastafarian (ears). He is my favorite, except when he is possessed by a demon or when he steals meat off people's tables. I am trying to teach him to behave better, but he doesn't listen very well.

I live in a place called … Filmland, California, where movies are made, as you can tell by the name. Our neighborhood is very safe, but my mom still won't let me ride my bike by myself.

I am a person who likes … sports, running fast, and sugar.

I am a person who dislikes … too-healthy food, stinky sunscreen that my mom forces me to wear, and bullies.

My family is special to me because … they love me even though they are annoying.

My friends are special to me because … they are there for me. Actually, I'm still looking for friends.

Dear Ben,

I have a feeling you will make some nice friends in fifth grade. I look forward to getting to know you better. I'm also a Darters fan. Go Darters! And I love sugar. Maybe I'll make some cupcakes for the class soon. Your dog sounds funny. My cat, Cat's Pajamas, or PJ for short, is part dog, part rat, and part rabbit, too.

Sincerely,

Ms. Washington

 

CHAPTER 1

MISERABLE

Even though I have a mom who worries too much, a twelve-year-old sister who never stops texting, and a dog named Monkeylad who runs away to steal meat off the neighbors' tables, I really thought things were going to get better for me in fifth grade. But it's the second week, and my life is still pretty miserable.

Things started out okay. This cool kid, Leif Zuniga, who also likes sports and movies and collecting baseball cards, had been having lunch with me every day.

My mom packed me the usual almond-butter-and-organic-fruit-juice-sweetened-jam-on-whole-wheat-bread sandwich, fresh fruit, carrots, and dried seaweed. Leif took one look at it, said, “Aw, man,” and shared his chips and cookies with me, which was awesome. Then we played handball at recess, and we even planned some times to hang out on weekends.

I have a teacher named Ms. Washington, who is supposed to be the nicest teacher in the school, and she sure seems that way so far.

I got A's on my spelling and math tests.

Serena Perl, from kindergarten and first, second, third, and fourth grades, is in my class again. Sometimes I stare at the back of her head because she has this perfectly straight part, and I wonder how she or her mother gets it that way every single day. Her hair, which is the same gold color as her skin, must be pretty long when she takes out the braids. Serena Perl even smiled at me a few times. She has dimples.