Mucked Up (17 page)
Jack S looks at Jarrell and me: he wants to join in. ‘Well BOTH of you forgot to read and re-read the recipe, because it says to add your filling to your filo sheet BEFORE you fold it! Here let me do THAT,’ and he pours chopped pistachios on top of his own stack of filo sheets, then pours out all his own sugar on the top of that, then puts his own lemon in the middle, and just rolls it all together until he’s got this huge cracked-filo and filling ball. Me and Jarrell stand there watching him destroy his own baklava. Not sure he’s got the idea.
Now back to our filo-deathmatch. I grrrrrr like a crazy dog and grab one of her filo sheets and throw it to the ground and step on it. She grabs one of my filo sheets and pretends to blow her nose in it then scrunches it up. I grab one of her filo sheets and pretend to wipe my bum with it like it’s toilet paper.
Cody Carruthers is yelling from Oven 1: ‘Mrs Goonaratna! Look over there, miss! Could you stop them fighting? They’re distracting me!’
Mrs Goonaratna’s on the other side of the room and she comes rawk-rawkrawking over (triple run-walk mega-speed combo). ‘Excuse me! Stop this at
ONCE! GET BACK TO YOUR OWN OVENS!
’
She takes the filo sheet that I was using as toilet paper off me, grabs the side of my apron and pulls me back to Oven 3. ‘I am disgusted with the both of you,’ she says. ‘You are given freedom in this school but you are disrespecting it by being arrogant and disruptive! I do not care who started this, I want you both out of my class right now! Turn off your ovens, take off your aprons and wait outside!’
Me and Jarrell turn off our ovens and take off our aprons. The whole class watches us, including Jack S who is just standing in front of his big cracked-filo ball. The two of us follow Mrs Goonaratna down the middle of the room to the door.
‘Backs to the walls, lads! Zurb coming through!’ (Dougy Mansour, who else?)
‘Poor widdle Jarrell got in twubble.’ (Angus Smits.)
‘Hee hee.’ (Steph and Jackleen-Dellulah, who laugh at anything Angus says cos they both want to get with him.)
Carruthers’ oven is closest to the door and when I walk past he says ‘Serves you right for spoiling class! Learn to respect food!’ and he’s serious when he says it. Then he goes back to working on his baklava, cutting little diamond shapes into it. It’s the most perfect baklava anyone has ever made.
Mrs Goonaratna holds the door open for us and we walk out into the corridor: ‘I will have a word with both of you at the end of the lesson!’ then she goes back in and shuts the door.
Jarrell goes to the other side of the corridor and I lean on the wall near the Food Tech door. I have never been sent out of class before in all my school life, NEVER. Maybe I got told off once or twice in primary school for chatterboxing in assembly, but that was as bad as it got.
Why is she looking at me? Hate her face. Want to crush it like curry spices being crushed in a little bowl to release the flavours. Ahhhhhhh, bloody TV cooking shows, what are they doing to me?
‘Cassia.’
She’s saying something but I’m not listening …
‘Cassia is the name of the bark that cinnamon comes from, so if you think about it, cassia is the same as cinnamon, which makes it a
synonym
of
cinnamon
.’
How’d she know that? Actually pretty cool but don’t look impressed. Don’t look at her. Don’t give her any kind of face.
‘Tom, maybe it’s time to talk about this, just get it out there. What’s going on here? Like, what’s REALLY going on?’
…
‘It’s about the bush dance, isn’t it. It’s about what happened with me and Jack.’
…
… ‘Why did you even say yes when I asked you to come with me?’
Dah-yam, wasn’t going to talk to her but words start coming out and I can’t stop them. ‘Don’t know why I said yes. Wish I never did, okay?’
‘You said yes cos you like me.’
‘NO!!!! I said yes cos nobody else asked me so I happened to be free. And also because I felt sorry for you.’
‘YOU felt sorry for ME? Oh right, of course, sorry, that’s it.’
‘Yeah, because you’re so unpopular and nobody would ever go anywhere with you.’
‘It’s obvious you like me, Tom. It’s basic human psychology. You’re using a defensive mechanism where you hide your true feelings by doing the opposite of your true feelings. That’s why you’re always so mean to me. That’s why you’re so weirded out about me and Jack being together.’
‘How am I weirded out??? YOU’RE the one who’s weirded out with me, cos you want to be with ME, that’s the actual truth! You’ve always wanted to be with me but you know I can’t stand the sight of your ugly-arse face, just the thought of you makes me sick in the guts. So you’re the weirded-out one, not me, IT’S YOU!’
…
Too harsh? Her mouth looks really sad. A sad, nice mouth.
…
I went wayyyy hard. Her eyes look really sad. Sad, nice eyes.
…
Say something, Jarrell.
…
Eventually she does: ‘Guess I’m wrong then and you really do hate me. Do you really hate me, Tom?’
‘Yep.’
‘Alright. Then we can’t go on like this anymore. I think maybe it’d be best if we never speak to each other ever again and I quit SCUM.’
‘That might be the smartest thought you’ve ever had, Jarrell.’
‘Okay, I quit.’
She just steps away from the wall and starts walking off down the corridor toward the end of E Block where there is a door out.
‘Hey … you’re not allowed to leave! Mrs Goonaratna said we had to wait here!’
Jarrell keeps walking with her goonchy arse going back ’n’ forth, doesn’t look back or anything.
‘You’ll get
DE-TENNNNT-ION
!’
She walks out the doors at the end, into the teachers’ carpark.
Doesn’t bother me none. It’d be good if she gets into more trouble and gets detention. She might get suspended for this, yeah, or expelled, that’d be even better. Then I’ll never have to see her stupid—
The PA crackles and a voice comes on. Not Fruehling’s but. Not even someone pretending to be Fruehling. A boy-voice, sounding nervous-ish.
‘… Students, this is an announcement … uhhhhh … just a warning to everyone … uhhhh … that if you survived the Quad Raid this morning, that was … nothing … uhhhh … because now … something … is …’
A girl’s voice in the background goes ‘You stuffed up, Kade, give it to me!’ Then a thump and the PA goes
off.
Down the corridor you can hear voices of kids in classrooms.
Haha / Who was that? / Year 12s / They’ve taken
over the school
The PA goes on again and now the girl is talking: she is much better at talking. ‘Students! Year 12 has taken over the school! Get out of your classes right now and run! Because we are coming to get you and it will be the biggest Muck-Up event of all time!!!! … Quad Raid 2!!!! … The Deathening!’
There’s laughing in the background on the PA then it goes off again.
Classroom doors open and teachers look out to see what is happening. You can hear chairs skreeking inside their classes. The teachers go back in and I can hear them trying to keep their students quiet, ‘Settle … back to your desks …’
The door of Food Tech opens and Mrs Goonaratna sticks her head out to see what’s going on. Carruthers is saying ‘Mrs Goonaratna, my baklava’s in the oven, miss, do I begin my honey syrup now?’
Mrs Goonaratna looks back in: ‘Yes Cody, continue with your honey syrup, all of you continue with your task.’
But Angus Smits and Dougy Mansour are taking off their aprons. ‘Not staying round here, miss, it’s Quad Raid 2: The Deathening.’
A lot of things happen very fast now: down the corridor, a boy runs out of a class and down to the end of E Block then out the doors at the end. More kids come out of his classroom and run off the same way. A teacher runs out of a different class and a bunch of students follow behind, legging it.
Dougy Mansour and Angus Smits walk out of Food Tech, right past Mrs Goonaratna. ‘I did not dismiss you! Back to your ovens!’ she says, but they keep going.
Just about everybody is taking off their aprons now and Mrs Goonaratna knows she can’t stop them: ‘Alright then! Ovens off! Everyone out!’ She holds the door open and the whole class goes, Jack S at the back of them. He sees me in the corridor but ignores me, just goes with everyone else out the door at the end of the block.
Only Carruthers is left, still at his oven. Mrs Goonaratna says ‘I know you love to cook, Cody, but it is time to abandon the kitchen.’
Carruthers whisper-swears to himself, takes off his apron, folds it up neat, takes out his baklava from the oven, leaves it on his benchtop, turns off the oven, goes to the door and holds it open for Mrs Goonaratna: ‘Teachers first.’
‘Thank you, my special helper.’ She thinks he is the most polite and wonderful student she has ever taught. She did not see him when he picked up Mr Ooi the maths teacher and put him in a bin because he didn’t want to do a revision test.
They walk past me like I’m not even there: ‘Excuse me, Mrs Goonaratna, can I leave?’
She stops, thinks for a second, shakes her head. Turns round and walks off fast with Cody.
Was that a yes-shake or a no-shake? Looked like a no but she’s very confusing.
The corridor’s all quiet. One last Year 7 kid runs out of a classroom, guns it round the corner too fast, falls over then gets up and then he’s gone.
Do I stay or go?
Stay? Go?
Guess I’ll have to stay like Mrs Goonaratna told me.
I think.
A teacher is wet on the head with green.
Some kind of Coola-lime sticky green stuff. Not sure who the teacher is. Think it might be Mrs Nobes the Nobhead because she has come from round the corner of I.T. Hub, where Art Block is. Yep pretty sure it is the Nobhead: she is getting closer and I can see her hippy dippy trippy farmer-pants covered with green bits of blob.
Also that’s her big orange hippy dippy trippy bracelets banging against each other on her arms,
clunk
clunnkkkkk
, as she runs down the corridor. When she goes past she looks at me for a sec, and even though she doesn’t say anything, her scaredy face talks to me in eye-language, going ‘Why are you standing there? Quad Raid 2: The Deathening is coming! Get out!
RUN, YOU MORONIC MORON!!!!
’
And I talk back to her in eye-language, saying ‘But Mrs Nobes the Nobhead, I’ve been told to stand here and I don’t want to get into trouble.’
Then she gives me a last little eye-look that says ‘You think I’M a Nobhead but I think we know who the real Nobhead is’ then the eye-chat is finished and she goes down the corridor.
Nobody knew Quad Raid 2: The Deathening was coming. Year 12s didn’t do a Facebook page for it or anything. And now I’m scared because if they could do this to an actual
TEACHER
, what are they going to do to ME???????
I shouldn’t be sticking around. Not even if Mrs Goonaratna told me to, if she told me to. …
…
Do it, Zurb. Step away from the wall.
See? Not hard.
What if Mrs Goonaratna comes back?
Do it, Zurb. Step back to the wall.
…
Whassat??????
Coming round the corner from Art Block.
Sumo-pig. It’s stopped on the other side under the fire extinguisher.
‘Hey Sumo-pig.’ I’m doing that thing where you bend down a bit and click your fingers to make animals come to you but it won’t come. ‘Had a bad day, hey, Sumo-pig?’
It stays against the wall under the fire extinguisher. Just stands there with its nappy still half hanging off.
‘Not fun to be running around and hiding all day. I know how you feel. It makes you tired and hungry. Bet you’re tired and hungry, hey?’
It might come over if I had some food to give it but where do I find food in the middle of the corridor outside Food Tech?
Oh. Right.
‘Stay there, Sumo-pig, don’t go, I’ll get you something to eat.’
Oven 1 is just inside the classroom near the door. On Carruthers’ benchtop is his golden profesh-looking baklava in a tray. It’s still a bit hot but I break off a bit for the pig, then another bit for me, then carry them out the door in my hands. Sumo-pig is still there so I put the pig’s piece on the floor in the middle of the corridor then go back to the wall with the other bit for me.
‘Cody Carruthers baked it so it’s top quality. Go on, eat it.’ But the pig won’t go over to the baklava, probably doesn’t believe that a cunjevoidal mass could make something that was top quality. So I take a bite of my bit to show the pig how yum it is.
It really IS yum. Cody Carruthers IS a Masterbaker. In every way.
Sumo-piggy looks at the bit on the floor then it walks up to it, sniffs it, and starts to eat. Lawwwd, if Carruthers saw this right now. If he saw his perfect baklava being eaten by me and a pig, he’d sack-tap me AND the pig.
It finishes the baklava and looks up at me, reckon it’s saying thanks.
‘Want mine?’ I hold out the rest of my baklava, but it starts walking away.
‘Where ya going, pig?’
It looks back, stops. I think it’s waiting …
