My Big Fat Gay Life (20 page)

“I’m going to enjoy my few seconds of rapt attention,” Mum said as she stepped through the door, “before you come out and totally eclipse me with your beauty!”

Holding her bouquet in front of her, Mum started her walk towards the gazebo.

“Here we go,” Sebastian said. I took hold of his arm, and we stepped out into the sunlight.

My heart swelled with happiness at the sight of all the faces looking at me. They were so full of love and joy, infusing the atmosphere and making it sparkle.

We didn’t have a lot of guests: maybe twenty or so. We prefer quality, not quantity.

We took our time as we walked down the aisle. I wanted to sear every moment of this day into my memory. I saw my old school friends and their significant others. I gave them a wave and a smile. I smiled at Justin’s beaming parents.

Kento was seated next to a handsome middle-aged man, and they were holding hands. He had a broad white smile on his face. I gave him a nod of my head.

I was surprised to see my brother Rory sitting next to Jack, our mother’s lesbian partner. My smile widened even further, and I blew him a kiss. We hadn’t expected him to come to the wedding: for the last few years he’d been in Africa building villages. Jack looked resplendent in a tuxedo, and she was wiping tears from her eyes.

Patricia and Donovan had their hands locked together in a clasp, and they were smiling up at me. Seated next to Donovan was a teenager who bore a striking resemblance to Sebastian. He must be Tony, Donovan’s son and Sebastian’s half-brother. “Thank you,” I mouthed to them as I walked past.

Finally I reached the gazebo and Sebastian placed my hand in Justin’s. I stepped next to him, and we turned to face each other. Justin took both my hands in his, and Sebastian took his place next to Justin as the Best Man. Mum was standing next to me as the Maid of Honour.

“Are you ready?” the Marriage Celebrant, John, whispered to us. Justin and I both nodded without taking our eyes off each other. I’d never been so happy.

“Dearly beloved,” John’s voice boomed out over the gathering. “We’re gathered here today in the beauty of Nature, under the light of the Sun, and in full view of the Universe to join together Justin and Ruth…”

“I can’t believe you forgot to pick up the tuxes!” I berated Sebastian as we walked briskly along Market Street. A quick glance sideways at him immediately made me feel guilty and insensitive. He looked so sad.

“I’m sorry,” he said, a tad harshly. “I’ve had a lot on my mind!”

“It’s OK,” I said, instantly placating him. “If it’s the worst thing that goes awry today, then I’ll be more than happy.”

So things hadn’t gone according to plan. Big deal! We slept in, just liked we’d planned. I was glad Sebastian was able to get back to sleep after his Mr. Cheeseburger dream. We had a great brunch at Misfits, just like we’d planned. We were happily taking our time getting ready, until Sebastian realised that he hadn’t picked up our tuxedos the day before. Now we were rushing to get them.

Since Quentin’s murder, Sebastian’s been a little withdrawn. He still laughs and jokes; still behaves exactly the same way; but there’s something a little different that I can’t quite put my finger on. He just isn’t as expressive and outgoing as he used to be. I’m glad he’s the psychiatrist and not me: I’d be terrible at it.

I can only imagine what thoughts and feelings must be going through his mind. Guilt, grief, and anger are all possibilities. He hasn’t opened up at all to me about the murder, and I know better than to push the issue. He’ll talk when he’s ready.

Up ahead I could see one of our local well-known religious nuts. He had a huge sign. ‘Homosexuality is a sin! Repent and be forgiven!’ I totally respect other people’s rights to their religious views, and I admire anyone who has the courage to have a belief system they adhere to, whatever it may be. Having said that, I don’t believe anyone should force their views on anyone else, regardless of what their views are.

“Let’s play mind games with the homophobe,” I said to Sebastian, grabbing his hand in mine. We walked slowly up to the homophobe, hand in hand.

“Repent sinners!” he commanded.

“For what? Being in love?” I asked him.

“Do you believe in God?” he asked in return, ignoring my question. There was a fire and passion in his eyes that I could have admired under different circumstances.

“Actually, I don’t,” I answered him. “However, judging by all the hype I hear about Him, I’d like to think He was accepting, loving, and forgiving.” I looked at Sebastian, who was grinning widely.

“God will forgive you if you repent your wicked ways,” the homophobe stated.

“Do I have to repent now? Can’t I do it just before I kick the bucket?”

“When your day of judgement comes, He’ll know if you’ve repented in your heart,” the homophobe stated.

“If you’re right about all this,” Sebastian spoke up, “I’ll really have egg on my face when I turn up for judgement.”

“That’s better than having cum on your face, Dear,” I said, causing Sebastian and the homophobe to both stare at me, opening and closing their mouths like goldfish.

* * *

The ceremony went flawlessly! To be honest, I wouldn’t have cared if assassins had swooped in and ruined everything, just like in Dynasty, as long as Ruth said ‘I do’ before that happened. That’s the only thing that truly mattered to me: her saying those two little words.

Ruth and I were swamped with well-wishers after John pronounced us One under the Universe, and Husband and Wife under the laws of Man. I was happy - the happiest I’ve ever been. My face ached from smiling, but it felt good! I was being lavished with hugs and kisses when I heard Ruth squeal.

“Rory!” she screamed. I turned to see her being picked up and swung around by a good-looking man in his late twenties. She’d thrown her head back as she laughed, and the stranger was hugging her tightly. “You have to meet Justin!” she eventually said to him. He put her down, reluctantly.

“Justin,” she said, turning to me with a wide smile on her face. “This is my brother, Rory. He made it!”

“It’s an absolute pleasure to finally meet you,” I said, holding out my hand. He looked at my hand, and chose to ignore it. Instead, he wrapped me in a big bear hug.

“The pleasure is all mine,” he said after he’d released me. He had a kindness in his face and a sparkle in his eyes that made him instantly likeable. “I feel like I know you already from Ruth’s letters.”

“Sebastian!” I said, grabbing Sebastian’s arm to draw his attention away from my parents. “This is Rory, Ruth’s brother.”

“Nice to meet you,” Sebastian said, shaking hands with Rory. He barely glanced at Rory before he turned back to other well-wishers. That’s when it struck me: Sebastian’s in a far worse state than I’d realised. Even I thought Rory was worthy of a double take, and I’m a totally straight newlywed! Yet Sebastian barely acknowledged his existence.

Introductions were made all round. Ruth introduced Rory to everyone, and then rushed over to introduce herself to Tony. Donovan introduced his son, Tony, to the rest of us, and Kento loudly and proudly introduced Ian to anyone who stood still long enough within a one-mile radius. I was relieved to see some life and interest in Sebastian’s eyes as Kento hugged him and introduced him to Ian. Finally the flood of congratulations ceased, and all of our guests made their way inside for drinks. That is, all the guests except for our immediate families. It was time for the photographs.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Ruth called out to Patricia and Donovan as they were making their way inside with the guests.

“I’m going to get sloshed while you have your photographs done,” Patricia answered.

“Plenty of time for that later,” Ruth said. “We need you here for the photos. You guys are family!”

Patricia and Donovan pointed Tony in the direction of the bar, then came back and joined our group.

The photographer, Graham, was a talented friend of Sebastian’s. He positioned us in a variety of poses, both traditional and artistic, and with various combinations of families. Eventually the moment came: the moment I was dreading. I was nervous.

“Mum, Dad,” I said to get their attention. “You know I love you, right? I don’t want you to feel excluded or unwanted at all, but we’re going to do some nude photos, and I don’t feel comfortable being nude in front of you. I don’t know why - maybe Patricia or Donovan or Sebastian can explain it to me one day - but could you please go inside while we finish off the photos?”

“Oh Justin,” Mum said, touching my cheek. “Get over it! We’re not prudes. We know you have a penis. We also know that the only time you ever wear clothes is when we’re around, or when you’re in public and legally required to. Maybe this will help you feel more comfortable.”

Mum nodded at Dad, and they both started to undress. Surprisingly, Patricia, Donovan, Sebastian, Doris, and Jack all started to strip as well. Rory looked confused, but shrugged his shoulders and started unbuttoning his shirt.

“Come on, Justin,” Mum demanded, clapping her hands together sharply. “Get your kit off!”

My parents aren’t nudists. In fact, none of the parental units there are nudists. The fact they’d all obviously planned this in advance to help me get over my shyness in front of my parents touched me, and my heart swelled with love for them all. I took my clothes off quickly, very relieved to be shed of them. The only people left clothed were Ruth and Graham, and the contrast between Ruth’s stunning white dress and our naked bodies was quite striking. Sebastian’s indifference to Rory’s nakedness distressed me: he was stuck inside his own head and not aware of his surroundings.

Graham appeared to relish the artistic challenge of doing wedding photos with a beautiful bride in full bridal gear, surrounded by a variety of nude subjects. The photos were amazing.

* * *

I know it’s probably unethical, but I plied Sebastian with alcohol. I know alcohol is a depressant, the last thing he needs at the moment, but I also know it loosens up his tongue. For Sebastian, a loose tongue leads to voicing suppressed emotions, and freedom from his internal demons.

“Justin, I know what you’re doing,” he said. We were having a break from the crowd and relaxing in the garden. I’d just handed him another bourbon. “And it won’t work.”

“What am I doing?” I asked him, eyes wide and full of faux innocence.

“Trying to get me drunk so I’ll open up and vent my emotions. It’s sweet, but it won’t work. I can’t vent if I don’t know what I’m feeling.”

We sat there in silence for a few moments.

“I feel horrid,” he eventually said. “I brought Bruce into Quentin’s life, and that sociopathic idiot killed him!”

I nodded, not wanting to say anything in case it halted his flow.

“I know rationally it wasn’t my fault. I know that Quentin was aware of the crazy stalker in my life, and he still chose to be part of it. I know I had no control over Bruce at all. But I still feed bad!”

“Why do you feel bad? What is the overwhelming feeling?” I asked him after a few seconds of silence.

“I miss him!” he blurted out. Then he burst into tears. I quickly wrapped him in my arms and held him until he’d stopped shaking.

“Thank you,” he said. “I guess it did work after all. Come on, I want to make a speech!”

He grabbed my hand and dragged me inside the house, where he grabbed his glass from the table and tapped it repeatedly with a spoon to get attention.

“This marriage almost feels incestuous to me,” he started, once he had the room’s attention. “Justin is like a brother to me, and Ruth is like a sister to me…”

The big event was being carried off flawlessly. The string quartet were warming up, and the serving staff were unobtrusive yet extremely helpful. The caterers were creating enticing aromas in the kitchen, and the labourers were busy setting up rows of chairs and decorating the gazebo. After the ceremony they would transform the back garden into a dining area while all the guests were inside drinking and celebrating.

Since I’d taken over Rainbow’s End, the urge to shoplift had subsided. It hadn’t disappeared totally, but it was manageable. Apparently all I needed was my own little fiefdom to feel fulfilled. The work was demanding and time consuming, but the rewards were worth it. I hadn’t even ‘bought’ a present for bride and groom!