Ms. Sue Has No Clue! (5 page)

10
Say It Ain't So!

Because of Ms. Sue and Mayor Hubble, the Ella Mentry School carnival was a
big
success. All together, we raised five thousand three hundred dollars. That would be
more
than enough to buy new playground equipment.

The parent volunteers started cleaning up and taking down the booths. People started heading for their cars. That's when the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened.

A police car pulled up.

Two policemen got out. They went over to Mr. Klutz, who was still duct taped to the wall.

“Mr. Klutz,” said one of the policemen, “you're under arrest. We're taking you to jail.”

The other policeman cut the duct tape with a knife so Mr. Klutz could get off the wall.

“Oh yes!” Mr. Klutz said, laughing. “I almost forgot. I promised that I would spend a night in jail if we raised five thousand dollars. Well, good-bye, everybody. I'll see you bright and early on Monday.”

“Monday?” said the first policeman as he slapped a pair of handcuffs on Mr. Klutz. “Don't count on it, buster. You're going away for a
long
time. We got an anonymous tip that you stole money from the school carnival.”

“Gasp!” everybody gasped.

“What are you talking about?” asked Mr. Klutz. “I didn't steal any money. It's all right there in the money box. Go ahead. Open it.”

Ms. Sue brought over the money box.

“How much money is in that box, ma'am?” asked the second policeman. “Count it just to make sure.”

Ms. Sue opened the money box.

“It's . . . empty!” she shouted.

“Empty?”

“Empty?!”

“Empty!”

In case you were wondering, everybody was saying “Empty.”

“What happened to all the money?” somebody hollered.

“I don't have a clue!” shouted Ms. Sue.

“Okay, where's the money, Klutz?” asked the first policeman as he searched Mr. Klutz's pockets. “Where did you hide it?”

“B-but . . . but . . . ,” stammered Mr. Klutz.

Me and the gang started giggling because Mr. Klutz kept saying “but,” which sounds just like “butt” even though it only has one
t
.

“You have the right to remain silent,” said the second policeman. “Anything you say will be used against you and blah blah blah blah.”

“How could you do it, Mr. Klutz?” one of the parents shouted. “We trusted you!”

“Say it ain't so, Mr. Klutz!” shouted one of the kids.

“You should be ashamed of yourself,” shouted Ms. Sue. “Stealing money from children. You're a disgrace!”

“But I didn't do it!” Mr. Klutz protested as the cops pushed him into the backseat of the police car. “How could I have stolen the money? I was duct taped to the wall! The kids were throwing Nerf balls at me!”

“Tell it to the judge, Klutz,” the first policeman said as he slammed the door shut.

“We're sending him away to the big house for a
long
time,” said the second policeman as he got into the front seat.

The police car drove away.

“It must be nice to live in a big house,” I said after they left.

“The big house means
jail
, dumbhead!” said Andrea, rolling her eyes.

I was going to tell Andrea that her face should be put in jail. But I didn't get the chance, because that's when the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened.

Somebody bumped into me. It was Mayor Hubble. He was walking really fast toward his limousine. After he bumped me, I turned around and looked at him.

There were dollar bills sticking out of his pockets!

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. I had to think fast.

“It's Mayor Hubble!” I shouted. “He stole the money!”

“Get him!” somebody yelled.

Mayor Hubble started to run. He knocked over the giant thermometer. When it fell, it landed on the jar of gum balls and cracked it open!

A million hundred gum balls went rolling all over!

People were tripping over the gum balls.

Ms. Sue landed in a box full of goldfish!

Something poked a hole in the Moon Bounce, and it started deflating!

Dr. Moo got loose and rammed into the dunk tank! Water was pouring all over the place!

Everybody was freaking out!

“Run for your lives!” shouted Neil the nude kid.

“The ponies have escaped!” somebody shouted.

“I stepped on a toad!” yelled somebody else.

“Everyone remain calm!” hollered Ms. Sue.

While all this was happening, Mayor Hubble jumped into his limo.

“Floor it!” he yelled to his driver as he slammed the door shut behind him. The limo tore out of there with the tires squealing.

“Stop him!”

“So long, suckers!” Mayor Hubble shouted out the window.

Well, that's pretty much what happened at the school carnival. I might have added a few things just so you wouldn't get bored. It looks like we're not going to get new playground equipment after all. Maybe next year one of the other parents will be in charge of fund-raising. Maybe the police will let Mr. Klutz go and catch Mayor Hubble before he escapes with all the money. Maybe I'll sell my sister's American Girl doll collection. Maybe people will stop talking about boats all the time. Maybe the next book will be
Miss Mitsy Is Ditsy!
Maybe my dad will stop trimming his ear hair and kissing toads. Maybe we'll get personal robots to carry our backpacks. Maybe we'll get a zip line for the playground. Maybe Mr. Tony will get some goats to put on people's lawns. Maybe I'll win another goldfish. Maybe Dr. Moo will drop another cow pie in the playground. Maybe Ms. Sue will find somebody to take Alexia's college fund.

But it won't be easy!

About the Author

Dan Gutman
has written many weird books for kids. He lives in New Jersey (a very weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. You can visit him on his weird website at www.dangutman.com.

 

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About the Illustrator

Jim Paillot
lives in Arizona (another weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. Isn't that weird? You can visit him on his weird website at www.jimpaillot.com.

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Credits

Cover art © 2013 by Jim Paillot

Copyright

My Weirder School #9: Ms. Sue Has No Clue!

Text copyright © 2013 by Dan Gutman

Illustrations copyright © 2013 by Jim Paillot

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Gutman, Dan.

    Ms. Sue has no clue! / Dan Gutman ; pictures by Jim Paillot. — First edition.

        pages cm. — (My weirder school ; #9)

    Summary: “Alexia's mom, Ms. Sue, leads the kids of Ella Mentry School in the weirdest fund-raiser in the history of the world!”— Provided by publisher.

    ISBN 978-0-06-219839-6 (hardback) — ISBN 978-0-06-219838-9 (pbk. bdg.)

    EPUB Edition SEPTEMBER 2013 ISBN 9780062198402

    [1. Fund raising—Fiction. 2. Carnivals—Fiction. 3. Schools—Fiction. 4. Humorous stories.]

    I. Paillot, Jim, ill. II. Title.

PZ7.G9846Mws 2013

    2013021850

[Fic]—dc23

CIP

AC

13   14   15   16   17      CG/OPM      10   9   8   7   6   5   4   3   2   1

FIRST EDITION