My Best Friend's Bucket List: Volume One (18 page)

“
I'll come by tomorrow evening and get Julio on the horn. I'll
clear everything up, trust me. Enjoy your food.” I said. Then I
turned the TV back on, put it back to
Teen
Mom
, then left the room with the intention
of leaving.

Maria stood blocking the front door,
obviously to prevent me from leaving. She glared at me, then licked
her lips.

“
I heard that you're not on the hook anymore for being my
sisters baby daddy.”

“
Yeah, so?”

“
Why did you have a hard dick when you came in?”

“
I was thinking about things, it was a natural trigger,
nothing personal.” I said, scared of law suits.

“
You're gonna stick your hard on on my wet cunt.” Maria said.
Then she pulled up her skirt to reveal that she was
ready.

“
Uh?” Was what I managed to say.

As Maria rubbed her moist crotch, she spoke,
“Did the bitches pussy taste good? Tell me about it.”

Maria, Cynthia's sister, was four years
younger than me at the time. Her pussy was a light mocha color, her
lips and gash a light pink. And she was WET. I told her the tale of
Pinky the Chinese food clerk and she brought herself to orgasm
right there, in front of the door, then she took me to the room she
was staying in.

Maria blasted some
Morrissey
song on her
iPod that was attached to a dock with speakers. Then she put her
lips to my ear and whispered the following phrase repeatedly as she
masturbated yet again:

“
You gonna fuck my pussy, you gonna fuck me deep like a
fuckin' lesbian slut?”

I didn't reply, but I had enough pre-cum to
fill a medium pickle jar, it was starting to seep through my jeans.
I feared that my cock might physically explode or spontaneously
cum-bust(get it? Lol). Then what seemed like a hundred minutes
later she freed the beast through the zipper and straddled it.

Maria rode me for nine minutes and sixteen
seconds. I was counting, because I had blown my load in sixteen
seconds, the nine minutes were hell.

On the drive home I knew I was going to have
to shower before this Rager. I reeked of pussy and my cock was
drained. The day couldn't get any weirder. Things weren't going
great, though they weren't going bad.

I saw the blue and red gumballs in my
peripherals. It took at least thirty seconds to realize I was being
pulled over. In most cases I would be nervous. But with the day I
was having I felt a P-I-M-P. Leave it to the cops to fuck that shit
up in a matter of minutes.

“
What did I do officer?” I asked.

“
License. Is your middle name Eugene?” The beefed up white cop
with the crew cut asked.

“
Yeah.”

“
Did you know you were on suspension?” He asked with
authority(insert Cartman voice). I immediately thought of school
and the times I was suspended from it. They were much happier times
than this.

“
No.” Was all I said.

“
Hang tight.” Cop guy said. He disappeared behind the spinning
gumballs. The sirens reminded me of the blue ice cream from the
donut shop when I was a kid. It tasted like bubble gum and even had
gumballs in it.

Then I had another thought, jail. No, not
again, I thought. Nothing more boring than jail. I was lucky enough
to have a interesting cell the mate the time I spent there. Would I
really get arrested over some dumb shit like this? No way, I
thought. I wasn't a criminal. Driving with a suspended license
shouldn't even be considered criminal activity.

The cop guy returned.

“
Step out of the vehicle, sir. Remove any belongings you may
need in the next thirty days.”

“
Huh?” I said.

“
Now!” Cop guy said.

The tow truck driver drove away with my
Zephyr. I was standing on a sidewalk with a hundred dollars worth
of Chinese food. My BlackBerry rang. It was Uncle Tommy.

“
Hey.” I said.

“
Where the hell are you?”

“
On the sidewalk with a hundred bucks worth of Chinese food.
Got pulled over, license was on suspension for some unpaid ticket
from a million years ago, they impounded my Zephyr.”

“
What the fuck?” My Uncle Tommy said. I had a suggestion
though.

“
Why don't you come pick me up and we can finish planning this
shit?”

We were at Murrey's house. The backyard was
decorated in Hawaiian Luau fashion. Outside of the six kegs it
seemed like a typical backyard pool party. There was a D.J. Set up
on a small stage. Behind the D.J. There was a drum kit and
amplifiers.

“
What's with that?” I asked.

“
I couldn't book the D.J. For the whole night so a band will
be filling in after he splits.” Tommy said.

“
I trust you.” I said. Then I sent Lorrie Lovitt a text
message about the Rager. It had been hours since I had thought
about her. I hoped I wasn't losing interest. I was aware that I had
hooked up with some chicks and such, but that was just pussy, my
heart belonged to Lorrie Lovitt.

Lorrie was what I thought of when I woke up.
What I thought of while drinking. I thought of her in the shower.
She was my best friends girlfriend at some point before he was
killed and left behind the bucket list. She was my angel, her
chestnut brown eyes and smooth face topped with soft brown
hair.

I missed her. That was the thing that I felt
my mind and body was missing. It was Her. I needed my fix.
Hopefully she would come to the Rager. I had showered and changed
in to fresh clothes, brushed and mouth washed, but I felt the taste
of Pinky lingered. I chewed copious amounts of gum to over
compensate.

The sun was setting down to sleep and the
moon and darkness rushed the skies. The darkness soon took over and
the streetlights turned on to shed light for the humans. I sat on a
beach chair, poolside, sulking. Uncle Tommy appeared to refresh my
Heineken and shot of Jack.

“
What's the deal?” Tommy asked and it sounded odd coming from
him. I looked up and Tommy was dressed in an American Eagle polo
shirt(tight)it hugged his beer gut, tight jeans, neon looking
tennis shoes, and a trucker hat that read: “Hug Me.”

Uncle Tommy also wore one of those black
rubber bracelets that are supposed to prevent from falling over. He
looked ridiculous.

“
What the fuck are you wearing?” I asked.

“
Gotta fit in, Tuck. There are going to be college kids here.
They can smell age.” He said. I pulled off his trucker
hat.

“
Did you frost your tips?”

“
A little. Not much. It takes a few years off.”

“
Good. Now you should look Forty-seven.” I said.

“
Don't hate the player, hate the game.” Tommy said. Then as if
on the cue the D.J. Started playing robotic sounding noise with
heavy bass. I did my shot and chased it with my beer.

The back wooden gate door
flew open and a large stampede of college kids rushed in and made
themselves at home. Some hit the kegs. Others just jumped straight
on the pool. Some rushed my Chinese buffet and ate. All in all it
was a
Girls Gone Wild
infomercial
.

I saw plenty of tits and asses. I saw plenty
of vomiting. A few small fights broke out.

“
Hey.” I heard a soft voice say below the loud robotic
crescendo. I looked up from the beach chair, it was Lorrie Lovitt.
I sucked my gut in the best I could, I was not wearing a shirt. The
moonlight radiated her pale skin.

“
Hey.” I said back and sat up like a soldier in the presence
of an officer.

“
I circled the block a few times, I didn't see your
car.”

“
It got impounded.” I said and locked eyes with the love of my
life.

“
WHAT? I'm so sorry.” Lorrie said. Sat down in the empty chair
next to me and took my hand in hers.

“
It's, uh, it's O.K.” I said through cotton mouth.

“
No, it's not. I want to be here for you Tuck, no matter
what.” Lorrie squeezed my hand. The sensations sent electric shocks
from my spine to my cock.

“
Uh, yeah.” I said. Lorrie moved her lips toward mine. The two
pairs of lips in mid-air. Our lips touched so gently. Her's were
wet. Mine dry. In that moment I heard sad music, I figured I was
drunk. The song went:

“
Laurie don't break me apart again. The love you spread is a
sin. OHHH...Laurie don't break me apart again. The love you plan to
spread will drive me insane.

And OHHH...OHHH...I can't push myself to
leave. I will always stay to give...

Me and Lorrie's kiss continued and the
intensity made me want to be sick. My stomach nervous. The song
continued:

“
This knife in my back, will never match the stab, and this
knife in my back will never match the stab. OHHH...LAURIE.
OHHH...LAURIE.

The crazy kiss ended and so did the crazy
sad blues song, I realized it was our live band. The D.J. Was gone
and I could relax and end the party.

“
I missed you.” Lorrie Lovitt said.

“
Me too.” Was all I said.

“
I can't believe you ate sushi without me.” Lorrie said. “You
know I love sushi, you should bring me next time.”

“
Yeah, for sure.” I said. Lorrie's reaction to the sushi meant
that I wasn't crazy, the taste of Pinky had lingered. I felt
embarrassed. But we still held hands, it felt like a cloud had
melted in my heart.

“
TUCK SAWYER?! IS THAT YOU?!” Said a loud voice. I looked up
and realized it was the singer of the band. The guy had a guitar
strapped on and he looked like he hadn't slept in days. But,
through all that, I could see that it was none other than Savvy
Clarkson. The blues man I had been locked up with.

He had spoken in to a microphone. That's why
it sounded loud and scary.

“
It's me, man.” I yelled and the crowd cheered.

“
This next song goes to my man, Tuck Sawyer. Tuff as nails
mother trucker.” Savvy said. The crowd screamed and he started
playing a mesmerizing blues tune. Lorrie and I cried as the song
played. The sound and music stopped suddenly and I was pulled from
my trance.

The crowd scattered, I heard a scream, the
scream said:

“
SHE'S DEAD!”

I stared at the body that floated face down
in the pool. She was slender and had really long dark hair. The
back yard was now empty. Lorrie and I held hands still. Savvy and
the band had gone.

Uncle Tommy stood in the corner sweating. I
told Lorrie to sit and wait. I approached Tommy as sirens scraped
the air. He looked freaked.

“
It's the Russian bitch, Elsa. She was selling this new
Russian drug, called Cloud Nine. I let her sell it.” Tommy
said.

“
Hey, relax. We can handle this.”

“
No. I told her she could sell it here. It was a Rager. A real
Rager!” Uncle Tommy laughed like a sweaty overweight maniac. “I'm
SO TREY ATWOOD! I AM TREY ATWOOD, TUCK, YOU'RE RYAN! I GOT YOU'RE
BACK!”

My Uncle Tommy was arrested. He took the
fall for selling Cloud Nine. Lorrie and me were questioned on the
unknown Russian. I hadn't seen her and Lorrie had only been there
for thirty minutes. The police seemed satisfied.

Then the FBI showed up.

They conducted an interview with me that
went like this:

FBI: You know any Russians?

Me: I don't, sir.

FBI: You ever heard of a Elsa Spotnik?

Me: Never.

FBI: Before tonight, have you ever heard of
a drug called “Cloud Nine”?

Me: No, sir.

FBI: Before tonight have you ever heard or
spoken with a Boris Spotnik?

Me: No, sir.

FBI: Before tonight have you had any ties
with a man named Salvatore Clarkson?

ME: Not of recent memory.

FBI: Did you eat sushi today?

Me: No, sir. It was vagina.

FBI: Try rinsing with vinegar.

Me: Thanks.

FBI: Do you know Murrey Weinstein?

Me: No, sir.

Lorrie and me were released and we went back
to my place. For some reason now it was awkward. She tried to hold
my hand and I pretended to have to use the restroom. Lorrie sat on
the couch and I puked into the toilet.

Something wasn't right. Something was awry.
I had driven Lorrie and me home in my Uncle's Mustang. Dead Russian
girl in pool. Weird new Russian drug. Lorrie kissing me. It all did
not add up.

When I returned to the couch nothing had
changed. Lorrie leaned over, I kissed her hard on the lips, we
groped each other. My cock would not move. We kissed harder and I
rubbed harder on her body.

My cock did not move. It had been drained.
Shit. What the hell was going on?