My Big Fat Supernatural Wedding (4 page)

"Them McCoys sent fever over to my wife, your daughter. How you gonna let that go?" Although Ezekiel Hatfield's tone was angry, his voice had lowered a bit in fearful respect.

"I ain't forgot. But that was only 'cause your sisters started up the feud again by sending a lightning bolt over there to kill Ester's husband, thinking my daughter was lowlife enough to be runnin' on you, Zeek. She wasn't messin' with Jeb, and you know it. Then you was all weeping and awailing up in church at my child's funeral, when ya found out the girl had only gone over there to try to strike a peace bond, given both families had little babies and it was time for the nonsense to stop.

Them kids was a matched pair since birth; ev'ybody knows it. So, I'll blame you for listening to rumors, and for your false accusations, as well as your sisters for that misjudgment, till the end of time!" The old woman walked in a hot circle, tears rising in her cataractstricken eyes. "Enough is enough! Why . . . you know I oughta jus' drop this bag any ole way, and"

"Naw, naw, naw, now, Nana Robinson, we all remember full well how thangs got outta hand before."

"Uhmmmhmmm," Nana muttered, and begrudgingly stashed her bag back between her breasts in a huff. "Ester's son is jus' a baby, like our Odelia. They's kids in love, so youall best quit it. Don't test me."

"What hurts so bad is that my baby girl didn't come to her daddy with the news, first. I shouldn'ta found out like this."

"Well, if youall wasn't acting such a fool, mayhaps the girl woulda came home and told you to your face, rather than called her nana crying her eyes out on the phone. She's scairt something gonna happen to that boy, and rightly so, 'cause she knows how y'all do. Call a truce, Zeekright here and right now. She been a good girl, and ought'na have to have a heavy heart while she's about to graduate from college like that. If her momma was still alive, she'd have someone to help her buy her dress, and all the things a bride is supposed to have. Really, you should go on and send that girl her momma's old dress, just out of kindness. But you're as ornery as an old rattlesnake, and even with that, your daughter wants your blessing." Nana Robinson stomped her feet as her hands went to her wide hips. "I
cannot
believe you'd do your own child this way; even for you, Ezekiel Hatfield, this is above and beyond."

The two combatants stared at each other.

"Truce," Ezekiel finally said, looking away, his tone a contrite grumble.

"Truce? Truce! You crazy, Zeekie?" Effie screeched from where she stood inside the screen door. "There ain't no way"

"My baby girl's involved," Ezekiel said, coming between both women. "Might git her or a grandbaby hurt. We call off the dogs, Effie."

"Like I said," Nana Robinson stated as she gave Effie the evil eye and then turned on the porch ready to leave. "We's having a wedding, pure and simple, and y'all are gonna act right."

Jefferson and Odelia stayed together, wideeyed, nervous, and under extremely platonic circumstances, practically joined at the hip, each halfafraid to let the other go to the bathroom alone. Every errand that needed to be run was done in partnership, because who knew what could befall one of them if he or she even went to the store independently? The trip to the courthouse to file for a marriage li

cense was viewed as a dangerous mission.

Both parents had called that first night, their voices distraught. Jefferson's mother had broken down and openly wept. Any libido Jefferson and Odelia had was killed. Her Father's voice was strained and punctuated with long, disappointed silences, but word that a truce had been activated, slowly, let Odelia and Jefferson breathe.

"You think it's all right if we sleep together on your couch?" JefFerson asked, still jumpy, after she hung up the telephone.

"As long as we don't get into anything, I think we might be all right," she said, sounding unsure.

"Tell you what," he offered. "How about if I sleep in the chair, you take the couch, but at least that way, we can both stay in the same room?"

"Yo, manyou getting married and you wanna bring your fiancee to the bachelor party? Have you lost your mind?" His best friend laughed hard.

Jefferson steadied himself as he held his cell phone close to his ear. "Man, listen, it's complicated. I can't go into it right now."

"She's still at your apartment? Or you still over at hers? Ever since you dropped the rock on a sister, you've been in prison. All the campus parties, you been there with her . . . And dude, for real, like, this might be your last hoorah as a free man."

"Hugh, you're supposed to be my best man. The one who's gonna keep me straight until I"

"That's what I'm trying to do, partner. A few hours away won't hurt none."

Jefferson watched Odelia as she buzzed around the kitchen in his tiny apartment.

A sense of claustrophobia had him in its grip. Two weeks of being together, Finding ways to entertain themselves without kissing too much or laying a hand on each other, was driving him nuts. "My Folks are coming in later tonight For everything. I can't be going out, getting tore up, plus that goes against everything Minister said, and"

"C'mon, man. We'll have you back at a decent hour. You know me, right?"

"Yeah, I know you. That's what I'm worried about."

"But ain't it bad luck to be with or see the bride the night before the wedding?"

Jefferson paused. His homeboy did have a point. "Yeah. . . ,"

"Well, how about if we take a brother out For a Few, and deliver you to the Motel 6 where your people will be, and then you can hang out with your uncles till it's time to put on your cap and gown over your suit. Then, you lose the robes, I pin on your boutonniere, and we roll over to the church so you can get hitchedthen we all eat, party . . . everything will be copasetic."

"That might be able to work," Jefferson said. "But I gotta talk to 'Delia about that, First."

"Awww, maaaan. Do you hear yourself? What did the girl do, works roots on your ass, or something?"

Odelia looked up From the stove and met Jefferson's eyes.

"That ain't Funny, brother. Don't even joke like that."

It was the first real argument they'd had since the day they met. She couldn't fathom how men could be so stupid! Carlah had been right. Maybe it was better that she got away from Jefferson for a few hours to connect with her girls, to do what she had to do, namely, get her hair beat, feet did, nails did, and spend quality female time without a male appendage.

Carlah was waiting for her on the front steps of her apartment building holding a FedEx box when Jefferson dropped her off. The sly smile on her best girlfriend's Face made Odelia smile, despite her Foul mood.

"Yo, my sister, my sisteryou finally broke free!" Carlah laughed and rushed up to Odelia to hug her the moment Jefferson's car pulled away. "Dayum. I know the brother put a rock on your hand, and I can appreciate being in a love jones with a fine man like that, but ya gotta come up for air, baby."

"It wasn't like that," Odelia said laughing.

"Oh, pullease," Carlah fussed, grabbing Odelia's hand and holding it up to the sunlight. "The man puts two cold karats on you, practically locks you away in y'all's apartments for two weeks, and you want me to believe he slept on the couch?" Carlah thrust the FedEx box at Odelia. "Give up the tapes. Details. Is he worth marrying, doing the tilldeathdoyoupart thing?"

"He's worth marrying," Odelia said, shaking her head and chuckling as she snatched the box from her friend, but refusing to say more.

"Hotdamn, I knew it. I'm too jealous, but it's all good. Tomorrow, we turn our tassels, throw our hats, and then you go out in white."

The statement ran through Odelia like ice waterthe part about going out in white. Rather than focus on that as a possibility, she tore open the box and stood very still.

"What is it?" Carlah peered over the edge of the box as Odelia carefully extracted white fabric wrapped in plastic.

She would know her father's scrawl anywhere, and as soon as she saw white and not feathers, she knew he'd finally given his blessing. As gingerly as possible, she pulled the dress out and held it to her body, while Carlah snatched away the box and rooted within it for a note that didn't exist.

"Whoa . . . ," Carlah said, amazed. "Your
dai
sent your
mom's
dress?"

"Yeah," Odelia whispered, gazing at the dress. The fabric suddenly became blurry as she smoothed the plasticensconced gown against her body. "Something really crazy had to go down."

"Girl," Carlah said, slinging an arm over her shoulder. "You're so paranoid. Just put it upstairs, we go eat, and go get ourselves beautiful for tomorrow. What could go wrong?"

Odelia simply nodded and took out her keys, too afraid to hazard a guess.

"Oh, shit!" Hugh hollered, and kicked his tire. "Brandnew truck jacked, right before graduation? Man, how am I gonna tell my people about this?"

Jefferson kept trying his cell phone that oddly didn't work.

"A black cat runs outta nowhere, I swerve, and now my beautiful candy red baby has no Front end? Look at her, man! I shoulda run over that Freaking thing and made it road pizza!"

True enough; the Front of Hugh's new ride was Folded in on itself like an accordion, radiator smoking.

"We're lucky to be alive, man. Let's Focus on that. Your cell phone working? I can't get reception."

Hugh sighed and flipped open his cellular. "Damn. I can't get none either."

"All right, so we walk till we can find a store or something, and then call For a tow."

"Are you crazy?" Carlah screamed, making all heads in the salon turn in unison.

"My hair is green! I'm graduating tomorrow! I'm in a wedding! My maidofhonor dress is sky blue! This won't work!" Odelia flung the dryer hood back and stood up. Her girlfriend, who was normally a sandy almond brunette, looked like a punk rocker. "They can fix it; they can fix it," she said, rushing over to Carlah to try to console her as shrieks gave way to sobs. Oh, Lord, it was starting.

"Tell me again why we are sitting in the back of a police car? I'm still trying to wrap my brain around this, man," Hugh said quietly.

"Because you decided to go up to a house, against my warning, and the old lady in there thought it was about to be a home invasion," Jefferson replied evenly while he stared out the window.

"My hair is now hideous, doodoo brown," Carlah said picking at her salad, her eyes puffy "With my complexion,
dog poop brown
does not work."

Odelia hadn't touched her meal; all she could do was look at Carlah's once gorgeous tresses that were now redyed to a garish color that made her very pale cafe au lait skin seem cadaverous. The greenish tinge beneath the layeredon color was still very noticeable in the light. "It'll be all right, sweetie," Odelia said, guilt lacerating her. "It just has to"

"I'm suing them. I promise you. Feel the texture of it; they turned it into straw with overprocessing." New tears filled Carlah's eyes and fell into her salad.

Odelia handed Carlah a tissue and grasped her hand. "As soon as I can get ahold of Jeff, we'll figure out what you have to do to sue them, all right."

"I don't feel good," Carlah said. "I need to go lie down."

"Okay, okay, we can do that," Odelia said quickly, and tried to hail a very slowcoming waitress.

But before Odelia could get their server's attention, Carlah was out of her chair, screaming. All heads turned in the restaurant, and several waiters rushed over. To everyone's horror, beneath the top lettuce leaves, fat, black beetles had begun to emerge from Carlah's plate. Odelia almost fell over her chair in the scramble to get away from the toxic table. Her girlfriend dryheaved and then lost her lunch in the middle of an aisle. Nearby patrons shrieked and stood. Odelia crossed herself and ran to her friend's side, hurrying her from the establishment so she could get air, ignoring the apologies and the commotion that ensued behind them. When a crow flew by and crapped on Carlah's head, Odelia just hustled her shrieking girlfriend to the car.

It was all she could do to get Carlah settled down enough to drive her back to campus. Once she and Carlah's sorority sister, Gwen, had gotten Carlah to lie down with a cold wet compress over her face, Odelia headed for the Red Roof Inn, where her people were holed up. The only way she'd been able to get Carlah to let go of her hand was to promise to call the media and get Jefferson to make both the offending salon and the filthy restaurant his first legal cases.

During the entire short drive to the motel, Odelia could feel rage strangling her.

By the time she made it to the lobby, she could barely speak into the house phone.

"Aunt Effie," she demanded, "where's"

"Hi, baby! Congratulations! We all so proud, and just"

"Where's Daddy? What room are y'all in?"

"Room three twentyfive, honey. C'mon up. We got plenty of food."

"Momma, they only let us go because we had student ID and they drove down the road to check out our story and found our crashed carwhich had all the tags, license, insurance, and registration straight, like we'd said. Put Uncle Rupert on the phone!"

"Baby, now you watch your tone, especially when you call your uncles' and them's room. He ain't in here, and we ain't exactly on speaking terms, neither.

Don't start no mess you can't finish. So you tread light, Son."

"Tread light? Tread light, Momma! I thought I was playing it safe by moving all my wedding and graduation stuff to my boy's apartmentbut noooo. Here I'm about to graduate and get married in less than twentyfour hours and a black cat crossed my path, I've been in a car accident with my best man, we've been arrested, he can't find the ring, and I'm now standing in his apartment that's been flooded by
a
toilet
that was in the one above us, and my suit is ruined!"

"Now that's what family's For, suga'. I know you can borrow a suit from one of your uncles, if need be," his mother soothed. "And"

"I'm not wearing nothing from
them.
Do I sound like I'm crazy, Momma? In the middle of a hoodoo war, wearing their clothes would be like putting a bull'seye on my forehead!"