Mr. Docker Is Off His Rocker! (5 page)

I could hardly sleep that night. My brain wouldn't stop thinking about Mr. Docker and his amazing potato car. Lots of why questions were buzzing around in my head. I decided that science isn't nerdy after all. Science is cool! I don't want to be a football player anymore. When I grow
up, I want to be a scientist like Mr. Docker.

By the time I got to school, my brain was bubbling over with why questions.

“Miss Daisy,” I asked as soon as she
walked in the class, “why do some people have curly hair and other people have straight hair? Why is grass green? Why is it called a pair of pants when you only have one of them?”

“I have no idea,” said Miss Daisy, who doesn't know anything. “I'm surprised to hear you asking all these questions, A.J. Didn't you say science was for nerds?”

“Cool nerds,” I said.

“We have science this morning,” she said. “Maybe Mr. Docker can answer your questions.”

I couldn't wait to get to the science room. Mr. Docker was in there, eating potato salad.

“Mr. Docker,” I asked. “Why don't eggs break under a chicken? How come heavy boats can float but light rocks sink? Do cats have belly buttons?”

“Whoa!” said Mr. Docker. “Slow down, A.J.!”

“Why does my dad have hair growing out of his ears?” I asked. “How do microwave ovens work? What would happen if I dropped a watermelon off the Empire State Building?”

“A.J., I think I'm getting a headache,” said Mr. Docker.

“Where do babies come from, Mr. Docker? Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable? Why is water wet? How many toothpicks
can you make out of one tree?”

“That's enough, A.J.!” said Mr. Docker.

“Why do clocks go clockwise, Mr. Docker?” I asked. “Why do leaves change color? Why is ice slippery? If you don't milk a cow, will the cow explode?”

“Stop, A.J.!” shouted Mr. Docker.

“Why are bubbles round, Mr. Docker? Why do we sneeze? What's the difference between jelly and jam? How come when cartoon characters run off cliffs, they don't fall right away? Why do grown-ups like vegetables? How come some people can roll their tongues and other people can't? Where did Mr. Klutz's hair go? Why does the moon look bigger than the sun?”

“I can't take it anymore!” Mr. Docker shouted.

Then he ran out of the room. His head wasn't even on fire, but it was cool anyway.

We had to let Andrea sit with us in the vomitorium because I was still being nice to her. My mom packed me a jelly sandwich because it was meat loaf day and I hate meat loaf.

“I love meat loaf,” said Andrea. “It goes so well with mashed potatoes.”

What a waste, I thought, looking at Andrea's mashed potatoes. Those potatoes could be powering someone's car or washing machine.

Suddenly Mr. Klutz came running into the vomitorium.

“Has anybody seen Mr. Docker?” asked Mr. Klutz. “He ran away again.”

Everybody looked at me.

“A.J. drove him crazy,” said Andrea, the big tattletale. “He asked Mr. Docker so many why questions that he went running out of the room.”

“It's not my fault!” I said. “Mr. Docker was crazy long before I got to him.”

“It is too your fault!”

“Is not!”

We went back and forth like that for a while. Finally I got sick of listening to Andrea. I scooped up some of her mashed potatoes and mashed them right on top of her head! Ha-ha-ha!

“Eeeeeek!” Andrea screamed. “I'm covered in potatoes!”

“So is your face!” I yelled.

Andrea got up and stood on her chair.

“Hey everybody!” she yelled. “I have an announcement. I know what A.J. stands for. A.J. stands for…Arlo Jervis!”

No!

She said it! I couldn't believe she actually said it! Out loud!

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. I had to think fast.

So I did the only thing I could do. I ran out of the vomitorium. I ran out of the school. I ran home.

And that's where I'm going to stay for the rest of my life.

Maybe after a million hundred years go
by, everybody will forget that A.J. stands for Arlo Jervis. Maybe then I'll be able to go back to school and face my friends again. Maybe then I'll be able to return to a normal life.

But it won't be easy!

Thanks to “Science Bob” Pflugfelder for some ideas in this book.

Cover art © 2006 by Jim Paillot