Mr. Darcy's Proposal (2 page)

For a moment, Elizabeth was unable to form a coherent word. Then she recovered herself.

“Do not trouble yourself, Mr. Darcy. You have been more than kind. I am the one who should be apologizing to you. I am sorry you have been forced to see me in this condition. I must look frightful,” she said keeping her eyes cast down so she would not have to meet his again. Even though she did not like him, she did not want him to think ill of her.

“You look lovely as ever, Miss Bennet,” he said quietly almost to himself. “I should be returning to Rosings to make the arrangements. We will also need one of my aunt’s maids to accompany us as your escort. Would you like me to ask Mrs. Collins to return to the parsonage?”

“Yes, thank you. That is most thoughtful of you.” Elizabeth knew she should have left it there, but her nature would not allow it. “Mr. Darcy, I must admit I am at a loss as to why you have made such a generous offer. I am afraid my tears have made you feel obliged to help me.” Elizabeth thought it was most certainly out of character for him to be concerned with someone other than himself. Her feelings still stung with the injustice he had perpetrated upon her sister.

Darcy hesitated. “You do not understand?”

Nothing in their past interactions had led her to think he would ever behave in such a chivalrous manner.

“Mr. Darcy, I am astonished you would concern yourself over the problems of my family. I hardly know what to think. I told you before when we danced at Netherfield that I cannot make out your character as I have heard such differing accounts of you as to puzzle me exceedingly. Your actions now have only added to my confusion.”

Darcy looked at her blankly. “I do not comprehend your meaning, Miss Bennet.”

“Most of the times you have spoken to me have been to criticize or find fault. I can only guess at what you are thinking as you rarely give much away,” she said betraying some irritation.

“So you have been under the impression that I somehow disapprove of you?”

She knew her comments were inappropriate, but she could feel her emotions rising and could not stop herself as she plunged recklessly ahead without regard for the consequences.

“When you were in Hertfordshire, you seemed to disapprove of
everyone
you met. We were not up to your high standards for proper society.” As she spoke, she could hear the edge to her voice but could not control it.

Darcy turned pale and then red but did not speak to defend himself. Elizabeth’s feelings were so raw and tangled that her usual self-control abandoned her completely.

“After seeing your selfish disdain for the feelings of others, I am astonished that you would deign to go out of your way for me—especially after you ruined the hopes of my sister Jane! I know you took it upon yourself to exert your influence upon Mr. Bingley to ensure he did not return to Netherfield. She has been devastated ever since.” Interpreting the look on his face for denial, she pressed on. “Surely, you do not deny that you separated your friend from my sister because you did not think her good enough for him.”

“I did attempt to influence Bingley, but you have misunderstood my motives.”

“Oh, I think I understand all too well. Does your experience tell you that every young woman is a fortune hunter? You cannot imagine that a young woman of good character with no connections and little fortune could care for a man for himself alone and not just his material worth? You must judge everyone by your own experience, sir. Or perhaps it was her family? Were we so much of an embarrassment that Mr. Bingley would be forever disgraced by such an association?”

Although his face had returned to its normal color, the tips of his ears remained red. “Miss Bennet, please. I must say in my defense that I observed your sister most carefully. I did not think she showed any real interest in Mr. Bingley beyond the temporary pleasure of a few country dances.”

“Jane is shy and modest. She only shows her feelings to those close to her. She is reserved even with me.”

“I was concerned that my friend not make a loveless match as so many men are apt to do when their heads are turned by a pretty face. I am sorry if I have misjudged your sister’s feelings. If what you say is true, perhaps there is something I can do to make amends.”

“I think you have meddled enough already!” she snapped still trembling with the emotions that had been stirred up. His face remained unreadable.

“Elizabeth, I mean Miss Bennet, your first concern must now be for your father’s health. Surely, we could continue this topic at a later time. I would not want either of us to say something in anger that would do irreparable harm.”

His calm and reasonable words surprised her, and though she remained distraught, she was also exhausted by the exchange. Taking a deep breath and swallowing the lump in her throat, she struggled to regain her composure. Elizabeth finally recognized that her worry about her father had made her speak imprudently.

“I have forgotten myself. Please accept my sincere apology for my inappropriate outburst. I hardly know what came over me,” she said. “Under the circumstances I would understand if you withdrew your offer to assist me tomorrow.”

“Let me assure you that my offer still stands, but could I please suggest, that during our journey, you refrain from reprimanding me for my numerous faults.” A hint of a smile played across his lips. “I think I can bear up under the strain, but I fear you may distress Colonel Fitzwilliam.”

Was this an attempt to ease the tension between them with humor? She shook her head. “You truly are a most confusing man. I do not think I will ever be able to make out your character.”

“Well, Miss Bennet, you will have a very long coach ride tomorrow to see what you can discover.” With that, he excused himself to go make the arrangements for their travel.

Two

By the time Charlotte returned to the parsonage, Elizabeth had almost completed packing her trunk.

“Oh, Lizzy, I am so sorry about your father!” Charlotte said embracing her friend. “Is there anything I may do for you?”

Elizabeth burst into tears dabbing her eyes with the handkerchief Mr. Darcy had loaned her. “I only wish I could be home this minute. It is so difficult being here and not knowing if my father is still living or if I am too late.”

Charlotte squeezed her hand. “I will start making arrangements for your travel.”

“Thank you, but that will not be necessary. Mr. Darcy is taking care of everything. He has offered to assist me in traveling to London and then on to Longbourn using his carriage. He is also arranging for a maid from Rosings to accompany me.”

Charlotte looked surprised. “Mr. Darcy offered to take you in his carriage? That is generous indeed, Lizzy. He must think very highly of you to make such an offer. I have suspected as much ever since the ball at Netherfield when he singled you out for a dance.”

“Oh, no, Charlotte, you must be mistaken. I think Mr. Darcy just felt sorry to see me crying so,” said Elizabeth trying to downplay his offer. “He arrived to call just as I finished reading Jane’s letter. I am certain he made the offer without really thinking. Perhaps he was hoping that it would stop my tears. You know how men hate to see a woman cry.”

“I believe there may be more to it than that,” said Charlotte. “He has called at the parsonage many more times than required by courtesy, and I have seen the way he looks at you. I think he may very well be in love with you, Lizzy.”

Mr. Darcy in love with her? It was simply too preposterous
.
Again, Elizabeth denied that he could feel anything romantic toward her. She quickly changed the subject and began thanking Charlotte for her generous hospitality during her visit.

***

When Elizabeth went to bed that night, she was unable to sleep in spite of how exhausted she felt. Her mind whirled with thoughts of her family. As much as she wanted to see her father, she dreaded the scene that her mother would surely create. Then, there was the new complication of Mr. Darcy. Was Charlotte right—did he have some sort of romantic feelings for her? It could not be true. After the disdainful way he behaved toward her friends and family, he could not possibly care for her. Accepting his offer of help did put her in his debt, however. Would he expect something in return? These thoughts kept her awake for a good bit of the night.

The next morning she found herself alone in the dining room with Mr. Collins for a few minutes before Charlotte appeared. He took the opportunity to express effusively—as only he could do—his appreciation that she had come to stay with them. Of course, he could not resist telling her one more time how he and Charlotte were so well suited for each other and lived in perfect marital harmony. Having exhausted that subject, he began to offer his condolences as though her father had already died. Elizabeth could not imagine how Charlotte could have married this odious little man. Last fall, Mr. Collins, who was to inherit the Bennet’s family estate through an entail, had proposed to Elizabeth. There had been quite a family uproar when she declined. Immediately, Mr. Collins had switched his attentions to her friend, Charlotte.

Just as she was wondering if she could tolerate another word, Charlotte appeared to rescue her. Elizabeth was sad for her friend, but reminded herself that Charlotte had accepted this man with her eyes open. If Charlotte was happy with her life here, then Elizabeth was genuinely glad for her. On the other hand, this visit had only served to reinforce to Elizabeth that she had made the right choice in refusing him.

As they waited for the carriage, Mr. Collins continued to prattle on so mindlessly that at one point Elizabeth was sure she was going to scream. Biting her tongue, she tried to smile, but she was certain Charlotte knew exactly what she was thinking. Finally, Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam arrived. She made sure her trunk was loaded as quickly as possible so they could depart before the little parson could find some new way to offend.

Three

Both Elizabeth and Darcy were very quiet as they rode in the carriage toward London. Although Colonel Fitzwilliam tried to engage them in conversation to lighten the trip, he had been unsuccessful so far in soliciting much of a response from his traveling companions. Even as bored as he was, he certainly could not talk to the maid from Rosings accompanying them.

Miss Elizabeth’s preoccupation could be attributed to worry about her father, but he was not sure what was on his cousin’s mind. He sensed a strange tension between Darcy and their guest, but he could not make out the cause. Even though the colonel had suspected for some time that his cousin was partial to the lady, Darcy had never indicated any preference for her. It was mostly the way Darcy seemed to look at her that made him wonder.

Colonel Fitzwilliam took this opportunity to watch Miss Elizabeth. He found her to be one of the most remarkable young women of his acquaintance. She was beautiful, but more than that, she was gifted with a lively, intelligent mind that made her brilliant in the art of conversation, an activity he very much enjoyed. If only she had possessed even a small fortune, he would have seriously considered asking for her hand. But such was not the luck of a second son who must marry his fortune.

***

Darcy tried to focus his attention on the passing scenery in order to prevent himself from looking at Elizabeth. She evoked such a range of feelings in him that he could not help but be confused. He was baffled as to how she could have misunderstood his attentions these last few weeks. Or more to the point, how could he have so misunderstood her? Worse than just simple indifference, it had become clear that Elizabeth seriously disliked him, blaming him for interfering with Bingley and her sister. She had also accused him of being prideful and unconcerned with anyone but himself. How could this be? If she did not return his regard, why had she spoken to him in that teasing, flirtatious manner over the months of their acquaintance?

Based on these new revelations, he began to wonder if many of the comments he had taken as flirtatious had actually been double-edged. Darcy went over each of their conversations in detail, and finally, he understood. She had been cleverly disguising her disdain for him with her witty banter. How could he have been so blind? Something about Elizabeth Bennet had made him let down his guard, and this was his reward. She did not feel affection or love for him—she felt contempt. Did others truly see him as she had described—haughty and disdainful?

As he thought about how she had mocked him without his even being aware of it, his blood began to boil. Then he glanced across the carriage and saw her sitting quietly with her hands folded in her lap. She was so beautiful, so clever. Immediately, he knew he was helpless in her presence. He could not hate her—he could only love her.

Darcy realized he had an important decision to make. He could help Elizabeth return home and then retreat to nurse his wounded pride thus removing himself from her life forever. This would probably be the most appropriate course under the circumstances. His other choice was to find a way to show her he had taken her opinions of him to heart. To do this he would have to address the faults she had described and prove to her that he was a better man than she had judged him for. It would be so much easier to brush off what she had said as the foolish talk of a prideful woman who, by the way, was as guilty as he of judging people too quickly. He recalled that day at Netherfield when he had told her that his good opinion once lost was lost forever. She had called it a failing she could not laugh at. The other side of that same coin was that he knew himself to be incredibly steadfast and loyal to the people he loved, going to any lengths to help or protect them regardless of the cost to himself.