My Melody (Downtown Book 3) (13 page)

I couldn’t have done this back in San Diego, I had to be honest with myself - the memories were there. Wayne was there. My parents died there. A light flickered inside me when I arrived in sin city. There was no one here who I was in love with, or who died here. It was a chance to find myself again. I was used to running off without a care in the world, exploring new places, so this was not scary to me.

The lounge owner, Shazzy - who goes just by Shaz - hired me right away and set me up with a nice little apartment above the lounge. He had a recent vacancy and offered it to me. I couldn’t have landed a better deal.

My hair is now down in the middle of my back. I straightened it and the dark curls are now sleek and smooth. I recently got it re-dyed black and lightly layered; parted in the middle, which allows the front layers to cup around my face. I love it. I apply my makeup, get dressed in my leather pants, vest, boots and go downstairs for the night shift. I’m a night owl, so I chose to work during the witching hours. It suits me.

I’ve been working for a couple hours. The crowd is now coming in and the entertainer is talking to them as they take their seats. “Two Cadillacs, one Appletini and one regular Margarita, no salt,” I say to the cocktail waitress, Emily. She doesn’t say thank you or has ever tried to talk to me. She’s got something up her ass, big time. Have no idea what she has against me. I stay out of people’s business, I’m an awesome bartender and great with the customers. Anyways, I don’t have time for her shit. I come in, do my job and get a lot of respect from Shaz. He fucking loves me.

The entertainer begins his gig on the baby grand piano. I get goosebumps almost every time someone gets the guts to play up there. I lean against the bar and get sucked into the song. It’s dramatic, slow and hauntingly beautiful. If only I had the guts to -

“When are you going to get your crazy ass up on that stage, Girl?” Shaz startles me.

“When I feel confident enough, Shaz,” I sigh.

“I hear you every night playin’ your heart out. You’re ready.”

“It’s been a fucking long time since I hit the small stage. I’m scared as hell.”

He puts his arm around my shoulders. “Trust me, Sugar Cube, once you get up there, the nerves will be gone. You belong up there and you know it.”

I lean into him. “You are too sweet. Give me a few days to get myself prepared.”

“That’s more like it.” He gives me a kiss on the cheek and heads back out onto the floor.

I feel like I have known Shaz forever. He looks just like the guy from the show,
True Blood - Lafayatte
- but without the makeup. He wears fucking crazy suits and hats, more like a pimp style, but he wears them well. Nobody messes with Shazzy. He owns the club and everyone knows it, so they stay on his good side. Thankfully, I didn’t have to work hard to get on his good side. He liked me from the start.

I start to get busy, doing refill after refill and getting hit on by a ton of hot guys. Not saying it doesn’t feel good, but there is only one guy that will stay embedded in my heart. I’ve chosen not to be that woman I was before Wayne. Having sex with just anyone doesn’t feel right anymore. Wayne completed my body and my soul. That being said, I now have my “boy toy” in my nightstand. It may not be a man or Wayne, but it gets the job done.

I finish filling a few orders, then make my way to another customer. “Hi. What can - hey aren’t you…?” I ask, curiously.

“Phillip Caffrey. June’s boyfriend.”

“Wow,” I laugh and place my hands on my hips. “This is definitely the last place I thought I’d run into anyone I know.

He laughs too. “I was thinking the same thing. You’re Harmony’s sister, correct?”

“Yeah, Melody. Nice to see you again.”

“Nice to see you too.”

Phillip and I have never really talked before. We’ve met a couple times during small gatherings, but other than that he’s kind of a stranger to me. I have to admit, it’s nice to see a familiar face. He’s extremely good looking; tall, muscular, sandy blonde hair, green eyes, full lips, chiseled jaw - yeah, he’s hot. June is one lucky bitch. Never would have pictured them together. She’s so out there with her tattoos, rocker chick persona, and Phillip is an all suit and a tie kind of guy. Somehow, though, those two fucking work.

“What can I get you?”

“Bourbon.”

Phillip rolls up his long sleeved yellow shirt and loosens up his tie as I hand over his drink.

I lean my hip against the bar and ask, “So what brings you to Vegas?”

He takes a small sip. “Business. An architect convention.”

“Oh,” I chuckle. “Sounds thrilling.”

Phillip chuckles too. “Not really.” He continues to explain the boring day inside a stuffy room, with a bunch of snobs who have nothing better to do than show off their luxurious plans for their new buildings, and upcoming projects. We then start talking about life in general.

“How’s June doing?”

“She’s doing great. Busy as ever.”

“I miss her,” I sigh. “She was so nice to me, so genuine.”

“She misses you too. She was pretty upset you left.”

I totally agree. What a crappy thing I did to everyone. The guilt is never going to go away. “I feel really bad I didn’t say goodbye. It was a spontaneous decision. I’ve been so busy these past two months, I keep forgetting to touch base with her. I’ll give her a buzz this week.”

“She would really like that. She knows how it gets, not having time to reconnect. We barely spend two nights together without work getting in the way.” He takes another drink of his bourbon.

I cross my arms, concerned. “You guys doing okay?”

“Oh yeah. We’re perfect. We understand each other’s schedules. That’s why we take a couple days out of each month to spend it together. It keeps us both sane from the crazy shit we go through every day.”

“Well, that’s good.” A new set of people walk up to the bar, so I have to cut our conversation short. “It was really nice to see you, Phillip. How long will be you be in town?”

“Till Monday.”

“Oh, cool.”

“I’ll come by again, tomorrow night. Will you be working?”

“Yep. I’ll be here.”

“See you then.”

He downs his last drink of the Bourbon, lays down a few dollars on the counter, and walks off. In the meantime, I get slammed and have no more time to talk with anyone until my shift is over.

Show me

By Melody Kruse

Show me, show me, show me. Show me the way, baby.

So many paths to follow, show me the way, baby.

I don’t trust myself, to go that way, afraid I’ll mess things up

My heart and head are in the wrong direction, too hard to choose.

I want you, baby, I need you, maybe. It should be so simple to take your path.

It would be easier than where I am heading. The path without you.

My love is on fire

My body is lonely

Show me the way

My bed is empty

My heart is aching

My soul is crying

Show me, show me, show me the way.

I can’t recall any nights without dreaming of you, baby

I hurt you in all possible ways, I left without a whisper

Did I make the right choice, did I choose the wrong path, it’s so dark without you.

Wishing you weren’t on that screen, screaming girls and headlines overflowing with you

I’m jealous as hell, I hate myself for leaving you, you didn’t deserve the pain,

But I deserve the pain.

My love is on fire

My body is lonely

Show me the way

My bed is empty

My heart is aching

My soul is crying

Show me, show me, show me the way

Baby.

As I finish playing and singing the song, I wipe a tear off my cheek and gather my thoughts. I can’t fucking cry every single time I play this shit. How will I ever sing up on that stage if I can’t hold it together? Unless there is another song I can perform to? But there isn’t. All my other songs are from decades ago. Since living in Vegas I’ve started writing again. I have filled half a spiral notebook full of unfinished songs. “
Show me”
is about Wayne - about us. The only song I have completed. It’s deep, heartfelt and dying to be heard. It’s so fucking good, I want Wayne to hear it. Wonder what he would think, knowing I am finally using my left hand on my guitar, as I was with my right? One lesson with him, I remembered everything and used his lefty tips every day until I got it perfect. I’ll never expect him to hear it anyways, it’s not like we will ever see one another again.

Since leaving, I missed Helene and Gary’s wedding. I felt terrible about not going; I heard it was amazing. I did call Helene before the wedding. She understood my reasons for not attending. She’s been like a mom to me and Harmony, so she means a lot to me. They’ve been on their honeymoon, sailing around the world. Sounds like heaven.

I am done playing for the time being, so I lean my guitar against the arm of my couch and grab another cup of coffee. After filling my mug I sit on the couch and turn on the TV. I flip through the channels, not seeing anything too exciting, until suddenly I see
JINKS
on the screen. Holy crap, Wayne is getting interviewed by some bimbo, blonde chick! I can’t seem to breathe anymore. It’s been so long since I’ve laid eyes on him. He’s got a new haircut - holy shit! So gorgeous. It’s short on the sides with a wave in the front that slicks back on top of his head, showing off his forehead. Oh my, and that tight white t-shirt, I can see his protruding muscles. It’s really hard to look at him without thinking about our intimate moments together. Like a dumbass, I had to go and ruin it all.

Even though I don’t want to torture myself, I turn up the volume to get a catch of what he is saying.

“What are you most looking forward to on this tour, Wayne?” the blonde reporter asks.

She holds the microphone up to Wayne’s face. He dips his lips close to the mic, smirks, then says in a deep, sultry voice, “The women.”

“Oh,” the blondie giggles. “Did you hear that ladies? Wayne is coming just for you. I’m sure you’ve made their day.”

He dips in again. “It’s what I do,” he winks at the screen. He continues, “On a serious note though, I love tours. Love the excitement, the energy it brings. Performing all around the country…there’s nothing like it. The fans are what makes touring so damn fun. They keep us on our toes. Looking forward to it again.”

This fucking reporter doesn’t give a rats ass what Wayne had just said. She goes right in and asks the next stupid question. “Now, I’m sure you get asked this all the time, but do you have someone keeping you warm at night, Wayne?”
ICK
. I hate she asked that. I want to strangle the bitch.

Wayne being who he is, gets a little closer to the reporter. He purrs, “You can keep me warm, Baby.”
He fucking purrs at her!

“Wooo!” She starts fanning herself. “It’s getting hot in here! Are you saying you’re single, Wayne?”

I can’t stand it anymore. I turn it off and throw down the remote.
Fucking reporter
. I hate how this affects me. Jealousy is not me at all, but it’s my own fucking fault! I am paying for my aloneness, my reason to question about fleeing the best thing that ever happened to me.

I’m hungry now. I need something sweet and rich - donuts. It’s perfect for my glum state. There’s a donut shop right down the street. I think I’ll walk down to the shop and buy a few. A maple bar and a couple chocolate sprinkled donuts are calling my name. Once back at home, I take a bite from the maple and almost forget about Wayne. I said
almost.
It’s to numb my stupidity and guilt for a little while longer until I feel sick to my stomach.
Bleck.
Now, I need to lay down, so I kick up my feet and rest on the couch. I’m feeling a bit sleepy, ready to doze off when my cell phone interrupts my early nap.

It’s Harmony. “Hey, it’s been a week since you’ve called. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Sorry, just been super busy.” I place a hand over my stomach - so full,
ugh.

“Same here. There’s been a lot of stuff happening at the hotel; more author signings, wedding receptions. I am pooped,” she chuckles, happily.

“I hear ya, Sister. So, how’s it feel living in that new condo all by yourself?” A couple weeks after I made it clear I wasn’t coming back, Harmony and Danny made living together official. It’s exactly what needed to happen.

“Lonely,” she sighs. “I miss him already.” The band is now on their summer tour, and will be gone for four months.

“I know you do.”

“I miss you too, Mel,” she sadly, mentions. “It’s not the same without you.”

She’s going to make me cry. “I miss you too. A lot. I think about you and the others all the time.” Mostly of Wayne. A piece of me is with him and always will be.

“Then come back home. Please,” she pleads with me.

I close my eyes, shaking my head. “You know I can’t.”

“Yes you can,” Harmony argues. “Mel, I can hear it in your voice. You want to come home.”

We’ve gone over this before, but I keep telling her the same thing. “Of course I want to, Harm, but I’ve established a good thing here. I finally have my feet on the ground after all these years. I have a job, and I’ve been getting back into music. It’s what I’ve been dreaming about.”

“And I couldn’t be more proud of you, really, but you can have all those things, back here in San Diego. You don’t need to be in Vegas anymore.” She pauses, then adds, “Don’t you want to be back with Wayne? I know he misses you too.”

“Bullshit,” I snap at her. “Don’t say that. Just don’t.”

She sighs, “Mel…I was wrong to interfere. I was wrong to think you never cared for him.”