My Best Friend's Bucket List: Volume One (14 page)

I feared he would faint so I spoke fast,
“Listen to me Milton, there are a lot of people that do not want me
to kill you. They feel your death will change the course of my life
drastically. They do say a man is never the same once he kills
someone, or something, in cold blood. I want you to know that I
could've easily done it. I could have slit your throat open,
watched you choke on your own blood, then gone back upstairs,
poured a drink and ordered pizza.” Milton's eyes were wide, his
shock was wearing thin and he was now shaking from the adrenaline
draining. His throat would've bled like a geyser, so much
pressure.

I continued, “Know that your life means
nothing to me. Know that something dark inside me has snapped and I
chose to spare you. Also know that I am in no way 'better than you'
or anyone else not having killed you. I'm simply a man that could
have easily ended you, but in the end chose not to. I can say with
no regret that I am not being braggart or arrogant, when I say that
today is the greatest most luckiest day of your life. Even if you
leave this room and get hit by a truck, still the greatest day of
your life.” I paused, my heart was racing and the knife was itching
to finish the job. “I hope I don't have to say that you can forget
Lorrie Lovitt ever existed, if you call her, email her, text, send
a letter, carrier pigeon, telegram, flowers or birthday card, I
will be back and you will die. That is not a threat, it is a fact.”
I got off of Milton. He looked at me with a look I will never
forget. It was the perfect look of respect and cold fear.

I looked at his digital clock.

“
Don't you just love that?” I said.

“
What?” He asked, shaking and crying.

“
You still have six hours left to sleep before you gotta go to
work. I envy that, I already started my day, bedtime is far away
for me.” I left on that note.

I was sleepy and it all hit me at once when
I got back to the apartment. My body felt heavy and light all at
once. Like I could just smash through floor or float away at the
wrong step. Dick was nowhere to be found, I wondered where he went
when he wasn't haunting me.

I wondered if there were a spirit limbo.
Where ghosts of best friends that had left behind bucket lists hung
out and stalked their former friends to ensure they were fulfilling
their duties. I wondered if there were enough chairs at that place.
Did ghosts need entertainment? Or even a place to sit?

It didn't seem likely. I took a deep breathe
and thought of Lorrie Lovitt. The last time we had seen each other
bottles were broken. She didn't want anything to do with Dick's
bucket list and that was a shame, but I could respect it. I thought
of the time she nursed my hand, she wore string bikini bottoms. I
had had glass pieces in my skin from breaking a cup on a guys
face.

It seemed that Lorrie was always there for
me. It also seemed that the times she needed me I either brought up
Dick or brushed her off. I did that because I was in love her and
she would not allow herself to love me. Not that she was incapable,
I just wasn't part of her plan.

I drank too much, was an
ex-musician, didn't trust women, was considered chauvinistic at
times. To put it lightly,
I WAS THE
FUCKING POLAR OPPOSITE OF LORRIE LOVITT
.
But something had to be done. The tension around her was getting
more intense. We almost physically harmed each other the last time
we talked.

I wondered something new. Did Lorrie even
know I was out of jail? Would she return here or go home? Would she
call here or go by the police station to make sure I was
alright?

I knew that if Lorrie intended on coming
back to the apartment, she would have left her back pack, the one
she used to travel. I went into her room/Dick's old room. The back
pack sat on the bed, open, random clothes were spilling from it.
Toothpaste, toothbrush, mouthwash. The pair of string bikini
bottoms she wore that fateful night. They looked worn, definitely
have not been washed, my groin stirred. I forced myself to leave
the room.

All I could see when I closed my eyes were
those helpless cotton/polyester bottoms. They were spent and had
been so close to Lorrie Lovitt's crotch. There was sure to be sweat
and perspiration among other things. My love for Lorrie had really
come to this? I was insane.

I couldn't hold back any longer, I rushed
into the room, squeezed the string bikini bottoms in my hands.

DISCLAIMER: My best friends bucket list
should not be considered a comedy story. Therefore, if the
Disclaimer's are not considered funny to you, that is normal and
you may want to consult a comedy website for laughs. In case you
haven't realized it yet this Disclaimer is to distract you from
what I did with/to Lorrie's panties in the bathroom.

I sink washed the bikini bottoms, decided on
a new plan, grabbed all her clothes and took them down to the
laundry room. I paid 2 dollars for a baby box of detergent. Then
the clothes were washing and I felt better. Having never done
anything like that before, I was surprised by how intense it was. I
felt like I had a six pack of Mountain Dew Pitch Black.

When I got back into the apartment, Dick was
waiting, he sat on the couch with a wicked grin. I went straight to
the fridge for an ice cold can of Pitch Black. He was staring at
me, I could feel his ghost eyes on the back of my head.

“
Dude, don't ignore me.” Dick said.

“
Well, I know why you're here. To pass judgment on what I
did.”

“
It was unique. Dude, I'm not pissed.”

“
You would have no right to be anyway, so I'm not
tripping.”

“
Dude, you're saying I would have no right to be pissed? That
was my girlfriend, now I'm dead and you're using her panties as
jack assistance.” Dick said, the first time I had seen him angry
since before his death.

“
You know it's not just that. You know I love her. You know I
loved her since the second I laid eyes on her.” I said.

“
I was still her boyfriend. She still loves me, Tuck. That
will make your 'please be with me and notice me' plan not work out
very well. And I'm sorry about that, man, but Lorrie is complex and
not entirely sane.” Dick said.

“
I'm starting to see that. And don't worry about me, I know
what I'm doing.” I said. Dick stood up and faced me.

“
I hope you do know what you're doing, dude. Cause not that
long ago it seemed like you were about to kill someone.” Dick
said.

“
That was different.” I said.

“
But it started over Lorrie, it's only a matter of time before
she moves on and you start killing men that want her.”

“
Maybe, maybe not.” I said.
“You need to confront her about your feelings, dude.” Dick said. I
thought about it and it seemed like a disaster waiting to
happen.

“
Not yet. The wounds are too fresh.”

“
What the fuck are you waiting for dude? Her to let me go? Her
to ask you out? You gotta step up man.” Dick said.

“
Yeah?! Fuck you. What the fuck do you know? GET THE FUCK
OUTTA MY HEAD!” I screamed. It probably sounded insane. But no one
was there. Milton could hear me though, the idea was funny. Scared
Milton. Downstairs trying to get sleep before a long graveyard
shift.

“
Just do something, dude. Do it soon. I don't like the person
you're becoming.” Dick said, then vanished.

I got Lorrie's laundry from the dryer.
Folded it. Opened her back pack to put it away. There was a black
and white composition notebook. It was labeled, Lorrie's Thoughts.
It appeared to be a diary.

I read it. It basically said that I was no
good for her. A negative influence even. She had become an
alcoholic because of me. She wanted to kiss Milton. The harshness
of the reality hit me like a tidal wave.

The back pack remained unpacked. I was on
the floor, face in the carpet. She wanted Milton? I wanted to laugh
maniacally. The thought was a joke in its own. Milton? Ha.

Somehow I got up and packed the back pack.
Set it by the door. The sun was all the way down now. I sat on the
couch with a half eaten turkey on wheat, a glass of Jack Daniels
and Coke Zero.

“
I'm sorry, dude.” Dick said. He appeared to my
right.

“
It's all good man. I should have never raised my voice to
you.” I said.

“
Are you not going to step up now because of Lorrie's
notebook?”

“
I wouldn't have anyway. The only feelings I have are of
regret. I should've killed Milton.”

“
Not a good idea, dude.” Dick said.

“
Not now. It's too late. I scared him and it's over.” I said.
It was quiet for a beat.

“
At least we are one more closer to finishing the bucket
list.” Dick said.

“
How's that?” I asked. Dick handed me his bucket list. I
looked at it.

9. USE A HOT CHICK'S DIRTY PANTIES TO JERK
WITH

I laughed out loud. Great minds think alike,
I thought. There was a sound at the door. Lorrie Lovitt used her
key to come in. She looked amazing to me.

“
Oh my god! Tuck!” Lorrie ran into my arms. We embraced and I
allowed my mouth to fall against her cheek. She froze. The tension
that had been building skyrocketed. “Tuck-” Lorrie tried to say, my
mouth was on hers.

My tongue ran smoothly along her lips, she
resisted at first, then parted her own lips. Our tongues met
lightly and swirled around each other in a warm dance. We both
cooed and whimpered in relief and emotion.

Then the kiss was over. Lorrie stepped a few
feet back. She couldn't look at me, nor could I her. I had bad news
for her, but no one knew in that moment.

“
I-” Lorrie said.

“
I, need your key, to the apartment. We have been spending too
much time together and I'm in love with you. So it's killing me
slowly.” I said. Lorrie made eye contact, behind her eyes,
betrayal.

“
You are just going to kiss me like that then tell me to
leave?” Lorrie started to cry.

“
You don't love me.”

“
I'm sorry I didn't bail you out of jail, Tuck. The officer
said the most you would do is twenty-four hours. I knew you were
safe.” Lorrie was about to freak out.

“
It's not about any of that. I need space.”

“
After...” Her eyes were flooded in tears and she was working
her way to a soft whimpering sound. “After you kiss me...you kiss
me like that...”

“
I'm sorry.” Was all I said.

“
Fuck you, Tucker Sawyer. Fuck you to hell.” Was all Lorrie
said. She grabbed her back pack and left, not before throwing her
key at my chest. I was alone again.

I poured the last of the Jack Daniels. Hours
had passed. I waited for Lorrie for some reason. I thought she
might return. There was a light knock on the door. I almost didn't
hear it.

I stumbled to the door. Smoothed down my
hair, opened the door, ready to be greeted by Lorrie Lovitt's
embrace. The butt of the rifle smashed into my cheek bone, cracking
it on impact, I fell backwards, my head breaking the fall.
Everything was hazy and starry.

I heard voices.

“
That him?” Said a Redneck voice.

“
Yeah, that's him.” Came the familiar voice.
Milton.

“
Tie him up.” Said another Redneck voice.

“
Where we taking him?” Asked Milton.

“
Depends.” Said a Redneck. “We already got your money, we work
for you. How far you wanna take this?”

“
Let's get him some place no one will hear him scream.” Milton
said.

I laughed and spit blood at him. The rifle
came at my face again and everything went black.

CHAPTER 11

Candy
Colored Cabin

(Jenga!)

(unexpected
guests)

Allison Reynolds. Uh, Alley Richardson.
Carol Polly. Colleen, Peters? Peterson? No. Just the first names.
Brianna. Brandy. Blanche. Karen. Karol. Katie. Cynthia. Francis.
Jillian. Jennifer. Jenny. Jen Jen. There is more, I know there
is.

I was tied to a cold metal chair, nylon
rope, blindfolded. My cheekbone and mouth were swollen, they burned
and stung. I was mentally reciting the names of all the girls I
could remember having sex with, in no particular order, anything to
not think about the current situation.

Macy. Taryn. Karyn. Julie. Nicki. Morgan.
Mallory. Lili. Emily.

Carrie. Christine. Wait, no, those are
Stephen King novels.

Ashley. Ashlee. Trixie. Michelle. Kelly.
Shannon. Kellie. Kayla. Sandra. Becky.

I wasn't scared about my abduction. It was
retribution for something I failed to do. I was going to kill that
idiot Milton, I didn't, now I was in this situation. There was a
darkness that was recently born inside me and I had failed to
embrace it.