My Melody (Downtown Book 3) (12 page)

She continues to shake her head and ignores her true feelings for me. “Have you ever lost anyone in your life? Have you?”

Where the hell did this question come from
? “What -”

“Don’t you remember? I lost two of the most important people in my life - my parents. They were everything to me, and it still kills me to this day,” her voice cracks. “The day they died I made a promise to myself - I would never, ever love anyone, ever again. In a flash that someone could be ripped away from me. I will not allow that to happen.”

I know how she’s feeling. What she has gone through in life, shouldn’t happen to anyone. However, I do know she’s using her excuse as a shield. She doesn’t want to get hurt again, but it’s a shield that is old and withered. Time to let it go. I back away from “the cage” and give us some space. I place my hands on my hips. “This is foolish talk.”

“Are you fucking serious?” she yells. “How dare you! It’s my life, my choice!”

Here goes nothin’. I haven’t spoken about this for a very long time, but it takes a very special woman to hear it. “You wanna know if I’ve lost someone? I have. Had a girlfriend in high school. Knocked her up, cuz I was stupid and didn’t wear a fucking condom. We decided on abortion. And just like you, it still fucking kills me. I’d do anything to go back in time and help bring that baby into the world. Help raise him or her, but we knew we didn’t have the knowledge or money to raise it. Yeah, we could have put it up for adoption, but we were only sixteen years old. She was terrified of her parents finding out. So we went to mine and they helped us get the abortion.” I pause and take a deep breath. Bringing up the worse moment of my life aches something awful as fuck. My head is now clear. When I look back into her eyes, though, she’s crying. I need to hold her, so I wrap her up in my arms. She allows me to do so, and it feels amazing. “What I’m trying to make you understand is, I don’t let it walk all over me, or let it decide my future. Life goes on, Baby. You can’t live in fear your whole life thinking someone is going to die just because you get too close. That’s not living.” She squeezes me tightly around the waist and I can hear her softly crying, sniffling. I lift her face up with both hands and tell her, “Babe. Be with me. Only me.” With those watering green pools, I give each a kiss on the lids, then bend down and kiss her trembling lips. I taste salt, and all good things possible when our tongues dance. She can’t deny me any longer. I slowly take off her black leather jacket, then gather the ends of her white shirt and pull it up, over her head. She does the same for me. Then we’re both unlatching each other’s belts on our jeans. I unbutton her pants, she unbuttons mine. It’s as if we can’t get enough of one another. We can’t seem to rip our clothes off fast enough. We start to laugh when one of my boots doesn’t come off easily. She helps me tug it off and proceeds to rub her hands all over my chest. Her hands melt into me. Feels fucking out of this world. Next thing I know she has my cock wrapped in her hand and starts to fist me, suck me. There is no other woman who has ever taken her time on my junk. She starts sucking slow, deep within in her throat - the woman has fucking awesome gag reflex - then begins to drive herself down faster until I am almost ready to combust. Just as fast though, she slows down again, making me sweat and growl. She doesn’t want it to end in her mouth. She wants me to fuck her long and hard, deep inside her body.

We never exchange words. Our bodies, fingers, mouths, eyes, say everything - she fucking loves me. I don’t need her to tell me with her words. I already feel it and taste it.

Her bed creaks as I lay on top of her, enter her wet pussy, balls deep. We both moan, groan, move like music until we are fucking spent. Exhausted. We fall asleep, wrapped in each other’s naked arms and legs.

This is what life is all about: It’s finding your soulmate and never wanting to let go. Yet when the one person you thought was going to be in your life forever, disappears? Your soul is left out to dry. You can no longer breathe. That’s exactly what it feels like when I wake up and find Melody has left my arms; her clothes, backpack and helmet are gone. She fucking left me.

I didn’t get home until the middle of the night. The party was over, the house was dark and my bed was still unmade with the leftovers of mine and Melody’s time together. I had no desire to sleep on those sheets. The thought of it made me sick. I took the couch instead and didn’t sleep for the rest of the night. Watched the first and second
The Fast and Furious
movies until it was time to get up and take a shower. On the way to the studio, Slim asked me if I wanted to talk about it. Nope. I just needed to forget about
her
and play my bass. We’re over. No reason to discuss it. I’m ready to get my old life back and focus on the fans, women and music. That’s who I am. I don’t need a fucking relationship. Takes too much time to build, and to trust someone. Not worth it. Not anymore. I did everything I could to make things right, to have her see we were worth a shot. She made her choice. End of story.

On another note, we have big things coming our way. We’ll be going to New York to perform on
The Tonight Show
, then before we go on our big summer tour we are performing on the
iHeart
Music Awards. It’s flippin’ unbelievable. We leave for New York the day after my birthday. I seriously can’t wait for all this to start. I need all these things to distract me, to help me focus; my fucking cock needs a break.

We finished up a couple of new songs at the studio that we have been working on. We have a new album out, but we’re always ready to get back into the studio for new tracks. It’s how we are. The band never stops playing or creating new sounds. We love it too much.

“That’s a wrap guys. Great job. You fucking nailed those two songs,” Gary says, through the sound room. He comes out from the small quarters, clapping his hands. “Who’s up for a drink at M. Suites?” We all agree, then pack up and head over to the hotel.

“You played fucking awesome dude, considering Melody never came home with you. You guys totally over or what?” Slim asks, while he is driving us over to the hotel.

I hadn’t really wanted to discuss what happened, but I’m not one to keep things in for very long. I need to get shit off my chest. “Went over to her place. She was packing up, going to Vegas. Told her about the abortion with Scarlett.” Slim was my right hand man when that crap occurred. He knows what I went through and how much it cut me.

He whistles. “That’s heavy stuff. Deep history.”

“Wanted her to know I wasn’t going anywhere and that she shouldn’t be afraid of being happy. Thought I got through to her. We had sex. Woke up. She was fucking gone.”

“Shit, dude. I’m sorry.”

“What can I say?” I shrug. “Guess she’s not the one for me after all.”

“You really believe that?”

“Better than chasing her down and forcing her to love me. Won’t do it. She doesn’t want me - her choice.” Even if it fucking kills me, I won’t chase her down. She obviously didn’t think much of what we could have had. She’s going to torture herself by being scared for the rest of her life. I can’t help her. “Ready for that drink,” I say, as we walk toward the back entry of the hotel.

After getting settled at a big table in the bar, I go retrieve one of the pitchers of beer at the counter.

Danny comes walking up to me. “You’ve been ignoring me all day. What gives?” He looks annoyed.

I knew this was going to happen. When Slim and I arrived at the studio I didn’t even glance at Danny. Last night was still too fresh. He saw how I treated Harmony at the BBQ, and knew Melody was important to me. I didn’t want to get into it with him “Didn’t want to get into any heated shit with ya, man.”

He crosses his arms and scowls. “What’s going on with you and Melody is not my business.”

“Yeah, but with Harmony it is. Sure didn’t feel like hearing any bullshit about how I treated her last night.

“I wasn’t going to give you any,” he retorts. “I saw my woman on the verge of crying and I had to step in.”

“Would’ve done the same. Couldn’t stick around though.”

“I know you would’ve done the same thing, but you’re not hearing me out.” This is a new side to my bro. In the past he’d want to start a fight, but with having all the shit finally thrown out of his life for good, he’s a happier dude. “I didn’t like seeing Harmony cry, but I sure as hell didn’t agree with what went down. She had no right to interfere. She knows what happens when someone does.”

He’s implying how I was a stupid asshole who jumped in the fire before thinking. I should never have involved myself between Danny and Harmony. “Still really sorry about that, bro.”

“And it’s over with. We’re good.” We start walking back over to the table. “Harmony has stuff to deal with. She cares for you like a sister and was only looking out for you, but she definitely understands she crossed those boundaries. Hell, she’s feeling extremely fucked up about Melody leaving town. She really hates herself right now.”

“Don’t want her hating herself. I’ll talk with her later.” I put the pitcher on the table, then nudge Danny in the arm. “Thanks for not…you know…being a douche hothead and all.”

He laughs. “Whatever. Come on, let’s have some beer.”

I am all up for that.

I TOOK OFF. I LEFT
Wayne in my bed looking freshly fucked, and oh so gorgeous. I left him assuming I gave in. To be honest, I almost decided to go for it, to give the relationship a try.

After hearing him reveal his story about the abortion, I started to cry. It must have been extremely hard for him to tell me about it. I cried for him. I cried for his girlfriend and for their baby. The whole thing was heartbreaking. Yet he figured out how to move on, live happily. For me to accept death, loss, and how to move on is much harder. My head and heart are not in the same place. They feel detached from each other, still I had to get away from the man I have fallen in love with. It devastated me to walk out that door, without saying goodbye, but if I hadn’t? I would’ve kept hurting him by pushing him away. It wasn’t fair to either of us. Yes, I am a total fucker for leaving the hottest, most amazing guy on earth. I hate myself for doing it. Hell, I am going to pay for it when I see him with a new girl on his arm. I’ll be sick, and will kick my own ass for giving him up.

However, I need to figure my life out first, before I ever have a relationship with a man. Call me a crazy lunatic, call me a bitch, call me all kinds of nasty names, it won’t change anything. I made my bed, and now…I now have to find my path without the one person who gave me a future. In just a short amount of time we had together, he taught me that my musical career is still possible. I am going to continue practicing the guitar and possibly start singing again. Plus I’ve put aside my fears, finally and am ready to find another job. I’ll get another bartending job for now and see what happens next.

My sister. I had to leave Harmony as well. I texted her, knowing I was leaving for good. She called me and pleaded with me to come back. I told her no. My leaving was not her fault. I made sure she understood that. It’s exactly what needed to be done, even if it meant I left the two most important people in my life. Now, she could move in with Danny like I know they’ve talked about. I want that for her and it’s a good time to do it. She won’t need to take care of me anymore. I’ll be fine on my own.

Two months later -

I put myself out there. After years of not working I finally got myself another job. It felt damn good to start making my own shit again and to be on my own two feet. One step at a time.

I moved to Las Vegas after my last night with Wayne. I got on my bike and never looked back. Once the shock of actually doing it wore off, I asked my sister to ship me my clothes and other belongings. I found a job off the strip called Shazzy’s Lounge, as a bartender. The classy, 1940’s feel of the place caught my eye. It wasn’t a strip club and there were no dancers in peacock feathers, fluttering themselves on stage. The interior was eccentric and gorgeous. It had a grand half moon stage, a piano in the background, black walls, high royal blue ceilings with bright yellow painted stars, blue and white lights peering down on the shiny black stage; round, elegant tables with black table cloths, and thick white candles placed on top. The guests were dressed formal and ready for an exotic evening out. The atmosphere was calming and the entertainment of singers and artists were incredible. Every night a new undiscovered musician, or singer would entertain the audience. I fell in love with the lounge the second I entered it and immediately applied.