My Heart is Yours (13 page)

“Yeah, she will. It’ll take a while. But she’ll be
okay.” Craig paused. “Before you go see how she is I want to talk
to you about something.”

“Okay.” Jason said.

“You’re gonna be in physical therapy for a while and
you’re gonna need at least some help. You know, you can always stay
here when you need to. Sam really cares about you and she’d never
forgive me if I didn’t ask you to stay with us for a while.”

“Oh.” Jason raised his eyebrows involuntarily.

“Look, don’t take it the wrong way. I just know that
your dad’s not gonna be willing to help you. And Sam is gonna
really need you around here now too.” Craig said.

“Okay.” Jason said. “I’ll stay. Thanks Craig.”

“You’re welcome.” Craig replied crisply.

“I’m gonna go check on Sam.” He grabbed up his
crutches and limped to Sam’s room.

As soon as Sam closed her door she slid to the floor
and started crying. She held her head in her hands and the sobs
came roughly from inside of her.

Someone else she cared about died. Again. Something
devastating happened. Again. Someone abandoned her. Again. Why did
this keep happening?

Someone knocked on her door. She didn’t get up.

“Sam?” She heard Jason’s soft voice. She pulled
herself together, stood up shakily and opened the door.

As soon as she saw Jason standing there she began
sobbing again. He walked in and closed the door. She wrapped her
arms around him and sobbed into his chest. His white t-shirt was
soaked in a matter of seconds.

He walked over to the bed with her and sat down so
he could drop his crutches and wrap his arms around her. “I’m
sorry, Sam.” He whispered. Then he just held her.

Sam continued sobbing with the only person she was
completely comfortable crying in front of. He just held her and
that was all she needed right now. For Jason to hold her. To try to
comfort her because she lost someone again. Just having his arms
around her made her a feel a little bit better. She hoped that she
never lost Jason. She didn’t know what she would do without
him.

***

A
couple of days later,
Sam was getting ready for Derek’s funeral.
His funeral
, she
thought.
He shouldn’t be dead.
She pulled her black knee
length scoop neck dress over her head; followed by the sheer black
shall. The same outfit she had worn to her parent’s funeral.

She thought back to Derek’s wakes. She’d went to
both of them. He was one of her best friends. She couldn’t not go.
As much as she didn’t want to see his body lying lifelessly in a
coffin, she had to go. Just like she had to go to his funeral. The
last time she would see him. Or his body, at least.

He’d probably be added to the nightmares she was
currently having. She wondered how Derek would fit into her
dreams.

As she was pondering this, there was a knock on her
door.

“Yeah?” She called.

“Sam? It’s John.” He said as he opened the door.

“Hi.” She said.

“You okay?” He asked.

“I’ll be fine.” She answered. She started to clip
her hair half up, then changed her mind and let it fall around her
shoulders in a blonde cascade.

John gave her a look; wordlessly asking why she
changed her mind.

“If my hair’s down and I start to cry, I could
always hide it this way.” She said with a matter-of-fact tone.

John didn’t say anything, just smiled sadly and
shook his head slightly. He gently grabbed her elbow walking her
out into the living room where Jason was waiting for them.

“Thanks for coming with me.” Sam said to Jason. She
was sitting with him in the backseat of Craig’s car. John was
driving.

“You’re welcome.” He said as he leaned down and
kissed the top of her head. “Wish we didn’t have to go at all.”

“Me too.”

Jason put his arm around her and she cuddled up to
him. Her blonde hair fell around her face but this time Jason left
it where it was.

After a ride that was too long yet too short they
pulled up to the funeral home. Sam got out first and turned to help
Jason wobble out of the car. John came with them. They helped Jason
as he hobbled up the steps no one ever wanted to go up.

“Sam!” a familiar voice called. She spun ever so
slightly so she didn’t drop Jason. Standing on the steps were
Shawn, Craig, Matt and Chris. Sam felt tears prick at the corners
of her eyes at the sight of them standing there. Ready and willing
to be there for her just like they always had been.

The place was full, but not the way it was at the
wakes. At the wakes everybody that had ever met Derek showed up to
pay their respects. Then the place had a line to get in—now it was
just family and friends.

Sam felt Jason squeeze her hand beside her. She
smiled slightly; glad to have Jason beside her through all of this.
Just like he’d been beside her her whole life. She was lucky that
he was there next to her now; that she didn’t lose him too.

They found chairs towards the back with Juliana and
her parents. Juliana had healed well after the shooting. That was
the other thing in all of this. Derek was only nineteen. He was too
young to be dead. He was shot. Shot. He was murdered. In cold
blood. No reason whatsoever. The police caught the bastards that
did this to him. To all of them. John gave them the make, model and
license plate. The reason that they found the scum that did this.
And of course it was all over the papers. Everybody either stared
at Sam, Juliana, and Jason or asked if they were okay. Some
bold—and rude—people came right up to them and asked what it was
like to be a victim of a shooting. Sam could just barely deal with
people asking if they were okay, but those who asked about the
shooting she just had to walk away from.

It was a drive-by shooting. The police said the men
who did this were drunk. They either did it for pure thrill or
perhaps a hate crime, the police had said. When Sam had asked “A
hate crime against what?” they had told her “The working class. It
happens ma’am.” The working class. What did the working class ever
do to them? And Derek and Juliana weren’t even working class. They
had just been with her. And now Derek was dead. Because of her. And
pure thrill. Of what? Pure thrill of wounding three and killing
one? There was thrill in that? That was sickening.

All the mental babble in her head was cut off by
people suddenly getting up from their seats. She numbly followed
the friends to say a final goodbye. Derek almost looked like he was
sleeping. He was dressed in his best suit, hiding the place where
the bullet went through his heart taking his young life. Staring at
his face, it seemed like he would open his eyes at any moment,
saying he got everyone good, laughing at his own sick joke. But no
matter how badly Sam wanted it, she knew it wouldn’t happen. She
took one last look, whispered “See you later, Derek.” and took a
seat between Jason and Juliana, waiting for the service to
begin.

They drove to the cemetery in silence. Almost time
to see Derek’s body lowered into the ground for the rest of
forever.

Jason had a little trouble walking around on the
grassy, bumpy hills so Sam helped him out. They came to the spot
where Derek would rest for eternity. His new home. He should’ve
been there. With them.

The coffin was closed but Sam could still picture
Derek beneath the solid lid.

The priest spoke and Sam spent the entire time
concentrating on not sobbing. She let a few tears escape but she
refused to sob. She thought back to when they all had met. In Mrs.
Schaffer’s sixth grade class. Her and Juliana had already known
each other. They had been partnered up with Derek for a lab. Derek
wasn’t happy about working with two girls at first but they
convinced him. They laughed the entire way through the lab. Derek
couldn’t believe that Sam’s parents weren’t rich. She supposed it
was because he hadn’t widened his horizons. From then on they had
been friends. Stuck together through middle school and awkward
moments. Then high school and advanced classes and more awkward
moments. That’s when Sam found out that Derek had a bit of a crush
on her but she never felt the same. They were there for her when
her parents were killed in a car wreck. They had stuck together
after high school into the ‘real world’. And now she and Juliana
would stick together in Derek’s death. When she looked up it was
time to put the flowers on his coffin. His parents went first. They
seemed to be holding up alright, but that could change after the
funeral. When they were alone and didn’t have to hold it together
for anybody anymore.

The rest of his family went next. Juliana and Sam
were given a rose as well because they were his best friends. They
clutched each other’s hands as they placed the roses on his coffin.
The green grass seemed to be mocking his youth. They stood back and
watched as Derek was lowered six feet into the ground. Never to be
seen in the flesh again.