Mr. Docker Is Off His Rocker! (2 page)

Andrea was so obnoxious with her dictionary. Every five minutes she looked up another word so she could show how smart she is.

But I got her. When she went to the bathroom during cleanup time, I snuck over to her desk and opened the
dictionary. I flipped through the pages until I found the word “stupid.” Then I drew a picture of Andrea and a line pointing to the word.

It was great. You should have been there. I closed the dictionary just before Andrea came back from the bathroom. Nah-nah-nah boo-boo on her! I couldn't wait for her to find the picture.

Miss Daisy told us to line up for science. We walked a million hundred miles to the science room. Mr. Docker wasn't there yet, but then he rolled in on that lawn mower thing. He was eating potato chips. Mr. Docker sure loves potatoes.

“Sorry I'm late,” he said. “I was reading
a book about helium, and I just couldn't put it down.” And then he did that cackling demented laugh, so we had to laugh so he wouldn't give us extra homework.

Mr. Docker told us that he is eighty years old and he has seen a lot of science in his life. When he was a kid, they didn't have important stuff like microwave popcorn or Velcro or sneakers that light up when you walk.

“Wow!” I said. “Do you remember when they discovered fire? Were you there when they invented the wheel?”

“I'm not quite that old,” Mr. Docker said. “But when I was your age, they didn't have video games.”

“No video games?” I asked. “How did you survive?”

“I did experiments!” he said. “Let's do an experiment right now. What do you think would happen if we combined water with the chemicals citric acid and sodium bicarbonate?”

“Beats me,” Michael said.

“Let's do the experiment to find out!” said Mr. Docker.

He took one of those tiny little plastic cans they use to hold camera film and put hot water in it. He dropped in a piece of Alka-Seltzer, which is this medicine my dad takes when he has a tummy ache. Then he snapped the top on the film can
and put it upside down on the floor.

Nothing happened for a few seconds. Then the film can suddenly shot up into the air and bounced off the ceiling.

“The chemical reaction gives off carbon dioxide gas,” said Mr. Docker. “The can has nowhere to go, so it blasts off!”

Wow! Even I had to admit that was cool.

Mr. Docker told us that scientists use something called the scientific method.

“First think of a question or problem,” he said. “Then try to guess what the answer is. After that do an experiment. Then look at the results and form a conclusion. That's the scientific method.”

Mr. Docker asked if anyone had any questions, and Andrea (of course) stuck her hand in the air.

“I have a why question,” Andrea said. “Why is the sky blue?”

What a brownnoser. Everybody knows why the sky is blue. It's because air is blue.

“The sky is blue because of Roy G. Biv,” Mr. Docker said.

“Roy G. Biv?” I said. “Who's that?”

“He's right outside,” Mr. Docker said.

He took out this glass thing that was shaped like a triangle. He brought it over to the window where the sun was shining in.

“This is called a prism,” he told us. “It's going to help us find Roy G. Biv.”

Mr. Docker held the prism thing up to the sunlight, and the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened. A big old rainbow appeared on the wall of the room. It was cool.

“Roy G. Biv stands for red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet,” said Mr. Docker. “Sunlight is made of these different colors. The prism separates
them. But when sunlight goes through air, the light particles scatter and bounce off the oxygen atoms. Most of the colors don't scatter very well. But blue scatters really well in all different directions. It has a short wavelength. That's why the sky looks blue.”

Andrea was taking notes the whole time. What is her problem?

“See?” Mr. Docker said. “Just about anything is science.”

“I know something that's not science,” I said. “Blowing stuff up. Blowing stuff up is cool.”

“Blowing things up is dangerous,” Andrea said.

“Can you possibly be any more boring?” I asked.

“You're both right,” said Mr. Docker. “Blowing stuff up is cool
and
dangerous. It's science, too. We can't blow stuff up here, but that gives me a good idea for a what-if experiment. What do you think will happen if I take some raw sodium and put it into water?”

“It will get wet,” I said.

“It will melt,” said Andrea.

“I think it will float,” guessed Ryan.

“Those are good guesses,” said Mr. Docker. “Let's do the experiment and find out! Then we'll look at the results and form a conclusion.”

Mr. Docker poured water into a pan. He put on a pair of goggles. Then he unlocked a cabinet and took out a chunk of sodium with a big spoon.

“Don't try this at home, kids,” he said.

He dropped the chunk of sodium into the pan. And then the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened.

There was a big flash of light! It lit up the whole room! A flame jumped out of the pan! It was way cool, and we saw it live and in person.

“The chemical reaction creates heat!” said Mr. Docker.

Just then something crazy happened. His hair caught on fire!

“Uh-oh,” said Mr. Docker. “That's not supposed to happen.”

Flames and smoke were coming off his head! It was like his head was a campfire! It was a real Kodak moment.

“Stick your head in the sink!” Michael yelled.

“Stop, drop, and roll!” said Andrea.

“Throw dirt on him!” somebody else yelled.

But we couldn't do any of those things. Mr. Docker went running out of the room, screaming that his head was on fire. He ran pretty fast for an old guy. It was cool.

Maybe science isn't so nerdy after all.

I learned an important lesson in science class. If you mix raw sodium with water, your head will catch on fire.

Mr. Docker wasn't in school for a few days after “the incident.” We were worried about him.

But finally, the day before spring
vacation, Mr. Docker was back at school and we had science class. I almost didn't recognize him. He had a lot less hair. He looked more normal. Mr. Docker should have set his head on fire a long time ago, if you ask me.

“Mr. Docker, where do bugs go in the winter?” Michael asked.

“Some of them dig holes in the ground,” said Mr. Docker. “Some go to sleep. Some die.”

“That's so sad!” said Emily. What a crybaby!

“Can we pick our noses and look at the boogers under the microscope?” I asked.

“Not today,” said Mr. Docker. “Today
we're going on a field trip.”

“Hooray!” everybody shouted. Field trips are cool because we get to leave school. Any place that isn't school is better than school.

“Where are we going on our field trip?” asked Andrea.

“To a field, of course!” said Mr. Docker.
“That's why it's called a field trip.”

“Booooo!” I said. “Fields are boring. We should go someplace cool, like a skate park.”

We had to walk a million hundred miles to the field behind the school. Then we had to walk around some more in the field.

To Mr. Docker, everything is science. Every five seconds he would stop and tell us the name of some tree. He picked up leaves and showed them to us. He threw a rock into the pond and told us about the ripples in the water. We watched the birds and smelled the flowers.

The best part was when Mr. Docker let
us take a rest and have some pretzels he brought along. We all sat down on a big log. To Mr. Docker, even a dumb log is science.

“Part of this wood is rotted away,” he said. “Let's see what's inside.”

He pulled off a piece of the log and we saw the most amazing thing in the history of the world—bugs were crawling all over.

“Eeeeek!” shouted the girls. They got off the log and started screaming their heads off.

“Kill them!” shouted the boys. We grabbed sticks and started hitting the log.

“Don't be afraid,” Mr. Docker said. “Bugs are our friends.”

“Oh yeah?” said Ryan. “Well, one of our friends is on Emily.”

It was true. This big, black, disgusting thing was crawling up Emily's arm.

“Eeeeek!” she screamed, and then she went running around in circles. It was hilarious. What a crybaby!

Mr. Docker got down on his hands and knees and started telling us about the little critters on the log. Nobody wanted to touch them.

“Relax,” Mr. Docker said, and he actually picked up some gross bug with his fingers. “It's just a beetle grub.”

And then he did the most amazing thing in the history of the world. Mr.
Docker took that beetle grub and put it in his
mouth
!

“Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!”

We thought we were gonna die. Even Ryan was grossed out, and he'll eat just about anything.

“Mmmm,” Mr. Docker said as he chewed the bug. “This makes a better snack than pretzels. Try it. You just have to squeeze the larva to clean its intestines out.”

“Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!”

“Bugs are good for you,” Mr. Docker told us. “They have more protein than steak. People all over the world eat bugs. Did you know that if you lick a slug,
your tongue gets numb?”

“I think I'm gonna throw up,” I said.

“What's the big deal?” asked Mr. Docker. “People eat cows, pigs, shrimp,
lobster. Bugs are animals too. They can be fried, roasted, or made into soup. Sometimes I sprinkle them on my cereal.”

“Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!”

I had to admit that the
idea
of eating bugs was cool, but that didn't mean I was going to eat one. All in all, we were totally grossed out.

When we got back to school, Mr. Docker told us he had exciting news.

“We're going to put on a science fair!” he said. “I want everybody to think of a what-if question and design an experiment to answer it. Bring your experiment in on Monday after vacation.”

What? We had to spend our vacation
doing work? That's totally not fair!

“I'm going to go home and think of a good what-if question tonight,” Andrea said, “so I'll have the whole vacation to work on my experiment.”

That gave me an idea for a what-if question. What if a tree full of bugs fell on Andrea's head?