Must Love Dogs: New Leash on Life (17 page)

Chapter

Twenty-two

Michael chugged the rest of his coffee and put his mug down with a thunk. "Okay," he said. "The three of you are going to have to lure Phoebe outside, and then I'll take it from there."

"
We can't do that," I said. I turned to Carol. "Can we?"

Even Carol was starting to look a little bit weary around the edges.
"Give me a minute to think this through."

She yawned.

The rest of us yawned, too. I put my forearms on the table to keep from falling into my empty biscone plate.

"
I know," I said. "What if we just go to the hotel first? Maybe our rooms are ready and we can nap. It's almost eleven and check-in is at four, right? So that's only…." I struggled to do the math but my poor dilapidated brain couldn't go there.

"
Five hours," Carol said. "They'll never let us into our rooms this early. That's how they get you. It's like you have a zero percent interest credit card and then you're one minute late on one payment, and they jack it up to twenty-three percent."

"
Oh, please," I said. "Can't we just take a little nap?"

"
I wouldn't mind some shut-eye myself," our father said. "I'd like to be well-rested for Sugar Butt."

Michael scratched his scalp with both hands, hard, as if he were trying to dig a hole into his head. Then he buried his face in his hands.

Carol and I looked at each other. She shrugged.

Michael lifted his head again.
"Yeah, I'm too beat to handle anything right now. Let's get some sleep somewhere and then we can figure out a plan. How long are we here for anyway? Or do I already know that?"

"
Three nights," Carol said.

"
Three nights?" I said.
I can't stay here for three nights
, I almost added. And then I remembered I could. I had nowhere else to be and no one to notice I was gone.

Going from the almost frosty air-conditioned comfort of Back in the Day Bakery to the heat and humidity of Savannah was a rude awakening, like stepping into a sauna wearing yesterday
's deodorant. We bunched together on the sidewalk while Carol and I rummaged for sunglasses. Our father put on his Coast Guard Auxiliary hat again. Michael just looked miserable.

We crossed the street and headed for our rental car.
"So," I said. "Is the hotel right around here?"

"
Not far," Carol said. "It's on Hilton Head."

"
Hilton Head?" I said. "Isn't that in like a whole other state?"

"
Hilton Head
Island
?" Michael said, as if there might be another Hilton Head that was closer. "Why the hell did you get us a room way out there?"

"
It was part of the package," Carol said. "Relax, it's only an hour away. And I was saving this part as a surprise, but the place we're staying at is a waterfront resort."

I wiped a glob of sweat from my upper lip as I tried to imagine how a hotel room that cost less than staying home could possibly be waterfront.

Michael and I wedged our tired bodies into the backseat. Carol pulled up the GPS on her phone and started the car. My head bobbed back and forth as we took a couple of rights and then a left. We merged onto US 17 and a sign welcomed us to South Carolina.

When I woke up we were in paradise. We drove along a trop
ical road flanked with lush vegetation and past a guard gate, which appeared to be for decorative purposes only. Gorgeous walking trails snaked along beside us. I rolled down my window. It was still hot, but unless it was a mirage, the fronds of the palm trees were blowing in a gentle wind. I was pretty sure I could smell the ocean.

"
Am I dreaming this?" I croaked.

We slowed to a stop to let a caravan of golf carts cross in front of us. The golfers waved. We waved back.

"I forgot how friendly Southerners are," Carol said. "It's so annoying."

"
Unless you marry them," Michael said. "Then they stop being friendly real fast."

The long, winding road branched out in a series of forks, each marked by a carved wooden sign. One pointed to GOLF COURSE.
Another to VILLAS. We turned left to follow the sign that said RESORT CHECK-IN.

The first glimpse of the resort blew me away. It was heavily landscaped and absolutely mammoth. A caramel-colored stucco building, maybe five stories
high, appeared to stretch out forever in either direction. A welcome flag flew from a huge awning-covered portico.

Our dad put two fingers in his mouth and let out a long whistle.
"Well, will you look at this. Fancy Schmancy."

"
Okay," Carol said once we'd parked and wrenched our weary bones out of the rental car. "We're just going to leave our bags at the front desk, find the nearest patch of sand with comfortable chaises and umbrellas, grab a towel, and nap until it's time to check in."

"
It would have been a genius plan if we could find the lobby," I said a few minutes later. Two pelicans flew over our heads, which meant there had to be a beach around here somewhere.

We backtracked across the parking lot and switched directions again, only to dead-end at another roadblock marked with black and yellow CAUTION tape.
"Unbelievable," Michael said. "This whole place is a construction site."

"We're in," our father yelled. He held up a section of some kind of temporary plastic fencing, bright orange with little square grid-like openings that reminded me of graph paper.

The lobby was closed for construction, too, so we followed a long line of paper arrows until we came to a card table in the hal
lway. Two men were painting the ceiling with rollers attached to long poles as we approached. I put my hands over my head so I wouldn't end up with white-speckled hair.

I turned my back on a bamboo-framed mirror hanging on the wall beside me so I wouldn
't accidentally see what I looked like. Carol had her hair pulled back in a curly-messy ponytail and still looked relatively presentable. But our father's thick white hair was sticking straight up in the back and one of his eyebrows looked a little off-kilter. With his duffle bag slung over one shoulder, he could have passed for a pirate. Michael's button-down work shirt from yesterday was untucked and had turned into a mass of wrinkles. He looked exhausted.

We piled our luggage together and Carol handed over her credit card.

"Eureka!" Michael yelled when we finally made it to the pool area.

Two gorgeous swimming pools stood before us. Off to one side, a huge copper pelican stretched out in a manmade lily pond next to a fountain, reading a copper book. A sunken whirlpool, almost as big as one of the swimming pools, was tucked into a corner. I could feel the jets massaging the back of my neck already.

"Son of a witch with a capital B," Carol said. "We should have changed into our bathing suits."

"
I thought about it," I said, "but it felt like way too much work. Maybe we can go in like this."

A chest-high white-painted metal fence surrounded the pool. We found the gate and Carol reached over and unlatched it from the inside. A young couple was sitting on the edge of one of the pools with their feet in the water. Other than that we had the place to ourselves. Except for the scaffolding that took over most of the pebbled concrete decking. And the big sign that read CO
NSTRUCTION ZONE KEEP OUT.

Michael walked over to a stone arch filled with rolled towels. He picked one up, shook the construction dust off it, and threw it on one of the lounge chairs. He slid the chair under one of the fre
estanding beach umbrellas. Then he climbed on, opened the towel and covered his face with it.

"
Looks like a plan," I said. I picked out a lounge chair, climbed aboard, covered my face with a towel, started to get comfortable. "Is that smell me?"

"
Siobhan and her friends call it smelling like ass," Carol said.

"
I hope you show her the broad side of a bar of Irish Spring," our father said.

Carol laughed.
"She'd haul me into court. You can't do that anymore, Dad."

"
If you ask me," our dad said, "the whole world has gone to hell in a hand basket. And five will get you ten, Sugar Butt will agree with me on that."

I was pretty sure if I put one hand on the pool fence and fo
llowed it all the way around, I'd come to an opening that led to the beach. I bet the beach here was amazing. I couldn't wait to see it.

Just before I covered my face with the towel, a white stork flew overhead, the underside of its wings shaded black. Maybe it had just finished delivering a baby to someone.

Beside me, Michael let out a loud snore.

I woke up to the sound of laughing from the sky.

"What
is
that?" I said through my towel.

"
God?" Carol said.

"
Well, now, wouldn't that be a fine how-do-you-do," our father said. "I was hoping God would turn out to be the real deal. I'll bet your mother was relieved when she showed up at the pearly gates."

It was such human-sounding laughter that I couldn
't help laughing along. Then everybody but Michael started to laugh, too.

"
It's a laughing gull," Michael said.

"
Is that related to a laughing cow?" I said.

"
Shh," Carol said. "Don't wake me. I was having the best dream. I was on Hilton Head for three whole nights for practically no money and I had the whole bathroom all to myself."

"
Forget about it," I said. "There's no way in hell I'm sharing Dad and Michael's bathroom."

I peeled the towel off my face and looked up. The sky was ocean blue and the clouds looked like puffy white sails. Seagulls in full squawky symphony dipped and soared above us. I tried to pick out the one that was laughing at us from the crowd.

"Phoebe and I came here once," Michael said. The towel muffled his voice like a confessional. "Not here-here, but Hilton Head. Her parents watched the girls for the night."

The gull laughed again.

"That," Michael said. "When a laughing gull does that, Phoebe told me it was good luck. It meant that we'd be laughing together for the rest of our lives."

"
So much for seagull laughter as prophecy," Carol said.

There was a beat of silence and then we all burst out laughing, even Michael.

"Has anybody ever told you what a bitch you are," he said. He threw his towel at her and it landed right on top of the one that still covered her face.

"
Language," our father said.

"
Witch with a capital B," Carol said through two towels.

Chapter

Twenty-three

"There must be a restaurant around here somewhere," I said. "Unless that's under construction, too."

Michael pushed himself up to a standing position and stretched.
"I think that might be one over there. I'll go find out."

"
I'm right behind you, Mikey boy," our father said.

"
I'm going to see if that gate leads to the beach," I said. "I am dying to walk the beach."

"
Wait," Carol said. "Let's see if they've brought our stuff up to our rooms. We can get cleaned up, check out the restaurant situation, then we can have a nice early bird dinner—"

"
I like the sound of that," our dad said. "Especially if it comes with an early bird brewski or two."

"
Agreed," Michael said. "I've got to send a few more emails to the office, too, once we get up to the room. So it doesn't look like I cut out early."

"
I don't know," I said. "It sounds like an awful lot of work to me. How about you guys get us moved into our rooms. Just call my cell when you're done, and I'll meet you on the beach."

My phone rang.
"That was quick," I said.

They were all looking at me so I had no choice but to dig my phone out of my shoulder bag.

I looked at the Caller ID. "Uh-oh. It's Christine. She's going to kill us for not bringing her. What should I do?"

"
Lie," Carol said.

The truth about big families is that someone is always getting left out. If you took the time to make sure that didn
't happen, to make sure all six Hurlihy siblings were invited to participate in each and every escapade, you'd never go anywhere. So hurt feelings were always on the horizon, and the larger group factioned and re-factioned into smaller cliques accordingly, based on who was pissed off at whom.

I pushed the Accept button.
"Hey. What's up?"

"
Where are you?" Christine said. "I just stopped by your house and nobody was there."

"
Sorry I missed you," I said. "Listen, I'm in the middle of something right now, but I'll call you back later in the week, okay?"

I hit the End Call button.
"How'd I do?" I asked.

Carol
's phone rang. I reached over and grabbed it off the arm of her lounge chair. I looked at the display, not that I really needed to.

I handed Carol her phone.
"Guess who?"

Carol took it from me and put it back down.

"You're not going to talk to her?"

"
I'm on vacation," Carol said.

Around the corner from the pool we found a door that was propped open with a paint can. A sign taped to the wall just inside read PLEASE PARDON OUR APPEARANCE.

Michael peeled the sign off the wall and slapped it onto the back of my T-shirt.

Carol gave us her big sister glare.
"Knock it off, you two. Don't you dare get us kicked out of here."

"
I didn't do it," I said. "Michael did."

She yanked the sign off me and taped it back on the wall.

Our luggage was still piled next to the card table, but the good news was it was still there. And our rooms were ready.

Carol handed us each a plastic key card. A bellhop was just rolling an overloaded luggage carrier onto the elevator, so we piled on behind him. The woman who belonged to the luggage was tall and top heavy, and the man short and wiry.

"This room better be good," the man said. "The rest of the place looks like a dump."

"
Shut up," the woman said.

"
Don't tell me to shut up," the man said.

"
What the hell was I thinking bringing you here with me," the woman said.

The bellhop stared straight ahead. Our father started to whistle
"I'm in the Mood for Love." Carol gave him her knock it off look. He switched to "Love Potion No. 9."

We all got off at the fourth floor. My family and I stood to the side pretending to look for our keycards and let the lovebirds get ahead of us.

"Well, that sure made me homesick," Carol said once they were out of earshot. "I might have to break down and call Dennis."

I squinted at some rectangular plaques on the wall.
"Okay, looks like our rooms are this way."

"
Holy Toledo," our father said a few minutes later. "Is it just me, or is this the longest hallway you've ever walked? I don't mind telling you it's got me wishing for a skateboard."

"
A wheelchair would work for me right about now," Michael said.

We kept walking. And walking. Finally the hallway opened up to a square vestibule with a big round table in the center.

"What is
this
?" Carol said. "There's no purpose to it. I hate things that don't have a purpose."

I squatted down and put my head on the table.
"Maybe it's here so you can rest halfway to your room?"

"
Come on," Michael said. "We don't have time to rest."

I pushed my aching body to a standing position. We crossed the vestibule and continued down the hallway. I wished I
'd thought to bring a compass just to make sure we weren't going around in circles. Or possibly squares.

"
Four-two-three-three," Carol chanted. "Four-two-three-four. Four-two-three-five."

Ahead of us, the bellhop was holding a door open for the co
uple from the elevator. We paused to give them a moment to disappear inside.

Carol
's and my room turned out to be the very next one. "Four-two-three-eight," she said. "We made it."

"
Look," Michael said. A sign just ahead said ELEVATOR TO BEACH. "At least we can bypass the cross-country trek when we go out again."

"
Perfect," Carol said. "Okay, our rooms are adjoining, so as soon as you're cleaned up, just knock on the door to let us know you're ready to go. Twenty minutes tops."

"
Aye aye, sweetie," our dad said. "Anybody need a Slim Jim to tide them over? I brought plenty."

"
It feels so good not to smell," I said as I finished towel drying my hair and rolled on some orange blossom stick perfume.

"
Whoa," Carol said. "Enough with that stuff—you're going to start to attract fruit flies. Hurry up—I'm famished. I'm almost ready to take Dad up on that Slim Jim."

We heard a knock on the adjoining door. Carol walked over to let our dad and Michael in. Neither of them had taken the time to shave, but they were both wearing golf shirts and shorts and had slicked-back wet hair.

"I called the front desk," Michael said. "The kitchen is being renovated but they still have room service."

"
If the kitchen is being renovated," Carol said, "where does the food come from?"

My exhausted brain would never have made that connection.
"Good point," I said. "I think we should go out. I bet if we follow the beach we'll eventually come to a waterfront restaurant."

"
To the beach elevator," our dad said. "I'll lead the way."

The beach elevator opened right away. Michael pushed a bu
tton that said BEACH LEVEL. As the elevator descended, somebody's stomach growled, possibly mine.

When we stepped off the elevator, a big black door with a sign that read BEACH was clearly visible at the end of the hallway.

"Allow me," our dad said. He turned the knob and held the door open. "Thanks, Dad," I said.

I took half a step and screamed. Michael yanked me back by my shoulders. In front of us was a sharp drop ending in a wast
eland of concrete rubble. A single paltry strip of caution tape stood between me and sure death. Or at least some serious bruising.

"
Yikes," I said. "I think you just saved my life."

Michael shrugged.
"It was a lot less time-intensive than writing a speech for your memorial service."

"
There has to be another way out," Carol said. We backtracked, found a stairwell, walked down two flights of stairs to a locked door. Turned around, walked back up the stairs, found the beach elevator that didn't lead to the beach. Pushed the button that said LOBBY. When the door opened, the former lobby was still a construction site.

Our dad held the elevator door open with one hand and ran his other hand through his still damp hair.
"Perhaps we should go back to our rooms and see if we can get pizza delivered. Did anybody happen to notice what they had for beer in the minibar?"

"
Think about it," Michael said. "If we can't get out, how is the pizza going to get in?"